diaryoftmd

[diaryoftmd]

[diaryoftmd]

Abusers don’t feel remorse. They may feign it, to buy time. But when confronted with how they’ve caused pain, they often turn the tables and blame the one hurt or outright deny their hurtful behavior. But truly, sincerely feel sorry for the pain inflicted? Not a chance. That requires them to put someone else’s feelings first for a change and be accountable for their actions…apparently that’s asking too much.

autumnsunshine10  (via wnq-writers)

[diaryoftmd]

Something I should’ve written a long time ago~ I remember when I was hurt over a previous fling, I said it was my karma for fucking over a good guy. I mean, I still think it is. Anyways, it wasn’t just that I “downgraded”, it made me realize how good I had it. Why would you ditch a relationship where you were loved and appreciated for some dumb high school fling that you knew wouldn’t last? I used to wonder that all the time, lol. I eventually got the courage to genuinely apologize to my first love and now we’re pretty good friends. We’ve always been good friends actually; I’ve known him since I was 10. Anyways, that high school fling was a disaster. I can laugh about it now and see how silly it was, but that was hard for me to see at the time. I cried for like two weeks straight, couldn’t focus on finals...couldn’t focus on anything really. I remember that ugly, desperate feeling of wanting to hear from him every single day. I would check my phone often. I’m pretty sure I did spam him, writing the corniest shit ever *ew*. I remember crying a lot, crying myself to sleep. I wanted him to be my boyfriend still. I was hurting so bad. Of course I sought advice from my friends, but of course I didn’t listen. I mean, you gotta learn the hard way right? So then follows the continuous texting/calling from my ex. We hooked up, did a lot of shit we shouldn’t have. I was so fed up with his bullshit, but I couldn’t let go. I think it was really because I was lonely?...or that it felt nice to have a boyfriend. It was super messy; he thought he had the best of both worlds by having me, but also another girl. It’s a classic high school romance lmao. At the time I was thinking the girl was the bad person, but it was him the whole time. I can’t believe I was really trying to fight over some fuckboy LOL. Even after he got shot and I visited the hospital and stayed by his side, and he’s still toying with me...I didn’t cut him off. WHY. I don’t know, but I remember being so tired of it. Doing shit out of the goodness of my heart because I cared for him. I said I loved him LOL, but there are so many different types of love. I finally stopped letting him have me near the end of 2012 and it was one of the best things I ever did for myself. It was the last time we really spoke in person, he said something along the lines of “we should stop doing this”. I mean, he was right... It seemed like I listened to those words because I did cut him off after that night, but when he said that, I remember feeling a certain way. Like, I already knew I should stop doing the shit I was doing, but the feeling was like...I knew better. I can’t even describe it, but I was already so over it. I was done wasting time with someone who did play a part in my life (for what, a couple months? LOL) and he wasn’t important enough to stay in my life. I didn’t want him as a friend, acquaintance, anything. I was bitter and hated him for playing me, but as time passed, I just knew that I couldn’t keep people in my life who are nothing to me. You don’t have to be friends with everybody. Even when you cut people off, you don’t need an explanation. You deserve better. It’s not your fault that you were treated like shit at some point, you just couldn’t see it yet. I’m not gonna bash on him, but I always felt he treated me like that because he was insecure about himself/his own life. Perhaps I’m wrong, but you don’t do people like that if you love yourself.  Anyways, maybe I’m still trying to work on myself too. I don’t feel hatred towards him, but if I run into him...it’s weird. It’s just awkward/something you want to avoid. I don’t know, I just think that’s a natural feeling. When someone has hurt you, even if you’ve healed, they’re still not a pleasant sight to see lol or that’s just me. Knowing I already gave this guy my time a couple years ago, was enough. Meeting him did lead me to an experience I wish I didn’t live through, but it helped me...and I was able to meet the most wonderful man through him. LOL. 

[diaryoftmd]

It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.

Eartha Kitt  (via thequotejournals)

[diaryoftmd]

And you’ll never find me…

Follow for more relatable love and life quotes!

[diaryoftmd]

“forgive everyone” positivity culture is fucking trash. you never have to forgive someone who’s assaulted, abused, or otherwise hurt you. it’s probably not even good for your mental health to forgive someone who fucked you up and in a lot of cases it’s not safe.

[diaryoftmd]

[diaryoftmd]

Doesn’t bother me seeing your name, it’s just the fact you are actually a horrible person. Lol. 

[diaryoftmd]

why are you gay lol

How am I gay? Ew is this Peter? LOL 

[diaryoftmd]

Don’t know why it’s so hard for you to admit the truth. 

[diaryoftmd]

Never stop learning about your partner. Never lose that wonder that made you want to get to know them initially because we are constantly growing as individuals.

[diaryoftmd]

[diaryoftmd]

The best relationships are the ones you don’t expect to be in, the ones you never saw coming.

(via maschkaa)

[diaryoftmd]

[diaryoftmd]

[diaryoftmd]

[diaryoftmd]

Hnnnnnnnn