dindrodzy

[dindrodzy]

Things I will do when I get to 55 kg

- Wear more dresses

- Wear large pants with short tops

- get a whole new closet

- new cute workout clothes

- buy new accessories

- take more full body pictures

- go out with friends more

- go to the library more often and skip meals

[dindrodzy]

How I plan to lose weight and at the same time improve my mindset around food :

- be conscious , present and mindful before and while eating

- cut/reduce processed foods from my diet and focus on natural food especially protein sources and vegetables

- low carb low sugar diet don't overdo it with fruits

- don't count macros and calories every day (reduce the amount of times you count until you no longer feel the need to and when you do limit is 1500 cals )

- allow myself to eat in special occasions : bdays , weddings ...

- NEVER feel pressured when there's a lot of foods because you can always SAVE it for later .

- move daily , do the 5 minute workout every hour (Dr Berg method to avoid being sedentary)

- walk and move every chance I get go to the board in class , go for a walk between classes , go to the library instead of studying at home .....

- go to the gym every Saturday and do other workouts at home

- take pride in my healthy eating choices instead of feeling ashamed of still being fat when I used to starve

- move my body daily even if it's just a stretch or a mobility exercise

- I like to motivate myself by reading / watching stories of hardworking people not just those who lost weight but those who work hard in any area of life ( both real life and fiction )

- be patient and give my body the time it needs to change

- إخلاص النية لله في كل خطوة

[dindrodzy]

I don't want to be glutton anymore . I want to be a cool interesting girl that doesn't think about food all the time and only uses it as a source of energy only when it's necessary .

[dindrodzy]

I want to give myself a gift for my birthday and I think the best gift will be : improving my self mentally and socially and physically

I will improve my confidence ، self esteem, social skills , improve my relationship with food and body image , work on my skills and hobbies , prepare myself for applying to scholarshis and make a portfolio and a cv ...... I want to be a better person for my birthday that's the gift I'm giving her

[dindrodzy]

I feel like I had an epiphany

I think the best way for me personally is to listen to my body and ask myself questions about food and find out why exactly I want to eat a certain thing or if I even want to eat it in the first place

I found out after trying this for the past 2 days that I'm not eating much compared to when I'm restricting and forcing myself to refrain from eating

I realized that I could be a normal person like my friends and refuse to eat food even if it's the most delecious thing I used to be so surprised and fascinating by how non disordered people behave around food but I'm starting to understand and I think I'll get there eventually so what I did was ask myself :

Am I actually hungry or do I just want to eat

am I hungry or just craving this specific thing

I realized that Having a piece of two will satisfy my cravings and I don't need to eat the whole box

Are my energy levels affected by what I ate/didn't eat today ?

If I'm low on energy how can I fix that and nourish my body ?

Am I hungry ?

Am I thirsty or actually hungry ?

Am I craving this for a specific reason or is it because I'm used to it ?

Do I want to eat because I'm hungry or because I want to numb a certain feeling like stress anxiety guilt ..... ?

Is this really worth eating ?

Do I really want to put this in my body ?

Is this as delecious and addicting as I originally thought ?

I also noticed my unhealthy coping thoughts Like omg I had a really bad day I think I'll just grab snacks from the store I really deserve something to ease my anxiety / make me feel better Or when I decide to do low restriction/ fast when something bad happens to me because my brain somehow links it to being fat lmao and it always ends up with a binge .

I've always used food as a coping mechanism to fix bad feelings and mental states

It was so shocking to me because I never noticed my thought pattern , I thought it was subconscious or something because I only always realize it when the urge to binge / starve is stronger than me

[dindrodzy]

It took me so long to Come to terms with the fact that weight loss takes Time , whether you're disordered or not . It will take Time even if you eat 500 calories a day it will take as long as it should for your body to lose that weight .

I Always searched for ways to lose fast but they where never sustainable so i kept Losing and gaining the same 10 pounds for 2 years .

Now that I accepted this fact I will change my mindset instead of having a very strict one month goal to lose 10-20 pounds I will have a yearly goal and a more long term plan .

Think about it would you be happy if you were at your ugw next year ? OF COURSE !! So it's okay to take things slowly .

Imagine yourself one year from now !

It will probably take less than a year for most people.

It's an unsustainable plan that slows down the process because I always end up in a binge cycle .

I don't have a restrictive Ed so doing low restrictions will end up in a binge eventually .

So I Will up my intake and include more exercise to look lean and toned (not skinny fat) .

I will be patient now that I know that I'm willing to give my body the time needed for change .

One year is such a realistic goal and I'll be happy if I hit my ug by then

[dindrodzy]

There's a girl with me in class that's trying to lose weight just like me . I lost so much and then fell into a binge cycle and gained it all back but she on the other hand keeps losing everytime we meet , she had a few off track days but she pulled herself out of it . I feel like a failure next her whenever she asks me if I'm back on track yet I feel embarrassed to say the truth . We won't be seeing each other until exams so hopefully after the break I could face her proudly and say that I lost weight .

She's currently 70 kg and when I was 70 I thought I looked huge but she looks okay to me

This disordered brain is driving me crazy

[dindrodzy]

Foods that trigger my binge : (ongoing)

★Chocolate

★Crackers

★any chocolate biscuits especially this one local brand it's so addicting

★croissant

★traditional bread

★traditional food

[dindrodzy]

Cucumber with water is my favorite drink even tho I am a fatass XD

[dindrodzy]

This is just a safe space for me to vent and post what I eat to help me be accountable .

[dindrodzy]

Every year , every month , every day I think that I could be the next weight loss transformation, the next glo up and the next success story but I've failed every single time . I've have failed the people that believed in me , the people that know me how can I face them now ? how can I show up with the same fat body ?

Not only am i ashamed of my body I am also ashamed of my failure

AT this point I don't blame mom or anyone that think I'll never lose weight because I've only proven them right

Revenge glo up is not for me because everytime I feel bad about my body I fall into a binge cycle which makes it even worse and the opposite is correct whenever I feel good about my body it motivates me to lose even more weight and I start doing effort into diet and exercise