depthtakesaholiday

[depthtakesaholiday]

Satan: Hey I bought your soul last month and-

Me: No returns.

Satan: Please it's making me sad.

[depthtakesaholiday]

Someone thinks about you before they go to bed

[depthtakesaholiday]

They call me coffee cuz I grind so fine

[depthtakesaholiday]

an emotion: *happens*

me: Get Back Into The Feelings Box You Dirty Gremlin

[depthtakesaholiday]

my mom likes to tell me “you have to pick your battles” well im full of rage and im picking all of them

[depthtakesaholiday]

[depthtakesaholiday]

Me: I am a smart and capable Adult.

Someone else: How about some Responsibility

Me: my name is Fuckup McDisappointment and you will address me as such.

[depthtakesaholiday]

life hack

throw it in the ocean

[depthtakesaholiday]

Brain: Hey! You know when would be a great time to start thinking about how what a total fuck up and disappointment you are and how you have no real future would be? When you have to get up at 7 am! Lol!

Me: If I could lobotomize myself I would fucking do it

[depthtakesaholiday]

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they’re like can I have some and I’m like no fuck off what do you think this is a charity

[depthtakesaholiday]

honestly don’t insult me because i’ll fuck your dad

[depthtakesaholiday]

“i dont like short hair on girls” yeah well i dont like short dicks on guys but here u are

[depthtakesaholiday]

physically i would describe myself as a noncommittal wiggly hand gesture with a vague “enhhh” noise

[depthtakesaholiday]

“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so fuck off

[depthtakesaholiday]

liquor before beer youre in the clear

beer before liquor youll be okay dont be a little bitch

[depthtakesaholiday]

when i die just remember i don’t care

[depthtakesaholiday]

You finger yourself??? Disgusting. Those fingers should be turning pages of the holy bible