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derbycityjbgc · 4 years

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To the Louisville Protest and Movement Community from Medusa:

A dox was recently released about me by a group calling themselves Louisville Radical Federation. This group consists of Louisville ARA members, RAM (Revolutionary Abolitionist Movement) members, Louisville Street Medic members, and others associated with them. It contained a lot of information, incorrect information, while also revealing information about myself. I would like to take this time to address accusations against me and highlight the who and the why behind all of this.

Poor Security/Snitch:

These accusations against me come on the heels of attempts to call me a snitch and blame me for poor security culture. The basis for this accusation is me mentioning “the uhaul dox” on the LMPD live feed from Sept 26 (which is no longer on their Facebook page).

The “uhaul dox” was a reference to a situation created by Louisville ARA members who rented a uHaul in their own names, but with an old address on their license

Well-known (both locally and nationally, and in far right, white supremacist circles) Louisville ARA members were recorded on video unmasked handing out gear (hard banners, masks, goggles, etc) to protesters in an open parking lot

They were identified by far-right activists and the uHaul truck identified by its license and serial number

An employee at uHaul leaked internal call logs with the account information related to the rental with names and addresses included

A phone call of someone pretending to be uHaul was recorded with an ARA member where questions are answered and more information is given away

All of this is documented over and over again on YouTube.

It became a national story, trending on twitter, with even New York Times and Politifact articles written about it, with many right wing media incorrectly attempting to connect organizations and people to George Soros

While it was absolutely a poor choice on my part to mention “the uhaul dox” to anyone, especially police, there is no grounds for blaming the entire situation on me. In fact, the use of poor security culture by Louisville ARA created and enhanced the entire situation from beginning to end.

The accusation of poor security culture is a deflection of their own poor security culture choices highlighted above. Repeated actions of those associated with Louisville ARA, RAM, and other groups have created unsafe situations at the park over and over again.

Unwanted Sexual Advances:

Yes, I have been under the influence of drugs and alcohol while engaging in sexual activity. I admit to that, while also wanting to point out that I have also taken steps over the last year to minimize my usage of different substances and when I have slipped up, have been accountable for it and asked for forgiveness with a renewed promise to do better. Those people know who they are and there is no reason to drag them into anything.

In regards to the specific instance mentioned in the dox:

Both individuals involved were under the influence of substances

We had sex twice - once before sleep, once after sleep

I repeatedly asked for consent during the interaction, as each step progressed

This person then stayed at my house for multiple days after the interaction

The insinuation of a power dynamic around age disregards the other power dynamics that existed, such as this person’s connection to a founding member of Louisville ARA

I was later told by this person’s friends that they were in a committed relationship with someone else during the time of our interaction

This person denies that they were in a relationship at the time, but I have been approached by others given similar information much later after the interaction occurred

The twisted version of this interaction is not what was told to former partners of this person

This person repeatedly approached me this summer regarding our interaction describing it as “great” and saying “I wish we could do it again”

The interaction took place almost two years ago and I have not been a part of the community for almost a year, there has definitely been ample time to address the interaction or any issues with it before now without power dynamic issues or threat given that I was not a member of the community

I have not once been approached by Louisville ARA or their affiliates regarding accountability for this interaction since it occurred

The other individual a part of the interaction in the past has been repeatedly called in regarding consent issues, defense of far right political personalities, sex work shaming, transphobic behavior, toxic masculinity, and other issues and in fact, left Louisville ARA because of the accountability call in for those things

If the intent was to hold me accountable, spreading rumors of rape in bars or a public call out without any attempts at restorative and transformative justice is not constructive or appropriate.

I do want to hold space for those I have hurt though, intentionally or unintentionally, with my actions. I am truly, deeply sorry if anything I have done has resulted in making anyone feel unsafe. Should there be a genuine request for an accountability process, I would wholeheartedly engage in it.

Ignoring/Disregarding POC on Sept 26:

The accusation was made that I presented myself as a police liaison on the night of Sept 26, despite being asked not to do so by several POC.

I never once refer to myself as a police liaison, nor have I ever

The decision to approach the police line was made by a group of people tasked with protecting protesters and the church, and clergy:

Clergy and armed protection asked folks to go into the church building when the explosion occurred

Multiple intel sources, including bike scouts, indicated LMPD was gearing up to enter the church property with or without a warrant (confirmed by Interim Chief Schroeder in testimony to Metro Council)

LMPD sent all media away from the location, so we invited a 502Livestreamer to come with us to document the exchange

I was not approached by any POC or Black organizers at any point during these conversations

Multiple members of the armed protection team were initially going to the police line but the others were called back to deal with a situation

When a group of three Black individuals approached the police line after we had already talked to police, I immediately stepped away and created space for them to negotiate.

All of this is recorded on camera, including church security footage with sound, and can be confirmed by members of the clergy and the other people who were a part of the interactions

Ultimately attempts at negotiation were finalized by the Black woman who came forward

When the offer to return home between 3-3:30am was given, I actively encouraged people to stay at the church, but later was informed that members of Louisville ARA and their associates went behind me and told people to leave, that staying was a trap.

In fact, the trap was telling people they could freely and safely arrive home

LMPD arrested 28+ protesters on their way home, some were disappeared for a number of hours before it was known what happened to them

POC Claim:

The accusation is made that I am falsely claiming to be a person of color based on an immediate relative’s DNA test.

At no point did a “calling in” conversation take place, no actual conversation around this specific issue ever took place. Comments made in passing or a two minute conversation absolutely do not qualify as a calling in.

I did not know it was considered an issue to others until it was screamed in my face during an outburst that had nothing to do with my identity

This is being claimed by a group of people who have no knowledge of the growth, journey, insights, or nuances I have experienced, nor was there ever an attempt to have those conversations

This group repeatedly discussed their feelings and thoughts about me without my input, knowledge, or clarification, including with other organizers in an attempt to discredit me

Out of state persons with whom I had never conversed about my identity publicly dragged me in a large group Signal chat referring to me as “Rachel Dolezal” among other name calling and abusive behavior

This is complicated. Yes, I discovered Roma in my family through a DNA test, that is true. I spent a large amount of time studying the culture, digging into my family’s background to understand better how we tied into the Romani, learning my heritage and history, and had many, many discussions with POC and Black folks about what I was learning. In fact, several of the POC I had discussions with, who had encouraged me to identify as POC and to embrace my Roma heritage are the same people now accusing me of being fake. The main source of those accusations though, come from white people, specifically ARA members who have been unsupportive from the very beginning and showed their indifference to even attempting to engage in conversation.

I am not going to try to convince anyone of who I am or am not. I have spoken with Roma elders; I know my Vitsa; I have Romanipen. I practice my beliefs as Roma. I am Roma. Who I am, my identity, is not up to someone else to debate.

I have never attempted to engage in oppression olympics with anyone. I have rarely ever even discussed my own experiences regarding racial profiling. I have occasionally shared articles or images highlighting Roma history and present, which is a story of oppression, and held discussions around educating people about oppression and profiling Roma have experienced, including the use of slurs such as g*psy or the appropriation of aesthetic such as bohemian or g*psy “soul”. I have argued that the fight against white supremacy and Nazism is a fight for Roma, because it is. Unfortunately, Roma and other ethnic minorities have been excluded from the conversation of liberation at the square to such a degree that most feel unwelcome and unwanted there.

If the disagreement is around the concept that someone cannot discover parts of themselves late in life and find a source of identity in that, I would argue that is engaging in gatekeeping, exclusionism, and toxic internalized white supremacy.

If the disagreement is around the concept that Roma people are not people of color, that is racist.

Roma are not even recognized as a people group in the US. Claiming that my identity is invalidating to POC is antiziganism. My identity is mine. Those who take issue with it are transferring their own insecurities regarding their identity on to me. It is toxic, racist, and unfair.

Bad Intel Sharing:

Intel is a communal effort and comes from many, many sources, not one; generally intel/information I share has been passed to me by others

Constantly moving actions, pieces, and groups create an impossible situation for having ALL the information before making decisions

Louisville ARA, RAM, and others associated with them refused to participate in standard communications that other groups and people were a part of (including Signal chats, Zello groups, radio comms, etc)

They encouraged people at First Unitarian Church to leave the property despite curfew causing multiple arrests

They have repeatedly attempted to spread wrong intel about fellow activists to discredit them and push them out of the movement

They have failed to show up to situations when back up or help was requested

They refuse to cooperate or engage with information that comes from any source other than themselves, gatekeeping regarding issues of safety and security for protesters

They have gone as far as claiming that the vouches of other people are invalid based on their personal assessment, not on any empirical evidence

Grifter/Jumping from group to group:

I am not originally from Louisville and I have only been a part of the leftist scene here for about four years. Many of the people in different organizations and communities have a history that I do not share. So, yes, I have spent time in different groups, trying to find my place in the movement.

I truly thought I had found that place with Louisville ARA, but after the two years of toxicity, I couldn’t handle it anymore. When I distanced myself from them, I lost my friend group, my community and it broke my heart.

However, I believe in cultivating healthy relationships and community, not one based on codependency and narcissistic centering. When I left Louisville ARA, I immersed myself in studying intentional communities, transformative and restorative justice, and how to address conflict/harm.

I wrote out my dreams for a community. I shared those dreams with some others who I thought also believed in them. Rather than engaging healthily when the dox came out, most of those who I thought shared my vision of community left me standing alone rather than putting the ideals we had agreed to into practice. It’s been a very painful realization for me to know where people truly stand, but I would rather know who is true than not know.

Conclusion:

While we all make poor decisions, and I am not excusing mine in any way (and have been willing to admit to them, accept correction, and remove myself when necessary), I have always maintained that if people feel unsafe, they should only engage to their comfort level.

Certain people who are now accusing me of these things had inserted themselves into conversations that they were intentionally not invited to because of their discomfort with certain actions. In every instance of an action or idea, I have made clear that only people who are willing to take on the danger of an action should be involved. I would not want it to be any other way, even if that means people backing out or removing themselves from an action. Safety is, and always has been, my greatest concern.

Many actions and ideas were brought up throughout the summer that eventually were tabled or decided to not complete due to safety issues. I am certainly not the only person who has had ideas in this movement and it is the height of hypocrisy to claim one person is unsafe, a subjective term at the very least, during a revolutionary movement in which so many engaged in “unsafe” actions.

The accusations against me are a spiteful smear campaign and an attempt to divert attention from their own actions that have created unsafe situations for multiple people

It’s an attempt to lash out and place blame on anyone other than themselves for their actions

I distanced myself from Louisville ARA in Sept/Oct of 2019 and officially left the organization in December 2019, having not been a part of their work for several months

I did not reconnect with members until May 2020, when the movement kicked off

I left Louisville ARA because I witnessed, and was the recipient of, toxic, manipulative, abusive behaviors

I had multiple anxiety attacks due to narcissistic, controlling behaviors

I felt they no longer represented or acted in connection with their supposed points of unity

By doxxing me, they revealed my legal name to the far-right movement - despite pictures of myself on social media, I had been so far undoxxed by the alt/far right

Doxxing of fellow activists is a huge faux pax in the antifascist community

I had not yet been publicly doxxed by anyone

They deadnamed me, as a trans person, by giving far right activists my legal name

This is completely against any sort of socially acceptable standard

Put me, my partner, and my child in danger

This was an act of betrayal, a way to manipulate against someone to cause them hurt and harm.

The lies, manipulation, and mind games existed from the early stages of the movement in May behind my back

Louisville ARA, specifically, manipulated and used me to gain information

They used my connections to people they thought were undesirable to work with as a way to manipulate the movement

Once I became independent of them, I was considered undesirable to work with as well

They fabricated relationships with me as a way to continue to use me for their enjoyment and gain

They have continued to terrorize and threaten me, implying that physical harm would take place, even so far as to stalk me at the memorial for Travis where I was grieving the loss of a friend (who, incidentally, was someone they refused to work with and had no relationship with)

They have consistently engaged in a “my way or the highway” attitude toward relationships and the moment someone doesn’t fall in line, they are ostracized

I truly believed I was in community with them. They took advantage of this to manipulate and abuse me

Louisville Radical Federation has also displayed incredibly abusive and unsafe behavior outside of simply doxxing me:

Cis members of Louisville ARA physically threatening trans people, and when there was push back on it, declared they did not care of it made them transphobic

Stealing untold amounts of money from comrades, including using my debit card without my knowledge or permission after their dox in an attempt to terrorize me

Repeated fatphobic comments and behavior

Openly threatening physical harm on myself and my partner

Making disparaging comments about fellow protesters, houseless folks, organizers (including Black women), and others

Engaging in clique behavior, while mocking those not “in” constantly (and often behind people’s backs)

Refusing to return borrowed items totaling around $500 including my tactical kit and body armor plates

Running abuse survivors out of the movement because the abuser is their friend

Allowing abusers to remain in the community with no accountability process and making excuses for behavior

Constant misgendering of trans folks, often intentionally

Behavior indicating non-binary trans people are not trans or not trans enough to be a part of conversations around the murders of trans folks

Conducting medic trainings with old, outdated, and incorrect information without certification and refusing to correct their inaccuracies when they were pointed out

Actively engaging in gatekeeping, gaslighting, and disrespect toward others, going so far as to claim to others that vouches or recommendations were invalid

Political purity and gatekeeping of the movement

Repeatedly re-escalating dangerous situations during high risk actions that had already been deescalated by Black folks and other protective minded folks

Deliberately choosing to not respond to information about Nazis or local alt-right figures being at bars or other locations, failing to uphold their own points of unity

Lying to therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health workers to keep from being accountable for actions, behaviors, and abuses

Centering whiteness in conversations about race and racialization

Tokenizing POC and Black people, as well as trans comrades

Gatekeeping trans, POC, and other marginalized communities with standards set by themselves as cis, white folks

Disregarding claims of abuse against individuals in their community, gaslighting survivors

Stalking and harassing former members of the community

Building a reputation of toxic, manipulative, exclusionary behaviors among antifascists circles

Appointing themselves as the authority on antifascism, especially in regards to organizing, being in the streets, and actions

Invalidating the trauma of other antifascists from actions such as Charlottesville

Consistently carrying firearms without proper training or discipline and/or without knowledge of the specific firearm they were carrying

Using their trauma to manipulate others from being actively engaged on the streets when it was needed

Engaging in oppression olympics, especially with a mindset of harmful behavior toward others when they were the most privileged people in the space (having a complex about anyone with more oppression than themselves)

Putting businesses they frequent at risk by bringing in underage people to drink

Hosting parties and events where underage people engaged in drinking and substance use, putting everyone in the space at risk (sometimes without consent)

Stigmatizing certain mental health issues and using them to manipulate others against persons

I am in no way absolving myself of bad, toxic/harmful behavior. I am absolutely guilty of causing harm, of engaging in toxic attitudes, and making very poor judgment calls. We all are toxic. We all have caused harm. We all engage in bad behavior. No one is innocent. Should I be called in about some things, most assuredly. And those who have taken the time to sit with me, to ask questions, to discuss the issues, have not shied away from telling me where I have faulted. If I have made anyone feel unsafe, compromised, and invalid in any way, I want to apologize sincerely and would love the opportunity to do so in person.

A community that supports and believes in itself exercises grace, compassion, transformation, and restoration with itself, with each individual. To intentionally dox, ostracize, and scapegoat a person is not community. It’s not engaging in liberation work. Harm does not fix harm. We will never get free if we can’t free ourselves from the internalized toxicity that each of us has. Liberation is undoing toxic behaviors, not branding someone as unfixable. Liberation is freedom to fuck up and do better. Liberation is grace. Liberation is learning, transforming, restoring. Liberation is who we choose to be, how we choose to live, what we choose to believe in. I chose liberation.

#antifascism #louisville

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