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[didntcthisb4]

me when my kids + lemon freak

[didntcthisb4]

And like it’s so dumb. I feel dumb for writing this out. But the usual helpline I talk to is not help lining and is full, so now I’m stuck here actually venting. Only twelve year olds vent on the internet to a bit of strangers.

But here we, and I don’t feel any better

I’m just tired of everything. And it’s dumb. It’s so so dumb. All I’m told is “why don’t you put on some skin cream to help with the rashes? Why won’t you do that? Why won’t you listen to me???” And I legitimately do want to put on the ointments and make and I do want to listen and what to make all the black spots go away but. I just don’t. I don’t know know why

“Look at you, you don’t look good at all. It hurts to look at you, to see you this unwell”

But at the same time I want to laugh in her face and just say “why the fuck do you care so much about me?” And yeah she’s my mother and I love her and she loves me but I just. I don’t understand why she loves me so. why do you love ME. WHY do you LOVE me?

I feel so undeserving of it like I just don’t want that love anymore. I don’t think I as a person am able to reciprocate that love. I just don’t feel human anymore you know? Not in a depersonalised or derealised way, but just like. I can’t bring myself to be a human. I’m just some shambling sack of flesh ambling about. I’m just doing this. Just walking. Just breathing. But I’m not BEING

and it’s hard and it’s so hard like I don’t want to be this way but I am. I just am. And it’s tiring to try anything else. I’m just so done. I’m done. I’m really done.

And then I think about killing the body and I realise I’m afraid. I’m afraid of actually spilling blood or cutting off oxygen. Like a fucking idiot. And then I think about my mother and how her father took his own life and how she lost her brother to some sickness. And I think fuck. Fuck I’m doing to her what the other people in her family did. I can’t kill muself.

And it’s agony because I hate being barely human but also causing someone else pain. And so I just. wither away. I don’t eat that much anymore. My blood levels are fucked. I’m anaemic but also dangerously low on vitamin d. My sleep schedules is fucked. I’m barely passing university classes. My skin is still broken and cracked and dried and scarred and bleeding. And I hate it. I hate you. O hate you for being the way that you are, Agni. I hate you so much

You can’t take your own life

But you don’t have the fucking energy to do anything

You can’t even help others

How are you supposed to help yourself

You twat. Imbecile moron. Fucking idiot. Just a loser. A leech a parasite sent from somewhere just to make everyone’s life worse. Maybe your friends don’t even want you. They don’t. They don’t want you. Yours fucking a loser. Why would they ever want to be affiliated with you, a dirty smelly broken pile of shit. Goddamn fuck.

I just hate myself. I just hate you. Why can’t I kill you. Why can’t you be better why can’t you do anything. Why are you here. Why are you the way the are. Why can’t you be someone else who has no problems and can do everything on their own. Why

[didntcthisb4]

(via Action.Gif GIF - Action Warning Shaking fingers - Discover & Share GIFs)

[didntcthisb4]

(via Action.Gif GIF - Action Warning Shaking fingers - Discover & Share GIFs)

[didntcthisb4]

(via Action.Gif GIF - Action Warning Shaking fingers - Discover & Share GIFs)

[didntcthisb4]

morbius is playing final fantasy xiv!!!

part 1 | next... ?

[didntcthisb4]

yo what

[didntcthisb4]

Reblog for a bigger sample size.

Say in the tags what you voted for and if you live in or outside of the US

[didntcthisb4]

I just wanted to put this out there. If you're someone who tries to comment on fics. If you're someone who tries to reblog art and headcanons and meta. If you're someone who wants to let creators know that you appreciate their creations.

You're doing enough. You're doing more than enough.

Please don't feel guilty for the times that you can't or the times that you forget or the times that you just don't know what to say.

You're appreciated, even when you don't speak up. You're welcome in fandom, even if you don't speak up at all.

You don't have to pay a fee to enjoy someone's creation. It's incredibly appreciated when you do, but it's not a requirement. You're welcome in this space either way. ❤

[didntcthisb4]

Hey what if Jay isn’t even in Ninjago Dragons Rising Pt.2? What if they leave us on a cliffhanger for season 2? That would be messed up right? Right?????????

[didntcthisb4]

So this is what we in the fiction trade call a lie, a made up story, and not true. In case anyone ever tells you they read it online.

I'm not linking to it because I won't give them the clicks.

[didntcthisb4]

01.11

[didntcthisb4]

[didntcthisb4]

oops

[didntcthisb4]

[didntcthisb4]

It’s October! You know what that means... 🎃 (via kxvo)