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[devintrinidad]

[devintrinidad]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[devintrinidad]

all goofing aside I genuinely don't understand the urge to reimagine Taylor Allison Swift as a secretly queer icon when the pop music scene(TM) is like. literally overflowing with women who actually like women. Gaga and Kesha and Miley and Halsey are right there. Rina Sawayama and Hayley Kiyoko and Rebecca Black and Kehlani and Victoria Monét and Miya Folick if you're willing to get slightly less top 100. Janelle and Demi for them nonbinary takes on liking girls. like what are we doing here. like I'm not even saying you can't enjoy Taylor but why would you hang all your little gay hopes on her.

[devintrinidad]

Idia Facts Part 8: Idia's Dream

Malleus sends all of Sage’s Island to sleep in Book 7 so that they might enjoy “unending happiness...without sorrow, where you will never lose a single person—not friends, not family.”

For Idia this seems to manifest as a dream world where human-Otho is alive and starting his first year at Royal Sword Academy, and Idia begins his third year at Night Raven College.

After a phone call with Ortho he enjoys an entire day of online gaming with Muscle Red.

We then see a recreation of Idia’s first day at NRC: he runs into Malleus in the courtyard just as he did in reality, but this time they have a conversation about Roaring Drago, and Malleus has not forgotten about orientation.

Originally Idia becomes flustered when Malleus seems to be mocking his anxiety and runs away to his dorm room, breaking a promise to robot-Ortho that they would attend the ceremony together.

In his dream they are joined by Lilia, and seem to all go to the ceremony together. Idia may have a vice-housewarden in his dream.

Both Idia and Leona reflect on how the ceremony was “as boring as ever” (Idia: “Nothing happening is the ideal scenario”), insinuating that neither Grim nor the prefect exist in Idia’s idillic dream.

Idia has another phone conversation with Ortho, commenting, “You’re an extrovert, unlike me…I’m happy for you.”

[devintrinidad]

I’m honestly so so happy and giddy that Azul struggles with cooking.

I’ve waited 3 years for Azul to get a MC card because Twst was never clear about Azul’s culinary skill and experience. On one hand, Azul has grown up in his mom’s restaurant, and from there, he’s tasted all kinds of dishes that his taste buds have become keen. He can identify the ingredients that went into a dish (a mad skill that experienced chefs may develop). It was not impossible that Azul would have gotten the cooking know-how too. On the other hand, Lab Jamil vignette showed Jamil teaching Azul about emulsification, which is a fundamental skill in cooking. Azul claimed that he doesn’t work with a lot of oil products, but it still mystified me because if he wanted to eat healthier, he’d have touched upon salads and their dressings, which are created through the process of emulsification. So it was not clear what Azul’s skill level in cooking was LOL especially when Azul learned a Lot from his mom.

So finally getting that confirmation that AZUL CAN’T COOK AND STRUGGLED WITH CUTTING AN ONION CAUSE IT JUST ROLLED AWAY IN HIS STORY is sooooo so so good and I love him I want him I am sooo in love with him

But also???? Can I commend him for actually trying to learn how to cook? 😭😭😭 He’s trying to see how a restaurant runs from the chef’s perspective. Even the ghost chef commended him for that. Like, how many restaurant owners out there are too stubborn to learn to cook and then would talk shit about their chefs without bothering to sit down and learn how hard cooking can be? I know Hell’s Kitchen showed episodes like that. It just makes you admire Azul’s efforts to not only improve himself but also improve the things he’s worked for because there’s always room for improvement. He could have been satisfied being in his office and whatnot, but no, he’s putting in the effort to learn cooking. Granted, it’s so that Floyd can stop making fun of him for being all talk when he can’t fucking cook hahahahahaha but STILL. STILLL.

[devintrinidad]

When I was younger and researching the autism diagnosis criteria and symptoms, I thought “oh I couldn’t POSSIBLY be autistic.” Because when I read “takes everything literally” I thought it literally meant EVERYTHING and I was like “I don’t take EVERYTHING literally, just most things!” And I just realized the other day that it didn’t actually mean EVERYTHING and that was an overstatement.

[devintrinidad]

[devintrinidad]

do you guys remember being like 14 and being like these sheep could never understand me and,the inoffensive indie rock I listen to on my ipod touch ..

[devintrinidad]

[devintrinidad]

“i love you” until i’m sobbing because your tone slightly changed

[devintrinidad]

Professor Michaelis seems like the perfect blend of sweet and sneaky. He's all gentle and caring, like the wise, selfless teacher and kind-hearted counselor rolled into one. But underneath that nurturing vibe and motherly glow, there's still that same old sinister side.

If I were his student, I'd accidentally call him mom every day🥹

[devintrinidad]

LET TUCE \(★ω★)/

[devintrinidad]

some old doodles i didn’t post feat. jonathan crane-esque alastor ✨

[devintrinidad]

some old doodles i didn’t post feat. jonathan crane-esque alastor ✨

[devintrinidad]

Seeing these two posts back to back makes me wonder how long it'll be before Brennan attacks Sam with a halberd

[devintrinidad]

Kids these days who think that being a bard is just about swinging swords and playing lutes disgust me. Where’s the pizzazz? The showmanship? The seduction??