devilish-ll

[devilish-ll]

you'll never be anything like me 😮‍💨

[devilish-ll]

absolutely thriving with the attention i've been receiving i think i might just be the best thing that has ever happened to this earth

[devilish-ll]

i'm sorry for being better, funnier, and smarter than you. it's simply in my nature

[devilish-ll]

made a killer ragequit and my ego has never been bigger

[devilish-ll]

mother is no longer angry at me which is a relieve

[devilish-ll]

i should be sleeping but i just love music in bed time to the point where it keeps me up

[devilish-ll]

bit nauseas bit tired bit irritated just lots of things at once all bothering me and there is no way to move around it except wait and hope for it to get better

[devilish-ll]

just once i want to feel like my life isn't someones dogs favorite chew toy

[devilish-ll]

i don't know how to feel okay again. everything is a constant reminder of what's wrong with me and my enviroment and i can't seem to escape it or catch my breath. i'm exposed to a variety of triggers and situations i'm not equipped to handle and all i can think about is suiciding

[devilish-ll]

and for my next trick i'm going to jump off a bridge

[devilish-ll]

getting a little nauseas but that's on me for being an idiot and eating things i know will make me sick

[devilish-ll]

one more inconvenience and i'm going to kill myself

[devilish-ll]

i keep thinking this is what i deserve. and it is. i'm always in the wrong and i'm too stupid to realize otherwise. no matter what i do, it's just me. it's always been me

[devilish-ll]

i should have just killed myself then and prevented making her life hell, prevented anything from happening. i'm way past my due date and i'm dragging myself through shit with everything i got and it's still not enough

[devilish-ll]

i'm so exhausted from today alone. did some more work tasks and tried to reconcile with my mother by sending her a picture of a gun she potentially wanted to buy (which i know is a stupid way to approach the situation, but i don't see a point in apologizing for hurtful things she said) but she's still leaving me on read and I'm facing issues at work that i can't do anything about. everything is not okay and i don't see it getting any better

[devilish-ll]

started crying at work, it's a new low for me 👍 i hope today ends without any more incidents, though i doubt it

[devilish-ll]

so it did not stop me from forming thoughts. i'm actually going to open up my wrists and bleed out in front of the next customer who enters the store :)

i made myself a veryyyyy long to do list that i will work through today and it will successfully stop me from forming a single thought i'm sure of it