dipplie

[dipplie]

Yo how the fuck you work tumble again. I forgor.

anyways, my silly silly girlfriend wife boyfriend husband boytwink girl wife went to bed hours ago, and I’ve just been in a silly goofy mood of “mmmm reminisce. Old chats. Look at the old stuff.” And I dunno, of course it’s weird. There’s a weird part of me that’s coming out that’s like “write your thoughts down, but like, in a sort of public way. But like, not in a way all the people your normally talk to will see? But like, maybe people from the past will see.” My brain knows 🫵 DAMN 🫵 WELL. What that means. BUT OKAY I shall oblige and satiate the 1 AM urge of the mind.

I mean, normally, I never write my thoughts down. That’s just ASKING to spiral. But I’m not really in a bad mood, so I think it’s fine. I usually look at the past really distantly and objectively, like “yeah that was me years ago but it doesn’t feel like me.” Still feels that way. Anything before eh 2021 I’m like “idk who that was.” But not in like an intentional way. Dunno. But lately I think the locked away childhood and teenage parts of me have been trying to come out to heal, now that I finally live away from my mom in a safe space, with safe people. Like, I was telling My Love the story of me in middle and high school, and normally! I can tell that story without batting an eye. Doesn’t bother me now and it’s so long ago and I’m so detached from all of it, so I can just tell it normally. But for some reason I started crying, and it hurt to share. It was fascinating! I sound like a pretentious scientist, studying myself LAUGHS. But it was! After reading The Body Keeps the Score and The Secret Language of the Body, it was just like in the books: digging up your inner child who was hurt and unhealed, and finally letting them speak, now that you understand the words and woes you went through. I even still held the younger mentality afterwards for a bit! Stepped on a tack, and instead of going “AH BITCH damn” and moving on, I started crying and reached for my partner to embrace me! Eventually I recalibrated, but I just found that NEAT. Maybe when I’m much older I’ll return to school and look for a degree in psych. Ah, I want to contribute to psych so bad! But I have other life goals to do first… I only just at the end of last year, finally made it somewhere safe. Found a stable home where my house and food wasn’t being constantly threatened, but it’s great to finally be able to explore and experiment

life is certainly the best it’s ever been, I mean, if work and your partners work is the biggest problem you have? You’re probably doing pretty good, right? Granted my FOS is, INSANE. But everyone at work dislikes her so she’ll probably be fired soon. I HOPE. She keeps sneakily deadnaming me and it sucks. Among MANY MANY other things. But point is. I still can’t figure out what I want to make my middle name though! I’ve been thinking of Fyre? Ever? My brother recommended Tomato. Oh! I wanted my partner to change his middle name to Amadeus! But he’s not liking it. Maybe I should make that my middle name! I was hoping for something more gender neutral or even femme, to balance that my current name is more masc, but eh, who cares. Plus I like masc sounding names more anyways. I mean COME ON that name ROCKS. I wonder if I could change it legally in June or July. Since June is pride month, but July would be a year from when I started going by Finni. Maybe I’ll start in June in case it takes awhile.

I’m still so bad at confrontation… I just let whatever happens happen. I wonder if an old friend of mine wants to talk still or not. She absolutely blasted me during a long car ride back to our city- and I told her she was right and I deserved to be humbled… I don’t really think she was fair but… I wasn’t gonna tell her “NU UH” because who do you think I am. NO. Take all blame forever. GIVES ME CONTROL OVER THE SITUATION. Elias keeps telling me that is an AWFUL mentality and I GOTTA stop doing that, but. NO. I refuse. If I attribute all mishaps and arguments to myself, then I can navigate it easier. It’s a terrible habit! Maybe one day I’ll stop. But I dunno… I never like pointing the finger at others. I think I did that too much as a kid. Can’t remember.

Zoloft still ate too many holes in my brain. My memory is bad. That’s why this year I’ve been writing down stuff everyday! Or trying anyways. And doing ASL everyday! My sign is already getting very good. It’s nice for when I want to be nonverbal. Usually it’s for when I’m sad, but sometimes it just feels nice to be a mute. In fact, a lot of my personas for RP or Fanfic I headcanon as mute. Not too sure why! Maybe it’s a sad reason like I hate my voice or that I talk so much, or maybe it’s just I’ve always wished people talked TO me more rather than just RESPOND to me. Dunno.

I had this weird manic episode a couple months ago that my poor best friend had to be the witness of XD I was ridiculous, but I also couldn’t stop thinking about it! I still do. I know I’ve OCD and autism, PTSD which- side note- is ALWAYS weird to mention like “oh I forgot I have that” like HOW DO YOU FORGET but I guess I did only have a flashback ONE TIME during I think it was 2022 forth of july. It was short and afterwards me my ex and his friend went and goofed off in a grocery store. But sure enough, that’s what it was. And clinically of course it makes sense- HAH my healthcare provider still needs me to take an ACE assessment. I remember seeing that and going “HAHA I know what that IS!!! ITS FROM THE BOOK!!! ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES!”

I’m getting distracted- I’ll talk about that weird manic episode later or another time XD

It’s always strange to look back at my childhood and how I was raised. I made SUCH a fuss in middle school about how BADDD I had it oooo. And then and then and then whoops turns out I was right for the wrong reasons. You thought you had????? Big scary mental illness??? Bad time??? WRONG! Neglect and abusive parents! Didn’t realize it at the time because I thought it was so normal tho. Talked to a couple friends that I had even back then about it, and it was bizarre to have them… Feel so sad for me? I talked to my roommate about it too! He also said he was sorry for me…? I didn’t really get it at first. Like “what? It doesn’t bother me that I never wanted good parents, I just never wanted, parents at all. They were never really around much and I found that to be the _good_ part.”

But… As a partial psych major I should know better… A neglected child is often just as damaged as an actively abused one. I don’t know, it was just weird. To me, my mom being absent was GOOD because otherwise it was eggshells or getting yelled at or kicked out or threatened. I didn’t realize how damaging it was to frequently be reminded by both my parents how I wasn’t wanted. Mom always threatened/said she wanted to send me to live with my dad, but it would never happen because he didn’t want me either. I don’t think I was conscious of it at the time, but my nervous system was hearing the message loud and clear, that I was unwanted. Again, it didn’t bother me? I just didn’t want to be around my parents. I never understood kids with bad/even abusive parents still loving or wanting to fix and be around their parents. I just never developed that emotional attachment to mine, so I was like “???”

In fact! I used to think being friends or close to your parents? Was a sign of something sinister or really bad! Because to me my parents were just supposed to feed and house me, and make sure I didn’t do illegal things. That was all! I knew my mom was a bad parent I did, at least, starting freshmen year I did- but for all the wrong reasons, sorta… Her hitting me or threatening me or telling me to kill myself or how she wished I didn’t live with her and how I was a burden- was bad. Terrible and hurtful. But the REAL damage didn’t emerge till I was an adult, and she especially wanted me gone.

She didn’t raise me. She didn’t set myself or my brother up to live. She didn’t do anything to help us. So as soon as I- and now sadly as my brother- became adults. We didn’t know how to do- anything. I tried to step up a little the half year before I moved- get my brother his license and make him a resume and give him resources in case he ever is in crisis- advice for jobs and living- but still… Poor boy is depressed and stuck now… My mom wants him gone now too and I don’t know how to help. I can’t take him in- since I already share a room with Elias…. Ah… I hope he’ll be okay. My mom kicked me out maybe 4-5 times but- hopefully she’s not so cruel to him… ugh.. if she does maybe I’ll flip out and actually want to talk to her JUST to finally yell at her… But I’d rather not. It’s a bad time whenever I feel angry- not that it’s so intense these days! But rather I just- dislike the feeling. Bleh

I do wonder which was worse, living with my ex or living with my mom. See my mom was volatile and sometimes violent, but Daniel was pretty…. mean. And his place had roaches which was terrible for my asthma- mold I think too. I slept in my car 2-3 times ones. There was a bang on the window in the middle of the night one of the nights- scared me to pieces. The car is not comfortable! Do not recommended. But the fact it was more peaceful than his house? Eek. Bad time. He also threatened me a lot. Threatened to hurt or kill himself when I was upset. Always appointed me as a burden to him, that I would make us unhappy… And I believed it. I’m still struggling to undo that thought pattern: that if I am not useful, I am not lovable. It’s pretty bad but, I’m working on it.

It was really scary when I started to realize I was non-binary/genderfluid. Honestly I don’t know WHAT I was doing being with Daniel for so long… “A centrist” was just diet conservative- and he even said he was conservative sometimes! I was petrified of telling him I was more than just Pansexual, and I was right. When I mentioned I was questioning, he told me to figure it out sooner or later so I don’t waste his time. Cried a lot, needed my Xanax for that one that night. I cried a lot of times actually- alone- when wondering if I was non-binary. It hurt to know I’d be hated for who I was. That I’d be abandoned. It’s not wrong to have preferences in who you date of course, but he was so… Cold, about it. Gods it stung.

and aye, what a time to decide to be non-binary right? Fuckin election last year had me in shambles… I coped by doing maintenance on my discord server LAUGHS. Man having an X on my gender would be soooo coooool… But not for now I guess… Maybe someday!

Elias is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met…. When I told Cyrus about myself self harming, he told me that it would “hurt him just as much if not more than it hurt me…” and when I told Daniel, he told me once- “-and if you fucking self harm again, I’ll kill myself.”

Elias when… I had a moment (which I haven’t in awhile now! Huzzah!), as he was disinfecting it and putting a bandaid on it, said “I’ll always be here to help clean and bandage you up.” OH how middle school and high school me would have swooned! He’s so wonderful….. STILL TRYING TO GET HIM TO COME OUT AS AN EGG THOUGH. It’s only a matter of TIMMME especially since we ERP’ed having gay sex. LOVE THAT.

shit my phone battery dying. Hol up I’m not done talking because I’m bored and Elias is eepin and I hate being awake when he’s not. PHONE CHARGER.

I really love Elias. Only quirks of his that sometimes are a hassle are his really really bad ADHD- I forgets about me sometimes or just has a mental block when it comes to texting me- but it’s okay. I love him dearly… Plus! We’re both trying to see doctors, and I recommended he ask about getting an ADHD screening and some meds, which he’s interested in. I wanna see the stuff he writes so bad… Someday… I hope he can write a novel someday! GAH, I love him.

Last time I s/h’ed was uhhh over a month ago- before that it was a year or two ago. I dunno, my brain was having a moment. Didn’t burn myself though, just found how to use a little knife. Didn’t know you could just swipe quickly to do it??? I felt very bad immediately after. NEVER burning myself again though oh my GOD that was a bitch to deal with for MONTHSSS my shirt would melt into my skin. Was so bad that when I got my wisdoms teeth out, the dentists noticed and jumped to treat it. EEK. I don’t think I’ll ever cover the scars with tattoos though. They’re weird and the skin is still sensitive, but they show I’m different/went through stuff, and I think for some demographics that silently tells them I’m safe to talk to about that stuff, which I like. Don’t like when older people ask me about it though… Makes me nervous. Also sometimes Elias will gently kiss them, and I’ll cry about it because it’s so sweet…..

It’s hard to not reach other to people from the past sometimes, even when I know I shouldn’t. I don’t know… Even when I know that they hurt me or mislabeled me- or that most likely me apologizing would set the wrong idea- it just. I want to. It’s hard to. Let go. The only person in the world (that I know personally cough cough not billionaires cough), that I hate, is my mom. And HELL it’s mostly because of how she screwed my BROTHER OVER, lessso me. Although she is embarrassing. I otherwise don’t hold stuff over people from my past. I read the stuff people said about or to me and just feel sad. I feel bad how they hurt and I can’t like… Go back in time with the skills I have now to handle it. I’m still bad with just- shutting down when conflict happens. Very avoidant. I don’t like getting yelled at or making people mad. I wonder if I’ll ever grow out of that… But even then, I look back- and when I was silent it was never out of… Not caring it was just- I didn’t know what else to do. It was never without feeling… Bad. Listening to the woes of those upset and seeing how they felt… Ah… I can’t say I hate my past self, being an adult now and understanding that while I didn’t know what I was dealing with then, I do now. My communication was just STRAIGHT DOG YO. I didn’t know how to express myself how I felt or what I needed. And- well, bad attitudes can be contagious- so…

Eh, I shouldn’t give myself so much credit XD We all had our own traumas and tribulations. And some people just don’t mesh. That’s life, I guess… I wish I didn’t try so hard all through high school though. Like, socially. I just wanted to be funny or unique. Interesting or liked unconditionally. I didn’t get what that meant till… Do I know what that means even now??? I think so…? I dunno. Elias is teaching me~ He’s very good… (me when I’m like “MY WIFE” every 20 seconds). But when looking through our senior yearbook- I wish I made my senior quote something genuine- not- just trying to be funny. Trying so hard to be noticed… Guh… I know why- the childhood neglect and loneliness coming up to bat and try to find belonging and being heard- but still… I’m still only now learning to be genuine and ACTUALLY vulnerable again, not just coldly vulnerable. As a friend put it: “I mean you don’t really vent in the vent chat, you kind of just talk about what’s happening, how it makes you feel, and then work through it yourself.”

that’s Daniels doing! For sure! He threatened me when I’d vent WHOOPS. I cried in my car alone many nights because it was better to do it alone than around him. I learned to not vent unless I’d already worked through it myself, or else! Unfortunately, that had the terrible side effect of sort of kind of bottling things up. Didn’t think it did! How can you bottle things up when you’re talking about them!

That’s because- just saying it doesn’t mean feeling it! Whoops. I mean, I’m glad I am the way I am now, but hrgg, it hurt a lot back then. I remember feeling destined to be too mentally… Disabled or something to work, so I was stuck being a burden on whoever I would be with. It made me so s**cidal (I don’t want the tumble bot to yell at me LAUGHS I’m doing fantastic now, just ranting!), even when I felt fine, it just felt like this overhanging “people wouldn’t be burdened by you if you did.” And man… That… Wasn’t, good.

Looking back, me and Cyrus’s relationship was bad. He was very controlling on who I did or didn’t talk to, and guilted me when I wanted to be alone. It wasn’t awful… I still think he was a good person, but we were also very different and it was for the best we ended it. I still miss him sometimes, as a friend. He doesn’t talk to me anymore… Ah well…

I got over Daniel QUIIICK though. Oh my god. Like 2 weeks. He was a racist sexist transphobic piece of garbage. BLEH. All my friends were so glad when I finally broke up with him XD. Month or two later I had a threesome with a coworker and a hotel guest WOOO fun time. Itching to sleep with a lady again teehee. Thankfully Elias is cool with it too so THREESOME FOURSOME LETS GO I need to see him get bent over by another guy BAD but that’s- ignore that.

I think my brain is starting to dry up on stuff to rant about… Hm… Bullet points bullet points… Non-binary now- I think I’m technically Abrosexual but nobody would know what the FUC that is so I still say Pan usually, about the same. My tubes getting tied has been a blessing, I’ve never been healthier- Never been safer. Never been so free and not afraid of expressing myself and being “”cringe”” again~! I wish my artistic creative bone would activate more these days but- with time~ I write a lot still though! Mostly because of Elias- I like him a lot so I just write us in AU’s all the time and go “read my fanfiction of us NOW” and he goes “OKAY ID LOVE TO”

I miss an ex friend still. I wonder if he ever thinks of me. I think he still hates me. I mean, that’s okay… My memory is still so foggy of back then, but I know whether I meant to or not, I hurt him a lot. Regardless of if I think I was in the “right” or not, that doesn’t negate how he felt. I dunno… I saw a little doodle he did earlier when scrolling through messenger, and INSTANTLY started crying. Took me a second to figure out why- but I realized it to just be reminiscing on when we were kids and would doodle on each other’s notebooks. Stuff like that. Reminisce on when we’d roleplay silly stupid fandom stuff~ (I thank god (I don’t) everyday that all my self insert hetalia fanfics are gone. THANK FUCK.) I SHOULDNT say this stuff. I feel like if he ever saw he’d probably feel worse because “why are they talking about me, stop getting into my head and leave me alone”

or not idk JCJSJDJSJ. I just have been thinking too much tonight. My ass should know better than to reopen old scars. I think. Who knows. HELL I still have fresher social conundrums that I should handle if I’m gonna do ANY sort of clean up. Not that I have a lot- I think I’ve been pretty good in recent years, but no one is socially perfect. Although I’ll be damned if I don’t TRY. BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING I can fix it. Trust.

d. Do I. Would I have messages to leave to people from the past? Um. I don’t know. I think talking to some people directly sounds too scary. What if they get mad at me. I think the- adult- or uh- more logical part of me is like “boy don’t even THINK about apologizing, it will make you take blame for stuff that you shouldn’t.” But also wasn’t I JUST going on about how that’s my modeus opperadi??? It’s weird. I don’t get it myself. But of course another part of me is like “but even if it feels bad, I think taking the blow to your ego is worth apologizing for someone getting hurt. People deserve to know you don’t hate them or didn’t intend to hurt them.”

I MEAN for most of my life anyways. There was one day I chose evil and was a shithead because I was with Daniel and he was a shithead and I chose violence and vindictiveness but that. That was one time and I’m like “that was a bit cringe wasn’t it.”

ITSSSS WEIRD. But anyways.

Oh. Oh my god. Okay. Embarrassing. Back to that weird manic episode I had awhile ago XD it was so absurd. And yet it’s so stuck in my brain. I just, one night before my period connected all these dots in my head, and then went on this tangent to my bestie Julie, like “JULIAN I mean I probably don’t because that’d be insane of course I don’t how could I but hypothetically possibly imagine just pretend what if I had DID”. AND THEN I WENT ON THIS WHOOOLLE tirade about how bad my memory issss and how I never feel like one personalityyyy and blah blah blah. And then I became normal and went “Nevermind my period was about to start.” I think it just happened because I met my coworker who has DID, and when he talked about it I was like “……. Huuuuh….. That’s….. interesting……”

I do not have DID I DONT XD I’m normal. Definitely some weird personality issues- struggle to ever describe myself with one, but that’s, that’s just, that came free with your fucking “being a complex developing human, dipshit.”

I wonder if any people I am still friends with that do still have tumblr will see this. If so HAI ALAURA HI DRINKS don’t look. I’m using tumblr how a lot of people use tumblr to dumb all their weird 2 am feelings onto to forget about LOOK AWAY

Uh. I’m running out of things to say. My brain is drying up of content. I’m sorry if I ever hurt you I guess. You didn’t deserve that. I feel very detached from who I was in high school and ESPECIALLY who I was in middle school, but that doesn’t negate that it was I then as it is I now. Again I think I’m weird with direct apologizes like this because mmm scary. Opens door for communication. No like. No want. Well maybe want but NO WANT.

I don’t think middle or high school me deserved what she went through either, of course. That’s why I cried the other week to Elias when telling the story. Still hurts if I think about it too much. But it’s easy to look back objectively now and say “no one deserved any of that.” Again, it’s like looking at it from this outer world, doesn’t even feel like it was me there. It’s always such a gem when I find old convos and dig through them and the pictures and especially videos! I h found a few videos of my mom being abusive, I wish I had known earlier in life to record that shit. Ah well. Some videos of me when I was in high school/18-20. A lot of Cyrus stuff. It’s weird. To see it all now. It was so long ago and yet, not really. Cyrus was my whole life for awhile, and now he’s but a distant memory. Daniel, was my whole world for awhile, and now he’s completely gone. IT’S STRANGE. Hey is that *sniff*, grieving I smell? Sure is! Doesn’t hurt, just is odd. That which was a large part of one’s life, leaves now a gaping hole to never be filled. It’s even harder to believe the missing pieces of middle and high school, that were once my everyday. Just. Bizarre.

Obviously I post all this nonsense here with the chance that certain people might see it- otherwise I’d say it all in my server or to my partner or in a notes app or blah blah blah. Must mean there’s a part of me that wants them to- but the bigger part of me is like “nooononononono don’t poke that’s bees nest leave that alone no no no no don’t see it don’t come talk to me I’m scared noonononno”

SILLY ACTIVITIES AT 3 AM you know how it goes. But either way. I guess it’s like. I wanna let the bees know I think about the bees sometimes. Pretty much rarely in a negative way, maybe more in just like uh, sad way. And if I do speak ill of the bees it’s pretty nonchalant/just “yeah that’s what happened I guess”. I also just think about bees in general still. Yellow still is my favorite couple because it ROCKS. I have more pink in my closet though. And surprisingly a lot of black. Lots of lolita stuff in there these days! Can’t wait to order more once I have more money. My hyperfixation is still Danganronpa, I’m like. Not normal about it, when people ask me about it. Gonta and Gundham brain rot. MY SILLY GUYS. Or MLP I guess, till this day! We come full circle. Back to my roots…

geh, I should go to bed. I miss my cat Pumpkin. I wish I held him more before I moved. I don’t even remember the last time I had him in my arms before we left, and then later, before he was gone. He was always so sweet. I love you, pumpkin. I hope he knew I did. I like to think he did. I saw some videos of his while digging and I just. Miss him. He died to cancer last year. I hope he was happy the last year back in Colorado, with my mom’s ex.

I hope Cyrus is doing okay- I know being an animator for anime studios is usually… less than rewarding and compensating… I wonder if he’s met anyone else yet. I wonder if he looks any different.

although Daniel was mean to me, and rather cruel and I- can’t even tell if he ever really cared or was just using me- I don’t wish any ill-will on him. I hope his family is safe with- how ICE is everywhere now… Maybe he did learn something and is continuing to better himself- maybe he doubled down and isn’t… I don’t know. But I hope he finds happiness and contentment.

I hope a lot do my old classmates are doing okay- or are- growing as people if they had cringe opinions back then. Bruh when looking through the yearbook I saw TWO PEOPLE quote Donald trump for their senior quote and I was just like **sigh**. But I digress.

ALSO. Today, my roommate got this new hand soap, and it is EXACTLY, THE SCENT that a boy I had a crush on in high school had. OH MY GOD. It’s called vetiver and Amber. IT SMELLS SO- AGH. Makes my clothes call off. Everyone else said he smelled like cat piss but NO. HE DIDN’T. WRONG. Vetiver + Amber. Makes me hard.

I should bed. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep. I think! If I evoke emotions out of me, and have Elias hold me, then I’ll feel better and be able to eep. But I don’t want to wake him. Poor guy gets worked to death everyday… I should go give him a massage, he says he always loves those.

Hope everyone has a nice night or- a better night, if it’s been bad. Hopefully it’s not bad because of me. Um, sorry if so. Block me out of your memory! Actually don’t do that- repressing things in your brain and feelings in your body, can damage your nervous system long term, and cause worsening systems from your ever beaten parasympathetic system… But uh. Also I feel bad if I dug up old wounds. But also it’s good to decode and detangle those, to held your brain and body. REALLY recommend the books I mentioned earlier. The Body Keeps the Score is a slightly longer, slightly higher reading level, but gods is it good. Love all the anecdotes of patients from Bessel. The Secret Language of the Body is a little better if you properly want to self heal, easier reading level and it made me CRY which I was NOT expecting, totally jump scared me with tears and repressed feelings for years, was really special. The book is a tad repetitive, but that’s because it tries very hard to teach what it’s talking about, very good. Has patient anecdotes in it as well, which are my favorite part. Both books have graphs and pictures and stuff about brain waves and child’s drawings and what they mean and etc etc. Right now I’m reading A Man’s Search For Meaning. Which…. wow what a fitting time to be reading a book about a man who survived the holocaust… I got the book before November… it’s great here… (/s). But when it comes to the therapy and philosophy of it (the second half of the book), it’s the first I slightly disagree on! Has a bit too harsh of a mentality about humans having to suffer and push themselves. Bit too rough. Logotherapy is interesting but, not my cup of tea. I guess I’ll have to keep reading first, finish the book before I fully decide what I think on it. But at the end of the day, what helps someone is never wrong, even if it doesn’t help everyone. Or whatever idk ejcjejdjsj

I need to go eat somethin’- bye bye!

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Thinking about Deleting Tumblr?

Dunno I just don’t have a ton of engagement here anymore (aside from some friends) and I have other social media’s now that I like/Use more

Only reason I’m thinking not to is that if I delete my account someone else can take my username and that’s cringe

Maybe I won’t DELETE my accounts but just delete the app and stop using it, with a pinned link to the other stuff I do use

If anyone (I don’t see why 🤨) is desperate to make me stay then let me know I guess?

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Pipe expanding machine

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cute underwear is the best cure all for low self esteem

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Hell hath no fury like when someone misgenders you but then notices but rather than just correct themselves they get really stressed and frustrated and go on a long rant explaining why they forgot and the whole time there's this air of resentment because they are so so terrified that someone might see them as a bad person and meanwhile you haven't even said anything

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I miss working at the sex store people would really walk up to me and say shit like "I need help making my wife cum" and I'd be like yeah. I know just the thing brother

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if Homer Simpson was exposed to top/bottom discourse he would say “mmm… subs” while thinking about a big sandwich. and we should all strive to be more like him in this way

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Illustration from a 2001 issue of the Japanese 64Dream magazine showing how to take out a leaflet from the center of the magazine, featuring a drawing of Bowser with a bandaged finger to show that the staples holding together the pages can be dangerous to handle improperly.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Source: 64Dream (Japan), Issue 2001/03

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silly little app

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"Quivering" is my least-favourite word in the english language. Nothing and nobody should be quivering. If you're quivering right now, stop that shit immediately. Tremble or shake if you must but the quivering has to stop.

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New Crash Bandicoot character is both cool as fuck AND canon nonbinary!? I'm being spoiled!!

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If you struggle with showing yourself kindness and compassion because you were so shamed/abused in your childhood that you can’t shake this feeling that there’s something inherently “bad” about you that you need to be “punished” for all the time... consider that you’ve been punished enough. Even though there wasn’t anything deserving of this much punishment to begin with, even if there was... you’ve suffered enough. When will enough be enough? How many more years must you suffer? It’s time to start being gentle and kind with yourself.

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Reigen genuinely had no idea