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dine-on-nervine · 12 days ago

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I saw a sign at a nearby village advertising a "veillée", a storytelling evening, which sounded intriguing, so I went out of curiosity—it turned out to be an old lady who had arranged a circle of chairs in her garden and prepared drinks, and who wanted to tell folk tales and stories from her youth. Apparently she was telling someone at the market the other day that she missed the ritual of the "veillée" from pre-television days, when people would gather in the evening and tell stories, and the people she was talking to were like, well let's do a veillée! And then she put up the sign.

About 15 people came, and she sat down and started telling us stories—I loved the way she made everything sound like it had happened just yesterday and she was there, even tales she'd got from her grandmother, and the way she continually assumed we knew all the people she mentioned, and everyone spontaneously played along; she'd be like "And Martin, the bonesetter—you know Martin," (everyone nods—of course, Martin) "We never liked him much" and everyone nodded harder, our collective distaste for Martin now a shared cultural heritage of our tiny microcosm. She started with telling us the story of the communal bread oven in the village. The original oven was destroyed during the Revolution; people used to pay to use the local aristocrat's oven, but of course around 1789 both the aristocrat and his oven were disposed of in a glorious blaze of liberty, equality, and complete lack of foresight.

Then the villagers felt really daft for having destroyed a perfectly serviceable oven that they could have now started using for free. "But you know what things were like during the revolution." (Everyone nodded sagely—who among us hasn't demolished our one and only source of bread-baking equipment in a fit of revolutionary zeal?)

The village didn't have a bread oven for decades, people travelled to another village to make bread; and then in the 19th century the village council finally voted to build a new oven. It was a communal endeavour, everyone pitched in with some stones or tools or labour, and the oven was built—but it collapsed immediately after the construction was finished. Consternation. Not to be deterred, people re-built the oven, with even more effort and care—and the second one also collapsed.

People realised that something was amiss, and the village council convened. After a lot of serious discussion, during which no one so much as mentioned the possibility of a structural flaw, people reached the only logical conclusion: the drac had sabotaged their oven. Twice. (The drac, in these parts, is the son of the devil.) The logic here, I suppose, was that no one but the devil's own child would dare to stand between French people and their bread.

The next step was even more obvious: they passed around a hat to raise money, assuming the devil’s son was after a cash donation. But (and I'm skipping a few twists and turns of the story here) the son of the devil did not want money, he wanted half of every batch of bread, for as long as the village oven stood. Consternation.

People simply could not afford to give away half of their bread, and were about to abandon the idea of having their own oven altogether—but then Saint Peter came to the rescue. (In case you didn't know, Saint Peter happens to regularly visit this one tiny village in the French countryside to check that its inhabitants are doing okay and are not encountering oven issues.) Saint Peter reminded them of one precious piece of information they had overlooked: holy water burns the devil.

People re-built the oven, for the third time. The son of the devil returned, to destroy it and/or claim his half of the first batch—but on that day, the villagers had organised a grand communal spring cleaning, dousing every street and alley in the village with copious amounts of holy water. The poor drac simply could not access the oven; every possible path scorched his feet for reasons he couldn't quite explain. So he was standing there, smouldering gently and wondering what was going on, when some passing tramp seemed to take pity on him, pointed at his satchel and told him to turn himself into a rat and jump in there, and the tramp would carry him where he wished to go. The devil's son, probably a bit frazzled at this point, agreed without much thought, became a rat and jumped in the satchel, and of course that's the point when everyone in the village sprang from the shadows, wielding sticks, shovels, pans, and started beating the devil's son senseless. (Old lady, calmly: "You could hear his bones crack.") So the son of Satan slithered back to Hell and never returned to destroy the village oven again—and the spring cleaning tradition endured; the streets were washed with holy water once a year after that, both to commemorate this glorious day of civic resistance when the village absolutely bodied the devil's offspring and to maintain basic oven safety standards. (Old lady: "But we don't bother anymore… That's too bad.")

She told us five stories, most of them artfully blending actual local events or anecdotes from her youth with folk tale elements, it was so delightful. She thanked us for coming and said she'd love to do this again sometime. I went home reflecting that listening to an old lady happily tell stories of dubious historical veracity involving the Revolution, property damage, demonic mischief and baffling municipal decision-making is literally my ideal Saturday night activity.

#damn this sounds like a great time!#things to do #ye olde block party

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dine-on-nervine · 24 days ago

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when you have a yardsale and you make $700, but you had marked everything at 1/10th or less of retail... so how much money DID you spend on this shit?

Would you rather have macaroni salad or potato salad as a side dish? Mac salad, because I'm not that keen on potato salad.

How many pairs of winter gloves do you own? I have two in my car.

Which type of deli meat do you prefer? Turkey.

Where’d you go the last time that you took an Uber? Getting from the airport home upon returning from California.

How many pounds can you lift on your own? I did sixty pounds the other day (three bags of drywall mud).

Which foods do you typically pair with peanut butter? Bread, Oreos, chocolate, pretty much anything.

Whenever you print something, is it typically in color or black and white? My printer is b/w.

What would you put into your own homemade trail mix? A better question would be, what would you put in your bridge mix?

Do you know anyone with two different colored irises? I've met heterochromic cats, unsure about people other than my sister who has two tones of brown.

Can you reach the top shelves in your home, or is it a struggle? It's a struggle. I'm a shorty. << not to mention always sitting... I can. I'm known as the tall person around here.

Do you prefer to use headphones or earbuds? Earbuds.

Do you own any complete television series on DVD? Which ones? Aeon Flux and Square Pegs, but that's no challenge since they were one season. Daria both as the official release (took a decade due to musical rights) and the pirate release (the original music). Do the boxed sets that make no attempt to capture everything count, like Fridays or The Electric Company?

Which sneaker do you typically put on first? Whichever shoe I reach first.

What can you see when you glance out the closest window? The building across the way.

Have you ever participated in any sort of a protest? What was it about? Nope, but I have been through the No Kings protest because it was happening in the same time and place as my nephew's graduation.

What was the last thing to make you laugh until you cried? It probably involves a fart.

Toilet paper - are you a folder or a scruncher? Folder.

If you could own your own business, what would you sell? Vintage/antiques.

What’s your favorite flavor potato chip? I dunno. Doritos Taco (the 1970s version) is high on the list.

What is one vegetable that you will never eat? I'm willing to try anything once. It's the second time which will rate a 'never again'.

Do you like nuts in your chocolate? Yes.

Who pinched your butt last? Had to have been Tanya.

What’s your favorite way to eat an egg? In cookies. Scrambled if I have to eat the egg alone.

What’s your favorite type of seafood, if any? So much is good! Don't make me decide!

Have you ever found a hair or a bug in your food? Yes. Storytime: Worked at a Pizza Hut delivery unit, and this customer sent a pizza back because it had a long blond hair in it. The assistant manager took the call and said all the right things to them... he was fully aware that it was his hair.

If you had the money to do so, which room of your home would you renovate next? This apartment isn't really renovation material.

Do you have a garage? If so, what’s in it? I don't. I could use one though.

Would you rather play field hockey or ice hockey, and why? Tonsil hockey.

Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? Nope.

Do you personally know anyone who is currently incarcerated? I don't think so.

Have you ever had your glasses broken before? How? Definitely. Discovered the hard way that I can't push these frames up to my forehead because the arms bow inward thus putting stress on the hinges. Had to replace glasses a year or two ago because it wasn't the screw popping out, it was the socket the screw goes into that sheered right off.

If you have contacts, did you ever have a fear of accidentally poking yourself in the eye? I haven't had contacts.

Do you have a favorite bird? Can't really picture one I favor.

Who is your favorite superhero? Deadpool.

How many of your family member live out of state or in a different country? No clue. Lost track of so many of them.

Who does the yardwork at your home? A landscaping company named PEAK. I didn't say they did it well, but I suppose if you never water the lawn it doesn't matter how well you mow it. I have however started doing something sneaky... PEAK will take backpack blowers to move stuff on the asphalt but not what's between buildings (where shit really accumulates), so when I hear they're out there blowing I grab my electric blower and take about one minute to get the garbage and tree pollen out of the passage between my half of the building and the other half. I am sure the other three neighbors appreciate the effort, and likely have no idea that it's me rather than who is being paid to [not] clean up.

How often can you not fall back asleep when you’re woken up in the middle of the night? It happens sometimes. I am pretty good at falling back to sleep, especially when it's within a couple hours of when I need to get up.

Were you someone who used to enjoy purchasing school supplies? I didn't buy my school supplies. I enjoyed putting bookcovers on.

What is one of your favorite childhood memories? Going to summer camp.

What is something you wish you had insurance on? My car. I mean, I have the state minimum but I found out after an accident that dented my passenger back door that it doesn't cover fixing anything.

How often do you read a book? (for pleasure) I don't.

Have you ever been skiing before? My parents tell the story about how they were going to take me to Snoqualmie Pass to ski when I was 4-5 (my father was the advisor to the high school ski club) but I threw an absolute fit about not wanting to go, so I didn't go. I have no regrets to this day.

Would you rather visit a museum or a gallery, and why? Museum. I like history. Pretty much the only times I'd want to go to a gallery are when it has a program about an artist, like Escher.

Have you ever skipped school? Not often in school because my parents were teachers. Happened in college but when YOU are paying for it, you can decide when you need to bag it for the day.

Did you attend many sleepovers as a child? Two with my friend Brian in elementary school, one at my friend Mike's house in junior high, and I am not thinking of any others though there had to be some more.

Who’s the last person you got a card for? What was the occasion? My dad for Father's Day. <<

When’s the last time you made a s'more? Pretty sure it was 2022. The exgirlfriend and I would go to this AirBnB in Port Angeles and as part of the package they'd fire up their backyard bonfire and pull out the s'mores fixin's.

Do you remember to use bug spray in the summertime? It's bound to happen.

Do you have any college loans to still pay off? Nope, didn't have any loans.

If you had to teach a class, what would it be about? The history of the downtown, or of consumer products.

Do you like to go ice skating during the winter? I like it but I haven't done it in 30 years.

What is your opinion on sex before marriage? Yes, please.

Are you typically the heartbreaker or the heartbreakee? Heartbreakee.

Would you rather read Twilight or Harry Potter? Nope.

What is something you’re curious about but never have the courage to ask? If there's anything I'd change about my growing-up years, it would be my confidence level. I can think of so many times I beat around the bush trying to ask a question that they never realized I was asking a question, or I never got a question out. I can think of so many times I should have said what I was thinking and taken a risk, to see if I could have been successful. Sure, I can think of instances where I did say something and it flopped, but more often than not I didn't say something and not a thing happened, pro or con.

What could you confidently give at least a 5-minute speech about? LED lighting.

Would you rather write on a chalkboard or a whiteboard? A chalkboard.

What’s the last concert you attended? Stray Kids, this last May.

What was the last compliment you received? What was it? From who? I know I got one the other day but I can't remember what about.

Is there anyone out there who you truly hate? No, but there are a small klatch folks that I wouldn't grab if they stepped in front of a moving car, and a growing number of folks that I wouldn't say anything if they were about to step backwards off a cliff. If you hear a thump followed by me saying "dumbass" in a nonchalent disgusted tone, or a Dopler scream followed by me saying "well, that problem solved itself", a wish of mine has come true.

Do you know of any cats who like to play fetch? Yes! My orange boy Cheddar loved playing fetch.

When’s the last time you had a bloody nose? Hmm, it's been a long while. Not remembering why I had the last one but I think it had to do with too much pressure in the sinuses.

Can you walk on stilts? Very likely. I haven't done it much but I have done it. Ask me about my pogo stick.

Can you successfully complete any yo-yo tricks? Not like Tommy Smothers but I had wished as a kid I could.

How much of your day is spent listening to music? For sure my commute, so call that 45-60 minutes of the day.

Would you enjoy going deep sea diving? Maybe, I've never done it.

How good are you at memory match games? I can't call myself great.

Do you like rollercoasters? I don't get on them with any frequency.

What electronic would you personally be able to survive without? A cell phone. That's how I was raised, I was really used to it.

Approximately how many books do you own? Plenty. I had more as a kid.

What’s the longest the power has gone out in your town? I recall an outage at the last place I lived that kept the fridge off for like three days. Previous place, it was a block from the power company so when the power went out, it was back within a couple hours in most instances.

Have you ever had your wisdom teeth removed? Mine are weird. Lower left I had extracted. Lower right, the first to come in, wound up rotting out so never needed to get it removed. Upper two never came in but they show in X-rays, however when i had a tooth next to one of them extracted it moved into the hole... so I presently have one wisdom tooth (that I recently got a filling in!), and one that still has never seen the light of day.

What’s the last thing you complained about? It was probably something political.

Can you do a cartwheel? I used to be able to.

Do you have a favorite day of the week? Possibly Friday. I have that day off and everything is open.

How long has it been since you wore a friendship bracelet? Not sure I ever have.

Would you rather do mini-golf, laser tag, or midnight bowling? Midnight bowling.

Do you prefer bunnies with straight ears or lop ears? Playboy bunnies.

Are you a superstitious person? Not usually. I do have a thing or two that I don't tempt, tease, or taunt to avoid any possible karmic risks.

What’s the last thing that someone else had to help you carry? A table, earlier today in setting up a yardsale.

Are you ticklish? Very much so.

Have you ever had to evacuate your home due to natural disaster? Nope.

Do you snore a lot when you sleep? I have been told that I do. My nasal passages are always full.

Does going to any type of doctor appointment give you anxiety? Sometimes.

Do you typically wear belts with your pants? I do, but it's not for fashion reasons. I can't fucking find pants that fit right... I'm a size 31. Not a thirty, too tight. Not a thirty-two, too lose and thus the belt.

Have one of your parents ever accidentally left you in a store before? Probably. More often than not I walked away from them and did my own thing, so there they were trying to find me. Did that at a theatre once and man, my father was hacked. (I don't remember what dull film I was supposed to be watching. I do know that the film I did go watch, which looked awesome in ads, was either way over my head since I was like 10 or despite being action movie was really dull.)

If you were able to know when you were going to die, would you want to know ahead of time? Sure. Let me get my shit in order and pass off my cool stuff to people who will appreciate it.

When did you start your first period? Dude here.

Do you prefer pants with buttons or snaps? Velcro. Followed by buttons.

Is it okay to color outside the lines? Sometimes that's what things look like.

What’s your favorite number? I don't have one.

Have you ever ridden a unicycle? No. I did want to learn, and had access to one due to a youth circus loaning the kid across the street one, but I have never done it. Ask me about my pogo stick, though.

Briefly describe your last encounter with a Karen. We played 80s trivia and had a good time. Literally a woman with the name Karen who was visiting town, good people but road rages.

What was your worst subject in school? I don't recall having one. Some I didn't really like, and there's plenty in school that serves no real purpose, but none come to mind as subjects that I had difficulty in understanding or testing on.

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dine-on-nervine · 26 days ago

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For every eye-opener I have had recommended, I have learned twice as many people have really horrible taste this way.

If someone ever tells you a certain song is important to them you should turn it up and lay on your bed and close your eyes and really listen to it even if its 10 minutes long because at the end you will know that person much better I think

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dine-on-nervine · 26 days ago

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Behind the scenes look at my attempt to digitize a magazine which I needed to adjust right after I hit the Scan button. That's my right thumb at the bottom so don't get any funny ideas.

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dine-on-nervine · 27 days ago

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"Judgemental Sign Wavers" should be on here somewhere... oh wait, it is, as "So-Called Christians".

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dine-on-nervine · 1 month ago

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Harry Reems: "Why, you little devil! Your clitorus is in the back of your throat!" Linda Lovelace: (unhappy to be made fun of) "What if your balls were in your ears?!" Harry Reems: (brightly) "Then I could hear myself coming!"

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dine-on-nervine · 1 month ago

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I lived here in 1990 and it did NOT look like this... however, that is still the paint job that I gave it 35 years ago. Also, who the fuck installed an air conditioner in the place of the front door?!

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dine-on-nervine · 1 month ago

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what's pissing me off this month

Find out a favorite author from the 1990s put out a book recently.

Order it from the author. Have it inscribed even.

Supposed to be here in late June.

It could have walked here faster, according to tracking. Keeps dawdling for two days in a couple cities.

Finally arrives in the area, will be delivered on Saturday.

Nope, make that Monday. It also dawdled in Seattle.

Monday, the tracking says "forwarding"...

Check order. PayPal put my old address there despite the online order form being given my current address, and that I have fixed the address on PayPal at least once in the last year.

I moved 15 months ago and the USPS forwards for a year, so relax and cross fingers and wait for update.

Update doesn't come during the duration of Monday.

Tuesday, the tracking says "returning to sender"...

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dine-on-nervine · 1 month ago

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She's not wrong. Because California faces forward, values education, pays for itself, and cares about democracy... and she and Arkansas want to turn back the clock, prefers ignorance, relies on federal assistance, and seeks fascism. Funny the person who was Trump's press secretary and constantly had to change stories and pretend things didn't happen would say that she values order over chaos.

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dine-on-nervine · 1 month ago

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this message brought to you by Avalanche chai latte

Is there anything in particular that you always pick up when you go to the store? Whatever it is that I came for. Not much else.

When you have a day totally to yourself, what do you generally end up doing? I do a lot of browsing on the computer, sort through photos, and maybe do the things I never have the time to do if I remember them.

Is there a sport/hobby you keep thinking about taking up, but that you’ve never quite gotten around to starting? There are a few activities I never get around to starting, like I picked up the needlepoint mushroom for twice the usual price that I want to make and... it never comes to mind when I have no other plans.

Would you ever shoplift anything that costs more than $10? Depends upon where from. I normally don't go above the $10 mark no matter where, but some places are less sacred than others.

If you’re religious, does hearing people using your religion to justify hatred/discrimination ever put you off believing? One of the reasons why I am no longer religious is the number of people who invoke the name of their religion when they're doing the wrong thing. And I mean the things the religion outright says not to do. I don't call them hypocrites, though they exist; I just say these folks are misusing the name and, if what they claim to believe in is true, they will be answering for their misappropriation of the name.

What’s your opinion on people who need to talk to their partners 24/7? Do both of you have jobs and lives?

How do you react if you’re at a friends house, and they start arguing with their parents? I just kind of turn away and let them have their moment. In plenty of cases I can see the parents were right so that's a tough space, and it shows on my face I know my friend is in the wrong.

Do you have any favourite stand-up comedians? I have a long list of favorite stand-up comedians. I do miss George Carlin and Sam Kinison and Shelley Berman, and love to see Steven Wright and Josh Blue anytime they show up in my path.

Would you ever want to follow down the career path of your parents? I don't have what it takes to be a teacher.

Do people always assume that you like something because your parents are interested in it too? Nope. My parents assume that I like something just because they want me to like it; my girlfriend assumes I will like something just because she likes it. Neither are true. The phrase, "When did I say that I intended to do that?" gets used a lot by me.

Do you think pranks like egging/toilet-papering someone's house are funny or immature? They're awesome when you're 14.

Do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? To each their own, but be prepared for other people to think you're stupid and tacky. Just saw my neice, age 23 and a very pretty woman, the other day and she seems to get a new tattoo on her arms once a month. (My sister is Not Pleased.)

If you have any tattoos, do you reckon you might regret them when you get older and have children? I will never regret the one I have, or why I have it.

Does it bug you if your friends are constantly texting when you’re hanging out with them? I don't give it much thought unless I'm trying to have a conversation with them and they're busy talking through the cell to other people.

How often would you say you eat fast food? Two or three times a week.

Do you prefer salty or sweet popcorn? Sweet.

Would you say you were an awkward person? I have my moments. I get nervous when I speak to some people.

How often do you get to see your best friend(s)? One, it's every 2-4 weeks. One, it's once or twice a year.

Do you ever actually read the “Terms and services” when you sign up for websites and such? Most of the time.

Did you ever have pen-pals when you were younger? Maybe you still have some now? I did have several. I think there's only one I'm still in contact with and even then it's scattered (her birthday, her daughter's birthday, my birthday, whatever holidays where one of us reaches out).

Do you watch your television on an actual TV, or do you tend to watch more of it online? I don't watch TV.

If you have a handheld games console (a DS or gameboy, for example), how often do you use it? Not as often as I should. I use the DS on plane trips, the emulator handhelds when the spirit moves me, and the Lynx just sits in the corner mocking me for ignoring it for so long.

Do you enjoy plane journeys, if you’ve ever been on one? I've only been on three, with a 4th coming up in September to Australia (ooh boy, 15 hours on a plane!). They've been okay, though it was only that last one to California that I didn't feel like I needed an air vent in my face to get off the ground.

#100 ?'s

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