deteriiooioutaing

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Should go without saying but never date a cop and christ never marry one. Rule of thumb if he's legally untouchable he's ethically unfuckable. You don't like that cop, you like buff men in tight clothing. I can show you more of those, better ones. Take my hand.

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Trans people don't need to disclose that they're trans to you before you date them but i definitely think cis people should start disclosing they're cis instead of just saying "im a girl/boy" cause dating a cis person is a commitment not everyone has the time for. Like buying a bird

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Honestly I tried to get into Dora the explora but like media is supposed to be escapism for me and she keeps like asking me like wheres this wheres that and tbh its actually really stressful. Im not dealing with that

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I've been doing a lot of thinking about my family and how I was treated as a child, and honestly, my father has never seemed more amazing in my eyes.

I used to love Luigi(Mario's brother) when I was little. Like, he was my favorite character ever, and I had multiple plushies of him. Didn't give a fuck about Mario, vaguely tolerated Peach, but I loved Luigi.

On my first day of kindergarten, my dad gave me the number for his work phone and said it was Luigi's phone number. "If anything happens at school, call Luigi."And not even twenty minutes into my first day, I was having a panic attack. So I went down to the principal's office and called "Luigi."

Now, at the time, my father was in a meeting with his manager and his supervisor, along with most of his coworkers. And when I called, he picked up before he even left the room.

And he put on a very awful Italian accent and said, "Itsa me, Luigi! Whatsa the matter?"In front of his boss and coworkers. Without telling them what was going on. So they were absolutely bewildered, and he carried on like they didn't even exist. He only explained what was happening after I had calmed down and hung up, to which most of them responded with "Aww, cute."

I continued to call him whenever I got upset at school, and eventually his coworkers got in on it. I distinctly remember one of them impersonating Toad. I don't know why I'm telling you this, I just thought it might make you smile :)

this is so delightful I love your Luigi dad

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“Can I be mean for a second” I would not care if you killed the bitch in front of me. Now what’s bothering you queen

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Getting into a car accident is just like the Wizard of Oz. You’re suddenly thrown into a wild situation with potential casualties and you have to go talk to one of the most powerful people in all the land (insurance guy) to get your stuff back. Usually you’re joined by someone without a brain (a cop), someone without a heart (a cop), and someone without courage (a cop)

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At night the beast sleeps

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I feel like starting an urban legend about a demon that kills you if you don't have headphones on when browsing tiktok in public

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So this is definitely a case of "we did not expect Harvard to fight back and we forgot they have billions of dollars and the best lawyers"

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giant redwood trees really are so cool, they just have something incredibly special going on. it's hard to describe if you haven't seen them

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we live in the stupidest fucking timeline

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