diary-episs - Tumblr blog

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Holder kastor lille forfest den 1 juni med William og Sally og franka og vik maybe og Hazel og nik og fjord og Phillip og sådan bliver sjovt

Og kastor stor fest med virkelig mange inviteret den 7. Sept

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Oh yeah coffee happened! With sjask!! Like recently lol and we were just having parallel conversations

Sjask has been telling people about the sa and not taking any responsibility

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I forgot to write more

Uhhhhh met a really cool person named mat a few days ago at Kai's birthday

They're also invited to evigs birthday in mid july, we're gonna go to Skagen after

Things are going great with hazel and I love her so much but I'm nervous aaaaaa

Our sex life is a bit wack cause I'm horny all the time and she hates her body and it just ends with both of us being sad

Blegh

Sometimes I consider asking if I can find something outside the relationship but I think she's too monogamous food that

It probably wouldn't work out but aaaa rare sex that lasts minutes is just not enough me thinks

Periods and depression, maybe a bit of loneliness

Lately I'd say my closest friends are jamie, Quinn and vik

And hazel of course

I really hope this summer will actually be fun and not depressing

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I'll try to write more

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Oh yeah and like nik and sjask broke up back in October, I really haven't written in forever my god

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Omg I haven't written here in forerverrrrrr

My god

Okay so I've basically replaced my entire friend group from last time I wrote here

I mostly hang out with Jamie, Quinn and Victoria. And like I don't see my friends from gf unless it's like on the hallway. Birk, sjask, nik and many many many more have dropped or been kicked out.

Sjask was really awful to me for a looking time, wish I'd written more about it when I remembered it better but oh well. It came to a head with Sjask sexually assaulting me

And then inviting me out for coffee recently??? The rundown is not inviting then telling me about all the fun they had without me, only talking to me about their problems or what they'd been doing with other people,extreme jealousy if I tried to get new friends (like saying I had a feelings for Viktoria), treating sallly like shit, COMING HOURS UPON HOURS LATE to my birthday, basically best friends -> issues -> situationship where they kept holding onto me and saying that would talk about it and start seeing each other again -> not really talking unless they were drunk, where they would cling to me and talk and talk and talk about how they missed me but never actually initiate anything -> sexual assualt -> asking me out for coffee

But despite that and stress with school and eating disorder thinking, I actually have it pretty good, I hang out with Jamie and people from X klassen (Alice, Ingeborg, Sara, Isa, Ronja, Magnus, Alma) during school, and then I see ppl from ungeren in the weekends and stuff, it works pretty well for me

And of course I'm still head over heels for Hazel

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Nik wrote an apology a few hours ago, still want a written one from August that explains the fucking thought process of asking if someone is invited, getting a no and then fucking bringing them

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Hosted again! This time the guests were: me, Hazel, Birk, KJ, Jamie, Sarah, Magnus, Sjask and Aisha. technically also Nik and Aug but they invited Bombe Magnus despite the fact that I multiple times made it clear that he was not invited, to numerous people on various platforms. Nik invited Bombe Magnus and Aug brought him, so they were responsible for him not being in the house. I'm considering not inviting them another time bc of this. It was so fucking awkward when he walked in bc those who knew, they knew. And I had to kick him out which was also really awkward and nik and aug had to go with him, so fucking awkward. Kinda mad at them, especially Nik bc he at no point had the balls to tell me shit and had to make Sjask do it. An 18 year old making his recently 17 year old partner talk on his behalf. my fucking god, august apologized I don't remember Nik ever doing that. ANYWAY other than that it was super fucking nice and super fun! Nice conversations and so on. we all got really high.

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Also held Eurovision again! The guests were: Hazel, Jamie, Birk. they were the ones to arrive on time, it was really nice! we smoked, ate pizza, watched eurovision, all around pretty fun. Nik and Sjask were three hours late and sjask failed to shot gun right by the window as soon as they arrived, got beer all over the place. I was really done with sjask right there, but other than that nice time. Invited the kroligans, a lot more people than expected but still fun! Alfred and katinka almost fucked in my bed lol. Hazel got really high and I had to put her to bed

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Also i dont talk with vince anymore, lots of shit happened there. Last straw was Vince being radfem, more and more red flags the longer we're apart. Pretty happy about that shit ending. Also they're claiming a bunch of mental illnesses they had symptoms from but didn't get diagnosed with lol

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dysphoria: Kinda questioning which pronouns i should use?? He/it/she is looking kinda funky, still trying to have my gender be as label-less as possible!

romantic life: hazel!!!! LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!! BEST PERSON!!!! BEAUTIFUL GIRL!!!!!!!! STILL THE SAME!!!! 9 MONTHS NOW!!!!!!

friends: wrote about this in my last posts but like pretty solid, wouldn't mind having more but its always like that!

mentally: relapsed with ana, thats like my main focus, otherwise pretty alright maybe, just stressed

thing I'm happy about: Almost summer break!!! Fuck physics!!!

School: got my last exam tomorrow, been studying pretty hard

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last post got reallyy long and i have more to say about whats been going on soooo yes

been drinking more in like the last month than I have in my entire life lol. Also got drunk at Aishas birthday and had to go with nik and sjask to niks house, birk also went. I felt really sneaky about drinking more (I was not), my mom picked me up, my moms company is only enjoyable if I'm slightly drunk lol. Nothing really exciting happened other than the fact I got really drunk and spent 210dkk on Irish coffee, but Irish coffee is really good so worth. I bought the second one because of sprinkles.

My primary friends right now are Hazel, Sjask, Jamie, Amina, Birk, Magnus and birk. then bc of them I'm also friends with Sarah, August and Aisha. these are the people I expect to be spending time with this summer break. Also gonna see other people but yk, mostly them. Been invited to a party with like hercules, fjord and them. Ginger is also coming.

Ungeren is starting to feel less like "The place my rapist got banned from", hoping to get more friends there. especially Vincent cause we live in the same town.

oh yeah me and Hazel went to midwestern dinner for our 9 month anniversary.

In general i would say my life is pretty good, relapsing with ana and self harm tho. BUT I think that's largely due to stress, I do really wanna lose weight tho. I think Hazel is worried about me, been taking my adhd meds bc studying and weight loss. And I got an edtwt account now (boo L)

Life is pretty good! Can't think of any other things to share rn

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havent written here in like foreverrrrrr, been to sjasks and bjørks birthday and just like studying. Bjørks birthday was pretty fun, liked talking with like salbo, smiggs, mathilde and bjørk! didn't get too drunk.

Sjasks birthday was a lot of fun too, we played fissehul and I got to talk with Hazel and Magnus. Sarah is kinda annoying ngl, can't really take jokes and her and Magnus' relationship is kinda obviously not gonna last. Plus Sarah is really stingy with like everything, especially her weed. She gives like extreme sheltered only child vibes. Everything has to be an exchange, like I give you this and get this. Instead of just like sharing??? Also the first time we met she misgendered me before knowing my pronouns and traumadumped on me. idk shes tolerable but I don't want to spend with her one on one.

anyway at Sjasks birthday i got really drunk and then smoked some weed with sarah (stingy lol) and then I started passing out and stuff, until I puked where I started feeling better. Hazel was really helpsome and caring, she held me up and like sat with me when I puked. I love her so so so much, she's so nice to me. She also went to get food with me afterwards and offered to pay. Birk was also really nice about it and got me water. My bed felt so nice after all that shit.

Anyway I'm studying for physics exam, probably gonna get 02 or 00 lol.

I've been with Hazel for 9 months now and we haven't had any big problems at all. like we've only had one argument and it was just based on misunderstandings.

Sjask and Nik are somehow still together, but like their relationship has so many problems. Like they're both really codependent which is probably the main thing holding them together, a lot of the time I've been with them, I've ended up having to comfort one of them bc of the other. talked with Birk about it and like they agree that they won't last. Also Aisha and August are together and like happy as far as I know, they had a few bumps in the beginning but they're good. They got together at new years, I was at Willys party instead of theirs, got high and just like sat on their couch and ate the whole time.

We also went to Galla, the warm-up was so much fun. Sjask, Nik, Birk, Amina and Jamie got locked out before I even arrived. We had a really nice time by the canals in Sydhavn. I got really drunk on the way to our school, so did sjask. The way there was really fun and then when we got there I wanted to watch Raske Penge and Klumpen so I accidentally left the others cause drunk yk? I really really felt like I knew the words to songs I definitely didn't know the words to lol. I talked a bit with Nora about their love life while really drunk. Anyway Nik got really worried and bpd about sjask because he couldn't find them and he promised to protect her. I did my best to comfort him and then when we found sjask she'd just been talking to Birk the entire time. Then me, jamie, nik, birk, Amina, and that one person whose name i still don't know left to get food and sjask didn't wanna come with us. The plans got scrambled and Sjask called Nik because she changed her mind, we then had to find a very drunk Sjask whose mood swings were off the charts, like crying and laughing back to back. She apparently wanted to find a pin she'd lost and had kinda made up that she saw it across the street and since she wasn't in any condition to cross the street i went over and checked, no pin to be found. That wasn't enough so she decided she needed to check. But like cars and she was out of it. So we hold her back, she gets triggered and hits nik, looks for the pin, no pin. She then after cooling off realizes that she has hit her boyfriend and starts becoming apologetic and crying and shit. had to comfort sjask for the entire bus ride despite the fact that nik definitely needed and deserved it more, there's been a lot of comforting those two. Especially cause they're both really mentally ill.

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I was at a party 2 days ago and it was really fun! A lot of the people I like were there! Me, Eden and David got high, i puked everywhere. Fjord took care of me and got hazel to pick me up, fuck i love hazel for that. Sge followed me home

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I have three assignments i haven't done that are due tomorrow, I'm really busy next week. got my birthday, two parties and an appointment with gabriele.

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Oh and everyone gave me and siblings speeches about how proud they were that we weren't doing drugs, we talked a lot about our drug experiences lmao

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Oh and I'm sick rn, thats kinda sucky