desertsouls-blog - Tumblr blog

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Our Son

This pregnancy is over halfway done and time is flying/dragging at the same time. Days feel long when I’m exhausted and sick and nights feel long when he kicks me nonstop and keeps me up. But overall I can’t believe that in a few months we’ll be meeting our son. This pregnancy has changed me in more ways that I ever could have imagined. Growing a life in something that is like nothing else, and the love that you feel for something relying on you for life and kicking and flipping inside you is indescribable. It’s hard but good. Hard to maintain relationships around me, hard to block out everyone’s never ending opinions, and hard to make decisions that I think are going to be best for him. At the end of the day, all I care about is giving my son a good life, despite what others may say or try to persuade me into doing.

Theo River, we can’t wait to see what you’re like. 

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I love my baby but I hate pregnancy. I don’t even know if those two can coexist, but those are my feelings for now.

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Bayley June

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Love on the lame.

How to Make Pretty Bread like a Pro via Food52

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I feel good with my husband: I like his warmth and his bigness and his being-there and his making and his jokes and stories and what he reads and how he likes fishing and walks and pigs and foxes and little animals and is honest and not vain or fame-crazy and how he shows his gladness for what I cook him and joy for when I make him something, a poem or a cake, and how he is troubled when I am unhappy and wants to do anything so I can fight out my soul-battles and grow up with courage and a philosophical ease. I love his good smell and his body that fits with mine as if they were made in the same body-shop to do just that. What is only pieces, doled out here and there to this boy and that boy, that made me like pieces of them, is all jammed together in my husband. So I don’t want to look around any more: I don’t need to look around for anything.

Sylvia Plath  (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)

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Instead of interrupting your feed with unwanted pregnancy posts for my own sake of keeping memories, I decided to create a separate area for that: https://youmakethree.tumblr.com/

Feel free to follow if you want, as we journal our way through our child’s growth and figuring out our emotions.

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A new addition to our new family.

Tumblr has always been a social media outlet that few people in real life follow me on. I don’t know how I ended up with this mix matched group of random but always supportive followers, I really don’t. Because of that it’s always been a place that I feel free to share what is happening in my life, if for no other reason than to be able to look back on, sort of like an online journal. From a high school girl who didn’t know who she was or what she was meant to do, to a married college graduate who is a completely different girl, you all have always been there.

Everyone told me and my husband that we would have kids right away, aka they wanted us to have kids right away. I would laugh and say something alone the lines of, “at least give me a few years of peace and quiet” aka time to come up with a better excuse than “I’m terrified to be a mother.”

The beginning of January my husband and I got married, slowly adjusted to our new life, and felt like we were beginning to get into somewhat of a routine. We could do this. We lived in a tiny apartment but it was great for two people, and we made it work.

On Valentines Day, less than two months later, we found out that we were five weeks pregnant with our child. The reality that we will be celebrating our one year anniversary with a three month old is terrifying, and not something I ever imagined. We are excited...but equally so scared. Financially, emotionally...we are not ready for this. I’ve cried more than maybe ever in my life, wondering how I’ll be as a mother and praying that we can be the fantastic parents that this kid deserves. But this coming fall we will be parents, ready or not :) So we are learning what we can, encouraging one another, and slowly letting some family members in on the news for support.

I’ll probably continue to post updates on here, and know one day after our little kiddo is here I’ll value being able to read em.

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Becoming a wife has been one of the most humbling and fulfilling things that has ever happened to me.

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Another long Tumblr break unintentionally while the past few months have flew by. A whirlwind of college graduation, a wedding, moving states, a new home...As little as I update on here now or even really go on, I don’t think I’ll ever have the heart to delete my page. Tumblr was a place where I found support back when I had no one, where I met several people online that I still stay in touch with years later, and got me through some really difficult times. Here’s to a new life.