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directrixisles · 11 months ago

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Forget the smut,,,,talking her through a people pleaser moment was the hottest part

tell me why I’m CRYING

What You Want

Alex Blake x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, sex, fingering, toys, age gap relationship (all parties are very much adults, like 30+), also fluffy times because I can't not, explicit language (please let me know if I've missed anything) Word count: 2.1k

Summary: It's your first time, and Alex treats you right. But what if you want too much from the relationship? What if she doesn't want the things that you want?

Note(s): There is a severe lack of Alex Blake content on here! I've just gotten to the Alex seasons on my Criminal Minds rewatch and she's so fine, so smart, so funny. Also, thank you to the several Alex Blake fic writers who use darling girl as her signature pet name for reader because that's fucking cute and, in my mind, it's canon now.

“Shhh,” Alex soothed from her perch in between your legs as you gasped and writhed. She planted a kiss on your thigh, letting her finger rest inside of you, letting your body stretch and adapt. “Just relax, sweet girl. Breathe. In and out, there you go. I’ve got you.”

She laced her free hand with yours, and you gripped it tight, pleasure and pain roiling underneath the surface of your skin. Three times tonight. That’s how many times she’d already made you come. From her mouth. From the vibrator she held at just the right angle, brushed against you at just the right speed to have you completely fall apart. From her body pressed against yours.

You didn’t know you could feel like this, so good, so electric, it made you nearly black out with pleasure. You’d told Alex you were a virgin, and you’d been so worried it would scare her off. After all, you were thirty. Who waited until their thirties? You did. You just hadn’t found anyone you’d wanted to do those things with. Until Alex.

And she hadn’t cared one bit. She’d just cupped your face and kissed your nose and said, “Don’t worry, darling. I’ll be gentle.” No questions. No revulsion. No why haven’t you had sex before?! Just Alex, excited to be your first. Just Alex, taking care of you all night long.

You whimpered as Alex started slowly moving her finger in and out, in and out. You could feel yourself dripping onto her as she pressed another finger inside. You could feel your stomach tighten, your hips buck against her hand, and you couldn’t control it. It was like your body was separate from your mind, or perhaps had taken it over, and left it with only one thought: Alex, Alex, Alex.

“You’re being so good for me, honey. Such a good girl.”

Alex moved to lay next to you, maneuvering for a different angle and when she hit it–Jesus Christ, you lit up like a bonfire.

“Alex,” you moaned, your hips rocking into her hand again and again. She kissed your cheek, and you tucked your head in the crook of her neck, intoxicated by the smell of her–sweat, perfume, and something else unnameable, unique to her, soft and warm like a bookshop.

Your chest heaved and you squeezed your fists together, your arms limp and stupid at your sides. You didn’t know what to do with them. She kept telling you to relax, to let her take care of you, and you had, but you still felt like you were floundering.

Alex kissed you again, deeply, hungrily, licking a stripe from your neck to your mouth. “Go ahead, baby, you can touch me,” she whispered breathily into your ear.

“I don’t know how,” you admitted, a groan escaping your lips as she pressed the heel of her palm into your clit.

She laughed, and it was beautiful. Her eyes crinkling. The way she pressed her tongue between her teeth.

“Like this,” she told you, moving your hand and placing it on the bare small of her back. Her skin felt so good under your fingertips you almost came from that alone. You gasped for breath, running your hands up and down her back, across the rise of her ass, burying your face between her breasts. She was so warm, so soft, so very, very alive.

You felt the knot below your stomach tighten and tighten until there was nothing left but for it to snap.

“Alex,” you panted, as she pressed once more into that spot that short-circuited your brain.

You moaned, high and desperate, your body contracting as you approached the edge.

“That’s it, sweet girl. Come on. You’re so close. One more for me, yeah?”

But this time was not like the others. This time you were like a surfer waiting for an approaching wave, only to realize when it arrived that it was so much bigger, so much more powerful than you’d expected. A wave that crashed into you with such force you thought you might drown in it. You were vaguely aware of someone making a lot of noises that either sounded wildly pleasurable or wildly painful. It started almost as a burning, then flamed through your entire body, from your center all the way down to your toes, to the follicles on the top of your head. Your body spasmed with the strength of it, and for Alex’s part, she held you close, her skilled fingers guiding you through, smiling softly as you jerked and shook around her.

All at once, her touch at your most sensitive spot was painful, almost unbearably so. You pushed her hands away and shook, absolutely spent from the evening’s activities.

You let Alex cradle you in her arms, placing soft kisses all over your face and hands. She wrapped herself around you while you caught your breath, undoing her messy bun and carding her fingers through your hair as you pressed your face into her chest.

“You did so good, darling girl,” she cooed. “Do you feel alright?”

You hummed and nodded.

“Do you need anything? Water?”

“Water would be good,” you croaked and she grinned at you, eyes twinkling.

She sat up a bit and you tightened your grip around her waist. “No, no! I don’t need it that bad.”

Alex chuckled and kissed your forehead. You weren’t sure how long you layed like that in her bed, limbs tangled together, just breathing each other in, just resting and basking.

But after a while, Alex decided you had to stay hydrated and brought you both glasses of water, perching on the edge of the bed as she sipped. For your part, you downed yours so fast that little streams of water fell down your chin and onto your chest and neck.

You moved to wipe the water away with your hand, but Alex grabbed your fingers and squeezed them.

“Let me,” she said, drawing a line with her tongue up your stomach, your chest, your neck, and landing on your chin.

You were breathless by the time she got to your mouth, grasping both sides of her face in your hands and kissing her. You almost hoped that Alex couldn’t read the emotion behind the kiss because, for you, there was too much. You didn’t know if Alex saw you as a fling or a secret side link situation or a real relationship, but you wanted it to be real. You wanted it so badly. You knew you were probably too young for her. Hell, you were almost twenty years her junior. But it didn’t seem to matter when you were together. You loved her mind and her sharp sense of humor. You loved that she always asked what book you were reading. You loved that when you learned something new, she wanted to learn it, too. You loved her hair and her eyes and the way her cheeks dimpled when she smiled.

The bottom line was you liked her too much. You loved her, and it was too early to love her. And so you hoped, god, you hoped she couldn’t feel how much you loved her when you kissed her. Even though it was near impossible for you to hold back.

She pinched your cheek when she pulled away, grinning at you, to sit at the side of the bed and take gulps of water. She checked her phone messages, and you watched her. Content just to be with her, in her presence.

But all of a sudden, self-consciousness flooded you like an icy river. What if Alex didn’t want you there? In the movies, the first time they had sex, it was always casual. They went home afterward. No big deal. Were you supposed to go home? Were you supposed to feel like this was no big deal?

“Alex?” you ventured, your voice hesitant.

“Hmm?” Her chin was propped up on her knee and your heart melted a little bit just to see her so comfortable.

“Should I go home now?”

She looked at you quizzically, like she was trying to solve a puzzle or translate a particularly difficult passage in a dead language. “Only if you want to.”

You avoided her eyes. “Well, what do you want?”

Alex shook her head, smiling softly. “I want you to do whatever you want.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “But I want to do what you want me to do.”

“Hey,” she said, grabbing your face so fast it made your stomach somersault. “Stop that.”

You tried to laugh it off. “No, I just–”

She interrupted you with a kiss, forceful and firm. “Y/N,” she said. “You spend so much time making sure you accommodate what other people want. You need to decide what you want. Now, close your eyes.”

“Alex–” you protested.

“Close them.”

You sighed, but obliged her, enjoying the feeling of her fingers tracing your skin.

“Pretend I’m not here. What do you want to do tonight?”

You were quiet for a moment and, even when you spoke, your voice was soft and hoarse. This was a part of yourself you weren’t used to exercising–knowing what you wanted and asking for it.

“I want to stay here.”

Alex hummed encouragingly.

“I want to go to sleep with you.”

Once you’d started, you almost couldn’t stop. You were afraid if you didn’t let it out now, it’d stay inside your head forever.

“I want to wake up next to you. I want to make you breakfast. I want to kiss you goodbye when you go to work.”

There it was. All out. Well, not all of it, but all you could manage right now. And suddenly you were afraid to open your eyes, afraid you’d look into Alex’s and see that she didn’t want the same things. It was that very fear that usually kept you from admitting what you wanted.

“Open your eyes, Y/N.”

When you didn’t, you felt the bed dip a bit next to you, felt Alex’s breath warm on your face, felt her forehead press into yours, her body soft and solid. Close, so close. Where you always wanted her to be, but were too scared to ask for.

“Darling girl,” she whispered. “Don’t ever be ashamed to want such lovely things.”

You blinked your eyes open and looked at her in surprise. “But what do you want?” you asked, almost breathless.

Alex thought for a moment, just watching you. Your wide eyes, innocent and hopeful and scared and so, so young. She sat up again, so she could look down at you, appreciate how perfect you looked in her bed. “I want you,” she told you, caressing your face. “In whatever way you’ll let me have you.”

“All the ways,” you said, probably a little too quickly, too desperately. “You can have all of me, all the ways.”

Alex smiled sadly, running her fingers through your hair. “Honey, you’re gonna find some girl who’s your age and you’re gonna fall in love, and it’ll be beautiful, and I will be happy for you. I can’t keep you all to myself and keep you away from that.”

“Alex, I don’t want a girl my age,” you said earnestly. She looked away. “If I wanted to fuck girls my age, I would’ve been doing it for the last ten years. I want you.”

You took her hand and kissed it, holding her palm to your face.

She sighed and looked at you, mulling you over, as if she were making a move on a chess board. “If that changes, you’ve got to let me know.”

“It won’t,” you insisted, pressing your lips to each of her fingers in turn.

“Promise me.”

“I promise,” you conceded. “But, Alex, I don’t want anyone else. I just want you.”

In a rare show of confidence or boldness or just plain affection you crawled into Alex’s lap and wrapped your arms around her waist, planting a kiss on her jaw.

She seemed to surrender something then, to give in where previously she’d been fighting. She hugged you tightly to her, pressing her lips to the side of your head. “Oh, my girl. You’re too sweet for me, you know that?”

“Keep calling me your girl, and I’ll be as sweet as you want,” you mumbled, blushing.

She smirked and kissed your cheek, long and firm, before pulling you up to your feet.

“Alright, darling, let’s get you cleaned up.”

“I do feel kind of sticky…”

“Well, we can’t have that,” Alex joked, eyebrows raised.

You took her hand and followed her to the bathroom, glad that, at least for tonight, you were both getting what you wanted.

#alex blake my beloved

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