destroy-everything9871

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me: *looks outside*

outside: *nothing*

outside: *nothing*

outside: *nothing*

me: guess i could go ou-

outside: 🌧️🌧️🌧️⛈️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️🌧️

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BLUEBERRY YOGURT MOUSSE CAKE

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reblog and put in the tags the contact name or nickname of your favorite person

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i was speaking to a customer in Japanese once at work and my coworker overheard me and later in the break room he said to our other coworkers “man Andrew was over there speakin Naruto”

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I FUCKING LOVE NYLE xkjsjndkjansd

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we need more female characters who are deadbeat losers

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me, copy pasting the same joke on tumblr, 3 discord servers, 2 dms, and a group chat: I am doing amazing. I am doing fantastic. I am going to get a good grade in funny, which is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

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it's because you're a slutty little candy man with poor circulation. try getting a heat lamp?

who the fuck just called me a slutty little candy man

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reblog if you're a part of, or support, the holy trinity of ignored genders:

gender fluid, agender, pangender

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how do babby fight?

also

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when another blog has ur mutual's icon. imposter.

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“male character gets a girlfriend whos just him but a girl” is one of the worst tropes except for grundgetta from sesame street who rules

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"Are you okay?" No i just seen my girl being kidnapped as a child while she was just playing with her little dragon and valkyries don't talk to me.

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guad, why is one of your three primal fears whales?

so you know how millions of years ago life on this planet tended to be *enormous*? like, after dinos we got ridiculously massive mammals like the indricotherium:

and we got freakin giant apes

and giant fucking camels (Titanotylopus)

well naturally ancient ocean life was 1000x scarier. absolute nightmare fuel. it wasn’t enough that we got terrifying GIANT FUCKING MEGALODON SHARKS

no there was also bullshit like styxosaurus just running around. for NO REASON

look at this bullshit

even the fucking whales were terrifying. wtf Basilosauruses NO ONE asked for

oh wait don’t let me forget that even boring fucking FISH couldn’t be normal

unnecessary and unhelpful. 

I hope i have made a point. the largest animals in the history of the world are now extinct and fuck you PETA i am GRATEFUL for that. i just, i have enough shit to deal with in the world as it is. i don’t think it’s fair to make me deal with that too, i really don’t. so good riddance. 

Except. Blue. Whales.

did i say the largest animals in history? NOPE ACTUALLY THAT WOULD BE THIS FUCKER

This Utter.

Blue.

Bastard.

Life on this planet is 4 billion years old and the relatively recent accursed Blue Whale is the largest animal to have existed in all that time. I hate and resent that, and this is why blue whales are tied with late-stage capitalism as one of my Top 3 All Time Fears. Good day to you.

EVERYTHING ELSE GOT SMALLER! EVERYTHING ELSE! NO MORE GIANT RODENTS, NO MORE BEAVERS THAT COULD SQUASH A PERSON WITH THEIR FOOT. NO MORE 3 TON SLOTHS. EVEN THE FUCKING SHARKS got smaller. But not the blue whales. NOT THE FUCKING BLUE WHALES