desperatelyswooning

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x / raymond carver

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does male yearning exist? do guys wait for girls to reply? do they think of them often during the day? do guys make playlists for their crush?

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I wanna do more than hold your hand. I want to hug you, for longer. I want to cuddle with you. I want to look into your eyes and feel my adoration and love for you grow each second. I want to touch you, I wanna do so much more with you.

k.b. // when will i be able to tell you this

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VIBE CHECK! *yearns deeply for you from an unfortunate distance*

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— Anaïs Nin, from The Voice

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are u ever so attracted to someone that u just groan internally every time u see them like it’s physically painful how attractive they are

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i prefer deep talks. i want to know what's in your mind, what makes you happy, your fears, your dreams. i crave for connections that allow me to know the real you

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もちもちまんぼ on X: "https://t.co/qC5KJDFWls" / X

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new love languages:

“let’s figure it out together”

remembering small details

“do you want me to pick you up?”

being comfortably weird together

“i can make time”

being guided through crowds

“do you want to talk about it?”

replies to each text, not just one

“have you eaten?”

asking for your opinion 

“can i get you anything?”

heart to heart talks

“this made me think of you”

[desperatelyswooning]

He is Magic...

He asks me, “Why do you like me?”

As if, I could, easily, breathe out an answer. As if, it’s as simple as saying, ‘You light up when regarding something you’re passionate about, and how, ‘Your smile, will send me to my knees,’ As if, ‘Your eyes, are like the stars in a night sky, brilliantly shining, but encompassed by darkness,’ would do you justice. As if, I could utter the words, ‘Your kiss, spins my heart like a top atop a table.’ As if, I’d even imagine, speaking those, sour, typical words like, ‘You’re smart, kind, strong, ambivalent, courageous, and powerful. You have been through so much, and yet you still put yourself out there with the possibility of getting hurt again.’

While all these words, ring like the bells of truth high above the church.. It’s not The Reason. The Reason, for me is, hard to explain.

He is such a sight to see: A raven, wings spread wide, soaring through the sky only to land atop the highest part, of the tallest tree, only to rest for a moment, then off again. A reminder everything is fleeting, take time to rest and heal.

He is such a sensation to feel. A raging river, forcing me down stream, battering me against rocks, only to be swept into a hard rooted, cool, calm, clear, stagnant pool to rest. A reminder that no one is perfect, we all have our raging storms to endure.

He has such an aromatically, fragrant, scent. Like that of warm sugar vanilla, the most magical smell in all the world. Or is it something like, taking an inestimable breath, the moment, you step out of the car, when you arrive in a heavily wooded area. Or even the smoke from a campfire, the burning wood, the smoke that will follow you anywhere. He is an Immeasurably, profoundly,  deep breath of Fresh air. A reminder to stop, and reflect on the important things in this life.

He is such a flavor to savor and, oh, how he sat upon my tongue. The aura of my favorite ice cream, melting, leaking down my throat. He swirled his tongue, against mine, I have never tasted anything sweeter. He slides down my esophagus to my heart, where he then sits, and starts a fire. A reminder that everything is precious, some things are so worth the scar on your heart.

He is such a melody to discover and experience. I hear a lead guitar emanating from each breath, I hear the steady drum of his heart. Full of agonizing, anguish. He laughs in the face of that hurricane of contradictions. It has to be Mozart, the power and rage. It rings in my ears with such a determined ferocity, fire engulfs my body. A reminder that we are all different, yet all contain symphonies within.

How can I put into words, that which, I have never been able to describe. The only word, in the english language, that even comes close, is, Love. 

He emits love and empathy like the ocean emits waves. He tells me he doesn’t know who he is, I say he is eternal.

He says, “I don't know who I am, or, who I am turning into.”

But I do.

I know who you are. You are ever evolving, you forced your way out of that cocoon. You have gone through, tremendous, heartbreak, and many life lessons, You turned into goo, nothing left of you, only to emerge in spring. You are, the caterpillar turned butterfly, sitting on a tree branch, letting his wing develop.

You don’t know how to fly. Yet.

I want to show you how to leave that tree, and trust in yourself. I want to show you how, even though, life is hard and scary, How to spread your wings Jump off that branch, let the air catch you. Of course, that is what it’s there for. The prosperity and abundance of powerful vulnerability.  It will be, so, worth it, to acquire the knowledge of your own value, That you can, in fact, fly all by yourself. 

I’ll take this first leap with you, only to show you how it’s done. So you don’t feel forsaken, or forgotten, in a formidable, flash of a moment. 

I will recount, rehearse, recite and reveal All my wisdom, all the sacrifices I made, in vain, to Gods long lost to the people. Amidst my long, lengthy, lonely, life, Lessons learned, that left me, on the edge of a cliff, Standing, toes hanging off of this monumental, mammoth of a mountain Looking a long way down, Ready to throw myself off.

I did, however, learn from my errors in judgment. I learned, One can really only hope to understand that:

There is no light without darkness and There is no darkness without light. 

Great delight can be found amongst the desolate gray clouds making a starless night. Yet, on the same page, Solemn loneliness, can be found, even in times of pure, blissful joy.

Pain, steals light, and can darken the heart. Honesty, humility, and love, can bring it to beat again.  I learned that, all anyone can ask of us, is to Learn from our mistakes, Be patient, be kind, be humble Imbue and uphold honesty. Be wild, without causing damage.

-Raven Blue Bell

[desperatelyswooning]

i may be touched-starved but i refuse to be intimate with someone i dont care about

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Marcel Proust, from a letter featured in The Selected Letters of Marcel Proust

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feeling like you're 'too much' and 'not enough' at the same time is so confusing and heartbreaking

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they don't tell you this but having the right people in your life will in fact change everything

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– K

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— David Foster Wallace, The Pale King