diaryofagodcomplex-blog

[diaryofagodcomplex-blog]

I read through your messages with her.

Youre a fucking liar.

I saw you talking shit.

I feel like crying.

You dont love me. Youre lying. You hate me. You hate me. You hate me. You hate me. You hate me.

You just dont want me anymore because I’m trash.

I’m too harsh.

I’m too mean.

Fuck you.

I hate you.

I’m gonna ignore you.

I hate you.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

Why can’t you just love me. It’s not that hard.

I hate you.

Fuck you.

[diaryofagodcomplex-blog]

My dear angel,

I feel horrible always thinking about you. You don’t deserve it. You’re ugly, and very foolish. Somehow, you still manage to mean so much to me.

You have such a kind, pure heart. I know you think of yourself as some kind of tough guy, but I know how you are. I’ve known you for a year.

I always get notifications from your texts with other people. I’d love to read through them but I got caught last time.

What was she talking about? It seemed like our old conversations.

You probably forgot about those.

I think about them everyday.

What I’d do to have you back like that again.

I miss your touch. I miss your voice. I’d give everything up to hear you moan my name again. I want it back so bad.

But something changed. You stopped seeing me that way. You left me broken. I still think of you at night with my hands between my legs. I wish I could get you off my mind.

I hate when you give attention to other people. You wanna know my perfect world?

Where you leave all of them. You leave all of your "friends" and your boyfriend and it’s just us. It’s just us two and you worship me. You beg me to even look at you, and I can’t help but comply. I want you to look up to me again. I want you to need me. I need you to need me.

I want you to be in love with me again. I couldn’t return the feeling and I still can’t, but I find so much comfort in knowing you thought of me like that.

I want to be your everything. I want to be your god. I just think it’s unfair you push me aside for other people now.

We still talk everyday but it’s not enough. I need you to be more desperate to talk to me. Do I have to leave again? Is that what I have to do? I leave for months and you come back and are so needy and clingy until we get back into our routine? I’ll do it. I’ll suffer being away from you for however long it takes.

I want you to be just as infatuated with me as I am with you. I need it. It drives me insane you aren’t trying to serve me anymore.

I miss our old dynamic. Now we’re just friends. I need it to be more than friends. Friends isn’t good enough. I have a million friends. You’re special.

I love you, angel.

-M

[diaryofagodcomplex-blog]

Welcome to my blog, this is just me anonymously letting my struggles out because I have nowhere else to go with this. My friends think I’m an average person with the occasional sadness.

But it’s so much more.

I’ve had an obsession with someone for months, and it never seems to lessen.

I promise it’s not romantic love. I wish it was, that’d be easier to deal with, honestly.

I’ll be venting about said person here a lot because they’re so close to me on my main socials, they’d probably figure it out.

Refer to me as M if you want to talk to me. I’ll be referring to my obssssion as my angel.

This isn’t a joke, don’t put me on your flop/cringe accounts. I can’t afford therapy and I have a fear of judgement so it’s going on tumblr dot fucking com.

That’s a good enough intro, right?

-M