despairforme

[despairforme]

He could tell Nathan looked him up and down. Which was fine. His impressive height would make up for the fact that he was by no means good looking. Not that he had presented himself that way in his profile. Nnoitra wasn't some fake ass bitch ( he'd come across a couple of those ). Not that it had mattered. They'd still been decent fucks.

From looks alone? Nathan asked, jokingly, Nnoitra assumed. It took him a few seconds to grasp the other's metaphor that followed. He wasn't good at this sort of thing. Coming up with the right words to say. Something that would sound smooth.

❝ Ain't no fun 'fer me if I don't get a 'lil challenge. ❞ Instead of trying to be smooth, he'd just be honest. It was the truth. The absolute most boring thing to him were slutty guys who just wanted to serve him. Then he might as well be with a woman.

He held onto the bottle, which Nathan seemed to want to let him keep ( even though he'd been the one to ask for it? ). He looked up the trail, following the gesture of hands. Of course he didn't mind the walk. He wasn't so impatient that he needed to fuck him right here and now. Nnoitra was so tall that sex in a standing position could be very challenging. Not impossible, of course. ❝ I don't mind. 'S been ages since I went 'fer a hike. ❞

They would walk side by side, towards the camping spot Nathan had picked, which he was now seemingly running a campaign for, like he was trying to get Nnoitra to invest his money. Nnoitra could never talk so up-beat about anything, so it was a sharp contrast. He liked that. What he liked even more was the prospect of getting some food. He grinned.

❝ Lookin' like that ya don't need 'ta promise me food 'ta make me game. ❞ He joked. OF COURSE he wasn't going to say no to a meal! ❝ Fuckin' always makes me hungry. ❞ That was his way of saying: yes, please.

It was not a long hike, and soon they arrived. The ground had flattened out, and the trees opened up to give room to a small river. It was quiet. The tent had already been put up. Nnoitra tried to remember if he'd ever actually been in a tent, but... He actually didn't think so. He assumed it would be cramped, thanks to his height. That didn't matter for this specific activity though. ❝ Nice spot. ❞ He commented, his vacant hand wafting towards the camp. Setting up a whole camp just to get laid... Nathan was really invested in this, huh? ❝ Ya come here a lot? ❞

Taller than expected, but the subtle smile on Nathan's features would easily call him out with the sight being a positive surprise.

Pictures could only tell so much, and with how many angles people would hold their phone in order to make themselves look the part, one could never truly know what sort of individual they would run into. Nnoitra, on the other hand, seemed to be just as expected. Of course, had he proven to be different than the pictures then... Nathan probably wouldn't have minded either. He was, perhaps, a little too easygoing like that. If there had been altercations to appearance, he couldn't really fault them. Not everyone liked what they had to offer, and he had no right to judge anyone - not that he had to here, no. With Nnoitra he could just glance and measure the view.

"Really? From looks alone?" Nathan grinned in return (seemed like they had both been curious), hand reaching out to meet with the bottle held out. This way he could hold it a little more still to glance over the brand (as if it even mattered). "Shouldn't buy a bull by looks only, might be a stubborn one!"

Of course, he wasn't too stubborn. Temperamental at times? Sure, but Nathan would gladly blame that on the life of a rancher. "Looks plenty good enough to me," he'd shrug warmly, eyes falling back up to Nnoitra.

"I'd send you back down just to get another look at you, b u t, that wouldn't be really polite of me - " joke would meet a joke in return, letting Nnoitra hang onto the bottle for now. After all, it was he who had bought it, so it didn't feel right for Nathan to claim it. Instead, hands would be retracted into a light clap, only to part with thumbs pointing towards a trail behind him. It lead in between trees, and resembled a small dirt road; " - I've put up camp a little further up the forest, if you don't mind the walk, of course."

He probably came off as a little enthusiastic, maybe a little hasty as well, but it was merely a matter of reassurance from his side.

" Hope the journey wasn't too rough on you, not often people actually take me up on the offer of tenting! Kinda surprised, positively, 'cause it's a whole lot of fun, even better with the spot I've picked. It's got a small river, flat ground," hand gestured as to imitate the flat ground, the other resting against hip. "If you feel like it afterwards, I could cook something on an open fire, too. Should pair well with the whiskey of yours."

[despairforme]

/dips and smOOCHES THE TOBES. hello beautiful, how ya doin' cutepie ~

[ !!!!!!!!! TALA MY LOVELIEST <5<5<5<5<5 !! biggest hug to you !!!!! My dash is not home without you okay?? Thank you for always being so kind to me!!

I'm doing good! Just been super busy and also I've been writing fanfiction instead of being on here fjfjfj . Starting work next week so will be even more busy, but fighting to come back to nnoitra!! ]

[despairforme]

Dear Nnoitra, I will speak plainly. I wish to follow you; If there is anyone I would fall in combat for, it is you. You understand something that the people around me do not, how utterly pointless this little life of ours is. You described fighting as a "liquor" once, and you couldn't be more correct. Before my clan became drunk on their own debauchery, our symbol was the moon. Your blade carves through foes as cleanly as the moon through the night, let me die at your side. If you wish it, I may be a silent companion.

-Itsuki Kagerou, visored.

Speaking plainly was certainly the best way to talk to him. He wasn't a chatty guy. Nor was he a good listener. Most of the time, he found himself completely uninterested in what others had to say.

I wish to follow you , said the stranger.

FUCK NO. Nnoitra was a lone warrior. Not lonely, just - he preferred to be by himself. Others did nothing but bring him back. Hold him down. He didn't need anyone to witness when he failed. And, he also didn't fucking need the responsibility. Having Tesla around was more than enough. He'd prefer for his Fraccion not to die on his watch, but, if he did, it would be his own fucking fault for being so weak.

It was a lie, that the stranger was going to speak "plainly", because she served him some philosophical shit about his blade carving through enemies as cleanly as the moon through the night. Don't fucking say you were going to speak plainly, and then give him this shit! He had absolutely no faith in this person being able to be a "silent" companion. Someone who liked talking this much would never learn to shut the fuck up.

❝ Why the fuck should I let ya follow me? I don't need ya. Ya got nothin' 'ta offer me. ❞ That's right. Why was it HIS problem that this random person wanted to fall for him in combat? Too bad! You don't always get what you want! He wasn't going to do anyone any favours.

[despairforme]

How does Nnoitra actually cope with his loss (ex), did he ever lose his anger (on someone else)? 🥺

Many years had passed since Grimmjow left without a word. It wasn't Nnoitra's first time experiencing heartbreak, and funny enough, it wasn't even his first time being left without a goodbye. He tried thinking back to how he'd felt at that time. It was difficult. Not just because of the time that had passed, but because the whole experience was clouded by all the other negative emotions he'd gone through since then. From how the question posed to him was framed, it was obvious that one would assume that he'd been angry at Grimmjow. Or, maybe just angry in general.

Nah, Nnoitra thought. Anger wasn't the first emotion that came to mind. He couldn't remember being mad. He certainly hadn't been surprised. Why exactly Grimmjow had wanted to be with him in the first place was a fucking mystery. Nnoitra had never been a good boyfriend. The kinda shit he'd done to him... Yeah. It was no wonder he'd left.

He wished he'd gotten the chance to say goodbye, but he knew why Grimmjow had left without that final conversation. Grimmjow had been afraid of him. Even after all those years together - he'd been afraid of what Nnoitra would do when he broke up with him. Nnoitra couldn't even truthfully say that he hadn't had any reason to be afraid of him. How could he claim that? After what he'd done to him?

There was regret, hurt, and, yeah, anger- but at himself. As always, Nnoitra's negative emotions were more turned inwards. Had he taken his anger out on anyone? No, he didn't think so. He'd felt more depressed than angry at that time, and honestly, he still did. He had been more of an angry person in the past. Maybe because he hadn't been willing to accept the sort of shitty life he was doomed to have. With acceptance came a kind of numb calmness. Depression.

Nnoitra shook his head. Fuck this. He hated diving deep into his mental state.

❝ What'cha mean cope? I just moved on. ❞ He lied. As if he'd pour his heart out to a fucking stranger. Or anyone else, for that matter. It was bad enough admitting to himself how he felt. ❝ If I take my anger out on someone 's their own fault 'fer pissin' me off. ❞

[despairforme]

It was August 1, and Nnoitra realized this was the first year he'd forgotten something. Grimmjow's birthday, which had just passed. Considering he was shit at remembering both names and dates, you'd think that he would've long since started to forget his ex's birthday, but no. Every year, he'd remembered it, and it had filled him with regret. Because he missed him. Or, maybe, at this point, he just missed the idea of him. This year, it seemed like he was FINALLY starting to properly move on. He didn't know if he was pleased or not. He supposed he should be happy that he was "moving on", but at the same time... The years he'd spent with Grimmjow had been the only good ones in his life. Leaving those times behind didn't feel good. He also wondered what the reason was. Why had he forgotten about his birthday? Was it due to him actually dating now? He'd been out with quite a few people, to try and see if he could find someone he liked. Or, was it just a case of "time heal all wounds"? He didn't have the answer to that, but he had to admit, he did feel a bit lighter, knowing that he'd forgotten that day.

[despairforme]

HAPPY AUGUST! ( july summary & august writing goals! )

[ Woah, it's August! Spent the whole of July away from home, so the month passed by very slowly, which was lovely. We had the most stunning hot weather ( i loooove warm summer weather ). I didn't get to write anything. Life was just busy, what can I say?

August will also be busy! On Sunday, I'm going away on job training. I ( somehow ) managed to land an awesome job, and the contract lasts until october 1. I'm very excited and hopefully I can handle it despite my health issues. I've decided to stay optimistic on that part! uvu

Anyways - I'd really like to get back into writing, because I miss it a lot!! I'll try my hand at the: 10 000 words goal . Let's see how it goes! Hope you're all doing good guys, happy writing! :D ]

[despairforme]

He should stop thinking about how he was feeling all the fucking time. Yeah, that was it. He should just go about his day, then the next, and then the next. The worst thing he could do was stop and look within. Decipher his own emotions. FUCK THAT. He'd been doing pretty good with more or less just ignoring his emotions for the past few weeks. He got up, showered, ate, went for a walk, went to work, went back home, went to bed, slept - then rinse and repeat. He'd fallen into habits, or maybe it was more like a program. Like he was a robot. Better to be a robot, he thought - those didn't think too much. Ah, fuck - there it was again, he wasn't supposed to be thinking. The days were passing pretty quickly like this. Good. Right? Even if it felt like he was fast-forwarding his own life. Skipping through it like a fucking youtube commercial. Whatever.

[despairforme]

Is it the fucking apocalypse or what??

[despairforme]

❝ This time I didn't even do nothin'! ❞

@despairforme replied

h u h ????

❝Must I repeat myself?❞

❝......❞

A sigh.

❝You really bug me.❞

Okay, now she's just provoking him

[despairforme]

HIATUS END!

[ Hello guys! ;O; // I'm finally back home, with my computer and laptop. We are so back!! Time to get into the flow of writing again, and being online on here. I'm feeling super rusty, but also of course hella excited! Hope you're all doing good! Let's write together again! :D ]

[despairforme]

[ Hello again guys! Thank you so much for all the kind messages! t-t You guys make this space into my online home t-t <5 I really miss you all! Miss writing and of course miss hanging out with nnoitra. My hiatus turned out longer than expected. Because of our current living situation I am staying with my dad until the 27th, when we (my s/o and I) can finally move back into an actual house. Anyways! Thank you very much again for your kindness and for your patience! I hope to be able to come back online soon! ]

HIATUS!

[ Forgot to post about going on hiatus! My s/o and I are going on a little roadtrip vacation, and I didn't being my laptop. Planning on being gone for about two weeks. Hope you're all doing good! See you soon! <5 ]

[despairforme]

HIATUS!

[ Forgot to post about going on hiatus! My s/o and I are going on a little roadtrip vacation, and I didn't being my laptop. Planning on being gone for about two weeks. Hope you're all doing good! See you soon! <5 ]

[despairforme]

apparently, mantis are supposed to be able to fly. his life is some kinda fuckin scam

[despairforme]

" your hair looks good up. youse should wear it like that more often. " a pause. ( she knows how he gets. ) " not tellin' youse what t'do, just a thought. 's practical for fights, at least. "

He'd just gathered his hair up, loosely. Holding it up in place, just to see how it felt to wear it like that. He preferred to wear his hair down, because it hid just how skinny his neck was. Sure, having long hair was actually not the most practical thing with regards to fighting, but he was strong enough that he didn't need to make things easier on himself. Upon hearing the words "you should wear it like that more often", he let his hair go, and it fell perfectly back in place, framing his face like it always did. It was predictable, that he'd do the opposite of what he was told.

Not telling you what to do, the woman clarified. Too late. He didn't give a shit about "looking good" anyway. He only cared about appearing strong.

❝ Mah. Stylin' my hair or whatever 's too much of a hassle. ❞ Oh, yeah, SURE. Putting it up in a bun? SUCH a hassle!

[despairforme]

Someone shooting Nnoitra and the bullet bouncing right off his hierro, hitting the shooter. Instant karma. Chef's kiss.

[despairforme]

'' Ah, always knew you're a guy made for good deals!! ~ Now, then, since you were so kind to volunteer -- you earn yourself a free trip on Earth as mentioned, so please guide Celeste in time to the Pizza hut you have 24 hours before the coupons expire, oh yeah, and take this, '' handles him a hand-sized dagger, '' in case of emergency, just call, if you breathe on it I'll show up in reflection, and if signal goes cold just stick in into something; not someone to enhance it. '' / we are back in ur inbox in times of chaos XD

A guy made for GOOD DEALS? Well --- He didn't know about that, but hey, he definitely wasn't opposed. He was bored with nothing to do. Why not make a "good deal"? If he changed his mind, he could just walk away whenever he wanted. What was the other gonna do about it? Nothing, that's what. Nnoitra listened to the proposal.

He was going to go to the World of the Living? Nice, he liked it there. Apart from it being hard to breathe, due to the lack of reishi. His "mission" was to guide Celeste to this mysterious place/person (Nnoitra was unsure what the fuck it was), called Pizza Hut. Seemed easy enough.

A strange dagger-like object was handed to him, and he took it, holding it up to study it for a moment. From the description the other gave, he'd say it was some kind of communication devise. Oh, yeah, he'd need this for sure. He had no idea where the fuck he was going. At least he'd be going with Celeste, and not some random ass person he'd never met before.

And this whole thing would take less than 24 hours.

❝ Alright. ❞ Enthusiastic as ever.

[despairforme]

nnoitra, standing over a body: is this therapy tesla: sir with respect this is just murder