derpiest-unicorn

[derpiest-unicorn]

I'm still holding out hope for a Cuomo loss, but if that sex pest becomes the mayor of NYC, I will be forced to write it off as an irredeemable hellhole.

[derpiest-unicorn]

(Source)

Mamdani (the DSA-endorsed candidate who focused on the cost of living in NYC) received a call from Andrew Cuomo (the former governor who resigned in disgrace when his multiple counts of sexual harassment came to light) conceding the race.

Technically, the race used Ranked-Choice Voting and no candidate won an outright majority in the first round — but it appears clear Mamdani will take the nomination.

[derpiest-unicorn]

Peach blossoms under UV light.

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Red Robin fanart that I made some time ago and forgot to post here 🙃

[derpiest-unicorn]

[derpiest-unicorn]

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE!!!

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

[derpiest-unicorn]

bruce and dick, father and son? classic. batman and robin, partners in justice? exciting. bruce and dick, brothers with a huge age gap? more likely than you think.

-

Jason: *loses in a game against bruce*

Bruce, patting his back: it’s alright son, let’s play again

Dick: *loses in a game against bruce*

Bruce: that’s for calling me old

Dick, screaming at Bruce: HOW COULD YOU?!

Duke, new to the fam, very concerned: what’s happening?

Tim: you don’t wanna know

Duke, nervous: …is it something really bad?

Tim, gravely: yes

Dick, shaking Bruce: HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU DRINK MY SMOOTHIE?!

Duke:

Alfred: *pointedly looking at the broken window*

Bruce: dick did it

Dick, in space, on call with Alfred: i wasn’t even anywhere NEAR there

Cass: fuck!

Bruce: language

Steph: let my girl say fuck

Bruce: language.

TV playing in the background: ..nd SCORE! unfortunately, the Gotham Guardsmen have lost to Metropolis Metros once m—

Dick, from the couch: motherfUCKER

Bruce, angrily: metropolis BASTARDS

Cass:

Cass: not fair >:[

In a restaurant

Barbara: dick can you pass me the salt

Dick, with headphones on, not hearing her:

Barbara: dick? dick. dick!

Bruce: ill get it

Bruce: *reaches for the salt near dick’s plate*

Dick: *suddenly has his arms around his food, his fork clattering to the ground, their drinks spilling everywhere*

Bruce:

Dick:

Barbara:

Dick: ...in my defense these are some real good nachos

Dick: *waltzes inside bruce’s room, not saying anything*

Bruce: ...?

Dick: *looks at the pictures on the walls*

Bruce: can i help you??

Dick: *checks himself out in the mirror*

Bruce: please do that in your own room

Dick: *turns on the lights and rummages in the drawers*

Bruce: i already ate all the snacks there

Dick: *leaves* *doesn’t close the door*

Bruce:

Damian, also in the room:

Damian, in realization: jason got it from him

[derpiest-unicorn]

The iconic brick scene if Steph was able to slip away and was a tad more unhinged <3

(Totally 100% comics code approved trust me bro!!!)

Bonus Steph w no effects bc I was rlly proud of her legs and tim hides them lol

[derpiest-unicorn]

they're a fun trio

[derpiest-unicorn]

Do you think superman would be unaffected by a flashbang or extra susceptible to them? Like on one hand, he's superman. He's resistant to everything. But on the other he has superhearing and extra fine vision so an attack to the senses won't feel good.

Either way for some reason this though gave me an idea about a situation where Superman gets a flashbang thrown at him and low-key just accepts his fate

[derpiest-unicorn]

at every customer service job i’ve worked at, during the initial introduction and workplace tour there’s always that moment where it stops being a professional ‘this is our workplace and these are the rules’ intro and becomes the ‘this is hell and these are the corners we can get away with cutting’ tour, i.e ‘this is the cupboard we go to sit and cry in during bad days’ and ‘you aren’t supposed to steal but we get minimum wage so nobody gives a shit if you take a handful of biscuits’.

with that in mind. Tim showing Damian the ropes of being Robin.

Tim: so after patrol you’re supposed to do a nightly report of any incidents at the batcomputer, i’ll show you the login and how the system works…

Bruce: *nods in satisfaction and walks away*

Tim, the second they’re alone: ok so to be honest you’re supposed to do it at the batcomputer so it’s thorough but none of us can be fucked with that so what we usually do is just keep a note on our phones of any major incidents and then on the way back to the cave we send a screenshot of it to Oracle and she inputs it remotely, it saves you like half an hour every night.

Damian: i see.

-

Tim: this is the weapon storage centre; at the end of the night every bat tool has to be accounted for and scanned into the system.

Damian: everything is to be returned to here?

Tim: yeah, Bruce’s orders. but what we haven’t told B is that Dick broke the scanning system years ago so if you want to nick a cool knife or grapple gun for everyday use then you can literally scan, like, an apple or something, and input the code as the item you’re stealing and Bruce never notices.

Damian: *intrigued*

Tim: i scanned a sharpie instead of a flamethrower i was supposed to return one night. Bruce still doesn’t know it’s in my school backpack.

-

Tim: this is the usual patrol route; that’s where we usually get to rest for fifteen minutes, by that 7-11 down there, and over in that alley there’s a really secluded abandoned balcony that no civilians can see.

Tim: that’s where we go during rough nights when we want to cry or stare into space for a few minutes.

Damian: good to know.

-

Tim: if you hurt a rogue too badly you’re supposed to log the injuries inflicted on them to Bruce’s online files so he gets flagged by any major incidents, but Jason figured out that if you tag the injury as ‘light skin trauma’ it will register in the system as a scratch and automatically get put in the ‘unimportant’ file which Bruce isn’t notified by. So even if you stab Scarecrow in the neck, as long as you tag it as ‘light skin trauma with metal implement’ Bruce won’t see it.

Tim: the same applies to our own injury reports, so like, if you ever can’t be fucked with having to sit still and be examined in the medbay after a busy patrol, that’s how you get around him knowing you’re hurt.

-

Tim: there’s supposed to be a limit on the amount of training you can do per day to stop us from ‘over doing it’ but if you time your workout to the evenings where Bruce works on the batmobile, then he never remembers to keep an eye on the timer and we get like an extra hour.

-

Tim: this is the only chandelier in the manor that Alfred can’t get to to clean it, so he relies on us to swing up and polish it every now and then. So if you smoke, up there is where Jason hides his stash.

Damian: …i am eleven.

Tim: Jason started when he was ten, i dont know.

-

Tim: you’re supposed to take water with you on patrol so we all have our own bottles that attach to the belt. Bruce checks that we have it but not what’s inside it, so you can fill it up with whatever. i usually go for coffee. one time Jason and Dick split a pint of margaritas in theirs and tried to see who could drink and swing the best. Dick hit a lamppost.

Damian:

Damian: …well yes. the pit enhanced Todd’s metabolism, so alcohol rarely will effect him.

Tim:

Tim: that sneaky motherfucker

Tim, turning away: DICK GUESS WHAT-

[derpiest-unicorn]

Ideal Timkon slowburn dynamic; Tim the super detective being already aware of both his own feelings for Kon and Kon’s feelings for him and refusing to do anything about it. He is fully convinced he should never date anyone ever again because he fucking SUCKS at it.

Like actually he’s fumbled everyone he’s ever dated. He and Steph were on and off for AGES and have had huge blowup fights that changed their dynamic forever multiple times. Hes cheated on three of his girlfriends. He fumbled Tam so bad she never showed up in a comic book again. He kissed Cassie ONE TIME in a teen titans comic and it ruined their entire friendship for a fucking while (until Bart and Conner came back and had to repair it for them).

Imagine Tim sabotaging his chances with Conner. Noticing that Kon is trying to find excuses to hang out alone and refusing to take the bait, or acting intentionally dense whenever Kon tries to make a move.

Tim is messssssyyyy and he knows he’s messy. He has a track record of difficulty maintaining relationships. And arguably, Conner is one of the most important relationships he has. That’s his best friend. One of the only people he knows he can open up to and trust with anything. The longest friendship he’s ever maintained. Tim knows what kind of person he is when Conner isn’t around, he knows what it’s like to lose him. You think he’d ever purposefully put himself in a situation where he’s likely to lose him again? Especially if it’s due to his own failings as friend and partner? FUCK nah!!!! He can’t afford have another year long depressive episode where he starts cloning people and idealizing suicide and meeting his evil future self again.

Meanwhile Kon isn’t aware of his own feelings for Tim for years. To him, this is just Tim being Tim. His favorite freak that he sometimes has romantic fantasies about. Probably doesn’t mean anything tho lol.

[derpiest-unicorn]

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[derpiest-unicorn]

i love adhd. i have a lot to do at work today. i take my meds. i open the word document. i immediately misspell “benzodiazepines.” i go on tumblr to post “benzodiazepenis….” for the mutualés. and then it’s 45 minutes later and ive caught up on tumblr and checked the weather and read a fic and texted an ex and ordered new pens and looked up a recipe for chicken pot pie and posted about adhd and done zero work.

[derpiest-unicorn]

DC fanfiction writers be like:

For some reason

[derpiest-unicorn]

"depiction is not automatically glorification" can and should coexist with "some depiction is glorification and you need to be able to tell the difference"