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Its fucking 3am i cant sleep and nick miller is the king thats all goodbye
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Got my rag and i cant smoke and i cant eat chocolate so i guess i will just to bash my head against a wall brb
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Today was a drag. Went to my lil sis concery and smoked THREE cigs. That makes 7 and its only 6pm. Im fucked. Shouldv stayed at nanas.....
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So i decided to come to my grandma for a couple of days. Couldnt stand that house anymore. This house is pure light. I love it.
Reading makes me want to smoke so bad and i reeeeeeally want to read this book.
So far, one cig. And 15 pages.
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It's a burning through all my body from head to arms to fingers to legs to toes. Burning. Burning.
A hole in my chest leaking
Drip drip drip
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The hole in my chest is leaking red guck my eyes are cloudy my hands are numb ive decided to abandon all vices the blue fairy cackles at my poor frame did you honestly think she would have left me? all yous may have but she wont ever. we're connected at the hip took three yellow pills today slept for a couple of hours if only i could sleep a full 12hrs. this is my first of many letters on how it feels being completely alone no drugs your drug filled depression is nothing compared to my sober depression. i dare you to go cold turkey and face the real existential dread of being alive and empty i dare u
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Depression hits me like a boulder when im alone. And its my own damn fault im alone, as usual. Something's wrong these days... everything makes me sad. I can only feel some joy when he is around. Well, he left. He cant live here, after all. Im trying to read a book about a psychopaths mom but the words blurr on me.
If only there was a way to not feel like this apart from doing drugs.
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God gave me short memory loss so i would love my parents
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I used to think love was meant to drive you mad. But that is a young thought. Love is home. He makes me feel at home.
Mark my words, lily: i shall marry this man.
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