deth8uful

[deth8uful]

“I would suffer. I would want things to be different than they were. The wanting was a wilderness and I had to find my way out of the woods.”

— Cheryl Strayed (from the book “Wild”)

[deth8uful]

#2021 mood

[deth8uful]

*wakes up* alright what the fuck

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[deth8uful]

Scary stuff.

I have stuff that needs to go out of my chest. Usually fear. The fear of the unknown. Wala pa msyado ganap pero parang nangangapa na agad ako. Mejo i feel lost. Lol

[deth8uful]

afternoon nap

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Like so hard

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Shut up.

Nakokonsensya na ako, ok. Madaming gabi na din di ako makatulog lol. Tang inang mga desisyon kasi to sa buhay. Bakit ba di ko maayos priorities ko lol.

Anyway. Pinagsisisihan ko na pls lang. Meron na akong steps para bumawi. Patulugin mo na ako, utak.

Di ko na uulitin to lol. Tang ina. So fucked up. Di kinakaya ng integridad ko hahahaha.

Gusto ko lang ng panibagong malinis na taon. Push tayo.

Magpatulog ka, utak.

[deth8uful]

[deth8uful]

Bry,

It will not be easy to live with me. You will be disappointed that I grew up with little choirs to worry about. Most nights we will have to eat outside or have our food delivered, because, really at age 23, Im just starting to learn. I hope you find patience to give, because we're going to live with cat... Or cats. And our house shall be their house.

It will not be easy living with me. With my bad habits, the skills I lack in order to be ideal, with our differences, I pray we still end up living together and eventually... Grow old together.

[deth8uful]

History.

October 3, 2019- when one of my bosses invited me to a small celebration with other employees. Sister ni Bry nag invite sakin, lol. Bottomline, that was the first night Bry reached out to me. I got drunk, he took care of me and took me home na din. Dahil inaalagaan nya ko at lasheng na, syempre may good night kiss si boss 🤣🤣

Tapos, October 4, 2019- pinatawag ko sya sa office, kinausap ko sya to say sorry. Sabi ko lang i feel embarassed with how i behaved that night. Coz sino bang new hire ng HR ang mag iinom at malalasing, tas aalagaan ng boss 🤣 ako lang! 🥴 Lol kinagabihan, nag mssg sya sakin. Yun yung night na una naming chat haha. Sabi nya lang magusap daw kami ulit bukas, may nakalimutan daw syang sabihin 😆

October 5, 2019- so oki, during sunday mission namin nahuli ko syang nakatingin sakin na nakangiti, nakakaloka si koya mo lol. Pero that wasnt the point. Point is, after sunday mission kami nagusap. Nutshell- he was thankful. Coz he didnt feel he was judged nung magkausap kami. So ok, friends na kami outside office 😂 then u kno what they say, the rest is history! Not untillll...

October 3, 2020- tita's birthday! So pumunta ko para makiceleb, matik inuman ganyan. Tas sumunod si koya mo. Pumunta sya samin, he met some of my relatives. Eh si kupal, lasing na nung pumunta lol. Kebs naman, kaso makulit! Pinipilit akong iopen soc med apps nya para icheck kung may babae daw ba sya. NKKLK. Napilitan ako bcoz honestly, di ko trip yung ganun lol. So pagkaopen namin ng IG nya, bam! Lol

October 4, 2020- nag mssg ako to say na hindi kami ok at pag uusapan namin once ready na kaming dalawa. Mej madrama yung side ko bcoz duh, i was hurt and felt clueless to why.

October 5, 2020- nag lunch ako sa condo nya. Tbh ayoko sana pumunta pero I felt like we need to talk and finish the issue at once. So ok, I went and ate. At first mej disappointed ako bcoz feel ko na feel nya maglambing pero I didnt come for lambing. I came para magusap kami hahaha. Pero thank heavens bcoz somehow merong nag push na pagusapan namin yung issue. Bottomline, naging smooth naman pag reconcile namin. Super na-aappreciate ko how we did it. The experience was literally two adults coming together. Lol

So mejjjj weird lang na last year same days eh ganun din nangyari this yr. Kind of comforting but in a weird way lol. Also, within a year, it was our very first issue na kelangan pagusapan talaga. Lol

[deth8uful]

jennaececelia via instagram

[deth8uful]

Oa

I think mejjj oa na nagffantasize ako lately abt sa future ni Bry lol. Proposal there, wedding here, family then. I mean, daydreaming is sure normal pero ewannnnnn na-aattach ako sa idea lolllll. This has to stop since practically di naman kami ready lol.

[deth8uful]

[deth8uful]