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@somnim (Suzuka)

Gudao had been used to the skimpy nature of most of the servants around Chaldea. So Summer hadn’t been really much of a change, really. In fact, the sheer realisation that Ushuwakamaru was no longer as nip-slip away from a restraining order in her swimsuit compared to her normal attire made him feel relieved.

Summer, banzai!

Right on cue to ruin his good mood though was a certain foxy Saber who may or may not have changed classes because swisuits apparently do that. He didn’t know how it worked; and he’ll never question it. It just does. As always; Suzuka wanted something out of him. Probably to complain more about the water-filled vending machine. And condoms.

But mostly water.

No snacks or weird things in it, the Mother’s association rejected his many ‘but moooooom!’s and so he held no power. Only bottled water.

And condoms.

Regardless; he’d probably need that water after what this sly fox of a demon just whispered into his ear. It wasn’t her risque outfit. Nor her generally attractive demeanor. No. The young man had frozen up due to the swimsuit fox’s sweet, careless whisper.

The fact that she, this probably 1000 yeard old oni, had just called him

daddy

He wasn’t creeped out by its sexual implications. No, far from it. He was creeped out by the fact that Suzuka had always been the reminder of his fleeting youth. And so; the fact that she had called him that. 

Absolutely made him go into panic mode. He wasn’t even this panicked when he went up against Solomon! Gudao quickly slipped away from his servant’s grasp and quickly ran for the nearest window, to see his reflection.

“Did I finally get gray hairs after 5 years of stress? Or is the World just pulling me into becoming a counter guardian person that mom and mom’s dad keep telling me about!? I don’t want to be old and burnt! I’M TOO YOUNG FOR THIS!” 

And with that, Gudao proceeds to completely ignore the Saber, not even complimenting her for her new look while he goes around in a frenzy, having his... mid-life crisis, while he was only a quarter way through his expected life span. Though; in his line of work, his life span is probably closer to death than he is to being born at this point.

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suzuka stands outside guda's room at 3 AM holding a boombox that's blaring WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS

@somnim (Suzuka)

“BECAUSE IT’S 3AM! JUST BECAUSE MY SLEEPING PATTERN IS AS CONSISTENT AS YOUR JK ACT, DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN WAKE ME UP WHEN I CAN SLEEP FOR ONCE!”

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LADS

LADS

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lads

the new FGO CM is fucking amazing look at this dumb shit

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prisega‌:

❝ what kind of logic is that? secret spymaster that wants to wear a dress while having silky smooth legs? if you want to do that I’m not against it. guess I’ll get stabbed in your place, but at least you’re going to look good while trying to save my life hopefully.❞

“I had to wear a dress once to infiltrate a ball! It was really breezy down there... actually kind of nice to have all that freedom to let it all hang loose... I should adapt wearing kilts into the chaldea uniform...”

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prisega‌:

❝ wait! second in command means you’re second in command, not the Queen.❞

“But I want to do absolutely nothing with my authority! Though in secret, I’ll actually be a spy master protecting the crown from all who tries to get rid of you! Besides, I don’t want to get stabbed first for once. That and I look good in pretty dresses. I just need to shave my legs...”

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prisega‌:

❝ I don’t see why not. the more the merrier or something like that.❞

“Then you be the King and I’ll be the Queen!”

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prisega‌:

❝ I feel like I rule over hell at this point, so sure I’ll join you.❞

“Can I be 2nd in command then!?”

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prisega replied to your post: goldreign replied to your post ““Well, if they...

you poor fool

you’re joining me in hell

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goldreign replied to your post ““Well, if they won’t be my dad then…” “Then I’ll be your daddy” He...”

stabs u with ea

I WAS WORTHY

WRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYY

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“Well, if they won’t be my dad then...”

“Then I’ll be your daddy”

He borrowed a set of Rider Kintoki’s clothes... but he’ll be a dead beat dad with no money cuz he spent it all on the gatcha.

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goldreign‌:

dexcidium

thanks dad

I’M NOT YOUR DAD

but dAaaaaAAAAAAd!

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i got the jeanne summer CE MLB’d and honestly that’s all that matters cuz I only got Fran with 84 quartz 

I don’t play NA anymore so I call this a net positive.

Thank u Jeanne

And ur holy bust

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verganno‌:

“Yes, it is a joyous matter. Come, let us go celebrate this event.” Taking a hold of Gudao’s arm, she led him to a common area now transformed into a celebrative hall. Wit this special occasion, nothing but the best was acceptable.

“Oh, it was today? Man, I’m really forgetful! But hey, you keep dragging me around like this and your husband-to-be’s going to be jealous!” He lets out a laugh, joking as always.

Little did he know that he had been the groom.

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verganno replied to your post “Gudao’s dick size is proportional to how many servants he has...”

in micrometers? ��

idk they’re about to get married

nero will find out in their honeymoon :3c

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Gudao’s dick size is proportional to how many servants he has contracted at any given point

There are 252 servant entries in the ServantDex

Ya’ll do do the math

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❥     𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖  𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄   𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒   .

inspired  by  devotedecay’s  non - sexual  acts  of  dominance  meme  ! send  in  one  of  these  for  my  muse’s  reaction  to  … (  add  ❝  reverse  ❞   if  you’d  like  to  see  how  my  muse  would  preform  the  action  !  )

[ shower ]   your muse joining mine in the shower.

[ choke ]   your muse choking mine.

[ kiss + soft ]   your muse pulling mine into a tender kiss.

[ kiss + rough ]   your muse pulling mine into a rough kiss.

[ pin ]   your muse pinning mine down.

[ wrists ]   your muse roughly grabbing mine by the wrists.

[ push ]   your muse pushing mine into bed.

[ rip + clothing ]   your muse tearing a piece of clothing off my muse.

[ spank ]   your muse spanking mine.

[ pull ]   your muse pulling my muses hair.

[ talk ]   your muse talking dirty to mine.

[ eyes ]   your muse making mine look them in the eyes during.

[ down ]   your muse pulling mine down by their collar / clothes.

[ knees ]   your muse telling mine to get on their knees.

[ hips ]   your muse pulling mine in close by the hips.

[ denial ]   your muse putting mine through orgasm denial.

[ many ]   your muse making mine orgasm over and over.

[ tied ]   your muse tying my muse down.

[ lazy ]   your muse lazily beginning to touch mine.

[ love ]   your muse telling mine they love them during.

[ dominance ]   your muse taking the lead and dominating mine.

[ submission ]   your muse letting mine take the lead and submitting to them.

[ humiliation ]   your muse humiliating mine, re: name-calling and verbal abuse.

[ pain ]   your muse hurting mine in bed, whether intentionally or not.

[ knife ]   your muse using a knife in bed, whether for threat or actually cutting mine.

[ hidden ]   your muse having sex with mine somewhere semi-public.

[ public ]   your muse having sex with mine in public, whee other people watch.

[ adore ]   your muse being near reverent with mine in bed.

[ dress ]   your muse having mine dress up in lingerie.

[ eat ]   your muse eating mine out.

[ sleep ]   your muse touching / beginning to have sex with mine while they’re asleep.

[ gag ]   your muse gagging mine, or or making them be quiet.

[ blindfold ]   your muse blindfolding mine.

[ praise ]   your muse praising mine in bed.

[ good ]   your muse calling mine a good boy / girl.

[ want ]   your muse telling mine they want them.

[ snarl ]   your muse growling and / or baring their teeth at mine during sex.

[ mark ]   your muse purposefully marking mine up with bruises, hickies, ect.

[ wall ]   your muse shoving mine up against a wall.