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“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard

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“𝐻𝑜𝑤 𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑜 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑜𝑢𝑙?” ― Nikita Gill

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If it is meant for you, you won't have to beg for it. You will never have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny.

Edgar Allan Poe

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Nothing ever ends poetically.

It ends and we turn it into poetry.

And all that blood was never once beautiful.

It was just red

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LOVE IS REAL HE WANTS ME BACK

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i need you to run right back to me!!!!! baby!!!! i need you to run right back to me!! baby..

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maybe its that i cant separate myself from you

your in my fingertips, dictating the way i write my t’s

in my hair because you liked it better natural and i learned to like it better that way too

in my skin as every inch is embedded with your touch

if i take you out of me im left with nothing

there is no hole to be filled because a hole insinuates theres something left around the space

but there is nothing, a void unable to be repaired

so instead i must learn to live with the pieces you left,

and pray i can stop hoping you come back to glance at what you’ve left behind

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i look for you in those stupid videos

“find what initials mean to each other”

i look for a sign in all the media i consume

something to tell me that i should go back

something to tell me you still care

you do, dont you?

its a worse thought to imagine ive been spending all this time

wallowing

wasting

bawling

for someone who doesn’t care

but maybe thats what i wanted all along

to chase someone

because once its both ways im confused

how could someone so amazing be interested in someone like me

so i push

and shove

and run

far

far

away

until i cant run anymore

and when i reach that point

there is no choice but to look back on what was lost

and try inexplicably to run back

but there is no way back is there?

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i wonder what you would think if you could see me

as i sit longing for you i wonder if your doing the same

i wonder if im a fond memory

if you look back on our time and smile

i wonder if this is as hard for you as it is for me

i cant decide if i hope it is or is not

it feels as though our relationship never ended

and im still chasing after your attention like i always have

but i wont stop

ill cry and cry till my lungs grow weak

my throat grows sore, and my eyes heavy

cry until i can no longer remember a moment my eyes were dry

until one day i wont

one day ill wake up and smile

and you won’t cross my mind

but today is not that day

and you are all i think about

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i cant escape you

you hide in the corner as i talk to my friends

hang in the air as i sing along to my favorite songs

in those places i can try to avoid you

close my eyes so as to not see

cover my mouth until im choking on your memory

but when the day comes to a close

and its just you, me, and a pen

the air becomes heavier

as it chokes sobs and apologizes out of me

in these moments alone

all i can wish is to breath again

the types of cool relaxing breaths that came before you

or the intoxicating breaths while we were one

but there is no rewind

so instead i choke

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this is so melodramatic; i miss the little things. the habits i changed just for him. the way he molded himself into my everyday routine. the wholeness

but now theres gaps

no more tiktoks in the morning and text at night,

laughing at things our friends did at school,

planning dates and picking movies we want to see,

theres a whole in my schedule very similar to the one in my heart

but I dont want to fill it, so it will sit

sit until someone or something else comes along

till i can think of him without tears

and maybe by then the gaps will have scabbed over

but for now they’re fresh

and full of longing

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i miss him. not the tons of things that made me leave, but i miss how caring he was, how sweet, and as im typing this im realizing maybe that was it. he wasn’t attentive, i had to beg and plead for his attention. he wasn’t funny or easy to talk to because every conversation became a joke at my expense. he would want to be on the phone but i was the one who had to talk even if there was nothing to say. im happy with my decision yet i miss him, but at this point i dont really know what it is im missing.

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i loved him so much, i just couldn’t love how he treated me