dippyspeakstheirtruth

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

Yall do realize that the anti psychiatry movement is heavily rooted in scientology right?? Yikes. Also i feel like the reason yall are anti psychiatry is maybe because a therapist told yall you were awful people (not because of ur disorders!!! but because ur just bad people) and you couldn't take that fact 🤪

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

So I saw they updated their system directory and Rus is back... I remember rus basically called clover out on their shit and bro got so mad they banned rus from ever fronting again.... I remember noni coming to me all upset about it... tbh I wonder if they ever made up...

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

I just hate that I still know them so well even when they were lying that they weren't who I thought they were, I KNEW they were lying just on the typing style alone .. like I've had at least 3 other system hosts between dippy and I and I STILL remember that stuff. I just... I still occasionally have dreams where we will all be talking and things will be as they were before I was aware of the abuse... idek if they watch this blog... tbh they probably don't watch me like I watch them. They say they're scared of me (again I just think that's their guilty conscience) but if they truly were paranoid and scared, they'd probably be acting more like me (aka keeping an eye on them for possible self protection). I hate that their abuse has, does, and will continue to impact my friendships. I'm just sorta sad tonight and when I'm sad I think about the past

I hate that I miss them sometimes... I don't have any of the old chats to read back on to see how awful they really were to me and that discord account is long gone so I can't even look at screenshots I sent to friends.. I hate how ur brain tricks you into missing your abusers. I wonder if they miss me ever... ik they were choosing to be abusive towards me and were manipulating me most of our "friendship" but the optimist that still breathes in me likes to hope that even in their abusive depravity they maybe genuinely wanted a friend.. even if they chose not to be a friend.

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

I hate that I miss them sometimes... I don't have any of the old chats to read back on to see how awful they really were to me and that discord account is long gone so I can't even look at screenshots I sent to friends.. I hate how ur brain tricks you into missing your abusers. I wonder if they miss me ever... ik they were choosing to be abusive towards me and were manipulating me most of our "friendship" but the optimist that still breathes in me likes to hope that even in their abusive depravity they maybe genuinely wanted a friend.. even if they chose not to be a friend.

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTjB7wMEc/

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

However I do hope that you have some regret or guilt or something. I'm assuming the "fear" of me watching yalls public social media is the manifestation of that guilt/regret tbh. Hence why in the past it's occasionally satisfying to make yall aware that I am keeping tabs on past abusers.

I wish they'd just acknowledge to me that they fucked up. That they were abusive towards me. I hate that abusers always play the victim... and ik it's too much to ask of those assholes but idk if yall are watching this blog. I'd appreciate the closure... like even if you don't necessarily feel guilty or regret for being abusive... at least acknowledging the fact that you were...

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

I wish they'd just acknowledge to me that they fucked up. That they were abusive towards me. I hate that abusers always play the victim... and ik it's too much to ask of those assholes but idk if yall are watching this blog. I'd appreciate the closure... like even if you don't necessarily feel guilty or regret for being abusive... at least acknowledging the fact that you were...

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

Genuinely tho I was way too nice back then probably because I was so desperate for Genuine connections I took cruelty and abuse just so I could keep the connection. I know I keep saying I but dippy was the main system host back then. Can't believe my 20s were essentially stolen from me by those two. Like I was genuinely making progress in therapy: getting in touch with my emotions. And they basically forced my emotions all down again.

Sorry it's one of those nights where I'm just angry at them (Noni and clover) but some of my current friends who also had past abusers say it helps with the anger to laugh at the "funny" aspects of past abusers sooo I'm gonna brainstorm/remember.

1. Clover had an emo trans humanoid lightning mcqueen "soulbond." When I met them irl, bro role-played as the so called soulbond while I was trying to watch TV in the hotel room 😭 the freaking soulbond had allegedly killed himself in his own dimension and idk I'll give both clover and Noni they both have really strong imaginations lol

2. I'm pretty sure they both kinned two angry birds from the angry birds movie. I forgot which ones but I'm sorry considering they believe in past life kinning... that's interesting and so unique !

3. Clover had anger issues (theyd take it out on both Me and noni.. idk if theyre still abusive to Noni but idrc tbh they deserve each other) and there was a period of time where clover genuinely blamed the anger issues on their bakugo katsuki kinshift. Like imagine!!! Blaming your abusive behavior not on your mental health issues (that is not great but like ykwim) but on a fictional character who you somehow psychosised yourself into believing is your past lives!!!

I cannot believe I was friends with these abusive weird assholes for THREE YEARS!!!

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

4. OH MY I just found something out not scarification... bro 💀 I had another ex friend who was in a joker kinshift/psychosis and legit tried to cut his fucking mouth like the joker. Bro I'm so glad I didn't stay friends with clover and noni... we were talking about eventually living together. God.. not the scarification

Sorry it's one of those nights where I'm just angry at them (Noni and clover) but some of my current friends who also had past abusers say it helps with the anger to laugh at the "funny" aspects of past abusers sooo I'm gonna brainstorm/remember.

1. Clover had an emo trans humanoid lightning mcqueen "soulbond." When I met them irl, bro role-played as the so called soulbond while I was trying to watch TV in the hotel room 😭 the freaking soulbond had allegedly killed himself in his own dimension and idk I'll give both clover and Noni they both have really strong imaginations lol

2. I'm pretty sure they both kinned two angry birds from the angry birds movie. I forgot which ones but I'm sorry considering they believe in past life kinning... that's interesting and so unique !

3. Clover had anger issues (theyd take it out on both Me and noni.. idk if theyre still abusive to Noni but idrc tbh they deserve each other) and there was a period of time where clover genuinely blamed the anger issues on their bakugo katsuki kinshift. Like imagine!!! Blaming your abusive behavior not on your mental health issues (that is not great but like ykwim) but on a fictional character who you somehow psychosised yourself into believing is your past lives!!!

I cannot believe I was friends with these abusive weird assholes for THREE YEARS!!!

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

Sorry it's one of those nights where I'm just angry at them (Noni and clover) but some of my current friends who also had past abusers say it helps with the anger to laugh at the "funny" aspects of past abusers sooo I'm gonna brainstorm/remember.

1. Clover had an emo trans humanoid lightning mcqueen "soulbond." When I met them irl, bro role-played as the so called soulbond while I was trying to watch TV in the hotel room 😭 the freaking soulbond had allegedly killed himself in his own dimension and idk I'll give both clover and Noni they both have really strong imaginations lol

2. I'm pretty sure they both kinned two angry birds from the angry birds movie. I forgot which ones but I'm sorry considering they believe in past life kinning... that's interesting and so unique !

3. Clover had anger issues (theyd take it out on both Me and noni.. idk if theyre still abusive to Noni but idrc tbh they deserve each other) and there was a period of time where clover genuinely blamed the anger issues on their bakugo katsuki kinshift. Like imagine!!! Blaming your abusive behavior not on your mental health issues (that is not great but like ykwim) but on a fictional character who you somehow psychosised yourself into believing is your past lives!!!

I cannot believe I was friends with these abusive weird assholes for THREE YEARS!!!

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

Something I just realized is that when you stop blaming people's mental illnesses and trauma for their abusive behavior it's kinda liberating but it also makes that abuse ten times worse.

For years after my experiences with Noni and clover(?) I'd try and excuse their behavior "oh they were young adults in abusive homes" or something. You know what? I was also a young adult in an abusive home and I also had multiple mental illnesses and disabilities and I didn't choose to use them as a punching bag or expose them (nonconsensually) to sexual erps. I didn't manipulate them. They chose to do that all to me. Which again is liberating in a way because now I can't bend over backwards trying to excuse my own abusers behavior. But the fact that they CHOSE to be cruel and abusive? That makes it worse in a way because there are no excuses.

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

Final fantasy 7 house is an excellent starter point for a deep dive on this. I wasn't personally involved in this cult but I knew of a very similar cult that was mainly online. And two ex friends used their religious beliefs to delegitimize my own system.

Fun fact: I actually wrote a 25 page paper on spulbonder (aka endogenic systems) and past life fictinkin cults as my history undergrad thesis. Soulbonds actually started out as a bunch of writers who just referred to their writing inspo as Soulbonds but then some crazy person started the whole endogenics trend in the late 90s early 2000s. If u do a deep dive sys course isn't new and it's genuinely really ableist of endos to spread misinformation and use system terms. I understand having niche spiritual beliefs and I do think some endos are probably traumagenic systems who just have a touch of religious psychosis but like go touch grass and see a therapist instead of perpetuating main character syndrome and misinformation online to vulnerable mentally ill kids and young adults.

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

Fun fact: I actually wrote a 25 page paper on spulbonder (aka endogenic systems) and past life fictinkin cults as my history undergrad thesis. Soulbonds actually started out as a bunch of writers who just referred to their writing inspo as Soulbonds but then some crazy person started the whole endogenics trend in the late 90s early 2000s. If u do a deep dive sys course isn't new and it's genuinely really ableist of endos to spread misinformation and use system terms. I understand having niche spiritual beliefs and I do think some endos are probably traumagenic systems who just have a touch of religious psychosis but like go touch grass and see a therapist instead of perpetuating main character syndrome and misinformation online to vulnerable mentally ill kids and young adults.

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

Maybe I should make a different vent blog for general vents because the only people who know this blog exists are two of my worst abusers... idek if they watch this blog or not idrc rn I'm just having a moment....

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

Oh... it's apparently due to the autism... literally every traumatic experience I've been through is basically dialed to 3 billion in my brain. Also if I had a nickel for the amount of times I've been abused by someone who also has the npd and aspd double whammy combo I'd have 2 nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice... (again as someone who also has a stigmatized trauma based personality disorder I get that npd and aspd can also be caused by trauma and the disorder itself doesn't cause abuse. But individuals who happen to have such disorders may make the choice to continue the cycle of abuse...)

It's sad they/them hours...

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

It's sad they/them hours...

[dippyspeakstheirtruth]

No because why the fuck were yall constantly sexually harassing me/oversharing/involving me in your kinks??? Like no wonder I had that breakdown... yall took advantage if my innocence and yalls sexual abuse literally caused me to have some dissociative breakdown.