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Ex-love, ex-tenderness. It is foolish of you to resurface to the loss.

Robert Kurvitz, Disco Elysium (via antigonick)

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truthfully, jade is a little jealous. of all the things she'd left home with, a compact mirror was not one of them. it would've been helpful to have in the last couple months, but she'd learned quickly to live without one. vanity was the least of her worries now, despite how much she cared for it before. still, watching ender pull one out - even if it is cracked - makes her wish she'd stuffed her purse just a little fuller that fateful day.

" you look beautiful, " jade replies earnestly. she does a once over of ender's face, then her gaze falls over her hair before landing back to her mouth - assessing the lipstick situation.

" i have two back in my room. maybe you could stop by later and try them on. we could do a trade, " she smiles, excited already at the prospect.

── the edge of town , ender & utp !

she had only been in town for a few days—three, to be exact—and already ender had learned the horrors of that middle monstrosity she had found herself in. sure, there were people that were killed in the night, locked in boxes, those strange moaning things knocking on windows... but the worst part of all was that she had to walk in flats. it was a fate worst than death. ender used to love horror movies, watching the same patterns play out like clockwork, but it meant she knew exactly how this would all pan out—she was the bad girl, the blonde, the beautiful vixen that was offed after sneaking into the forest for a little action. "be honest." she sighed, smoothing down auburn hair in the reflection of her cracked compact mirror, "does my face look okay? i only packed three lipsticks and none of them are my colour." ( capping at 5 . )

[desensed]

there is a groan, and an unintelligible mumble, that he gives at the sound of sav's voice. her easy going banter allows him just another moment of shut eye, only because he knows that there is no trouble if she is speaking to him so quietly. xander opens an eye to look at her, raising a brow ever so slightly before he shakes his head.

" don't tell my boss, " he whispers, though now he is beginning to stir as he rises from his resting position. the clinic is hot, and he can feel his hair sticking to his forehead. normally, it would put him in a bad mood - being slick with sweat - but it is hard to frown in the younger girls presence.

" i think so too. not so quiet at night in the town, " he replies, reaching up to touch his under eyes tenderly. " colony house any better ? " he asks, gaze moving over savannah's features to assess her well being. she looks better than he does, that much is clear. " must be crowded. "

𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐂𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐂   𝐈𝐒𝐍'𝐓   𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄   𝐒𝐇𝐄   𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃   𝐁𝐄.   gentle   footsteps   across   scuffed   up   floorboards   ,      the   fingers   that   habitually   tap   tap   tap   away   at   the   insides   of   her   arms.   (   curiosity   eating   away   at   her   wandering   thoughts   ⸻   the   world   outside   colony   house   beckon   beckon   beckoning   her   ever   closer.   )   she's   been   cooped   up   for   days   now   ,      living   only   within   the   reach   of   her   siblings   ,      out   of   fear   ,      out   of   desperation.   it's   only   fair   that   the   terror   has   slowly   begun   to   subside.   not   yet   gone   ,      not   by   any   means   ,      but   making   way   for   the   undeniable   boredom   that   only   a   repetitive   cycle   could   cause.   so   she   shouldn't   be   here   ,      this   clinic   ,      but   where   else   is   a   nurse   meant   to   be   ?

keeping   her   head   down   ,      willing   the   very   gazes   and   attentions   of   others   far   ,      far   away   ,      she   finds   herself   unnoticed   and   crouched   down   at   the   bedside   of   one   of   the   only   faces   she   could   actually   match   a   name   to.         ❛         sleeping   on   the   job   ,      doc   ?         not   exactly   a   stellar   look   for   your   office.         ❜         a   wry   little   smile   accompanies   her   quip   ,      nose   wrinkling   as   she   takes   in   just   how   many   osha   violations   the   little   building   could   house.         ❛         i   think   your   eyebags   are   growing   eyebags.         ❜         there's   a   twitch   to   her   fingers   ,      an   aborted   motion   that   screams   of   scrutiny   ;      the   urge   to   reach   out   and   sweep   a   gentle   touch   across   skin   ,      if   only   to   check   for   herself   the   state   of   them   ,      of   the   doctor   overall.   (   it's   only   right   ,      strangers   as   they   are   ,      that   she   doesn't.   )

[desensed]

Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena

[desensed]

MAI DAVIKA as NUBDAO ASTROPHILE (2022) dir. Koo Ekkasit

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" thank you, " he replies automatically. xander sits up slowly, rubbing tired eyes with his knuckles as he does his best to shake the grogginess that never seems to leave him. his eyes fall to the basket that she drops onto the counter, and surprise takes over his features for only a brief moment. clearly, he had not taken in a word she'd said. had he already said thank you ? ( he had ).

" i feel like shit, " he says, shifting his gaze to meet hers. " honestly. " there's a groan as he stands, and xander makes his way over to her with slow steps. peering into the basket, he takes note of the contents and rifles through them briefly before offering valeria a gentle smile.

" hard to sleep lately. not sure what it is, " this answer is also honest. if only he could pinpoint his troubles ... perhaps it is the monsters that claw at his windows nightly. " how are you ? did you finish the book i gave you last time ? lots of anatomy stuff, might've been boring. "

though the situation they were all in was abjectly terrifying, valeria found comfort in her routine. the fact that she could be useful on the farm, could provide something for the people around her, worked wonders to help her get up in the mornings, to get through each arduous, horrifying night. it was one such quest to be useful that found her on her way to the clinic, delivering supplies from the farm. "i was just...bringing over some supplies," she held up the basket in her hands when it became clear that xander hadn't heard her when she first entered. brow furrowed in concern, she stepped into the room, dropping the basked onto the counter. "are you okay? you look like shit, honestly."

[desensed]

xander is awake almost immediately. he jumps up from his sleeping position and is in full swing by the time he reaches olivia. though he hated the tireless hours he worked in the emergency ward back home, having this single moment that took him back to those days of running around hospitals reinvigorates him with life. sometimes, after being here for so long, he forgets that he is trying to go back home. it leaves him compliant with the situation he's been put in - and he hates that.

" you're silly, " xander mumbles, taking a gentle hold of olivia's hand as he inspects the wound. he knows her to be clumsy, though it never fails to surprise him when she walks through the doors. " why were you fighting with the fence ? " he asks, lifting the cloth to further examine her cut.

" don't tell me you were trying to jump it, " he asks, eyebrows raising as he gives a chuckle.

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. olivia mumbles over and over again, hand holding a cloth over the other in an attempt to keep her new cut somewhat clean ( one more to what is, without a doubt, a growing collection of more evidence of her clumsiness ). with quick and purposeful steps, she heads from the barn to the clinic.

olivia calls out when she enters the clinic, coming across a resting soul. hand still clinging to the wound, she wears an apologetic look on her face. "hi, sorry," olivia starts to talk as she takes a few more hesitant steps, "i got a cut. i just ⸻ the fence did it. well, i did it, i guess, on the fence." a small chuckle, shaking her head soon after. "i just want to know if it needs a few stitches or not."

[desensed]

𝙱𝚁𝙾𝙲𝙰𝙳𝙴𝙳 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙿𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙻𝚂 𝙱𝚄𝚃 𝚆𝙸𝚃𝙷 𝙼𝚈 𝚃𝙴𝙰𝚁𝚂

ᚠᚱᛟᛗ  ⸻  davika hoorne. cis woman. she/her. ⸻  i saw  JADE BUNPENG  around  THE COLONY HOUSE, you know? the 31 years old that was driving from  SEATTLE  when they saw the tree on the road.  JADE  has been here for  6 MONTHS  and i think they were  A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER  before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are now struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and  seek a way out without losing themselves or dying.  lets hope you at least survive the night. ⸻

GENERAL   INFORMATION.  ⸻

full   name   : jade bunpeng

nickname(s) : jay

age : 31 years old

gender   identity : cis woman

orientation : bisexual

place   of   birth : forks , washington     

date   of   birth : march 7 1992      

former   occupation : kindergarten teacher

3   positive traits : patient , openminded , nurturing  

3   negative traits  : emotional , hardheaded , fearful

moral alignment  : lawful neutral

faceclaim  : davika hoorne

TOWN   INFORMATION.  ⸻

current   residency : colony house 

current   occupation : laundry person

BIOGRAPHY.  ⸻

grew up in forks, washington and stayed there for the majority of her life. her childhood was easy going and mostly carefree. with beautiful parents who loved and adored her, though sometimes to the point of exhaustion, jade had a great upbringing. she is particularly close with her parents due to being the only child in her home, and is a big family person.

after graduating high school, it was obvious to jade what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. being so family oriented, jade knew becoming a teacher would fulfill her until the end of her days. being around children always gave her joy, and she knew it would be the perfect fit for her.

living in a small town yielded a much harder time finding a job than she would have preferred. because of this, she chose to move to seattle when she turned 20 and housed with her cousins for most of her early adulthood. *

at 26 she met the love of her life, and the two of them moved into a home together where they lived the perfect life. jade was set to get married at the end of the year, though it seems cruel fate had other plans. she had been driving home from visiting venues when she saw the tree, and the rest is history.

she was a lil apprehensive about being here at first, but is now falling into a more normal stride of living.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.  ⸻

her cousins that she moved in with ! or could also be some other cousin / distant cousin if they did not come from the seattle area. she would love to have some family to rely on while being trapped here

the love of her life !! would work for some great angst and perhaps they have grown so far apart now that she has been missing for so long ? WHO KNOWS !

new lovers ,,, hehe

friends of course , she's a sweet gorl and has lots of love to give

ppl she's accidentally eavesdropped on while washin clothes ( eyes emoji )

protector !! she's a scaredy cat, so will need someone to hold on scary nights

[desensed]

Carrie Fisher, from The Princess Diarist.

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private dependent rp blog for fromhq as written by 𝐱𝐞𝐧𝐚.

home to 𝚇𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙴𝚁 𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙾𝚅 and 𝙹𝙰𝙳𝙴 𝙱𝚄𝙽𝙿𝙴𝙽𝙶.

[desensed]

" yes, i'm the doctor, " xander replies automatically, a simple reaction of his from years and years of answering the same question day in and day out. he straightens and runs a hand through his hair, inhaling deeply as he does his best to look as awake as possible - as if he hadn't just been dreaming before they'd entered.

when he looks up to meet her gaze he stills. his body freezes on it's own, heart roaring loud in his ears. his mouth hangs agape at the sight of her, so identical to the picture he has tucked away in his wallet that sits just inside his back pocket. he is dreaming, surely. he is almost certain of it. it is one of the brain's cruel tricks, a dream so real that one can only wake up with tears and a fistful of a blanket.

" zel, " he whispers, a nickname he'd always called her since the early stages of their childhood ( as if her name couldn't get any shorter ). " you shouldn't be here, " xander shakes his head. he reaches forward with a tentative hand to stroke her cheek, and when his thumb presses against the soft warmth of her skin his breath hitches.

this is real.

dread dawns down upon him and he feels as though he will sink into the earth itself. he had prayed night after night that she would never see the tree. no matter how much he wanted to be with her again, he had begged god himself to let it not be here. now they were both stuck in hell.

" why are you here, zel ? " he's already standing, tears stinging in his eyes. oh, cruel fate.

Her first day here felt like an eternity and one that would be engraved in her memory until her death. Fear had nestled itself deep within Zelda's mind. Its gnarled fingers twisted her thoughts, leaving her trembling the entire way to town. There was a fleeting sense of relief at successfully merging with civilization, but she knows she is unsafe.

More importantly, another person she loved was now missing. A little voice in the back of her head reassured her he was dead, but she wanted to believe otherwise. Cade would have believed otherwise... wherever in the world he may have been. Yet, he was not here, and neither was Xander for comfort and reassurance.

Her footsteps echo loudly within the rundown building, emerald orbs bouncing from place to place as she took in her surroundings. Then, her gaze settles on a figure slumped over a desk. Typical doctor, she thinks, and for a moment she's reminded of her brother's sleepless nights.

"You must be the doctor... judging from the white coat." She can feel her breathing slow as she processes the image in front of her, and for a moment she's unsure of what to say next. Xander was dead, and yet here stood a man with an uncanny resemblance to him. Even their voices sounded the same. Her fingers curl into her palm, teeth clenched. "U-um... anyway, it seems quite clear that I'm suffering from hallucinations, so... I-I came to get checked out."

[desensed]

xander takes a moment to mull over what she says. his back straightens as he turns to glance at the locked medicine cabinet that they have in the clinic - every bottle and pill counted for. then, with a quiet exhale, he turns back to regard his company. this moment, although so small and insignificant in his long line of work, takes him back to the emergency ward. even if only for a moment. delivering bad news is not his forte.

" i can't give you anything, " he replies, voice gentle. he understands her state of mind. he'd been driven nearly to the brink of psychosis upon first finding himself here ( he doesn't even want to think about the first night ). " i'm sorry. "

" our medication is for emergencies only. we have so little, i'm sure you understand the need for rationing, " xander explains, but to him it feels like pulling the words through gritted teeth. he'd always made the nurses do this part.

" have you spoken with our farmers ? i think they can come up with some herbal tea for you to take, or some plant to eat before you sleep. "

the a-list actress had only been in town for a few days and while she thought the long days spent on SET were tiring, this place has proven a new exhaustion she'd never known before. at this point she only HALF accepted her new fate, just for the time being. she was too stubborn to accept it completely and likely she'd spend the next few weeks desperately trying to escape. " i need meds. " while it wasn't a polite demand it was coming from a place of desperation, big blues WIDE with fear and her entire demeanor was riddled with anxiety. " xanax and something to sleep. i feel like i'm losing my GODDAMN mind. " her pounding heart takes a momentary PAUSE from its fast palpitations, drinking in the sight of him before commenting, " you should try some sleep meds too. " he looked like he needed it but she kept that to herself.

[desensed]

[desensed]

xander rubs tired eyes with his palms, doing his best to seem put together despite having just been caught sleeping. it's a reaction that he can't shake from his past life, where he'd spent 14 hours on his feet running around the emergency ward and begging to the god's for a break. he forget's, sometimes, that this life now is different. even after being here for so long, surrounded by all of these people, it is hard to forget so much of his normal life.

he want's to say ' a perc, ' but if anyone should be getting that for anyone it's xander himself.

" no, no, i'm fine, " he's not, but he's not about to devulge his entire life story. if anything, being fine might be the rarity in the town.

he almost forgets he's the doctor for a moment as he looks at his new company. then, finally, " what can i do for you ? " xander asks. he does a once over to make sure the boy isn't bleeding from any orifices or missing any limbs - ready to jump into life saving mode if need be.

Joe’s world - such as it was - was pretty small. When he’d first arrived, he’d spent a good sixth months sticking his nose into every corner of the town (and colony, though that was harder to pull off) that he could find. Since settling down and falling into a rhythm - farm, barn, diner, stones, the brundle, church - everything else felt immaterial. Like the fake building fronts in old Western movies.

But no one in town was self-sufficient, not really. They relied on each other, an invisible web of need that strung between each sagging location. That was why Joe had begrudgingly agreed to head up to the clinic for bandages. Someone (not him) had managed to step on the wrong side of a rake, and someone (again, not him) had slapped his forehead hard enough to split the skin. Aside from the dull headache and the overall sense of idiocy that pervaded every thought, Joe was fine. Dandy, even.

The clinic was cool as a pond after the incessant sun outside. After his eyes adjusted, Joe’s boots squeaked on the linoleum as he ventured across the foyer. A nearby groan made him stop and, after a somewhat comedic double take, he noticed someone sprawled out on a cot.

“Oh, uh.” Who was the dude, like, talking to? Frowning, Joe pointed at himself in silent answer to his own question. “D’you mean... Are you OK, man?” He squeaked closer, his head pounding with every movement. 

And, because it seemed rude not to at least ask: “Can I get you anything?”

[desensed]

" no, " he says, waving a hand dismissively. " it's fine. i shouldn't be sleeping on the job, anyway. don't tell my boss, " xander jokes, though the delivery is a little off. his tone is dry, but in his mind he's certain that he's just landed the best punchline.

he sits upright, glancing over his shoulder and towards his patients. everyone is asleep or busying themselves, and for that he is thankful. the atmosphere, despite their circumstances, is surprisingly much more lax than what he's used to in the real world.

" everyone's stable. looking good, no casualties to report, " he replies, offering remy a slight smile. " and i'm alright. tired, " xander shrugs, though a finger comes up to rub at his temple. " i'll be okay, " deflecting, a wonderful trait of his.

" how are the people doing ? anyone new come in ? "

remy knew that they were two patience in the clinic and one of her personal order for today was to check in with xander, maybe even talk with the injured today to see how they're doing and if they need anything. it did take her a bit longer than she wanted as she stopped by places in town to make sure everyone was okay after last night.

but, eventually, through the clinic doors remy walked and went towards where she knew xander would be but as soon she was about to knock, remy saw stopped herself, seeing him asleep. remy waited a few moments, looking around; contemplating whatever or not to go see the patience herself but instead she tapped against the door again. "xander? sorry to wake you up, i need updates on the patients if you can. are you okay?" she smiled.

[desensed]

he's still collecting himself when he finally hears what fae is saying, grogginess apparent as he sits upright and runs a hand through tousled hair. when he looks at her there is an obvious sense of endearment that overcomes him. her presence alone is enough to uplift his terrible mood - headache already forgotten.

" thank you, " he says, gaze falling to the plate. something inside of him stirs, though he isn't sure if it's his stomach or something else entirely. " i appreciate it, " and he does, truly. where would he be without her help ? starved, that's for certain.

" a sleep over ? " xander asks, eyebrows raising. he's grinning already at the thought of it, the two of them huddled together in a sleeping bag like they're ten years old. " sure. it'll be the first one i've ever had in my life, " he chuckles. " no pressure. "

" you won't draw on my face when i sleep, will you ? "

｟  ☤  ｠  ⠀          »           she's  sunshine  personified,  posture  perfect  as  she  makes  her  way  to  the  clinic.  fae's  okay  and  doesn't  need  anything  herself,  her  goal  instead  is  to  visit  one  of  her  dearest  friends.  doors  open  and  her  grin  widens,  happiness  thrumming  beneath  the  surface  when  she  stops  to  greet  everyone  she  passes  until  her  attention  finally  shifts  to  the  friend  in  question.  her  features  soften  while  she  makes  a  mental  note  of  what  seems  to  be  his  exhaustion.  once  she's  smoothed  down  her  dress,  fae  moves  in  to  say  hello,  repeating  herself  when  asked.   ❝  i  asked  if  you  were  hungry,  ❞  the  woman's  voice  is  warm  as  she  uses  her  chin  to  gesture  towards  the  plate  she  picked  up  from  the  diner.  ❝  i  wasn't  sure  if  you  had  made  it  down  considering  i  didn't  see  you  for  breakfast,  so  i  thought  i'd  stop  by  for  lunch  just  in  case.  ❞  she  moves  her  gaze  to  empty  her  hands  and  allows  herself  to  sit  in  silence  only  for  a  beat.  ❝  hey..  ❞  head  turns,  making  eye  contact,  ❝  wanna  have  a  sleepover  tonight?  ❞  it's  a  childish  question  to  some,  especially  given  her  age,  but  those  who  know  aoife  know  it's  spot  on  ---  even  if  she  does  have  ulterior  motives.  her  features  melt  into  something  a  bit  more  conspiratorial,  ❝  i  haven't  had  one  in  a  while  and  thought  it  might  be  fun.  ❞

[desensed]

xander's eyes move to cade's hand, though the younger boy doesn't seem to offer it up for examination. instead, he can see his fingers working quickly to undo the shoelace that hangs around his hips, and before xander can open his mouth to protest his jeans are already dropping.

he'd been so certain that he'd come in to complain about his hand, which no doubt had stitches that were beginning to come loose, if he knew the boy any better. xander hadn't been expecting this - but then again, it is cade's sole presence that keeps the clinic alive. the insanity that comes along with taking care of him keeps xander's mind youthful. at least, that's what he says to himself.

" what ... " he says, unsure of where to continue. he does a thorough sweep just to make sure - because if there are monsters that come out at night then maybe there are monster mosquitos that leave marks of doom, too. " i don't quite see what you're talking about, " he murmurs, eyes narrowing.

open to: xander romanov | @desensed location: xander's clinic, town

"I'm just sayin', doc," Cade started again, jaw wound tight to keep the smirk from unraveling out of the corner of his mouth. His brows were pulled taunt in disbelief to sell his discomfort. "I've never seen it like this, and you know how they always say that if it doesn't look like it did before, something's gotta be wrong." His intention to venture off into the clinic had been to get proper approval to rip out the stitches on his hand, but Cade had other plans. His grip was on the shoelace he'd knotted around someone else's jeans he'd claimed for himself that morning, picking at the tangle as the denim already slid down his hips. "I just woke up and it looked wrong. It wasn't there before, let me just show you," Cade said.