desiree62

[desiree62]

Vote for bangchan best leader! https://shiningawards.com/?p=33114

[desiree62]

Practiced drawing today... I hope it turned out well😊

[desiree62]

Perfect For You : Part 3 (H.JS)

Word Count : 2.3k

Warnings : swearing, food mention, arguing, mention of suffocating (not physically)

A/N : What? You mean to say this series isn't discontinued?! It is not! I am back with the third part and the epilogue (hopefully) coming soon. I hope you enjoy!

            Jisung was wrapped around her like a koala. She could barely move when she woke up, trying to roll out of bed, and go make breakfast. His grip only tightened when she moved, a small whine coming from him. “If you’re awake, let me go.” She giggled, but again his grip only tightened.

            “I missed holding you like this.” He opened his eyes, meeting her softening stare. He took in this moment. The way she looked with her messy hair, eyes still half closed because she’s still tired. Stunning. He thought to himself. And I almost let her slip away. He reached up to smooth her hair before pressing a small kiss to her face. “Should we go out for breakfast today?”

            “Sungie you have work.” She wanted to stay angry at him. But he made it so hard. He’ll do something that upsets her but the next second, he’s being cute, and looking at her like he doesn’t want to be anywhere else. And he doesn’t. Beside his girlfriend is where he belongs, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

            “I can be late. I want to take my girl on a date.” She gave into him so easily, just like she always did.

            They stood in the bathroom together, going through their morning routines together. Brushing their teeth, doing their hair, washing their face. They did it all together, laughing over whatever funny face they decided to make in the mirror at each other. And things were falling back into place.

~

            “I just want her to yell at me again! Why is she letting me get away with everything?” Jisung whined as he collapsed beside Changbin on the couch. Chan swivelled around in his chair to look at the pair on the couch.

            “Is it possible she heard our call the day you were complaining about her?” He asked as his mind started putting the pieces together. How she began to act different after their call that day. Jisung started to think about it, putting the same pieces together in his mind. But he wanted to deny it, didn’t want to believe that his girlfriend, his beautiful, perfect girlfriend, heard him complaining about her to his best friend. Because he knows had the roles been switched, he would be devastated, heartbroken, inconsolable.

            “No. No. No.” He began to shake his head as he repeated the word. “No. She couldn’t have. Absolutely not.” The tears started welling up in his eyes as he stood from the couch, now pacing around the studio, still repeating the word no. “Fuck!” He screamed. “How am I supposed to fix this? Did she hear us the other day in the studio talking about guys night?” He thought about how bad it would have sounded, overhearing him agree to cheating on his girlfriend, something he would never actually do. “Shit. Fuck. Dammit! Fuck!”

            “Okay, okay breathe Jisung. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” Chan said, reaching his arms out and placing his hands on Jisung’s shoulders. “Focus on your breathing.” Jisung nodded and Chan led him back to the couch to sit him down. Chan continued to coach him through the panic attack.

            “Thank you.” He said meekly. Chan just handed him a bottle of water and told him not to worry about it.

            “Listen dude, even if she did hear us the other day, you didn’t do anything. You left after half a drink and went straight home to her.” Changbin explained. “All of us will vouch for you if she asks. Even given the chance, you stayed loyal. That’s what matters.” Jisung nodded. Surrounded by girls that were begging for their attention. Jisung would still choose Y/n. No questions asked, no hesitation.

            He realizes then just how much he’s pushed her away. How she’s practically a shell of the woman he met and fell in love with. It was killing her to go along with everything he wanted, but she kept smiling, kept allowing him to do whatever. He felt disgusted with himself, hated himself, for being so happy, so excited, about it. Thinking his relationship was better than ever when in reality it was falling apart. “Hyung I need to fix this.” He said, looking at Chan, tears still in his eyes.

            “Go.” Was all Chan said. Jisung didn’t waste a second running out of the studio, into the streets, hailing a cab, and spitting out his address as fast as he could. He wasn’t sure how he was going to fix it, but he would do absolutely everything to do so.

~

            She was in the kitchen doing some baking when Jisung came barreling in, not bothering to take his shoes off, and wrapped his arms around her. She froze her actions, slowly melting into his touch. “What are you doing home already?”

            “Wanted to spend some time with my baby. We weren’t doing much.” Jisung pulled away from the back hug and leaned on the counter next to her so he could see her face. “So pretty. Look at you. Oh you’re blushing. Looks like I still got it.”

            “What you got is my foot up your ass if you don’t take your shoes off.” She joked as she lightly kicked his leg.

            “Kinky.” He replied as he went back to the front door to take his shoes off and put his slippers on. “Do you need help baby?” He asked as he walked back into the kitchen.

            “Well I was originally trying to surprise you, but you came back early.” She giggled as she continued working through the recipe. Jisung just stared at her, taking in everything about her. It was like his world was going in slow motion as he watched her. Even after everything he did, she was still trying to do things for him. To make him happy. To make him feel loved.

            “What did I do to deserve you?” He asked softly, wrapping his arms around her again, resting his chin on her shoulder. She turned her head to press a kiss to his cheek.

            “You exist, Sungie. That’s all you need to do.”

~

            “Come on. We don’t want to be late for dinner with our parents!” Y/n called up to Jisung, who was fixing his hair in the bathroom for the tenth time.

            “I’m coming.” He repeated over and over as he ran down the stairs. As he got to the bottom, he saw her, and he froze. Standing there in a dress that fit her oh so perfectly, her hair done, makeup done. He couldn’t stop staring, falling in love with her all over again. She was the most beautiful girl in the world to him. It was like time slowed down as she stood there. Like those prom scenes in movies but he’s the one walking down the stairs meeting her at the bottom. And if they didn’t need to meet their parents for dinner, he would be carrying her up to their bedroom.

            “Let’s go.” Jisung was starstruck. He knows there’s no way he’s ever going to love anyone else the way he loves her. And he regrets almost ruining it. Promises himself he’ll never make the same mistakes and continue loving her the way she deserves.

~

            Jisung was telling stories about the members, making them all laugh at the antics they get up to. She couldn’t help but stare at him whenever he was talking, loving the way the suit fit him. Thinking about all the things she could do to him once they were home. It’s been way too long since they’ve been intimate, with all the arguments, and then her distancing herself as to not have her heartbroken had he decided to walk away.

            But ever since he came back early from work, no before that, since he came back early from guys night, he’s the Sungie she fell in love with. Loving her the way he used to. She wakes up in his arms to him pressing kisses all over her face. He watches her as she cooks them breakfast. Comes home to her, wrapping her in a giant hug every single time.

            She unpacked the suitcase in the closet, no longer feeling the need to run before he got home. Everything is falling back into place.

            “So Jisung, when are you proposing?” Her mom asked. Jisung let out a breathy chuckle as he reached to grab Y/n’s hand.

            “Marriage isn’t in the cards anytime soon. I’m too busy for that.” He explained before jumping into another story about the boys. And she felt her entire world shatter once again. The embarrassment she felt had her nauseous, so she excused herself to the bathroom.

            Hovering over the toilet in a stall, tears streaming down her face as she wills the food to stay down. After the feeling passed, she cleaned herself up, hoping no one would notice that she cried. She took a couple deep breaths before exiting the bathroom, Jisung stopping her from returning to the table. “What?” She asked coldly.

            “Did I say something wrong?” He asked with a pout. Did he seriously not know how humiliated she feels right now?

            “We’ll talk later.” Was all she said before walking back to their table. And Jisung just smiled to himself, knowing she was none the wiser to his plan.

            “You feeling okay, pumpkin?” Her dad asked. She just smiled and nodded, explaining that there was a small line in the bathroom and that’s why she took a while. Jisung returned shortly after, grabbing her hand as soon as he sat down, running his thumb over her empty ring finger. It felt like salt in the wound so she took her hand back.

            Conversations continued on, but she didn’t contribute much. Trying her hardest not to cry again. It felt like she was suffocating and there was nothing she could do. Like she was sinking in quick sand, clawing her way up just to be sucked further down. Like she’s sinking to the bottom of a pool and no one is coming to save her.

            “Oh dear it’s getting late.” Jisung’s mom said. “Shall we pay and head out?” She looked directly at Y/n, giving her a small smile. It was as if she could see the suffering she was feeling and gave her a helping hand.

            “It’s on me, don’t even worry about it.” Jisung explained. Her parents and his parents thanked him for the dinner. And after he paid, the six of them headed out, going in separate directions towards their own vehicles. “Baby please talk to me.” Jisung pleaded, stopping her before she could get in the car.

            “You want to do this here?” She asked and he could tell she was upset. Something he hasn’t seen from her in months. Despite him trying his best to piss her off enough that’d she’d yell at him the last few weeks. Nothing seemed to work, she was determined to not start any fights. All because of that stupid phone call he had with Chan who knows how long ago. He doesn’t even remember what he said, but he knows she does.

            He knows she definitely has every word committed to memory and it haunts her every single day. And he wishes he could erase her memory of the call, but he can’t. He has to allow the words to haunt her and there’s nothing he could do about it. The things he would give up if it meant she wouldn’t hear those words.

            “You’re impossible.” She sarcastically laughed, tongue in cheek as she ripped her arm out of his grip and tried to get into the car once again, but he stopped her again. “Jisung please let’s just go home.”

            “Stop holding things in and just yell at me dammit!” He exclaimed.

            “I don’t want to do this here.” She said as she looked around. Some people were heading into the restaurant, some people were leaving. But there were people everywhere and she didn’t want to disturb their evening with some petty fight that will just end with him going to the dorms. Running away from their arguments like he always did.

            “Well I do. Tell me what I did to upset you.”

            “Fine.” She said before taking a deep breath. “You humiliated me Jisung. I understand that you’re busy and getting married anytime soon definitely isn’t happening. But really? Not in the cards? And then you continue talking about the members as if my mom asked about what you had for lunch? Fuck Jisung, they were all you talked about tonight. Maybe marriage isn’t a big deal to you, but it is to me. I want to get married. I want to marry you. If you don’t feel the same, tell me right now. Let’s end things before it’s too late.”

            “What? Baby no. No absolutely not. I’m not letting you go. Not now, not ever. You are my end game. My everything. I’ve made some mistakes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to marry you. In fact-“ He paused for a second, reaching into his pants pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. With a smile on his face, he knelt down on one knee, opening the box to reveal a ring that was a dream. “I am so in love with you it’s not even funny anymore. I couldn’t picture living my life with anyone other than you. I’m sorry I said it wasn’t in the cards, but I couldn’t have you figuring out I was planning on proposing. So Y/n, baby, will you marry me?”

back to masterlist

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[desiree62]

Perfect For You : Part 3 (H.JS)

Word Count : 2.3k

Warnings : swearing, food mention, arguing, mention of suffocating (not physically)

A/N : What? You mean to say this series isn't discontinued?! It is not! I am back with the third part and the epilogue (hopefully) coming soon. I hope you enjoy!

            Jisung was wrapped around her like a koala. She could barely move when she woke up, trying to roll out of bed, and go make breakfast. His grip only tightened when she moved, a small whine coming from him. “If you’re awake, let me go.” She giggled, but again his grip only tightened.

            “I missed holding you like this.” He opened his eyes, meeting her softening stare. He took in this moment. The way she looked with her messy hair, eyes still half closed because she’s still tired. Stunning. He thought to himself. And I almost let her slip away. He reached up to smooth her hair before pressing a small kiss to her face. “Should we go out for breakfast today?”

            “Sungie you have work.” She wanted to stay angry at him. But he made it so hard. He’ll do something that upsets her but the next second, he’s being cute, and looking at her like he doesn’t want to be anywhere else. And he doesn’t. Beside his girlfriend is where he belongs, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

            “I can be late. I want to take my girl on a date.” She gave into him so easily, just like she always did.

            They stood in the bathroom together, going through their morning routines together. Brushing their teeth, doing their hair, washing their face. They did it all together, laughing over whatever funny face they decided to make in the mirror at each other. And things were falling back into place.

~

            “I just want her to yell at me again! Why is she letting me get away with everything?” Jisung whined as he collapsed beside Changbin on the couch. Chan swivelled around in his chair to look at the pair on the couch.

            “Is it possible she heard our call the day you were complaining about her?” He asked as his mind started putting the pieces together. How she began to act different after their call that day. Jisung started to think about it, putting the same pieces together in his mind. But he wanted to deny it, didn’t want to believe that his girlfriend, his beautiful, perfect girlfriend, heard him complaining about her to his best friend. Because he knows had the roles been switched, he would be devastated, heartbroken, inconsolable.

            “No. No. No.” He began to shake his head as he repeated the word. “No. She couldn’t have. Absolutely not.” The tears started welling up in his eyes as he stood from the couch, now pacing around the studio, still repeating the word no. “Fuck!” He screamed. “How am I supposed to fix this? Did she hear us the other day in the studio talking about guys night?” He thought about how bad it would have sounded, overhearing him agree to cheating on his girlfriend, something he would never actually do. “Shit. Fuck. Dammit! Fuck!”

            “Okay, okay breathe Jisung. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” Chan said, reaching his arms out and placing his hands on Jisung’s shoulders. “Focus on your breathing.” Jisung nodded and Chan led him back to the couch to sit him down. Chan continued to coach him through the panic attack.

            “Thank you.” He said meekly. Chan just handed him a bottle of water and told him not to worry about it.

            “Listen dude, even if she did hear us the other day, you didn’t do anything. You left after half a drink and went straight home to her.” Changbin explained. “All of us will vouch for you if she asks. Even given the chance, you stayed loyal. That’s what matters.” Jisung nodded. Surrounded by girls that were begging for their attention. Jisung would still choose Y/n. No questions asked, no hesitation.

            He realizes then just how much he’s pushed her away. How she’s practically a shell of the woman he met and fell in love with. It was killing her to go along with everything he wanted, but she kept smiling, kept allowing him to do whatever. He felt disgusted with himself, hated himself, for being so happy, so excited, about it. Thinking his relationship was better than ever when in reality it was falling apart. “Hyung I need to fix this.” He said, looking at Chan, tears still in his eyes.

            “Go.” Was all Chan said. Jisung didn’t waste a second running out of the studio, into the streets, hailing a cab, and spitting out his address as fast as he could. He wasn’t sure how he was going to fix it, but he would do absolutely everything to do so.

~

            She was in the kitchen doing some baking when Jisung came barreling in, not bothering to take his shoes off, and wrapped his arms around her. She froze her actions, slowly melting into his touch. “What are you doing home already?”

            “Wanted to spend some time with my baby. We weren’t doing much.” Jisung pulled away from the back hug and leaned on the counter next to her so he could see her face. “So pretty. Look at you. Oh you’re blushing. Looks like I still got it.”

            “What you got is my foot up your ass if you don’t take your shoes off.” She joked as she lightly kicked his leg.

            “Kinky.” He replied as he went back to the front door to take his shoes off and put his slippers on. “Do you need help baby?” He asked as he walked back into the kitchen.

            “Well I was originally trying to surprise you, but you came back early.” She giggled as she continued working through the recipe. Jisung just stared at her, taking in everything about her. It was like his world was going in slow motion as he watched her. Even after everything he did, she was still trying to do things for him. To make him happy. To make him feel loved.

            “What did I do to deserve you?” He asked softly, wrapping his arms around her again, resting his chin on her shoulder. She turned her head to press a kiss to his cheek.

            “You exist, Sungie. That’s all you need to do.”

~

            “Come on. We don’t want to be late for dinner with our parents!” Y/n called up to Jisung, who was fixing his hair in the bathroom for the tenth time.

            “I’m coming.” He repeated over and over as he ran down the stairs. As he got to the bottom, he saw her, and he froze. Standing there in a dress that fit her oh so perfectly, her hair done, makeup done. He couldn’t stop staring, falling in love with her all over again. She was the most beautiful girl in the world to him. It was like time slowed down as she stood there. Like those prom scenes in movies but he’s the one walking down the stairs meeting her at the bottom. And if they didn’t need to meet their parents for dinner, he would be carrying her up to their bedroom.

            “Let’s go.” Jisung was starstruck. He knows there’s no way he’s ever going to love anyone else the way he loves her. And he regrets almost ruining it. Promises himself he’ll never make the same mistakes and continue loving her the way she deserves.

~

            Jisung was telling stories about the members, making them all laugh at the antics they get up to. She couldn’t help but stare at him whenever he was talking, loving the way the suit fit him. Thinking about all the things she could do to him once they were home. It’s been way too long since they’ve been intimate, with all the arguments, and then her distancing herself as to not have her heartbroken had he decided to walk away.

            But ever since he came back early from work, no before that, since he came back early from guys night, he’s the Sungie she fell in love with. Loving her the way he used to. She wakes up in his arms to him pressing kisses all over her face. He watches her as she cooks them breakfast. Comes home to her, wrapping her in a giant hug every single time.

            She unpacked the suitcase in the closet, no longer feeling the need to run before he got home. Everything is falling back into place.

            “So Jisung, when are you proposing?” Her mom asked. Jisung let out a breathy chuckle as he reached to grab Y/n’s hand.

            “Marriage isn’t in the cards anytime soon. I’m too busy for that.” He explained before jumping into another story about the boys. And she felt her entire world shatter once again. The embarrassment she felt had her nauseous, so she excused herself to the bathroom.

            Hovering over the toilet in a stall, tears streaming down her face as she wills the food to stay down. After the feeling passed, she cleaned herself up, hoping no one would notice that she cried. She took a couple deep breaths before exiting the bathroom, Jisung stopping her from returning to the table. “What?” She asked coldly.

            “Did I say something wrong?” He asked with a pout. Did he seriously not know how humiliated she feels right now?

            “We’ll talk later.” Was all she said before walking back to their table. And Jisung just smiled to himself, knowing she was none the wiser to his plan.

            “You feeling okay, pumpkin?” Her dad asked. She just smiled and nodded, explaining that there was a small line in the bathroom and that’s why she took a while. Jisung returned shortly after, grabbing her hand as soon as he sat down, running his thumb over her empty ring finger. It felt like salt in the wound so she took her hand back.

            Conversations continued on, but she didn’t contribute much. Trying her hardest not to cry again. It felt like she was suffocating and there was nothing she could do. Like she was sinking in quick sand, clawing her way up just to be sucked further down. Like she’s sinking to the bottom of a pool and no one is coming to save her.

            “Oh dear it’s getting late.” Jisung’s mom said. “Shall we pay and head out?” She looked directly at Y/n, giving her a small smile. It was as if she could see the suffering she was feeling and gave her a helping hand.

            “It’s on me, don’t even worry about it.” Jisung explained. Her parents and his parents thanked him for the dinner. And after he paid, the six of them headed out, going in separate directions towards their own vehicles. “Baby please talk to me.” Jisung pleaded, stopping her before she could get in the car.

            “You want to do this here?” She asked and he could tell she was upset. Something he hasn’t seen from her in months. Despite him trying his best to piss her off enough that’d she’d yell at him the last few weeks. Nothing seemed to work, she was determined to not start any fights. All because of that stupid phone call he had with Chan who knows how long ago. He doesn’t even remember what he said, but he knows she does.

            He knows she definitely has every word committed to memory and it haunts her every single day. And he wishes he could erase her memory of the call, but he can’t. He has to allow the words to haunt her and there’s nothing he could do about it. The things he would give up if it meant she wouldn’t hear those words.

            “You’re impossible.” She sarcastically laughed, tongue in cheek as she ripped her arm out of his grip and tried to get into the car once again, but he stopped her again. “Jisung please let’s just go home.”

            “Stop holding things in and just yell at me dammit!” He exclaimed.

            “I don’t want to do this here.” She said as she looked around. Some people were heading into the restaurant, some people were leaving. But there were people everywhere and she didn’t want to disturb their evening with some petty fight that will just end with him going to the dorms. Running away from their arguments like he always did.

            “Well I do. Tell me what I did to upset you.”

            “Fine.” She said before taking a deep breath. “You humiliated me Jisung. I understand that you’re busy and getting married anytime soon definitely isn’t happening. But really? Not in the cards? And then you continue talking about the members as if my mom asked about what you had for lunch? Fuck Jisung, they were all you talked about tonight. Maybe marriage isn’t a big deal to you, but it is to me. I want to get married. I want to marry you. If you don’t feel the same, tell me right now. Let’s end things before it’s too late.”

            “What? Baby no. No absolutely not. I’m not letting you go. Not now, not ever. You are my end game. My everything. I’ve made some mistakes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to marry you. In fact-“ He paused for a second, reaching into his pants pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. With a smile on his face, he knelt down on one knee, opening the box to reveal a ring that was a dream. “I am so in love with you it’s not even funny anymore. I couldn’t picture living my life with anyone other than you. I’m sorry I said it wasn’t in the cards, but I couldn’t have you figuring out I was planning on proposing. So Y/n, baby, will you marry me?”

back to masterlist

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[desiree62]

perv!jungwon rubbing his stuffed toy thinking it’s your pussy

[desiree62]

ephemeral twenty three | stilled

genre angst, a pinch of fluff. warning anxiety, toxic mindset, self-deprecation. playlist ml. wc 1.37k.

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this wasn’t going to work out.

everyone else continued to move. it felt like you were standing in the middle of the street as people passed you by at an impossible speed. but you could only stand still, and stare blankly at the sight ahead of you.

beomgyu hadn’t given up yet. he’d waited for you to be ready, and appeared at your door with open arms. nobody had ever hugged you that tightly, nobody had ever held onto you like you were about to slip away before. it was silent and painful. his fingers dug into your skin as he fought off his tears, and you didn’t dare to speak in fear that you’d fall apart. as dramatic as it seemed, both of you were aware of the reality, and how the growing distance between you would only have a negative impact on your relationship.

you talked occasionally. you tried to look him in the eye and believe him when he told he loved you. you couldn’t.

weeks began to pass.

the final term came to an end. for the meantime, you began job hunting in order to pay your rent.

you passed beomgyu in the building regularly. his smile began to fade when he came to the realisation that you really were slipping away from him. he started off trying to talk with you, then watered it down to a civil smile, and then he was silent, and not even his eyes made his way over to you.

you were ruining it.

much like the day that the truth came out, you pulled your knees flush against your chest and cried into your arms. this time, with your back against your headboard.

you weren’t even angry anymore — as much as it pained you — you just missed him. you missed his scent, his presence, his voice, his touch, his laugh, his smile, him.

the tears began to soak through the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

you sniffled, lifted your head, and grabbed your phone. you scrolled to the letter g and began to call, half wishing he wouldn’t pick up. there was comfort in being stilled and heartbroken, as terrible as it made you sound. it had been all you had known for three years before beomgyu came into your life, and the feeling was wonderfully familiar.

‘hello?’ he had just woken up.

‘beomgyu,’ you cried, voice hoarse. ‘i’m sorry.’

the call dropped, as did your phone shortly after. you’d truly messed up.

there was a loud, sharp knock that sent you flying out of bed and straight towards your entrance. when you pulled open the door, there stood beomgyu. you sobbed and threw your arms around him in a hug, letting the tears fall this time, onto the material of his shirt at three in the morning.

but this wasn’t going to work out.

nothing could beat your anxiety. as things began to go back to normal, your mindset never seemed to follow suit. he was around a lot more. he would come over for breakfast, spend the afternoon watching tv on the couch, kiss you goodbye before he left for work, and pick you up after your shifts. but you watched him warily, wondering if he was truly happy or simply trying to fix the heart that he’d broke.

‘are you serious, y/n?’ beomgyu was tired of hearing you ask him if he truly loved you. ‘would i really do all of this if i didn’t love you?’

‘but what’s the difference between trying to prove a point and actions that are sincere?’ you felt your eyes watering.

‘you don’t trust me,’ he commented, feeling defeated for what felt like the tenth time that week.

‘no, i don’t,’ you shot back.

‘how long is it going to take for you to realise that you’re hurting me?’ he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

‘you did this,’ you placed the blame. ‘you hurt me and you destroyed the trust that i had for you.’

‘can you stop?’ it made him feel sick.

‘i’m going to bed,’ you could feel the need to cry approaching. ‘goodnight, beomgyu.’

he thought you were being selfish and careless. he didn’t expect you to forgive and forget easily, but he hadn’t expected for you to turn spiteful. he could never do enough to make you happy, you would always be sitting there picking apart his behaviour and trying to make sense of it all.

but love doesn’t make sense. there doesn’t have to be a reason to love someone, it’s just instinct. you don’t need to have an explanation for why someone would be kind to you, you just have to accept it as reality. that was something you just couldn’t do anymore.

the friends you had made along the way contacted you frequently. that included the four boys dear to you that beomgyu thought of as home. there were no sides for them to choose from, because nobody knew what was going on.

all that they did know was that your relationship had simmered down on social media.

with your love of photography, you regularly uploaded photos you’d taken of beomgyu. you didn’t anymore. random videos usually made their way onto a story of some kind, showcasing sweet or humorous moments between the two of you. they didn’t anymore. when asked how you were doing by any of your friends, you used to answer for beomgyu too, because he was always around. but you didn’t anymore.

there could have been a simple explanation. due to your lives after university, you might have started spending less time together. but still, he was only across the hall.

beomgyu went out with his friends one night. you kissed him goodbye, and he was off. they met at a restaurant for a meal to catch up with each other, and beomgyu spilled the truth about your relationship. he skipped some major details and stated that you were taking a break, because he was planning to ask you for one as soon as he got home. he just couldn’t take the contrast of your loveliness and harshness anymore.

when he showed up at your door, you expected for him to brightly tell you about his night with his friends. instead, he avoided your eyes and walked over to the couch.

when he asked to take a break from your relationship, his hand had personally wrapped around your heart and squeezed it tightly. but in the end, you agreed to it. you knew it was your fault, because you were making a mountain out of a molehill. and beomgyu was so tired of beating himself up just trying to be good enough for you.

it had taken you three days to contact him after the party, and when he finally came over, you told him that you needed a little more time. when he attempted to keep talking with you, despite not having the luxury of being able to call or text you, you only shut him down. your responses were always short and blunt, and he began to give up for your sake. all he wanted was for you to be happy and comfortable around him again, so he gave you the time to process and became a stranger. so when you called him late that night, he jumped at the opportunity to be yours all over again.

but it was hellish. you hadn’t healed, and your brain was only hurting you with all of the nasty thoughts it conjured up. beomgyu’s excitement over having his girlfriend back fizzled out, and spending time with you began to feel like a chore.

but in the end, he put you first.

you needed to heal. maybe he wasn’t right for you, or maybe you weren’t right for him. either way, he couldn’t make you happy, and all he wanted was for you to be happy. so when he asked for the break, the main reason had been for you. if he couldn’t make you happy, he would simply disappear and let you forget about him and all of the pain that he brought.

and you both knew where the break was going, because this wasn’t going to work out.

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[desiree62]

ephemeral twenty two | stupid, naive

genre slice-of-life, angst. warning alcohol, mention of life-threatening accident, deception. playlist ml. wc 1.52k.

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parties were becoming your groove. you’d climbed the social ladder and knew most of the people in the room now, no matter whose apartment you were in. it felt amazing to finally have real friends and even casual friends, but it was all so bittersweet. you were living the life your best friend had wanted for the both of you, without them by your side. and graduation was inching closer, the slew of students on campus decreasing by the day as classes came to an end and exams came into view. the thought of leaving your university behind, without your best friend following along with you, was sickening. it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

‘are you feeling okay?’ soobin waved his hand in front of your face, pulling you out of your thoughts. ‘you look pale.’

‘what?’ you called over the sounds of voices and music playing through large speakers. ‘i’m just sobering up, i guess.’

‘are you having fun?’ yeonjun practically sang as he slid into the empty spot beside you. ‘beomgyu is looking for you.’

‘he’ll find me eventually,’ you breathed out, reaching for the cup in front of you. forcing a smile, you turned to yeonjun. ‘and of course i’m having fun.’

‘i’m gonna go find kai,’ soobin spoke, sliding off the seat beside you and heading into the main room.

‘your boyfriend’s stressing about whether or not you’re enjoying yourself,’ yeonjun smiled, making you smile in return. you stared down into your cup, forcing your smile to stay and not fall like it so badly wanted to. ‘i don’t know what you’ve done to him, y/n.’

‘what do you mean?’ you laughed shortly, tilting your head to the side. beomgyu came into your line of view, smiling at the sight of you amidst his conversation with a friend.

‘i’ve never seen him this happy,’ yeonjun stated. ‘at least, not since the accident.’

‘what accident?’ your expression turned to confusion.

‘when we were all going home for the summer last year,’ he elaborated. ‘beomgyu was getting his train back to daegu, and he fell onto the tracks when we were joking around. he wasn’t hurt, but it left him in this weird state of shock where he hardly spoke to anyone anymore.’

your grip on the cup tightened, and your expression dropped. there was only one other instance in which you’d heard this story, and that was through an anonymous stranger.

‘yeah… he had to get a new phone, right?’ you pressed. ‘new number and all?’

‘yeah, so he did tell you?’ yeonjun was just as confused as you had been when he began to tell the story. ‘because you seemed clueless just a minute ago.’

‘in a sense,’ you swallowed.

‘maybe i shouldn’t have said anything,’ he felt a wave of guilt. ‘i asked beomgyu once if he had told you about it, and he shut me down claiming he had and to never bring it up around you. i thought it was a little weird, but he’s my friend, so i followed his orders.’

beomgyu had just made his way over to yeonjun when you stood, spun around and pushed your way through the crowd to find your way out. of course, he only followed you, thinking you were playing some sort of game with him. the crowd was thick with fellow students, forcing you to push yourself through and repeatedly apologise. you were followed with every step, his presence looming and making you panic. the last thing you wanted to do was to speak to him, and if he caught up to you, you’d be forced to do exactly that.

you picked up the pace, circling around to the open door out of his apartment. once you had grabbed your jacket, beomgyu realised that this wasn’t some game. he’d seen your interaction with yeonjun, thinking nothing of it, but clearly something was said that had forced you away from him. he caught you as you slipped outside, but you pulled your arm away from him and pushed open the door into your own apartment. you slammed the door in his face, feeling your eyes well up with tears and your throat burn.

as you stepped into the kitchen, the door was opened again by beomgyu. when he met your eyes, he felt his heart break. he opened his mouth, about to speak when you cut him off.

‘how long have you known that i was the person you had an anonymous friendship with?’ you started, voice shaky as you tried not to cry.

‘what are you talking about?’ he tried to evade the question.

‘isn’t that why you wouldn’t give me your number?’ you pressed, unable to believe he was trying to find a way out of this. ‘yeonjun told me about the accident… the one i’d only heard from you as ‘g’. and when i asked for your number after our first date, you claimed you hardly used it and preferred social media. you knew then, right?’

‘y/n, how did you…?’ he trailed off.

‘how did i figure it out?’ you laughed bitterly. ‘well, let’s see. my long-term crush suddenly asks me on a date after never having even a trivial conversation with me, and then he refuses to let me text him. and yeonjun blurted out that you purposely avoided talking about the accident on the tracks around me to keep yourself and this online persona separate. so now, my boyfriend who claims that he loves me, doesn’t want to tell me that it was him i’ve been texting all this time?’

‘are you saying that i don’t love you?’ he frowned. ‘because that isn’t true, y/n.’

‘it’s not exactly easy for me to believe that right now,’ a tear rolled down your cheek. ‘don’t you see what you’ve done?’

beomgyu fell silent. he never expected things to go this way. out of the thousand and one ways he had expected this to go — each with an appropriate reaction and solution — this hadn’t even crossed his mind. you were never supposed to figure out that he had known all along, you were simply going to be surprised and relieved to find out. he would have feigned surprise too, and shared his relief that the stranger he had trusted all of his secrets with just so happened to be the love of his life. that hoped for happy surprise was now tainted with a truth he should have shared with you months ago.

‘i’m sorry,’ he spoke softly. ‘i should have told you the moment i found out.’

‘why didn’t you?’ you wiped at the tear. ‘was asking me to meet up with you your way of making up for the fact you’ve lied to me our entire relationship?’

‘you were never supposed to find out like this,’ beomgyu knew that lying now wouldn’t help his case. ‘my plan was to act just as surprised as you would be tomorrow.’

‘so you were going to lie to me for as long into the future as we were going to last?’ you scoffed. ‘i can’t believe you.’

was this some sort of joke? were you just a pastime? a silly college girlfriend of his that he didn’t really care about? maybe his friends were in on it too, that you were the butt of the joke and once everybody stopped laughing, you’d just be tossed aside and forgotten about.

had beomgyu ever loved you? or had he been leading you on and updating his friends on the desperate girl who had been crushing on him for the past three years?

you felt used, stupid, naive.

‘i’m sorry,’ he mumbled. ‘i never meant to hurt you.’

‘that’s it?’ you sighed. ‘you’re not going to fight for me?’

‘i don’t want to add fuel to the fire,’ he sighed in defeat. ‘i don’t know what’s going through that pretty mind of yours right now, y/n, but i never had bad intentions. i messed up and i hurt you, but that’s all there is to it.’

‘are you sure?’ you sniffled, using your sleeve to wipe at your tears. he nodded softly, taking a step closer towards you. ‘wait, don’t… i need to be alone right now.’

‘okay,’ he backed away, reaching for the handle of your door and pulling it open. ‘call me if you need me.’

once the door had closed behind him, you dropped to the ground in tears. you didn’t know how to feel about it. he’d betrayed your trust, and now you had no concept of what had been real and what had been prompted by his knowledge of your ‘anonymous’ identity.

everything had happened smoothly and quickly, but not naturally like you had thought. but you had loved him so dearly. had any of it been real? and from what point on did he become sincere in his feelings for you? did he even mean it when he told you he loved you, or was he rushing into it for the sake of this ideal boyfriend you sought in him?

you sobbed, and buried your face into your knees.

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[desiree62]

ephemeral twenty one | too late

genre humour. warning talk of death, murder. playlist ml.

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[desiree62]

ephemeral twenty | hostess era

genre humour. warning playful arguing. playlist ml.

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[desiree62]

ephemeral nineteen | eternally

genre fluff. warning cursing. playlist ml. wc 405.

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it was a hot, sticky kind of day. you were irritable and quiet, moving harshly and without caution all day long. your precious friday had been ruined by your pure desire and desperation to go home and take a cold shower. and when you finally did so, everything became calm.

you pushed open the window on the left end of your kitchen, smiling when the air began to seep in and cool the area. the door into your apartment opened, and you spun around to see beomgyu sheepishly holding up a plastic bag.

‘ever heard of knocking?’ you joked, but he only inched closer.

the plastic bag was dropped onto the counter as he came into the kitchen, and pulled open the door into the freezer. your eyes lit up when you noticed he’d brought ice cream with him. you snuck over to the bag and peeked inside, catching a glimpse of a movie, but not of the title.

‘hey,’ he breathed out, making you spin your head around to face him. you skipped into his open arms and hugged him tightly. ‘did you miss me that much?’

‘yes, of course,’ you lifted your head, looking up into his eyes. ‘i’ve had a terrible day, i was actually about to call you.’

beomgyu placed a short kiss to your lips, the widest grin taking over his features shortly after. his heart picked up its pace as he continued admiring you. you could see it in his eyes, the way he was feeling in that moment.

‘god, i love you,’ he blurted out, making you launch yourself out of his embrace. ‘fuck, i didn’t mean— i mean, i did mean it. just, i didn’t mean to say it like that, and right now.’

he waited for your response, his anxiety peaking as you blankly stared back at him. moments of silence passed before you broke out into a fit of nervous giggling. beomgyu couldn’t help smiling at the sound, but that didn’t erase his anxiety.

‘it was perfect,’ you softly reassured him, throwing your arms around his neck to pull him into a kiss. you pulled away, looking up at him once again. ‘and i love you.’

‘i love you so much,’ he whispered against your lips. ‘i’ve been waiting for so long to say that to you.’

‘i love you so much more,’ you smiled, admiring his features up close. ‘i’ll love you eternally.’

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[desiree62]

ephemeral eighteen | perfect pair

genre humour, fluff. warning playful arguing. playlist ml.

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[desiree62]

ephemeral seventeen | crazy wild

genre humour, fluff. warning playful arguing. playlist ml.

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[desiree62]

Perfect For You : Part 2 (H.JS)

Word Count : 3.2k

Warnings : swearing, food mention, drinking, strippers mention, cheating mention, arguing, relationship insecurity

A/N : I apologize again for these taking so long to come out, but I promise I will finish this series! I'm still working on it while writing my other things. I hope you enjoy this part! Don't forget your tissues.

            It’s been weeks, maybe it’s been months. She’s lost track, lost count of all the fights they’ve had that ended with him walking out and staying at the dorms. As if he still lives there, like this is just her house, not the one they share, not the one they were supposed to turn into a home.

            She knew there would be fights when they moved in together, but she didn’t think it would get this bad. She didn’t think she would start questioning their entire relationship, wondering if there was even a point to be together.

            But then he would come home with his honey I’m home smile and a bouquet of flowers, pulling her in for a kiss and apologizing with so much sincerity, it was impossible not to forgive him. The bliss would last a couple of days, a week if they were lucky, and then they were arguing again, and he was out the door.

            Chan has texted her multiple times asking if everything was okay, if they were still together. Sometimes she stares at the text, typing out different responses. No we’re not. Delete. I don’t know, ask him. Delete. Just another fight. We’ll be okay. We always will be. Send.

            She has a packed suitcase in the closet with all the essentials just in case she needs to leave. Just in case she finally has enough. But she knows she’ll never have enough. She loves Jisung far too much to ever walk away.

~

            “Fuck! I just want to come home and relax sometimes! I don’t need you up my ass the second I walk through the door.” She took a deep breath, holding in her tears. Chan warned her beforehand that Jisung didn’t have a good day today, to take it easy on him.

            “I just asked what you wanted for dinner.” She mumbled, shuffling back into the kitchen to make something for herself. Jisung sighed and rolled his eyes.

            “You always have to pick a fight about something. I’ll just go to the dorms.” He picked his bag up off the floor, getting ready to leave, when she finally snapped.

            “You’re there all the time these days, might as well just fucking move back in!” Jisung jumped at the sudden raise in her voice, and his heart broke at the thought of living without her. He didn’t want to move back into the dorms, he wanted to live with her. He wanted to spend forever by her side.

            “Maybe I will.” But he has his pride. He won’t be the first to cave, he won’t be the first to apologize.

            As soon as the door closed, she fell to the floor, holding her knees to her chest as she cried. It was hard continuing a relationship that doesn’t seem like it should continue. But she couldn’t walk away, she was in too deep, too in love with Jisung.

            So she cried, she sobbed, until she had a headache and she ran out of tears. She thought about the suitcase in the closet. Picked herself up off the floor to grab it, but as soon as she saw her clothes hung up beside his, she put it back.

            Now that she knows what it’s like to live with Jisung, she’s not sure she can live without him. She can’t live without ever hearing his voice yelling her name as he walks through the door. Can’t live without seeing her clothes next to his in the closet. Can’t live without seeing the memories of their relationship all around her. She can’t live without Jisung, so she washes up and goes to bed, hoping tomorrow would be a better day.

~

            Jisung still wasn’t home when she woke up, but she figured the boys had a busy day, so she tried not to let it bother her. Tried not to let the lack of texts send her into a spiral. She just continued her routine as she would any other day. Kept repeating to herself that no news was good news. No news meant they were still together. No news meant he still loved her.

            Breakfast, washing up, getting ready for the day. And then she sat in the living room, staring at her text conversation with Jisung, waiting, hoping, for a message to come through. But there was nothing. She didn’t want to text him and bother him if it was a busy day, so she decided to run some errands to keep her mind off everything.

~

            “I love her so much, hyung, I could see myself marrying her. But lately it feels like we argue more than talk. She picks fights over everything. Sometimes I just want to come home and watch a show without having her in my ear asking about my day, asking if I ate, asking what I want for dinner.”

            She really didn’t mean to listen in on his conversation. She was just carrying the groceries up to the house, smiling when she saw that Jisung was home, pacing outside while talking on the phone. She was happy he came home, happy that she didn’t have to come home to an empty house again.  

            But she could feel her heart breaking the closer she got, Jisung still not noticing her. “Sometimes I feel like she doesn’t even know how to do anything herself. She’s always asking for help.” She took a deep breath, pretending like she didn’t hear anything he said as he turned around, finally seeing her. “Hi baby, you’re back?” He said his goodbyes to whoever he was talking to, quickly holding his hands out to grab the bags from her.

            “I got it babe. You just rest, okay?” She walked passed him, placing the bags on the island before walking back to her car and grabbing the rest of the bags. Jisung made his way to the kitchen to help put things away, but Y/n was persistent that he rest. “You must have had a hard day. I can put the groceries away.”

            “Okay. Let me know if you need me for anything though. I’m going to have a quick shower and maybe a nap.” He gave her a quick kiss before heading upstairs to do as he said. As soon as she heard the water turn on, she let the tears fall.

            He was pretending like nothing happened the day before, like they didn’t argue, and she’s okay with that. She’s okay with pretending it didn’t happen, okay with continuing on like everything is okay. But her heart was still breaking knowing how he truly feels. She always thought that the reason he hadn’t proposed yet was because of his schedule, but now she knows it’s because of her.

            But he still loves her. She repeats that in her mind. He still loves her. There’s no need to grab the packed suitcase and run away. No need to leave. He still loves her, but there’s some parts of her he doesn’t love. And now that she knows what they are, she can change for him. She can be perfect for him.

~

            “Did you cook?” Jisung asked as he shuffled into the kitchen after his nap. Y/n looked at him from her spot on the couch, pausing her show.

            “Yeah. It’s in the fridge if you want it.” Jisung paused for a second, looking at his girlfriend smiling at him before returning to her show. Why didn’t she wake him up when she was cooking like she usually does? He already thought it was weird that she didn’t want help with groceries, and when he woke up hours passed the time he expected, he wondered if she was waiting for him so they could eat.

            “Oh. I’m not feeling that. I think I might order in.” He spoke, mostly to himself, yet she hummed in response, paying more attention to her show than anything. He was waiting for her to complain about cooking so much food for it to go to waste because he wants to order in, but nothing. She just watched her show.

            Did the fight yesterday cause more damage than he thought? He had hoped after they both calmed down, he could come back home like nothing happened. He was tired of all the fighting, he just wanted his girlfriend back. The girlfriend that would mirror all his affection, tell him she loved him at random times, the way he did with her. He wanted the girlfriend she was before they moved in together. Maybe Chan was wrong. Maybe they weren’t ready.

            “Baby.” He whined, sitting beside her on the couch, resting his chin on her shoulder and staring at her face. She smiled as she turned her head slightly, just enough for him to kiss her lips quickly, causing a pink blush to dust her cheeks. “I love you.”

            “I love you too, Sungie.” He smiled at her words, knowing that they could get through everything if they still loved each other. “What were you going to order?”

            “Why? You hungry?” He chuckled, moving so he could tuck her under his arm, pulling out his phone for both of them to look through the options. “What are you feeling, my love?”

            “You decide. I already ate so I’ll just get something small from wherever you order from.” He stared at her, wondering if the girl in his arms really was his girlfriend. She hated letting him choose the place to eat, saying he always chose the weirdest places, but he didn’t want to argue, so he chose his favourite.

~

            “I’m telling you something happened. But I’m not complaining. At first I wanted my girlfriend back, but it’s like I’m falling in love all over again!” Jisung explained to Chan and Changbin.

            “Oh please. She could get a haircut and you’d say it’s like falling in love all over again. You’re whipped for the girl.” Changbin scoffed, leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.

            “What’s she doing that makes you think things are better? Because last time we talked you were thinking of moving back to the dorms.” Changbin’s eyes widened at that information.

            “Shit was that bad?” Jisung nodded, thinking back to the daily fights over nothing. All the nights he spent in the dorms, alone in his old bed, instead of beside her, holding her, whispering little nothings in her ear. But then he smiled thinking of the passed couple weeks.

            “She basically lets me do anything I want!” He exclaimed. “No longer pesters me about my day. Doesn’t get mad when I want to order in instead of eating whatever she cooked. She even does the groceries by herself now. There’s been absolutely zero fights in the last couple weeks.”

            “Should we put that to the test then?” Changbin smirked. He looked over to Chan for his approval. Chan just shrugged, not really caring about what Changbin had to say, about what he wanted to test Y/n on.

            “What kind of test?” Jisung asked.

            “Guys night. Let’s go to a strip club, get you a lap dance, maybe some fun for the night. See if she’d let you.” Jisung looked between Chan and Changbin, begging and pleading for Chan to disagree with Changbin, but Chan just shrugged.

            “Could be fun.” Chan said. “Been a long time since we’ve had a proper guys night. We could invite the others as well.” Jisung looked between the two of them, wondering if this was a joke they were playing, wondering if the real person being tested was him. He didn’t want to agree. He didn’t want to cheat on his girlfriend. Things were bad but not once did he ever think of being without her or leaving her in anyway.

            “Yeah.” Jisung replied. “Been a real long time.” He fiddled with his phone in his hands, opening her contact and then exiting out just to open it again. Over and over. What is he supposed to do?

            “Call her. If she’s been so understanding lately and allowing you to do whatever, she’d let you do this.” Changbin pushed some more, wondering if Jisung would actually do it. Everyone knows how whipped Jisung is for Y/n. Ever since they started dating, Jisung hasn’t even looked at another girl.

            “Right.” Jisung pulled up her contact one last time, calling her this time. Changbin chuckled to himself, shaking his head as he watched Jisung call Y/n.

            What no one knew was that she was stood on the other side of the door, food in hand for the three hard working boys. Praying her phone wouldn’t ring with his ringtone. Hoping that she heard wrong. Her Jisung wouldn’t actually ask to cheat on her, would he? But when her phone started ringing, she set the food down and walked away.

            She took a deep breath before answering the phone. “Hey my love! I just dropped some food off for you and the boys.” She tried her best not to sound upset. Tried to pretend like she didn’t know why he was calling.

            “You did?” Jisung asked and she heard rustling on the other side of the line. “Why didn’t you knock? I would have loved to have you visit.” Tears welled up in her eyes when he said that. He was really going to pretend like he wasn’t thinking of cheating.

            “Didn’t want to bother you. Besides I have so much to do today. Work hard, okay?” She hoped he wouldn’t see through her lie. That he wouldn’t know she scheduled her day around this. Planning on staying for a while, but it was obvious she wasn’t wanted there.

            “You’re never a bother baby. But thank you so much for the food. I love you.” Tears started falling. How dare he tell her that he loves her.

            “I love you too. Was there a reason you called?” Another deep breath, hoping he didn’t hear how shaking her breathing is. But he did. Jisung stood from his chair again, walking out of the room to check on her privately. Changbin and Chan both watched him in confusion, exchanging looks, and just shrugging it off.

            “Baby are you crying?” He asked when he was alone. Pacing in the hallway outside the studio, running his fingers through his hair, worried that something happened to his girlfriend while he’s been working. “Talk to me baby, please.”

            “I’m okay Sungie, promise.”

            “You’d tell me if you weren’t?” He breathed a sigh of relief when she promised she would tell him if something was wrong. Then he looked towards the studio door and remembered why he had called in the first place. “Hey baby, you’d be okay if I went out for a guys night tonight, right?” She stopped in her tracks. “Been a while since the boys and I went out for a proper guys night.” He chuckled.

            “Of course baby. Have fun with the boys.” She said as nicely as she could, putting on a fake smile though she knew he couldn’t see that. “I got to go though. So many things to get done. I love you so much.”

            “I love you so much more, baby.” But did he?

~

            “A toast to Y/n for being the most chill girlfriend in the world and allowing Jisung join us tonight.” Changbin said, holding his drink up, everyone following suit. They were all laughing and joking around as they clinked glasses. No one noticed the way Jisung was ready to leave. Part of him wishing she would have yelled at him for even asking to go on a proper guys night. Part of him wished she would yell at him about anything. Does she even care about their relationship anymore?

            “Time to get you that lap dance, hey?” Chan teased, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Jisung looked around the table, seeing the excited faces of the others. They were all urging him to pick which girl he wanted. But he knew which girl he wanted. He knew it before he stepped through that door.

            “I gotta go home.” He stood from the table, pushing passed Chan, and rushing out the door as fast as he could. Hailing down a cab and jumping into it as if he was in a drama. Telling the driver his address and restlessly moving around in the back. Bouncing his legs, staring out the window, checking the time.

            She was going to be in bed, he knew that. She was going to be laying there all alone when he should have been next to her. How long has it been since they went to bed together? He’s always working late; she’s always going to bed alone. When was the last time he watched her do her nightly routine, thinking to himself about how much he loves her? When was the last time he woke up and held her while she cooked breakfast for them?

            He’s been so focused on the fact that he’s been getting away with things she used to get upset at him about that he didn’t realize she’s been pulling away. Wait, is she pulling away or is he pushing her away? Was he pulling away?

            The cab parked outside his house. Jisung quickly handed the driver some cash, telling him to keep the change, and jumping out, practically running up to the house. She was still going to be home right? She wouldn’t have left, would she? He wouldn’t blame her if she did. He doesn’t deserve the love she gives him with the way he’s been acting since they moved in together.

            Quietly he stepped into the house, sliding his shoes off and slipping his slippers on. All the lights were off. It was dark and quiet and Jisung didn’t like that. He quietly walked up the stairs, seeing their bedroom door still slightly ajar, something she does so Jisung could come in without waking her. She expected him to come home. And that fact alone made his heart swell with joy. It wasn’t over.

            He tiptoed into their room, seeing her peacefully asleep on the bed, holding a pillow, his pillow specifically, close to her chest. She lied, he sees that now. She wasn’t okay. She was breaking and she was doing it alone.

            Jisung got ready for bed as quietly as he could, walking to his side of the bed, cooing at how cute she looked. “Baby I’m home. Cuddle me instead.” He said softly, a smile forming on his face when she blinked up at him, her face lighting up when she realized. Jisung took the pillow from her and crawled into bed, pulling her into his arms.

            “Did you have fun?” She asked with a yawn, nuzzling her head into his chest.

            “I didn’t even stay for one drink. Wanted to be home with my baby.” He answered, running his fingers through her hair. He didn’t realize how much he missed being with her like this until this moment.

            “I love you so much Sungie.”

            “I love you so much more baby.” He does. He really does.

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[desiree62]

BEAUTIFUL STRANGER

CHAPTER [I] of FREEZE [18+!]

“For someone who hates me with all this passion, you’ve got a lot of expectations related to me.”

He smirks again, “Who has ever said that I hated you?”

“Let me think,” you begin, “you have constantly annoyed me and called me names since I became a part of this friend group.”

“I’ve never meant to be mean to you,” Hyunjin says, aligning his lips with your ear as his voice turns into a whisper, “I was just mad about the fact you chose the wrong guy.”

❄️ SYNOPSIS: Sure, going on a vacation trip with your closest friends while pretending you're still with your ex boyfriend to not ruin the weekend is already a dumb idea. But do you know what's even dumber? Yes, allowing your enemy and academic rival to make you forget about your past relationship when he has you right underneath him.

🦋 CONTENT INFO: hyunjin x afab reader, changbin x afab reader, enemies to lovers, enemy hyunjin, ex boyfriend changbin, rebound au, college au, angst/smut/fluff, kinda 'only one bed' trope, reader has anxiety disorder and is in therapy, they are flawed characters and you should keep that in mind, warnings and smut tags under the cut

📘 WORD COUNT: 16.1K

🌌 CONTENT WARNING: mental health topics such as anxiety disorder, insecurities, description of anxiety and panic attacks, alcohol consumption, jealousy, mention of cheating, implied toxic relationship

💦 SMUT WARNING: dom/sub dynamics, fingering, oral (f receiving), piv, slight degradation, spanking, slight spit play, name calling (doll, baby, slut, sweetheart)

🧊 SPOTIFY PLAYLIST

The characters do not portray any of the skz members in real life, the names are just used for fiction. Minors do not interact, this post contains mature topics. By reading you consent to nswf content and agree that you have read all the warnings above carefully.

The butterfly effect.

A chaos theory claiming small things in life, which seem absolutely meaningless, have non-linear consequences and can cause drastic incidents.

Just like one beat of a butterfly’s wing can create a tornado.

Exactly like karma works—your tiniest decisions in your past brought you to this place and made you the person you are today.

Unlike the domino effect, which states that pushing one stone leads to the downfall of all your built up figures, the butterfly theory on the contrary concentrates on non-linear, non predictable aftermaths.

Never underestimate small decisions again. Some systems are very sensitive. You don’t want to mess with invisible chains.

Everything happens for a reason. Every person, every little thing, every move is in interaction with one another.

With this being said, remember all your acts have influence on any other living being in this universe too. Forecasting the future is not possible for humankind. We never know what other people have been through, what led them to make decisions they made. Choose your words and actions wisely. On one hand everything matters, on the other hand nothing is important at all. 

❄️

If you could give that day a review on Google, you would complain about the fact that one out of five stars is still way too positive.

Everything went wrong. Absolutely everything.

It all started when you managed to not only sleep through one or two alarms, not three or four but five in total since your phone died some time during the night. Well, this is what happens when you forget to charge it.

So, as it seemed, you would have totally gotten late to your university class. Maybe five minutes if you didn’t put any effort in your outfit or fifteen if you did. Yes, this isn’t the end of the world and your professor is both really kind and mostly late themselves but anxiety just took over you. There’s no way you were gonna be able to enter a room with thirty five pairs of eyes staring holes into your head.

That’s why you decided to not go at all.

Was this bad for your academic accomplishments?

Definitely.

Was it better for your mental health?

Well… maybe. At least in that moment.

But not when your psychological issues become the cause for your college issues and the endless cycle of disaster starts running like a ferris wheel at high speed.

To somehow handle your guilty conscience that slowly started eating you up from the inside, you chose to still get up and head to campus, working on some other tasks instead.

The first few stops on your bus’ route were as calm as usual since your apartment building is located in an outer part of the city—turning every ride to campus into a world trip. That’s why you didn’t think anything bad when two older men stumbled into the vehicle, severly intoxicated and obnoxiously loud that all the few people inside the bus granted them their whole attention. Of course, without being too obvious.

Absolutely shit-faced, they kept walking and dancing through the aisle, getting dangeoursly close to you and just when the driver steered to get on the main road, one of them almost tripped. He could catch himself at the last second but in the process of saving his ass, half of the liquids of his opened beer can spilled all over your shirt.

That’s when a wave of shock and angst washed over you like it usually does in situations like this. It was something that couldn’t be calculated, something you didn’t expect and since neither of the other guests inside the bus said anything, you unfortunately remained silent, too. You wished you were tougher, braver, more confident to react the way you should, how it would be appropriate and deserved. But you can’t.

Your brain solely entered survival mode, focusing on the way your heart beats out of your chest and your lungs constrict, unable to transfer any air.

At least your anxiety attack was able to tell you that you reached the central train station—where you’re supposed to transfer and catch your connection—so you took your bag, pushed some other people and those men away in order to get to the exit. The bus came to a halt and you were the first to rush out at lightning speed, bumping into another person that probably was waiting to get into the vehicle that you just left.

You took a step back.

That's when you first looked into his eyes. Those dark, mesmerising eyes. 

It was at this moment that you knew you were doomed.

Hwang Hyunjin.

A singular beat of a beautiful butterfly’s wing—destined to turn into a tempestuous hurricane just for you.

Standing there in the pouring rain, his wet hair stuck to his face. It was cut short back then, bleached and dyed in a silvery shade. Nothing similar to the long, black strands he has nowadays.

He was wearing the dark leather jacket he still wears as if it’s glued to his figure. It was the same model, maybe even the exact same jacket you see him in all the time.

“Watch out where you’re going.”

Those were his words back then. His nose was twitching when he smelled the beer scent but for some reason he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. It probably wasn’t his intention for the sentence to come out that harsh—but that’s just how Hyunjin has always been. Overly dramatic, thinking with his emotions instead of his brain.

And maybe that was what broke the camel’s back.

You can’t even recall how it happened but the tears were already streaming down your cheeks, becoming one with the rain drops falling onto your heated skin. It was just too much. You’ve always been one to cry in public, not quite caring what anybody thinks, but you felt a little embarrassed still, bawling your eyes out in front of a stranger like this.

But you lost control. Like you usually do. Although it didn’t feel like it. There has always been something about the Hwang boy that made you feel so secure.

Yes, that’s fucking ridiculous considering how he’s treated you since that day until now, more than one and a half years later.

Fortunately—and also unbelievable from today’s point of view—Hyunjin grasped that he went way too far although it wasn’t his intention. Of course, this doesn’t excuse anything. It doesn’t matter if we accidentally hurt someone, they will feel pain anyway.

Just like you did at that moment.

His guilty conscience finally kicked in, bringing him back to reality and how he should have reacted in the first place.

You were still crying like a toddler, Hyunjin had pulled you away from the line in front of the bus a long time ago. He didn’t even care that he didn’t catch his connection, not when someone as beautiful as you was standing in front of you, unable to catch their breath because of the sniffles interrupting them.

It probably didn’t even make a difference but sometimes the gesture is what counts.

That’s why Hyunjin decided to take off his jacket and placed it on your shoulders, soon realising it’s a little too big for you. He wanted to pull you closer despite not knowing you, tell you that everything will be alright and that you’re safe with him, he will take care of you no matter what.

But the insecure Hyunjin that he still is nowadays was already noticeable back then. He did in fact feel sorry for you. He saw the two men who must have poured their drink over you stumbling out the vehicle and connected the dots. And maybe it sounds childish or even toxic but his ability to think shut off completely when you looked at him with big doe eyes, wrapped into his leather jacket, thanking him for his help, sniffles still filling the surrounding.

Hyunjin has never been good at showing what he truly thinks or feels with words. That’s just not part of his skills. The arts help him express his emotions but text or speech has never been one of his talents.

At least that’s how he justified it back then, when he told you the following words.

“Just so you know, I didn’t give you the jacket out of politness. I couldn’t stand your whining anymore.”

What the fuck?

To say that you were dumbfounded would be an understatement.

Where the fuck is this guy getting the audacity from? What a fucking piece of shit…

“The coat was very expensive,” he started again, “bring it back to me after picking it up from the laundry.”

Hyunjin shoved a piece of paper and a pen out of his pants’ pocket, scribbling down some words before he handed you the snippet. There was an address on it. A house that you were gonna visit many times after that and even still do nowadays.

Before you were able to react in any type of way, the mysterious, arrogant and beautiful stranger rushed away and got inside the next bus.

❄️

It’s an odd scene, something you would typically only see in some bad Netflix show or some silly fanfic but it’s what you’re caught in now.

The initial thought when your friend group started planning this trip four months ago was to get your minds off of school stress before exam season is waiting right around the corner. It’s the last semester for a few of them—Chan, Noah and Changbin being among the lucky ones to finish university pretty soon.

Changbin.

Right.

Well, when making those plans the two of you of course didn’t think you wouldn’t be a couple anymore once the trip would begin. But it is what it is now. It was inevitable.

Nights of fights brought you to where you are now—separated but still getting along for the sake of your other friends.

And that’s where the next problem occurs.

Although it’s been some weeks, you haven’t told anyone that you broke up. Not even Jeongin, your best friend, knows but that’s mainly caused by the fact that you got in a lot of heated discussions with him about exactly that—your relationship with Changbin that grew toxic over the past months. You haven’t shared a word with your best friend since then.

It’s a little ironic. It all started with Changbin becoming more and more jealous of any man that was practically breathing the same air as you and the biggest thorn in his flesh has always been Jeongin. Yes. Your lifetime childhood best friend who asks you to join farting competitions with him and makes fun of you like a younger sibling would. There’s absolutely nothing about him that you would ever find romantic in the slightest—the sheer thought makes you cringe—but that didn’t hold Changbin back from accusing you.

Where is the irony in these words?

Well, after another drunk fight of the two of you shouting at each other, Changbin confessed that he has been developing feelings for one of his friends who is part of the group, too.

Hayun. 

Med student and the best one in her year. As beautiful as a painting you would hang in the Louvre. Thousands of tourists gathered around it to get a quick glimpse of it.

And the worst part?

She’s incredibly kind. She’s one of your closest friends too and you can’t even blame anything on them since Changbin didn’t cheat. Sure, he was unreasonably toxic with his own jealousy and a hypocrite if you want to call it that but he didn’t cross any boundaries with her. Maybe in his head but you can’t judge him for his feelings. They’re not even a couple or anything. No one knows if she even returns the feelings.

So, all in all there were too many things that were working against this relationship.

But you’re still heartbroken. You can’t deny that. After all Changbin and you had been together for one and a half years and he was always absolutely serious about you—taking you on expensive dates, going on vacation with you and even meeting each other's families was absolutely normal. Maybe it’s the familiarity, maybe it’s the still existing feelings that don’t just vanish away from one day to another that makes it so hard to get over him. And, well, spending time on a weekend trip with him surrounded by all your other friends who still believe you’re that admirable couple doesn’t make it easier either.

That’s why you’re here now, getting out of the car with Chan, Changbin, Hayun, Noah, Felix, Jisung and Hyunjin.

Hyunjin.

Right.

As if spending time with your ex who you’re still in love with wasn’t terrible enough, your longtime enemy had to drag along, too. Well, he’s as much a part of the group as you are and Felix’s best friend and roommate and you would never get in the way of their friendship since you honour that freckled boy a lot. He’s always been by your side these past one and a half years, competing with Jeongin for the title of ‘Y/N’s best friend’ and getting closer to that goal caused by the circumstances with the younger one.

It’s good to have Felix and his partner, Noah, with you. They always try their best to cheer you up without even trying. You just dearly pray they won’t realise something is off between Changbin and you. Neither of you wants to make things complicated for the group as if they’re some children of parents that are getting divorced but for some reason it feels like it. Besides that, you’re also not emotionally ready for that next step. Not when Changbin is still constantly on your mind.

You will tell them after the trip. Definitely. But not now. Not today.

Luckily, Chan’s family owns a minivan and your ex boyfriend’s parents bought the little cottage in the mountains you’re gonna be staying in. You’ve been here before, with him and his relatives and you truly hope it won’t bring back many memories.

God, Y/N. That was a fucking stupid idea. How are you supposed to mentally survive the next thirty six hours?

Once you’ve got everything carried out of the trunk and assigned bedrooms, you head upstairs. Changbin and you are in the parent’s bedroom and Noah and Felix in a similar one. The children’s room was supposed to be reserved for Chan, Jisung and Hyunjin but the latter changed his bed with Hayun so she doesn’t have to be sleeping on the couch. She’s an old friend of Jisung’s anyway so there’s nothing weird about it. Changbin has known her for a long time, too, but Jisung basically grew up with her.

You wonder if Changbin gets jealous of his younger friend, too. In case he and Hayun will ever be a couple, will your ex throw a tantrum every time as well whenever Jisung gets a centimetre too close to her?

Now that you think about it, you’re honestly surprised that Hyunjin gave up on his comfort bed upstairs so easily. He’s usually not like that at all—rather spending time by spreading as much negativity as possible especially when it involves you. There’s no chance that he lets slip when it comes to making fun of you.

Maybe he knows about Changbin’s feelings for Hayun. After all, the boys are good friends and pretty close. Perhaps, Hyunjin switched places with Hayun to get a reaction out of you, to humiliate you in front of the others once you get jealous because of her.

Or that’s just the paranoia talking, who knows.

❄️

The sun is tinting the porch in an incredible shade of yellowish orange, similar to a tangerine if you will. The mountains are wearing the same layer and with each minute that passes, blue hour is announcing itself, creating an azure curtain on top of them instead.

Smells of grilled meat and fish, fresh vegetables and oven baked baguette are filling the air and for a shear moment you forget about all the troublesome things in your life.

“The food looks great,” Hayun says and you all agree.

It tastes even better than it looks and for the first time you feel somewhat okay again, blurring out what’s been bothering you these past weeks. Changbin is sitting next to you and it’s bearable, you don’t feel like crying for once.

Fuck. You wish you could be mad at him. Paint him as the devil. But he’s not. You’re both humans and you make mistakes like flawed characters in a romance movie you call your life. 

“Do you like it, too?”

The voice of your ex startles you at first but you nod. You can’t remember when it was the last time you talked to each other and it surprises you that no one has noticed yet that something is off between you. 

“Binnie?”

Hayun sounds so soft whenever a syllable passes her lips. You kind of get why Changbin has fallen for her, you can’t blame him once again.

“Yeah?”

“Can you hand me the garlic butter, please?”

He does as he’s told and it’s the first time that you witness something being off. It’s different between them. Almost intimate. 

You wonder if he’s taken her on a date yet but when you catch her smiling at him and hear a giggle erupt from your ex boyfriend, you think you’ve got your answer.

They’re subtle about it. Changbin would never humiliate you in front of the other ones. Although he has already suggested telling your friend group about the breakup, he respects that you’re not ready yet. It’s okay for you that Hayun knows, after all she’s one of his closest and longest friends. They spent every summer together, here in the mountains. Her family has a similar but smaller cottage like this, too, her father being a successful business man just like Changbin’s. They are meant for each other, it was destined to happen and you feel like a fool that you haven’t grasped it earlier.

Your thoughts keep drifting away and you’re glad that everyone is a little too occupied in their conversations to notice the anxiety washing over your body. Chan and Jisung are discussing some video game strategies and Noah and Felix are busy flirting with each other as they always are—similar to Hayun and Changbin but no one has noticed it so far.

Except for one person.

Hyunjin.

He’s sitting on your right side—you don’t know how he ended up there since he usually makes sure to keep a distance of at least two meters between the both of you.

You expect him to make a comment. He’s not oblivious, it’s clear that he realises what’s going on and why you’re so fed up. In addition, he still believes you’re with Changbin which turns the situation a lot more severe than it actually is.

Hyunjin still hasn’t said anything but his eyes are practically glued to your face, almost suspicious if anyone was watching. But no one observes the both of you.

And he wants to say something. Tell you that Changbin is a fucking asshole for flirting with Hayun in front of you, that it’s inappropriate to talk to her like that and that you shouldn’t feel bad about something like this since no one deserves this—not even you, his enemy.

But he can’t. He simply can’t. There’s too much distrust and hatred that has been established over the past one and a half years for him to be all caring to you. Although he wishes he could just ignore all that and pull you into a hug. You don’t deserve this. No one does.

Instead, Hyunjin settles for placing a few cut up fruits on your plate, giving you a warm smile, before he fills up your glass with more white wine and sparkling water. To not make it too suspicious, he adds some pieces of pineapple and peaches on Jisung’s plate, too, and then on his own.

You don't manage to let out a word so pressing your lips together will do. It almost makes it seem as if you’re smiling back at Hyunjin.

Besides that, you’re fucking confused.

This might sound stupid but this is the kindest thing Hyunjin has ever done to you. After all, he despises you with his whole being.

It’s not just caused by that bumpy first meeting the both of you share but there’s more behind it. Hyunjin and you have a relationship that can be defined as academic rivals. Since he is studying architecture with a minor in painting and you specialised in literature and politics, you tend to compete in different art contests, always fighting for the first win against each other.

So, that is a fucking big deal. It’s childish, of course. You’re not in high school anymore but that’s just how things between Hyunjin and you have always been. He’s this arrogant, ambitious and—unfortunately—absolutely attractive guy that constantly gets on your last nerve.

You don’t know what he truly thinks about you but you can judge by the way he treats you—taking every chance he gets to make every joke about you, to compete with you in the dumbest games and to rub it in your face how much he hates you.

It’s always been like this and it’ll always be this way. You’ve accepted it.

Maybe that’s why it confuses you so much that this slightest reaction, that absolute bare minimum of him wordlessly handing you more of the desserts lets butterflies erupt in your stomach. You can practically feel the beats of their wings, waiting to be let free.

“Are you alright?”

It’s Felix’s voice. He’s standing right behind you. Just now you realise that everyone has left the table. You must have zoned out for some time and feel a little embarrassed about it, if you’re honest.

You turn around to your friend, opening your mouth to say something but not even a single sound makes it past your lips.

“We can go for a walk, Y/N.”

You instantly nod and Felix helps you out of the chair, not saying anything, as he guides you to the forest that surrounds the cottage.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier,” Felix admits. 

You’ve been walking for a couple of minutes, taking in every detail of what Mother Nature has to offer. You’re glad you joined the group on this trip despite the circumstances. Listening to the melodies of the birds and cicadas helps you ease your mind a little even if it’s just for a moment.

“It’s alright, Lix,” you reassure him.

How do you explain that you’re not mad at Changbin the way you should be according to Felix’s expectations? How do you tell him you broke up without telling him?

“I know he’s my friend,” he starts again, dragging you out of your daydreams, ”but that was awful and fucking rude of him. I should have punched him in the face for flirting with her in front of you.”

Fuck. What are you supposed to do? You’re not ready yet to tell him. Maybe just telling him it’s okay will end this uncomfortable conversation.

“Lix, it’s alright, really,” you say, looking at him.

“How’s this alright?!”

Or maybe it won’t stop him.

“He constantly complains about Jeongin and you when there’s nothing going on but then pulls a stunt like this? He can’t be for real,” Felix hisses.

“Bestie– slow down.”

Your hand lands on his shoulder, making him stop in his tracks. Felix steps on a twig, a cracking sound erupting from under his shoe.

“No, don’t bestie me, Y/N. I am sick and tired of how Changbin is treating you. If Noah behaved like this, it would be an instant dealbreaker for me. But I don’t want to compare our relationships.”

He’s practically yelling through the woods, shouting at the top of his lungs. You’ve never seen the sunshine boy so fucking furious and it makes you feel awful that he is so concerned.

But you’re not ready yet.

Admitting the breakup to Felix would… it would make it real.

“Then don’t, okay?”

Your best friend scoffs, staring at you dumbfounded.

“You deserve someone better. Someone who isn’t such a hypocrite and treats you like some trophy to show off and–“

“I’m going back inside. I need some time for myself,” you use as your last words.

Turning around on your feet, you head towards the cottage again. Felix follows you, calling out your name but you’re not listening. He realises then that you need to be alone right now but still walks behind you with a respectful distance. 

You reach the building a little later since you haven’t walked that far. The path you’re standing on is connected to the entrance door. You walk a little closer, getting the keys out of your back pocket.

And then you stop and freeze in your motion.

That’s when you see the last thing you've ever needed to see.

His lips on hers.

Changbin’s lips on Hayun’s.

Your friend’s lips on your ex boyfriend’s whom you're still in love with.

Stupid Hayun’s lips on stupid Binnie’s.

Your Binnie.

Well, not anymore.

With the way her back is only visible to you, you can't figure out if she’s returning his actions. But the lack of resistance tells you enough.

It’s when they’re already gone, disappearing somewhere in the woods themselves, that you’re finally able to allow oxygen to enter your system again. Your breath hitches and you unclench your jaw.

You hear someone panting behind you, almost scaring you again to make your body freeze once more but when you notice the noise you know it’s Felix.

“Why aren’t you inside the house? Waiting for me to apologise?”

You’re aware he wants to joke a little to take the seriousness out of the conversation and approach you. It’s something your best friend does quite a lot and usually you appreciate it.

But you’re not in a funny mood right now. Not at all.

You decide to not say anything. Felix should be aware to just shut up already, after all you’ve told him you want to be alone.

“Y/N… listen, I’m sorry,” he follows you when you get inside.

When will he realise?

“I said I need time. Alone.”

Felix finally grasps the pain in your voice and he feels like the universe’s worst friend to ever exist. He shouldn’t have pushed you. But he simply cares for you and hates seeing you like this.

“Alright, if you need anything, I’m upstairs.”

You give him a small smile as a gesture to let him know that it’s gonna be okay and that he shouldn’t feel bad or worry too much.

Heading towards the kitchen to get a glass of water, you realise that the ground floor is completely empty. Everyone must have gone to their bedrooms already.

Except for one person. 

One person in particular.

The last one you want to see, hear or even breathe the same air as right now.

Leaving the bathroom, he closes the door behind him and sinks down on one of the barstools located at the kitchen island.

He grabs one of the grapes from the fruit basket and guides it towards his mouth. You watch every move he makes, catching your heart skip a beat when your eyes focus on his plump lips for a little too long and how the purple berry disappears in his mouth. You wonder if he would look the same, keep his gaze focused on yours just as much, if you replaced it with one of your fingers.

Fuck.

“Trouble with your boyfriend?”

That’s the Hyunjin you know. Never missing a chance to provoke and make fun of you.

Rolling your eyes and downing the rest of your water, you walk around the kitchen island, ready to get upstairs. Unfortunately you have to pass Hyunjin in the process.

And he seizes that opportunity to wrap his fingers around your wrist, stopping you. Your eyes shift down to where your bodies connects and you don’t even realise that this is the first time he’s ever touched you. Well, you’re far too caught in the feeling, anyway.

He spins you around and pulls you closer, until your back crashes into the counter. You’re caged between the furniture and Hyunjin’s body now and you believe your head has never spun that fast, as if you’re driving on a no-limit highway.

Hyunjin’s eyes scan your face, taking in every detail while you’re busy observing that devilish smirk appearing on his.

Fuck.

Has he always made you feel this way?

You can’t quite explain what it is. A weird emotion combined of despise and desire.

But you’ve always known, if you want to defeat Hyunjin in the little mind games he enjoys to play you have to attack him with his own weapons.

“I liked you better at the dinner table when you were so caring for me,” you tease.

He chuckles, bringing his hand to your face to place a strand of your hair behind your ear and you fear that your heart might explode because of the sudden touch. Hyunjin definitely catches onto it.

“I’ve always liked you better when you knew how to shut up.”

His fingers wander further, stopping right under your chin to tilt your head upwards so that you’re on eye level with him.

“For someone who hates me with all this passion, you’ve got a lot of expectations related to me.”

He smirks again, “Who has ever said that I hated you?”

Hyunjin is playing his manipulative games again, you can see right through all those layers he’s hiding behind. But you’re done with this. He won’t humiliate you any further.

“Let me think,” you begin, “you have constantly annoyed me and called me names since I became a part of this friend group.”

His hand finds your face now, softly grazing over your cheeks which immediately heat up in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I think you’ve got it the wrong way, doll.”

The pet name sends utmost arousal straight down to your core.

“I’ve never meant to be mean to you,” Hyunjin says, aligning his lips with your ear as his voice turns into a whisper, “I was just mad about the fact you chose the wrong guy.”

He can’t be for real.

That bastard is still playing with you, knowing exactly how to get under your skin and he is aware that it works, as everything is goinh according to plan. He can tell by your reaction, by the cute little whimper you let out.

But that’s all you get for now, since Hyunjin is already taking a step back, leaving you unsatisfied and craving more before he’s even started.

“Fuck you, Hwang Hyunjin.”

All he does is let out a laugh that sounds more like a scoff. As if he’s said the truth and you’re the crazy one. But you won’t fall for it. You won’t fall for him.

At least you hope so.

You take a glimpse towards the stairs, contemplating just escaping again and heading towards your bedroom. Changbin is probably still outside with Hayun anyway, so you’ll have some time to yourself—finally.

“I saw everything they did on the front porch, by the way,” Hyunjin says when he notices your glances.

“I’m sorry to break it to you but your boyfriend is a piece of shit.”

You’re the one to scoff now.

“I thought he’s your friend?”

Hyunjin gets a little closer, his hand wandering down to your waist and you just let him. For some odd reasons you crave exactly one thing—the little touches of your enemy.

“Yeah, but unlike you my moral compass doesn’t stop for the people around me. I can still hold him accountable for what he does,” he states.

It’s one thing if Felix lectures you about Changbin.

It’s another one if you get into a childish fight with Jeongin because of it.

But it’s a whole new level if Hyunjin is the one to tell you about all the red flags of your not-anymore-boyfriend. You can’t look through that layer of manipulation and what his real intentions are.

However, what you do know is that he is getting on your last nerve with this.

“You’re wrong,” you counter, knowing he’s absolutely right. Not in that way since Hyunjin still assumes you’re a couple but you won’t leave that triumph to him. You value your pride a little too much for that.

“No, Y/N, you’re just fucking blind.”

That’s it. 

You’ve had enough. 

How dare he talk to you like that?

How dare he speak the truth?

But most importantly—how dare he get under your skin and make your heart feel all warm when he shouldn’t have that effect on you?

You push him away, finally stomping towards the staircase.

“You can’t escape reality, doll.”

❄️

Another half an hour has passed since you’ve been hiding in your bedroom. You sent Felix a quick text that you’ve gone to sleep and he feels a little reassured now. Having him worry about earlier is the last thing you want.

You’re scrolling through your phone, catching yourself looking at Hyunjin’s profile on Instagram for a little too long, already way too far into his posts, when the unexpected expected happens.

Your fingers develop a mind on their own and like a post.

From 2020.

Fuck.

You immediately eliminate the heart again, hoping he hasn’t noticed. But he’s never on his phone anyway and you expect him to be a person who usually turns off notifications for social media anyway.

“Hey.”

The door swings open and reveals your ex boyfriend behind it.

You take a quick notice of his appearance. He looks the same as he did before but you still wonder if he fucked her.

You wouldn’t be surprised after all.

Changbin takes a seat at the other side of the bed, visibly confused and embarrassed about how to handle the situation.

And he doesn’t even know yet that you saw them.

“Y/N… I can sleep on the floor, that’s alright with me,” he offers.

“No… don’t be ridiculous.”

You don’t want to come off too harsh but it’s a little silly. You’ve been together for so long, you won’t make him spend a night on the ground.

Switching beds with Hayun would be an option too but for that you have to, first, talk to Changbin about what you witnessed and, second, confess to Chan and Jisung that you broke up. If the latter finds out, the whole group will know it once the sun is up.

You get ready, change into some sleepwear and Changbin turns around out of respect which is once again a little ridiculous but you won’t argue. You kinda value it that he’s being a bit careful. He kind of owes you that.

You see him slipping out of his jeans and throwing the shirt to the floor, leaving his upper body naked and the rest only covered in his boxers.

Shit.

You may have underestimated that both physically and mentally.

Trying to not think about it too much, you get under the blanket, soon realising it’s only one that needs to be shared.

“I can bring another one from downstairs. I’m sure we have more bedsheets there, it’s warm tonight anyway.”

You shake your head no. “It’s alright. Really.”

Changbin nods and joins you. Saying that he feels awkward would be an understatement. There’s no word in this world to describe what’s going on in his head right now.

He wants to pull you close, tell you again how fucking sorry he is how things turned out with the both of you. He wants to make up for treating you so poorly during the last months of your relationship. He wants to apologise for being such a huge hypocrite.

But it seems as if you’re faster.

“I saw you… with her.”

His eyes shut close in regret and he needs to take a deep breath first, his head hanging low.

“Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry…”

“Why? I’m… I’m happy for you,” you say with a forced smile.

Changbin tilts his view towards you now, searching for any signs that you’re lying but you’ve always carried the best poker face in this world.

“I didn’t sleep with her,” he immediately says.

“Congrats,” you sarcastically let out.

Maybe he’s got his truth now.

“We just kissed,” he explains. “We will wait until you’re ready to tell the others that we broke up and I won’t get together with her until you’re over me.”

You close your eyes, pressing your lips together as you let your head fall back. It crashes against the wall behind you and you cringe a little when the stinging sensation starts spreading over your scalp.

“Who said I wasn’t over you?”

Changbin hastily blinks once, twice, three times.

“Oh, you are?”

Fuck.

Of course you’re not.

But you feel so fucking bad. For your past relationship. For him. But mostly for yourself.

You want to forget him and throw those feelings onto the pile of garbage you call the mess between Changbin and you.

Maybe the first step for getting over him is pretending that you are. Fake it til you make it, as they say.

“I met someone,” you lie.

“Oh… I’m happy to hear that, really.”

You can’t quite tell what he’s truly thinking but you won’t push it.

“Do you… want us to tell the others, then?”

You sigh, “Yeah… Maybe… tomorrow evening once the time is right. I don’t want to destroy the whole trip, you know, and we’re gonna leave Sunday morning anyway.”

Changbin nods, “Is that really alright with you? I promise I will tone it down a bit with her. I apologise for flirting in front of you, it wasn’t my intention to humiliate you, Y/N.”

You give him a quick smile.

“You should go to bed, Binnie,” you say, when you notice the tiredness in his eyes.

Ironically, he yawns, before a chuckle escapes his lips.

“You’re right. What about you?”

Getting up from the bed again, you walk towards the door.

“I’m still pretty much awake. I’m gonna go downstairs and make myself some tea.”

Changbin nods.

“Tell me if you need anything, yeah?”

He gets a reassuring smile from you, “Goodnight, Binnie.”

Your ex disappears under the covers.

“Goodnight, princess.”

You decide it’s best to ignore how this common pet name makes you feel, before you leave the bedroom. Changbin probably just said it out of habit and tiredness and you won’t blame him for it.

Putting on some slippers you left in the upper corridor, you walk down the stairs and enter the kitchen.

“I need a fucking drink,” you say to no one in particular but as if you called him, Hyunjin gets up from his bed—the living room sofa—and joins you.

“How come? Trouble in paradise?”

You shoot him a warning glance but all he does is chuckle and disappear behind the counter. Hyunjin grabs a glass from the upper cabinet, before he starts combining some liquids together. 

He hands you the beverage a little later.

“I don’t like Gin Tonic,” you say.

He scoffs, snapping the drink out of your hand again, “Then make your own fucking drink.”

Not listening to anything he says, you conquer the cocktail back, holding eye contact with him as you gulp down half of the mixture.

The glass lands on the counter with a loud thud and Hyunjin is fast to down the rest of it.

“Now tell me, doll. Why are you here and not fucking your boyfriend?”

You wonder if Hyunjin has ever imagined you with Changbin together.

Or if he’s ever imagined the both of you together.

Because, as you must admit, the idea has crossed your mind way more often than you would have liked.

You’ve never been someone who is sexually attracted to a person they despise but with Hyunjin it’s different. You blame it on the rivalry and the fact you’ve never gotten along with him that makes it so forbidden but arousing.

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore,” you say, walking around the kitchen island to make another drink. You kinda find liking in Gin Tonic, you must say.

Hyunjin takes the first few sips this time and you admit that it’s kind of odd that you’re sharing a drink in the first place—not that you mind. This way, you can pay attention to how pretty and full his lips are.

Wait, what?

“Oh, so you broke up with him? Just right now?”

You shake your head, before you drink the rest of the Gin Tonic.

“Nah, we ended things a couple of weeks ago. We simply haven’t told anyone yet to not ruin the trip.”

Hyunjin raises his eyebrows, “But ruining the trip for yourself seemed bearable? Let me guess, it was his idea?”

“Actually, it was mine.”

He wants to ask if you’re stupid but decides against it.

“How come?”

“I’m… not over him yet,” you confess and blame it on the third drink you’re sharing with him in such a short amount of time.

“Yeah, I can tell.”

You scoff.

“Fuck you, Hwang.”

He smirks, thinking it would be way more fun if he would fuck you instead but he’s smart enough to not speak those ideas out loud. However, he knows exactly what you need and he’s sure he will be able to grant it to you tonight.

“You don’t even know me enough to judge me,” you add, filling the glass with gin and then tonic again. 

Hyunjin takes the first few sips and watches you copy his motions before he replies. After all, he doesn’t want you to spill any of the drink which is very likely with what he says next.

“I know you well enough to know that I want you.”

His eyes turn dark now and you don’t say anything against it. Not even when he presses you against the kitchen counter, now even closer than earlier. Hyunjin grabs you by the waist, his lips dangerously near to your face.

You still don’t say anything against it.

Why would you?

There’s this certain feeling down in your core again and, embarrassing enough, your panties are already soaked.

Yes. This is fucking pathetic and you blame it both on the ongoing tension between your rival and you as well as the four half drinks you’ve had in about fifteen minutes.

His fingers are brushing over your cheek again before they travel further and stop at your mouth. Hyunjin grazes over your lips and you know exactly what he’s asking for—parting them, you allow him entrance. You start sucking on them, keeping your oh so innocent looking eyes fixated on his. 

Hyunjin catches his own lower lip between his teeth and he fears he might cum in his pants at the sight of you taking his digits in. He wonders how beautiful you might look if he replaced them with his cock but that has to wait for now.

His other hand wanders down to your thighs and as if you’re on autopilot, you spread your legs a little, allowing him to slip right between them. His fingers disappear inside your pyjama shorts next, running over your very much drenched panties and Hyunjin lets out the most evil chuckle you’ve ever witnessed.

“It’s your choice now, doll—do you want me to fuck you on the sofa or are you so impatient that I should rather bend you over the counter here?”

Fuck. You’re so doomed.

“I don’t fucking care, Hwang, I don’t want to be thinking or making any decision now.”

He chuckles and lets go of your body, earning a little whine from you which immediately gets both to his head and cock.

“Let me be a gentleman and carry you to my bed then, hm?”

Hyunjin guides you to the living room, sitting down and pulling you on top of him. 

Fuck. You look like a fucking godess. He can’t believe that he’d ever have his enemy and rival straddle his lap like this. 

You still look so innocent like this, trusting him completely with what’s to follow.

“Just make me forget about him,” you say.

And that’s all Hyunjin needs to crash his lips into yours.

You’ve always wondered what kissing Hyunjin feels like but nothing comes close to reality.

It’s like a surprise firework on your birthday, enlightening the city in your favourite colours.

It’s like the sudden sunbeams hitting your face on the first day of spring, pushing away the coldness in your heart that winter placed there.

It’s like listening to your favourite song for the first time but never getting tired of it, not even after playing it on loop for hours.

Kissing Hyunjin is calm—it’s feeling secure again after the thunderstorm stops. 

Kissing Hyunjin is heartwarming—it’s being completely safe after the anxiety vanishes away.

Kissing Hyunjin is all you’ve ever needed.

However, your mind decides against letting you give in completely.

Pictures of your ex boyfriend blind your vision and you soon realise that Hyunjin and you have not enough trust which you need to be intimate with someone. Yes, you’re absolutely attracted to him. But there’s more. The anxiety is eating you alive and you can’t go any further. At least not yet.

So, you pull away.

You instantly see the fear washing over his face, as Hyunjin’s eyes widen.

“Fuck– Y/N– I’m sorry–“

Getting up from him, you sink down next to him, keeping your eyes on his.

“Hyun?”

It just feels right to tell him. You don’t even know why but there’s this immense urge bubbling inside you that wants you to share your psychological background with him.

You don’t know where the trust is coming from—maybe it’s the way he noticed something was off at the dinner table, maybe it’s the fact he is granting you his time and promising you to make you forget about Changbin or maybe it’s the possibility that he doesn’t hate you after all.

“Yeah?”

Talking about your darkest secret if you want to call it that may reveal the true side of Hyunjin.

“Would you… would you listen to me if I told you a little more about myself?”

He gives you an encouraging smile, already making you confident in your decision.

"Always," he says.

“There’s no going back once I start,” you warn him.

“Go on.”

You take a deep breath, close your eyes, let the air escape again before your gaze finds his.

“You may have noticed when we first met but,” you pause for a little, “I tend to get quite emotional from time to time.”

Hyunjin nods attentively and when you realise there’s not a single sign of judgement on his face, you feel comfortable enough to continue.

“Only a few people know—of course Changbin but also Jeongin and Felix are aware of my anxiety disorder.”

He’s getting a little overwhelmed, nodding whenever you finish a sentence but you won’t stop.

“For some people it's a deal breaker—which is honestly valid—but I’d like to explain more and once I’m finished feel free to treat me the usual way again.”

You get it now. Laying the cards on the table has a strategy behind it—your enemy can’t turn your words against you when you have control and power over them.

Hyunjin gulps, before he gives you a sign to continue.

“Most of the time, the anxiety attacks are caused by social situations and me being overwhelmed either in crowds or while talking in front of groups, even my friends. Maybe you remember—I experienced one when I visited yours and Felix’s apartment for the first time.”

He nods again. Hyunjin wants to hold your hand, tell you it’s gonna be alright and that he will always listen to you but decides against it. It would probably be inappropriate anyway.

“I’ve been in therapy for almost two years now but I barely see any difference. I know how to handle the attacks in theory but that’s it. I just,” you take another deep breath, your gaze evading Hyunjin’s l, “I’ve had enough of people treating me as if I’m made of glass, as if I can’t speak up for myself.” 

Hyunjin has never treated you like this, now that you think about it. It’s quite the opposite with him although this doesn’t make his behaviour any better, of course.

“Changbin has always been like this…”

Hyunjin gets furious now, finally saying something since he can’t hold back his emotions.

“That’s because– that’s because that idiot has never actually cared about you.”

His words become a blur and so does your vision when suddenly the tears start running down your cheeks, blinding what’s in front of you.

Fuck.

Hyunjin shouldn’t have been so insensitive.

What is he supposed to do now?

You’re crying in front of him and it’s kind of his fault and kind of not but he’s sure any possible further damage will be in fact caused by him if he doesn’t react at all.

He decides to place his hand on your back, softly stroking it and when you don’t push him away, he scoots a little closer. Your head is hanging low, face disappearing in the palms of your hands. When you look up again, Hyunjin sees how puffy and red your eyes have turned.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

He’s apologising?

Hyunjin seems to be up for many surprises tonight.

You’re the one to fall forward now, catching him in a hug as your face lands on his chest, buried in his shirt.

“Just so you know,” he starts with a low and quiet voice, when he believes it’s okay to speak again, “I’ve already assumed you’ve been suffering from this. I’m sorry if I’ve ever made it worse, I didn’t think about it that way and I would never intentionally cause any harm that is connected to–“

“Hyun, it’s okay,” you reassure him. “I have ninety nine other issues with you but that’s none of it. You’ve never triggered anything regarding my anxiety.”

He chuckles, pulling you closer. His hand is gently patting your head now.

“Can I tell you something?” 

You scoot a bit back so that you’re able to look at him, “Sure.”

It’s weird how safe you feel in a setting like this with him. That’s really the last thing you would have ever expected. How on earth is the man you despise the most so caring and soft in a vulnerable situation like this?

Hyunjin takes another one of those deep breaths.

“I don’t want to downplay any of your emotions but I want you to know that you’re more than that. I don’t mean that you could be more, you already are. For some people like you,” or like us, he wants to add, “it’s hard in a world like this with the circumstances and all. If a flower doesn’t grow you wouldn’t blame it on the flower, you would adjust the surroundings, right?”

You smile at him, “Wow, Hwang, you’re an actual poet.”

A red layer appears on his cheeks.

“Thank you for this,” you add. “Really.”

“I mean it. We may get in fights and compete in all those university things but this is the last thing you should worry about when it comes to me. Thank you for telling and trusting me,” he says.

“Thank you for listening.”

You stay like this for a minute, until a yawn slips out of your mouth.

“Are you getting tired?”

You nod, before you excuse yourself to the bathroom. Taking your time, you reminisce about the night and all the words you shared with Hyunjin. For some reason, it makes you feel at ease and lets your heart skip a beat at the same time.

Then you feel them again. Those butterflies in your stomach but you decide to drown them in tap water that you’re hastily chugging down.

For fuck’s sake. You can’t fall in love with Hwang Hyunjin.

Sure, he’s the hottest guy on campus and just listened to you whine for at least half an hour but that’s it.

Once you’re ready for bed, you join Hyunjin in the living room one last time. It would be weird to just go upstairs without saying any word after that talk.

Until you notice him throw his blanket and all the pillows around, creating a makeshift mattress on the floor besides the couch.

“You’re sleeping on the sofa, I’ll stay here,” he says, pointing to the ground.

“What?”

“I’m not gonna let you sleep upstairs in a bed with Changbin,” Hyunjin says.

“I think I can decide for myself. Are you jealous?”

He scoffs, ”Do whatever you want.”

The fact he doesn’t answer your question tells you enough and you blame it on the security your enemy has given you over the last hour and all the trust he has built, when you come to the realisation that sleeping downstairs with your longtime rival sounds way more appealing than spending the night with your ex.

You want to get over him. Maybe that’s the first step.

Sinking down on the sofa, you watch Hyunjin disappear under his blanket until he is kicking his feet, unable to find a comfortable position. He groans, earning a chuckle from you.

“Come here,” you say.

“Huh?”

He’s sitting up in his makeshift bed now.

“There’s enough space for the both of us,” you add.

“A-Are you sure?”

You almost find it cute when he is so shy around you. 

Almost.

“Yes.”

“Even after,” he starts again, “the kiss earlier? You were hesitant about that.”

You pull up the blanket, inviting him in.

“Oh, that was because I couldn’t get… him out of my mind and it felt unfair.”

Hyunjin joins you now, getting closer to you.

“We can always try another time, you know. My offer is still on the table.”

Embarrassment rushes to your head.

“Okay. I’ll come back to it.”

Hyunjin places a soft kiss on your cheek, before he watches you doze off to sleep.

❄️

“Good morning,” Hyunjin says when he sees you open your eyes.

“How long have you been awake?” you ask with a sleepy voice, clearing your throat a little.

“I just woke up,” he lies, not wanting to tell you that he’s been watching you being in a deep slumber for the past half an hour.

A bit later, you stand up and head towards the bathroom while Hyunjin takes care of the mess in his bed. There’s no way anyone can know that you fell asleep cuddling your enemy last night.

When you come back, dressed for the day, Noah and Felix are already in the kitchen, preparing some breakfast for the whole group.

“Did you sleep well?” the freckled boy asks and you nod, helping him and his partner prepare the food.

You notice that your best friend is still severly sorry for how he handled the situation yesterday but you’re sure you can talk it all out later, once the time is right. A reassuring smile from you is enough to ease his mind for now.

After all, no one—except for Hyunjin and Hayun—knows that Changbin and you aren’t a couple anymore.

Speaking of the devil, Changbin joins the rest of the group in the kitchen, giving you a small smile when he sees you. You return the gesture, handing him a glass filled with fresh orange juice. He’s always liked this beverage so much and when your fingers graze over his, you’re instantly brought back to all the memories you share.

Until someone else drags you out of your daydreams.

Hyunjin is back from the bathroom—wet hair sticking to his face and neck and your knees instantly turn into jelly—on his way to his backpack that is located in the living room. He passes Changbin, bumping his shoulder in the process and the older one just looks at him dumbfounded, almost spilling his orange juice over the kitchen tiles.

“Dude, what was that for?”

“Sorry,” Hyunjin says, “not on purpose.”

He grabs a grape from the fruit basket and disappears in the bathroom again.

Your ex’s gaze is switching towards you now, finding your eyes following your enemy’s figure but Changbin tries to not read too much into it. You’re not his girlfriend anymore, after all.

❄️

Changbin is not thinking about anything related to those suspicions anymore, when you’ve been on this hike for almost four hours now. He is guiding the way with Chan, as they share something about sports or whatever. They’re followed by Hayun and Jisung.

Noah and Hyunjin are walking in front of Felix and you, as they talk about different art works and paintings, deep diving into the biographies of their favourite painters. You hear your enemy joke about how he one day wants to adopt a goat and name the pet Vincent Van Goat in honour of one of his beloved artists.

You suppress a chuckle, before you come back to the current conversation with Felix.

“Y/N?”

Your best friend suddenly calling you while being right next to you confuses you.

“Yeah?”

“I want to apologise,” he begins again, “I should have been more sensitive yesterday. It’s just– you’re so important to me and regarding your mental health, I’m just a little scared that Changbin isn’t the right partner for you. But if you’re sure that he’s good for you I won’t stand in the way and accept–“

“We broke up,” you blurt out, kind of glad that Felix and you are a bit far away from the rest of the group.

“What?”

Felix can’t believe what he’s just heard. He hopes you didn’t do this simply because he pressured you.

“Actually, we haven’t been a couple anymore for a few weeks, we simply didn’t want to ruin the trip for you guys and make you feel as if you’re in the middle… like some children of divorced parents, you know.”

Felix feels bad for always jokingly calling Changbin and you mum and dad of the group.

“You know how toxic it grew… and… ironically, he confessed that he is developing feelings for someone else so we ended it.”

Felix shuts his eyes close, hidden behind his hands.

“Fuck… I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

You softly pat his shoulders, chuckling about the fact that you’re reassuring him now.

“It’s okay, Lix. It’s for the better. I will realise this one day when I’m over him.”

He gives you a warm smile and your best friend wants to say more but he needs too long to find the fitting words and in the meantime, Noah turns around, joining the conversation.

“Guys, look, can you believe that Hyunjin drew this? In like ten minutes?”

It’s at this moment that your eyes are blessed with the most astonishing art you’ve ever seen. Yet so simple but it carries so many emotions, it lets you fall into a deep pool of delusion right again.

Hyunjin made a pencil sketch, a scene that’s so familiar—it’s the cottage’s kitchen, featuring the barstools you sat on and the fruit basket that’s filled with the delicious, purple grapes.

The four of you just stand there, Noah, Felix and you admiring the art that is filling your vision and when your gaze flickers up to Hyunjin you find him visibly shy and embarrassed. There’s blush on his cheeks again and for some reason it makes him even more adorable.

Jesus Christ.

Calm the fuck down, Y/N.

But you don’t want to act suspicious. It’s enough that you finally told Felix about the breakup, you can’t tell him you made out with his roommate who happens to be your longtime enemy.

❄️

For dinner, the group decides to go to a fancy but cosy restaurant, celebrating the last evening together in a setting like this. It’s weird knowing that almost half of your friends won’t have another college vacation after this, as they’re entering their last semester. 

Adulthood is weird. Everyone is in different stages at the same time and you’re constantly wondering if you’re doing something wrong. It’s not that you're much behind but with the pressure you get—especially from your mother—it’s never been easy. You would lie if you said that this isn’t one of the main factors that feeds your constant anxiety.

When you approach the assigned table, Chan, Jisung and Changbin have already taken seats on the booth. To their opposite is the rest of the group, which leaves you to join the side your ex boyfriend is sitting at.

“Y/N,” Jisung cries out for you, “please sit next to your boyfriend, he’s getting on my last nerve, maybe you can make him focus on something else than annoying me.”

Chan lets out a chuckle and all you can do is sink down next to your ex, trying to be as normal about it as possible.

Changbin stays as quiet as you and when you look at the other side, you see an apologetic look on Hayun’s face.

You want to be mad at her. You really want to.

But there’s nothing wrong about falling in love, right?

At least that’s what you keep trying to tell yourself in order to get over this mess.

Hyunjin shoots a glare at you but you can’t read what’s on his mind so you drop the thoughts on that.

“We should get buzzed later, play some dumb drinking games,” Jisung suggests. Noah nods, finding the idea quite entertaining.

That’s how you find yourself in the cottage’s living room one and a half hours later, sipping on some beer as Noah and Jisung get everything ready. You’ve played through a couple rounds of Most Likely To and some other drinking games, until Chan suggests to continue with Truth Or Dare.

You combine it with spinning the bottle, feeling like teenagers again but it’s funny, you have to admit.

Until the sexual questions start.

“Truth or dare?” Noah asks, directing their gaze to your ex who chooses the first option.

“Hm, let me think… have you ever had sex in a public place?”

Changbin chuckles, “Yeah. Many times, mostly in the gym.”

All eyes are on you now and you see Jisung wiggling his eyebrows. Of course, they expect that he’s referring to you which he in fact is but it’s uncomfortable hearing him mention your past encounters.

Unfortunately, it brings back all those memories, flashing in front of your eyes.

The way Changbin would make sure that no one is around to catch you, before he would bend you over some piece of sport equipment, putting you into a chokehold with his muscular arms, as he would listen to all those cute little whimpers spilling from your lips.

He would make you cum over and over again, praising you with no end, when your legs start shaking and you beg for more. It would feel heavenly, getting stuffed with his thick cock, while he calls you his princess, forcing yet another moan out of your mouth.

The game goes on without you taking notice, Felix is next, doing some embarrassing dare and you laugh along when he makes a fool out of himself but the pictures of Changbin and you stay right there where they are.

“Y/N. Truth or dare?”

Jisung voice awakens you. Severly startled, you start giggling, looking at your friend, “Truth?”

It’s a safer choice. You’re afraid he’s gonna make you do some dare that involves your ex boyfriend and after all, you both are gonna announce the breakup to the rest of the group soon anyway.

Yup. It’s definitely better this way.

You think.

Until Jisung asks his question.

“Is there anyone in this room who you would fuck except for your boyfriend?”

It’s as if a thunderstorm suddenly appears outside, smashing the doors shut, killing the lights and all the electricity. Time stands still for at least half a minute. You taste the beer on your tongue, reminding yourself once again that you usually prefer wine or even the Gin Tonic that Hyunjin mixed.

Hyunjin.

Right.

This would be your truthful answer. But you can’t say this. It’s not just because it would create drama, you simply can’t make a fool out of yourself by admitting that you would allow your dearest enemy to touch you.

Which has almost happened and the idea hasn’t left your mind since then.

Fuck.

You should have told all of them sooner that you broke up. That he constantly went jealous because of your not anymore best friend and is instead dating another girl of your group now.

You should have told them how he broke your heart so many times with all those drunken fights, how he bombarded your phone with text messages when you were hanging out with Jeongin or how he didn’t listen when you explained there’s nothing to worry about.

You should have told them.

So much earlier. 

You should have gotten over it by now, not make such a big deal out of it.

What are one and a half years, right?

It’s nothing and you should stop crying about it.

But why are you taking the blame?

It’s not your fault Changbin and you broke up but you will always defend him. Love turns us blind, makes us do the stupidest, most self destructive things imaginable.

“Hey, Y/N,” Chan suddenly says beside you, “you don’t have to answer Jisung’s stupid question. We all know that you’re head over heels for Binnie only, hm?”

Your cheeks suddenly feel wet and you realise you’ve started crying, when Felix pulls you closer.

“We broke up,” Changbin finally says, knowing the words won’t make it past your lips in these conditions.

Shock rushes over all unknown faces. It’s as if you told them the earth would end tomorrow. 

Their favourite couple—broken up?

“This is even worse than Hyuna and Dawn,” Noah cries out.

When you move away a little, giggling about your friend's comment, your gaze meets Changbin’s. There are tears in his eyes and you don’t know how you feel about that.

Shifting to the right, you notice Hayun—she’s severly uncomfortable too and you wonder if she’s ever felt bad about the whole situation. Of course, she can’t control her feelings and so far her and Changbin have stayed as discreet as possible but you wonder if you should be mad at her for even dating your ex.

Isn’t that some code that friends usually follow?

Well, you’ve always been one to place other people’s needs in front of yours.

When your eyes switch to Hyunjin, you can see him gripping the carpet under his fingers. You can’t read what those actions mean but he seems angry for whatever reason.

The emotions are bubbling up in him as well and he can’t understand how Changbin could treat you like that especially now that he knows about your mental background.

Fuck.

You need a minute.

You really need to get out of here before the feelings wash over you like a tsunami.

“Excuse me,” you whisper to Felix and stand up, running towards the stairs before climbing them.

Back in the shared bedroom, you manage to calm down a little at least. Taking a few sips from a bottle of water helps you further, before you sink down on the mattress.

Fuck. Was it wrong to escape?

Your phone—lying beside you with the screen facing the ceiling—lights up, indicating you received a message.

[Felix 🐥 23:12]: hey do you need anything? we’re all gonna go to bed now but I was wondering if you need to talk or anything. I love you and you’re so strong, please don’t ever forget that 🩵

A soft smile creeps up on your face and you instantly start typing.

[You 23:14]: I’m alright Lixie, thank you 😊 I will go to bed too, goodnight and I love you too 🩵

You lay the phone aside, as you hear a knock from the other side of the door.

“Yeah?”

Changbin reveals himself.

“I… I can stay downstairs, if you like.”

You shake your head no, “It’s okay, really.”

He doesn’t even seem to be aware that you didn’t sleep here last night either but Changbin has always turned into a literal stone when he was asleep.

He nods, approaching you, as he takes off his clothes like he did yesterday, leaving him only in his underwear. You change into your pyjamas again and when you’re about to head towards the door to get to the bathroom, Changbin almost runs into you, having the same plan.

You halt in place for a second, totally forgetting about your initial idea. He looks at you and you stare right back, noticing the tears pricking at his lower lash lines.

“So, that was it?”

Your lower lip gets caught between your teeth.

“I think so…”

“You think so?”

You nod, “I’ll need some time to get over you, if I’m honest.”

Changbin tilts his head, placing two fingers under your chin to make you look at him again.

“What about the guy you met?”

You chuckle, remembering the lie you told him and for some reason it makes you think of Hyunjin.

“It’s nothing serious,” you say, knowing it’s the truth although you’re denying those developing feelings by doing so.

“It’s… it’s nothing serious with us, either. Well, Hayun and I talked again and she needs some time to… rethink everything, you know. She doesn’t want to betray her friend.”

Cool. But why isn’t she the one to tell you this?

“Oh, okay. I mean—you have my blessings. It’s alright, really.”

Changbin doesn’t know what to answer, he’s never been as much at a loss of words as he is now, so instead of talking he pulls you into a hug.

“I’m sorry again. For everything.”

You smile, burying your face in his chest. Changing your posture a little, your head is placed on his shoulder now, giving him better access to whisper right into your ear.

“I love you, Y/N.”

The tears start rushing down again, turning your eyes all puffy and red like they usually do.

“I love you too, Bin.”

It’s the last chance you get to tell him.

It’s fucking dumb and self destructive. 

But you don’t want to get better yet. Sometimes the hurt feels comforting if it’s all we’ve ever known.

He pulls away from you then, his eyes meeting your own.

You don’t know what overcomes you right at that moment, but you decide to close the gap between the both of you and connect your lips with his. Changbin instantly gives in, kissing you back as if his life depended on it.

He’s always been so passionate, able to make you forget about all your surroundings when he was intimate with you.

And maybe this familiarity, this closure, this safety is what keeps you continuing. 

Your tongue is entangled with his, your fingers are playing with his curls and his hands are grabbing you by the waist, pulling you even closer.

It overcomes you then.

A huge wave. The whole tsunami.

Just like earlier but so much more intense.

Quicker than you’re able to grasp it, Changbin and you are already stumbling towards the bed, before you land on the cushion right underneath him.

Your ex has always managed to make you feel like the only person in a room full of people. Maybe that’s why it is hard for you to let go. He’s given you security. Not in a strange, oddinary way as Hyunjin ironically does but in a way that feels like home.

Changbin used to be the man of your dreams and he did a lot for it before things turned toxic. He showered you with compliments, praised you for all the baby steps you made, catered you to your every whim.

Sure, he had shown you off, for some eyes like a trophy, but that had been his love language after all. He wanted you to be the spotlight because you were his spotlight. Maybe you still are, he believes, when he just figures out how to flip the switch again.

That’s the thing with toxic relationships.

Often, they don’t turn that way because a person wants to hurt the other. Everyone is carrying their luggage of emotional trauma with them, unintentionally hurting others if they don’t manage to deal with their own problems.

Toxic relationships don’t feel entirely bad. They’re more like a rollercoaster with insane ups and downs and those ups are what keep us captured in them. Almost like a poison, like a drug that we become addicted to.

You’re glad now that Changbin and you ended things before it turned even worse.

Although, this realisation doesn’t seem to hold you back from spreading your legs for your ex boyfriend, as he’s slipping his fingers into your shorts, passing your underwear when he finds you absolutely wet underneath.

Just when he’s about to push two of his fingers into your aching hole, you wake up from those little dreams and real life hits you right in the face.

He’s gonna do this with her, too.

After this you’ll be back where you started, maybe even worse, hitting rock bottom this time.

You should stop.

This is the worst thing you could be doing now in order to get over him.

And when the picture of a different certain someone crosses your mind, you reach for Changbin’s wrist and bring him to a halt.

“A-Are you okay, princess?”

He gets up from you when he senses that you’re not, falling down on his calves now.

You are in a seating position as well, still kind of avoiding his gaze.

Fuck.

You shouldn’t have kissed him in the first place. You should have known that your stupid little heart can’t take it.

But are you really the one to blame?

“I’m sorry I– this was a bad idea,” you admit.

He nods, “Yeah– I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that… you know.”

You take a deep breath, reaching for his hand.

“It’s alright. It felt right at that moment but I think it’s best if I… I need some space, you know?”

Changbin immediately agrees with you, “I can stay downstairs, if you like.”

You shake your head no. “No, it’s okay. You need to sleep, you have a long car ride ahead of you and I will just come back here once I have rearranged my thoughts a little.”

Chan and Changbin will be the drivers tomorrow and you know how much your ex values his full eight hours of sleep.

“If that ever changes and you want me to leave, please tell me, okay?”

“I will,” you say, before you get up.

“Take care.”

You nod, “I’ll stay on the lot, no worries.”

Going downstairs will probably calm you down a bit although deep down you know there’s another reason you’re heading for this location in specific.

After all, it’s not just the emotional garbage between Changbin and you that made you suddenly stop this encounter.

There was someone else on your mind, getting under your skin without touching you and now that’s all you crave—Hyunjin’s intimacy.

So, you start searching for him, feeling a little pathetic about the fact you’re practically running after him but he’s offered it after all, right?

You find both the living room and kitchen empty, Hyunjin isn’t in the bathroom either. Just when you catch a quick glimpse of the patio, you see Hyunjin sitting there, sipping on some drink. He’s watching the distance, taking in the details of the fabulous mountains surrounding him and that’s when you observe a notebook placed on the table. The boy is scribbling something into it, probably working on another drawing.

When you join him outside, he rapidly shuts the booklet and turns around to you.

“Still up?” you ask.

“No, I am sleeping with my eyes open,” he hisses.

You roll your own and sink down on the chair next to him.

“I liked that drawing Noah showed us earlier,” you confess, trying to start a conversation with him.

Why are you so kind?

He decides to ignore your advances. Hyunjin doesn’t know what to read into it and although he likes getting attention from you, he notices something else.

Your hair is a little disheveled and your lips are puffy, as if you just kissed someone or… even more.

“Did you have a good time?” he asks then.

“Huh?”

What is he referring to?

“You know, fucking your ex boyfriend.” 

Hyunjin turns around, so that he’s closer to you. In the blink of an eye, the palm of his hand meets your half-naked thigh, slowly wandering upwards.

“Or are you back together and you’re letting other men touch you?”

You gulp, shaking your head no.

“No– we kissed, that’s all– it was a mistake, I know that.”

He chuckles. 

“But you still wanted him, huh?”

Hyunjin’s lips are attached to your neck all suddenly and you let him, desperately trying to keep that moan inside that is bubbling up in your throat. His tongue grazes over a certain spot that always turns your whole body weak but you’re not fighting against it.

“You know,” he starts again, disconnecting his mouth from your skin for a moment, “it’s kinda funny that everyone thinks you’re so innocent when you’re so easy, letting your worst enemy touch you like this.”

Hyunjin’s hand that is still lying on your leg travels under your pyjama shorts and he lets out a grunt when he feels the wet patch on your panties. You spread your legs a little, giving him better access.

“Who’s that for?”

You let out a moan, when he pushes the fabric aside, wasting no time to painfully slowly brush over your clit with two of his fingers. They go further south, circling around your entrance before Hyunjin spreads your dripping arousal all over your folds.

It’s embarrassing enough that you’ve never been this wet before, you believe, but it’s even worse that he secretly notices that this isn’t because of your ex but because of your enemy.

“I asked you a question, doll,” Hyunjin says, decreasing the pace of his motions. It’s not a surprise that he’s such an incredible artist, when he’s so talented in drawing those satisfying patterns over your sensitive bundle of nerves.

And his fingers. Fuck. You’ve stared at them before, you must admit. Wondered how pretty they would look wrapped around your throat or disappearing inside your cunt.

“It’s– fuck, it’s you, okay?”

Hyunjin smirks, pulling his fingers away and out of your pants.

What the fuck?

He earns a whine from you and just shoots you another one of those devilish smiles, as you watch him lick his fingers clean from your essences.

Hyunjin suddenly gets up from his seat, grabbing you by the wrist and making you stand on your feet as well. He’s guiding you inside without a word and you’re just helplessly stumbling behind him, following the path he’s creating.

“Where are we going?”

He comes to a halt when you’re in front of the sofa—your bed of last night and as it seems of the following one as well—adding another chain of those passionate kisses on your jawline, before they travel further down to your neck.

“I made a promise, you remember?”

His eyes are on your again and you wished he continued placing those kisses on your skin but you won’t ask him that. You still carry some pride and dignity, although those last pieces are surely crumbling into nothing by now.

“A promise?”

What does he mean by that?

Hyunjin drags you further to the couch, before he sinks down on it and places you on top of him. You’re in the same position you were in yesterday, patiently waiting for an answer or just any move from him.

“I’ll make you forget him,” Hyunjin starts. “We’re not gonna stop until the only two syllables falling from your mouth are those that make up my name.”

Fuck. You’ve never known he has such a way with words, he’s almost competing with you in your writing and poem skills.

It overcomes you then. Your lips crash into his, creating those feelings of a thousand butterflies in your belly but you allow them.

Your tongues have become experts in dancing with one another, the rhythm is so smooth and sensual. Hyunjin moans into your mouth once you start grinding on top of him, feeling his covered growing erection poke into the material of your shorts.

His hands are grabbing you by the waist, helping you with your movements and you once again get reminded of how big they are. He’s pulling you closer, treating every touch and kiss as if they’re his oxygen that he needs to survive.

You’ve never felt something like this before but you let it, knowing it’s the start of a new chapter in life. Although you’ve never imagined your enemy to take a leading role in it, if you’re honest.

That’s when you start questioning this whole agreement.

“What’s in it for you?” you ask, pulling away from him.

“What do you mean?”

You look at him, tilting your head a little.

“You hate me… why are you voluntarily touching me?”

Hyunjin chuckles, his fingers digging into your sides when he slips them under your shirt.

“Well, I can’t deny that you’re fucking hot and beautiful. Besides that, you’re gonna realise why I’m not opposed to it at all,” he teases.

You let him.

You allow him all of it.

A few more kisses on your neck. A few more grinding motions over his bulge. A few soft touches under your shirt before his hands wander upwards and cup your breasts, as Hyunjin finds you bare underneath your pyjama top.

“Touch me, Hyun,” you let out, not caring about any consequences anymore.

“What was that?” he provokes you once again.

“Make me forget about him.”

His eyes suddenly turn dark when he listens to your beautifully desperate consent and in an instant, he’s got you placed underneath him. Your shirt landed on the floor some time ago and right now, Hyunjin is busy sliding down your shorts, as slowly as he can just to make you crave even more—if that’s even possible.

The tip of his tongue comes in contact with the wet patch on your panties, mixing those liquids together and turning your clothing into an even more severe mess.

He redeems you from all those little pleas that you’re so softly whispering—and that make Hyunjin even harder so that it’s getting more and more unbearable to have his pants restraining his hard cock—when he finally pulls the remaining fabric down.

Your enemy admires you for a moment, chuckling to himself when he takes in all the beauty of your body.

“Fuck,” he lets out.

He dearly wants to compliment you but for some reason he doesn’t manage to do so. His pride is once again getting in the way.

Hyunjin places your legs on top of his shoulders, pulling you a little closer before he attaches his mouth to your mound. Soft little kisses follow, creating a path to your clit, before he starts flicking his tongue over it. He starts with slow circling motions again, wandering down to your hole from time to time.

“Eyes on me,” he orders.

You instantly follow suit like a dumb but cute little puppy and Hyunjin immediately finds liking in it.

He’s placing one of your legs on the back of the sofa, making you spread them for hum and giving him better access to guide two of his fingers towards your wet hole. A string of saliva hits your pussy and Hyunjin wastes no time in smearing the liquid all over your wetness, soaking his digits in it before he carefully inserts them into your throbbing hole.

“Hm, just like that,” he praises you in between those makeout sessions with your clit. “Fuck– you look so pathetic like this, doll. Just for me.”

You cry out some curse words, not wanting to leave that triumph to him but you know that you’re already defeated. But he still chuckles and smirks against your heat when he notices your helpless figure, as you’re desperately and weakly gripping the sheets underneath you.

“Hyun–“

He keeps thrusting his fingers into you, adding a third one to prepare you for what’s to follow.

“Hm, say my name, doll. Who's making you feel this fucking good?”

You close your eyes and he stops.

“Nah, I told you to focus on me, remember?”

Nodding, you assert your gaze on his face again, allowing the satisfaction to take over your whole being.

And you do finally grasp it then, whenever you see the pride in his eyes, even more severe than any encounter in which he defeated you in yet another game or university contest.

It’s a game of control for him.

But it is for you too—just in a different setting.

Hyunjin allows you to fully give in, let go and dive into the moment. His most important goal is to make you not only forget about Changbin but also everything else that is bothering you and causing the littlest bit of anxiety to possess your synapses. When you’re with him, it’s only about the way he’s touching you, kissing you, pleasuring you.

Just like right now, as the feeling is taking over you and you can’t help withstanding, practically tasting that sweet relief on your tongue.

Hyunjin pulls away for a moment, so that he can speak, “Look at me when you cum, doll. Gonna train your brain so that you’ll always associate pleasure with me only, okay?”

You hastily nod as if he’s put you under some spell, making sure to keep your gaze attached to his, when you finally let the feeling spread through your body and your juices spill all over his fingers and tongue.

“Fuck– Hyunjin–“ are your last words before he stops after helping you ride out your high.

When you take a closer look at his face and when you sense a wet patch underneath you, your breath hitches.

“Did I just…?”

He can’t help himself but chuckle, as he clicks his tongue.

“Hm, you did and you looked fucking hot doing it, not gonna lie.”

You burst out into a shy giggle then and this situation just proves that there’s more behind that rivalry you share with Hyunjin. He dries his face a little with a towel and licks the remaining liquids off of his fingers.

He positions himself back between your legs, watching your eyes being fixated on his, patiently waiting for more.

“Don’t think I’m done with you, doll.”

You sit up a little, your fingers coming in contact with the hem of his shirt and Hyunjin is fast to understand what you want. He shoves the fabric over his head and you let out a little gasp when you see his toned upper body. After all, he’s a dancer but you haven't expected him to be this beautiful.

Life is fucking unfair.

Why does your enemy have to be the hottest person alive as if you’re caught in some shitty fanfiction?

But you’re not the one to complain, when he is already getting rid of his sweatpants, leaving him in his boxers only.

“Come on, don’t tease,” you tell him, impatiently waiting.

Hyunjin scoffs at your bluntness, grabbing you by the wrist and placing your hand on top of his covered bulge.

“What a pity, I was just about to be all gentle with you but I guess this brat needs to be taught a lesson first.”

You giggle, feeling arousal drip out of you again.

“Doll, don’t tell me this turns you on even more,” he says.

Hyunjin slips his remaining underwear down, as you watch his cock spring free.

And you can’t help but gulp when your eyes take in his enormous size.

Everything his fucking pretty and huge about him. Everything.

“Maybe…” you confess.

He pumps his length for a few times, before he brushes over your clit with its tip.

“Always knew you would be such a slut for me,” he says.

You can’t help but smirk again, feeling your head spin when you listen to those degrading but incredibly arousing words.

“Wait–“ he says all of a sudden.

“What is it?”

You’re getting second guesses now, maybe he regrets it and wants to stop before the irreversible step follows. Changbin is his friend after all.

“I… I don’t have a condom with me,” he admits.

Well, why would he? He’s on a camping trip with friends and although Hyunjin has thought about the pretty picture of you underneath him quite often, he would have never expected to be such a lucky guy that his dreams turn into reality.

“I’m on birth control,” you reassure him and he gives you a smile, before his eyes turn dark again.

“Turn around, doll. I want you on all fours.”

It’s indeed pathetic how easily you follow suit, when you do as you’re told and get in the position Hyunjin wants you in. Your face meets the pillow and you spread your legs a little further, impatiently waiting for him to continue.

Hyunjin is probably able to read your mind, as he’s aligning the tip of his cock with your entrance, playfully brushing over it.

“You sure you want this, doll?” he asks.

“Yes– please– just fuck me already.”

He lets out a devilish chuckle, before he pushes only a few centimetres of his length into you. With the way he feels your walls tightening around him, Hyunjin gives you enough time to get used to the feeling before he moves further, bottoming you out completely.

“I’m ruining you tonight, doll, and you’ll let me.”

“Yes, baby, please,” you beg.

Hyunjin blushes a little when you use the name and he’s glad now that you’re not looking at him.

Sure, Hyunjin wanted you to keep your eyes on him but it is much more fun having you like this underneath him, watching you drool all over the pillows for him.

“It is fucking hilarious,” he says between thrusts, “how you always say you hate me but act like such a slut for me.”

He rams his length at you even harder, pushing you further into the cushion when his long fingers circle around your neck to keep you in place.

“And it’s fucking hilarious how you tell me the same b-but get so close so easily just from pounding into me for a f-few minutes.”

Slap.

His hand collides with your ass and you let out a moan.

Then he slows down and he knows exactly what he’s doing. Hyunjin brings two fingers right to your clit, motions having the same pace as his hips.

You’re begging him for more, asking him to go even rougher and deeper and when he changes the angle a little, finding that certain spot inside you, the whimpers spill from your mouth like a waterfall.

“Enjoying yourself, hm? How does it feel getting your brains fucked out by your worst enemy?”

Only moans and whimpers make it past your lips before some mindless babbling follows.

“Hyunjin–“

The pillow is soaked by now by all the saliva of yours and your holding onto the sheets and sofa for dear life, as you allow him to rail you into oblivion.

“Yeah, keep calling my name like that, I know you’re close, cum all over my cock, sweetheart,” Hyunjin says when he feels you clenching around him again.

You don’t know why but for some reason the use of that name makes you drip over the edge.

With a drowned out, soundless moan you let the pleasure take over you, sensing your legs and whole body shake but Hyunjin keeps you balanced, fucking you through your orgasm.

Caused by the way you’re tightening around him, he reaches his climax too, as he pulls out at the last second and watches his seeds spill all over your ass.

Fuck.

That was absolutely insane.

Shit. You’re definitely gonna be sore for the next few days.

Your body collapses a little later and in your sleepy state you feel Hyunjin cleaning you and putting you in some of his shirts, before he tucks you under the blanket and joins you right there.

He pulls you a little closer, placing a soft kiss on your cheek before he watches you fall asleep.

❄️

Just like the day before, Hyunjin is the first to wake up, although a little earlier than yesterday.

He can’t manage to fall asleep again, causing him to enter an endless spiral of doubts and overthinking.

But it was a one time thing anyway, right?

Yeah, it should be.

Even if you might say the opposite—it feels unfair.

You’re just out of a long relationship, still heartbroken from your ex and trying to forget him.

Besides this, that’s all there is. Hyunjin and you have no bond to build anything on.

And of course, it’s unfair for himself too and he knows why.

You and Hyunjin aren’t supposed to be a thing. He doesn’t regret last night but he shouldn’t have done it. He’s already sensing his head playing evil little mind games with him.

So, when you wake up he decides to make it as quick as possible.

“Everything okay?” you ask, rubbing your eyes a little.

“I…” he starts but can’t continue.

You give him a soft smile and this just makes him feel more awful than he already does.

“I think… This should be a one time thing, you know. We should get back to normal again, hating each other and all, pretend this didn’t happen.”

He’s avoiding your gaze, as your heart shatters into a thousand tiny pieces yet again.

What have you done in your possible past life to deserve this?

Of course, you haven’t expected Hyunjin to date or even marry you on the spot.

But you still feel hurt.

“Okay…” is all you let out.

“I don’t regret what we did,” he says then, finding your eyes, “but it’s for the better, believe me.”

It’s probably because Changbin is his friend and in comparison to Hayun, Hyunjin has enough decency to not behave like this.

You can respect that. Although last night was probably the best sex you’ve ever had, you can get over this part.

But not him hating you again. Not after you poured your heart out to him.

However, you won’t make a fool out of yourself and argue with your enemy.

You’re supposed to ignore and hate each other anyway and not find some solution.

❄️

Sitting in the car next to Chan when it’s your ex’s turn to drive feels quite reassuring. It’s good to have a friend beside you that doesn’t know that much about your perspective and is able to grant you enough space but comfort at the same time.

Hyunjin is sitting in front of you with Noah and Felix, whereas Isabella is next to Changbin. There’s nothing to hide now anymore, right?

You wonder if he lied about it—telling you that they aren’t dating after all but that’s none of your concern any more.

“Y/N,” Jisung calls from your left, “I’m sorry for being so insensitive yesterday– like multiple times, I’m sorry I hurt you with my stupid teasing.”

You give him a warm smile, “It’s alright, Sungie. You couldn’t have known.”

“If you need anything, we’re always here for you,” Chan reassures you, pulling you into a hug.

“Thank you,” you tell him, “I will need some time but I will overcome this.”

Great.

There’s no doubt that you will get over Changbin.

But what about your enemy that is slowly digging his way into your heart, destined to stay there a little longer?

🩵 AUTHOR’S NOTE: Thank you so much for reading this first chapter! If you enjoyed the story, please consider reblogging it and sharing your thoughts with me! I’d appreciate it a lot! :) You can also buy me a coffee here, if you feel like it. Please don’t ever feel obliged to do so, but I’d highly appreciate it!

© j-0ne25 2022/2023 | copying, translating or stealing my work is prohibited

[desiree62]

Perfect For You : Part 1 (H.JS)

Word Count : 3.4k

Warnings : swearing, drinking, fighting, mention of cheating (no actual cheating happens), mention of not feeling good enough, food mention, sex (no smut)

A/N : Sorry this took so long to get out. I didn't mean for it to, but I ended up with such bad writer's block for this series. Hopefully it's worth the wait! I'll try to get the next part out faster than this one.

          Waking up to an empty bed was harder than she’d like to admit, especially after spending two weeks waking up to her boyfriend’s face. Taking a couple minutes to watch him sleep peacefully before kissing his forehead and heading to the kitchen to get started on breakfast. It quickly became a routine for her that the first day she woke to an empty bed, she could physically feel her heart break.

            She knows he’ll come back, he promised he would always come home to her. He still texts her every single day, blowing up her phone as much as he can with declarations of love and random tidbits about his day. Yet her heart still aches as she scans through her clothes, seeing the clothes that he left behind hung up beside hers. Her mornings don’t feel complete without hearing him wish her good morning, kissing her before heading off to work.

            They’ve survived tours in the past, but this one feels different. She’s surrounded by him, by his things, by his scent. But he’s nowhere to be found. Somewhere half way across the world, sharing the stage with his seven best friends, showing their music to thousands of fans.

            Just like tours in the past, she busies herself so she’s not left thinking about how much longer there is to go until she’s in his arms again. She throws herself into her work until she can’t focus on anything else. Makes plans with her friends as often as she can. Brunches, dinners, clubbing, anything to keep her away from the empty house she lives in.

            It just doesn’t feel like home without Jisung. Without his boisterous voice bouncing off the walls. Without his honey I’m home and sickeningly sweet smile when he walks through the door. It’s hard to sleep in the same bed that Jisung was sleeping beside her in just a week ago. Hard to wake up and see his side left untouched. Making food for one instead of two.

            That place is meant for two. Her routine was built around two. She knew moving in with him, building her life around him, would leave her feeling empty when he would have to leave. It was inevitable. The only thing keeping her going was knowing that he was coming home to her.

            But she doesn’t regret taking this leap with Jisung. This emptiness would all be worth it in the end when he comes home and wraps her in his arms, attacking her face with kisses because he missed her so much. Nothing that’s worth it is easy, and she knows being with Jisung is worth it.

~

            It was nearing two in the morning by the time Jisung got home. Home to his baby, to the love of his life. He couldn’t wait to crawl into bed beside her and just hold her, take in her scent, take in the feeling of her. Couldn’t wait to wake up to her in the kitchen making breakfast for the two of them. And he couldn’t wait to tell her about the week off he has to spend with her to make up for the three months he was gone.

            He loves his job, loves his members. He absolutely loved traveling the world, meeting new fans, doing what he loves with the people he loves beside him. Experiencing new things, enjoying himself, spending his days off with the boys. But nothing could ever compare to spending the day with his baby.

            He tried to be as quiet as possible, leaving his bags by the front door, deciding to wait until morning to deal with them. Even washed up in the guest bathroom as to not wake his sleeping girlfriend, but the second he opened the bedroom door, she was awake and jumping in his arms. “You’re home!” He couldn’t help but chuckle as he wrapped his arms tightly around her.

            “I���m home.” He whispered into her neck. “Let’s get some sleep, hmm?” He pressed his lips to hers in a quick kiss before laying her back down on the bed, crawling in beside her. She wasted no time wrapping her arms around him and nuzzling her face into his chest. He smiled down at her as he ran his fingers through her hair. “I love you, baby.”

            “I love you too, Sungie.” It doesn’t matter how many times she says it, he will never get over hearing her say she loves him. The burst of happiness he feels throughout his entire body will never go away whenever he hears those three little words fall from her lips.

~

            “Good morning, beautiful.” Jisung softly spoke as he woke up, Y/n still in his arms, looking up at him with a lovesick look in her eyes. “Like what you see?” She nodded happily.

            “It’s my most favourite view.”

            “You are so cute!!!” He exclaimed before attacking her face with kisses, unable to hold back his affection and love for her anymore. She just giggled but didn’t do anything to stop him, she never did. She always allowed Jisung to be himself, and it always made him fall a little more in love with her. Loving the way he doesn’t have to hold back when he feels overcome with strong emotions and needs to get them out anyway he can. Loves even more when she returns it, attacking his face with kisses, much like she does in this moment.

            It reassures him that he’s not too much. He can be clingy and affectionate, he can tell her he loves her a million times a day, he can compliment her on anything and everything. Because he knows she will return everything. Every I love you. Every compliment. Every kiss. Every hug. Because she loves him just as much as he loves her.

            “So I didn’t know you were coming home last night so we don’t exactly have groceries right now.” Y/n told him sheepishly as they made their way to the kitchen after spending who knows how long attacking each other with kisses and love when they woke up. Jisung just chuckled, sitting on the couch, and patting the spot beside him.

            “We’ll order breakfast and then go shopping together.” He told her as she sat next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

            “You don’t have to go to work today?” She asked, looking up at him. He smiled as he shook his head. His smile widened when he watched the smile make its way on her face. How did he get so lucky to have her love him this much?

            “I have the entire week to spend with you, baby.” She squealed as she wrapped her arms tightly around him, causing him to let out a laugh. “You that excited, baby?” She nodded enthusiastically. “Me too. I missed you so much. I can’t wait to make up for lost time.”

~

            Waking up beside Jisung was her favourite way to wake up. Seeing him peacefully sleep next to her, his lips in a small pout, his cheeks puffed out just slightly. It made her fall in love with him all over again.

            She hummed softly to herself as she made breakfast for her and Jisung, slowly getting back into the routine of cooking for two. The week was slowly coming to an end, 3 days until he had to return to work. He kept his promise of spending every single day with her, smothering her with all the love and affection they both missed out on while he was gone. And she was going to miss it when it was all gone.

            “Morning baby.” Jisung grumbled as he shuffled into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around her waist, and pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Smells delicious.”

            “Me or the food?” She teased, turning her head just enough for Jisung to capture her lips in a kiss.

            “Definitely you.” He spun her around and kissed her again. “I know what I want for breakfast.” He said as he lifted her up onto the kitchen island, pushing her legs apart, and standing between them as he kissed her again.

            “Sungie.” She giggled between kisses. “The food will burn.” He turned towards the stove to turn it off and take the pan off the burner.

            “Now it won’t.”

            “I worked hard on that.” She pouted, but Jisung wasted no time in kissing it off her face.

            “Should have thought of that when you decided to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Makes me want you all the time.” It was hard not to give into him. No matter how hard she tried to stand her ground, she always gave into Jisung. He was her weakness.

            So she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back in for a kiss, wrapping her legs around his torso to pull him even closer. He picked her up without pulling away from the kiss and slowly made his way upstairs.

            “I love you so much.” He whispered softly as he hovered over her on the bed.

            “I love you too.”

~

            She was sitting on the couch, the show she’s been watching with Jisung ready to go for when he was finished showering. She wasn’t sure how many minutes had passed by while she waited for him, scrolling through Tiktok to occupy herself. When she heard his footsteps descending down the stairs, she put her phone on the table, exchanging it for the remote, ready to watch the next episode.

            “Baby, the guys want to hang out.” He told her as he walked into the living room.

            “Okay. Let me just get changed and we can go.” It wasn’t what she wanted to do with her day, but at least she’d be with her boyfriend. And she didn’t mind hanging out with his friends. In fact she missed them, missed the chaos that comes with them. Missed the way her cheeks hurt from smiling so much, the way her stomach ached from all the laughter.

            “Oh no. I meant just a guys night. I’ll be home later.” Her heart sank, but she didn’t want to stop him from having fun during his time off. “I won’t be home too late so we can still watch an episode of our show, okay? I love you baby.” He gave her a quick kiss before leaving, not waiting for her to say she loves him back. As if he was excited to leave her. As if he didn’t want to be around her anymore.

            The ugly monster of doubt clouded her mind. Blocked all the good memories, all the fond looks and declarations of love. Crushed them between its claws, roaring insecurities into her mind. He’s embarrassed of you. He’s tired of you. He doesn’t love you anymore. He found someone else. He’s out there cheating on you. Loud and echoing.

            She sank further into the couch, staring at the tv, their show still ready for them to watch, a white knuckled grip on the remote as tears sprung to her eyes. She tried to silence the monster of doubt, tried to replace it with the love she knows Jisung has for her. The memories surrounding her, pictures on the wall, gifts he’s given her from his trips around the world.

            But people can fall out of love just as fast as they fall in it. They can look at you with love in their eyes one moment, and hatred the next. The human heart is strange that way.

~

            Hours passed, and she sat still on the couch, staring at the still paused episode, the remote still in her hand. She couldn’t bring herself to move, the monster still screaming insecurities into her mind, and yet she couldn’t bring herself to fight back. She tried, but she lost.

            It was nearing midnight when she finally found the strength to get off the couch and head to bed. The empty bed she hates so much, the feeling of déjà vu taking over her. It felt like the last few days were a dream and Jisung was still touring the world with his members. But he wasn’t. He was minutes away at the dorms while she slowly crawled into the bed they were meant to share. The bed she’s slept in more alone than beside him.

            She laid in bed, staring at his side of the bed, hoping sleep would take over her body, but it wouldn’t. It couldn’t with the monster still in her mind. He said he wouldn’t be late, but he lied. Why would he lie? Did he lie about being with the boys? Was there really someone else?

            She was spiralling and no one was there to catch her, to hold her, to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. She closed her eyes as tight as she could, trying to will herself to sleep with the hope that tomorrow will be better. Jisung will stay with her, hold her, tell her he loves her. And with those words, the monster will be vanquished.

~

            Jisung stumbled through the door at two in the morning, a goofy smile on his face as he thought of all the fun he had with his members. He remembered what it was like to live with them, spend all his free days with them. And as much as he missed it, he couldn’t help but think of his girlfriend at home. The girlfriend he told he’d come home to early enough to watch an episode of their show. The girlfriend he lied to.

            “Baby I’m home! Let’s watch our show!” He slurred out, just sober enough to walk straight, but tipsy enough to not realize how late it was. He plopped onto the couch, seeing the tv still on, their show paused on the screen. “How sweet baby. You had it already for when I got home.”

            She shuffled down the stairs bleary eyed, just having fallen asleep before he walked through the door. “Jisung, it’s too late. Let’s just go to bed and watch it tomorrow.”

            “Nonsense baby! We’re both awake, it’s already on the tv. Let’s just watch it.”

            “I don’t want to. I’m tired. So I’m going back to sleep.” She turned to walk back up the stairs, hearing him mumble something under his breath, but too tired to deal with it right now. Too tired to get into an argument.

            “Well I’m just going to watch it alone.” He smiled to himself as he pressed play, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table in front of him. He watched one episode, then another, and another. And then he passed out on the couch with the show still playing in the background.

~

            She woke up in an empty bed, noticing that Jisung’s side was left untouched, just like when she went to sleep. And she wondered if he left after she went to bed. She had convinced herself that he must have went back to the dorms that when she stumbled down the stairs and saw him passed out on the couch, she almost shrieked in shock.

            He was half off the couch, his legs falling off the table at some time during the night, but his upper body stayed on the couch. The tv was still on, the Are you still watching screen on. She turned it off and placed Jisung’s legs on the couch before covering him with a blanket. Despite the anger and sadness she felt because of the previous night, she still loved him and didn’t want him to wake up in too much pain.

            Jisung slept as she continued with her usual routine of making breakfast and coffee before showering and getting ready for the day. She’s not sure if Jisung had any plans for the two of them, and honestly she’s not sure she wants to spend the day with him. Not after last night. Not after his empty promise and complete disregard to her sleep.

            It was sometime in the afternoon when Jisung finally woke up. Y/n was nowhere to be found, leaving him rather confused. Didn’t they have plans to hang out today? Where would she have gone without telling him? Did they get into an argument he’s unaware of?

            He wracked his brain trying to remember anything from the night before, but he came up empty. The only memories he had were of him drinking with the boys. Spending the entire night chugging drink after drink as they played different games. It was the most fun he’s had in a while and it made him miss living with them.

            But then he smiled to himself when he noticed the glass of water and Advil on the coffee table, with a note telling him there’s food in the fridge he just has to heat up. And he knew he made the right choice moving in with his girlfriend. No one takes care of him the way she does.

            He quickly pulled out his phone and dialled her number, excited to hear her voice and thank her for taking such good care of him, but she didn’t answer. He tried again, and again. He called her 10 times, but she didn’t pick up even once.

            Now he’s wracking his brain even harder to see if he did something wrong. If he made her angry in anyway. But there was still nothing but party memories. Memories of him sitting in the living room surrounded by his closest friends, laughing, and drinking without a care in the world. What could he have possibly done wrong if he wasn’t even here?

~

            She was out with a couple of her friends, trying to distract her mind from the previous day. She didn’t want to argue with him, didn’t want to get mad at him for having fun with his friends, or for something he did when he was drunk. So she would distract her mind, cool down, and return home with a smile on her face, pretending like everything was okay.

            She didn’t hear her phone go off, having silenced it, and kept it in her purse to give her full attention to her friends. It wasn’t until she was in her car that she noticed all the missed calls from Jisung. She quickly called him back and he answered almost immediately. “Are you mad at me?”

            “No Sungie, why would you think that?” She could practically hear his pout, see it in her mind, and her heart softened. How could she stay mad at him when she loved him so much?

            “When I woke up you were gone and then you didn’t answer any of my calls.”

            “I went out with some friends to let you sleep and my phone was on silent. I’m on my way home now though.”

            “I thought we had plans today. Why would you go out with your friends instead of waking me up?” She couldn’t believe the hypocrisy spilling from his lips. The anger that had slipped away quickly returned. She tried to calm down, take deep breaths so she wouldn’t start an argument.

            “You came home late so I wanted you to sleep. Besides it’s only 3 so we still have lots of time to hang out.”

            “We said we’d spend my whole week off together. I go back to work tomorrow and we’re going to be really busy so I’ll be home late a lot.”

            “So you can hang out with your friends but I can’t hang out with mine?” She really tried to avoid an argument, but it seemed like he was itching for one. He just wanted her to take the blame when he was the one who left first.

            “That’s different.”

            “How?” Jisung stumbled over his words trying to come up with an excuse, trying to find someway to make everything okay again, but only gibberish came out. “I hung out with my friends for a couple of hours. We still have the day to spend time together. Unlike you who said you wouldn’t be home late and then stumbled in at 2am and woke me up.”

            “Oh sue me for having fun during my break! I’m going to the dorms.” And he hung up before she could say anything else. She rested her head on the headrest, closing her eyes to stop her from crying. Maybe moving in together was a mistake. Maybe they weren’t ready to take the next step in their relationship.

            Maybe they weren’t meant to be in a relationship at all.

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[desiree62]

Found this at work today😊

[desiree62]

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