desert-locust

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“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

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In this big world is there a place for someone as little as me?

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therapist: cunt dracula is not real and cannot fuck you.

cunt dracula:

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EVERYONE DROP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS SAD DUMB FLAMINGO I FOUND AT HY-VEE

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★ 【athéko】 「 チェンソーマンまとめ 」 ☆ ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me on twitter

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Hey. Don't cry. Air Canada's first A320 delivered wearing scarf and ear warmers ok?

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I-I'm sorry but I can't stop thinking about this

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If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

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YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

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My friend forgot to secure the latch on his magic card briefcase and all his commander decks are now mixed together. Now he’s playing 1200 card pickup and has to reorganize everything.

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what if it was all a dream