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[dirtsmile]

🔌      FUTURAMA     SENTENCE     PROMPTS    !

triggering  /  nsfw   may  be  present ,  these  are  taken  from  varying  seasons  of  the  show.

“  I can’t be mad, I’m on way too many painkillers. ”

“  What an idiot I was! And by “I”, I meant “you”!  ”

“  Thanks to you, I went on a soul-searching journey.  ”

“  How can I be so bad at everything I try, and still be so great?  ”

“  These things are not weaknesses. They make me what I am.  ”

“  You’re always gettin’ frozen in stuff. It’s your thing, man!  ”

“  Just wait ‘til I get my hands on those healthy purple berries! ”

“  But what are those aliens tryin’ to ask us? What do the tones mean?  ”

“  What’s the point? What good is it to talk to her in my own dream? ”

“  I’ve dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared.  ”

“  Have you been using my toothbrush to polish your ass again?! ”

“  There’s so much I need to say. Is it really you?  ”

“  It’s time we solved this problem the old-fashioned way. By shooting it. ”

“  To see if you’re the real [name], I’m gonna ask you something only he would know.  ”

“  You’ve accomplished so much more than most of us would bother to.  ”

“  I’m dying to know how you got here. Was it a time machine?  ”

“  I’m no medical expert, but I think you be showing some serious signs of ‘illin.  ”

“  May I buy you a drink? We don’t get a lot of pretty faces around here. ”

“  You can’t sit on something for a week without falling in love with it.  ”

“  You can’t just kill somebody because they’re ugly and corrosive. ”

“  Don’t you ever wonder about the future?  ”

“  You think you can just waltz in here with no pants and become a cop?  ”

“  I’m as sad as an upside-down smile.  ”

“  I guess we’ll have to deliver that human heart tomorrow. ”

“  We have nothing to fear but running out of beer.  ”

“  The only things they did better than us were suck and die.  ”

“  Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? ”

“  You’ve fallen into the final debilitating stages of womanhood.  ”

“  Something tells me I could easily beat those trained professionals… ”

“  This outfit makes me look fat. Is it trampy to go on a first date nude?  ”

“  Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.  ”

“  With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun!  ”

“  Why don’t you smoke it already? Puff, puff, go, go, go, go, go!  ”

“  I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later.  ”

“  Hey, I’m a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?  ”

“  Is this really happening or just being staged? ”

“  I will marry her now and confine her to hell!  ”

“  I know whose funeral we’ll be attending next!   ”

“  Call it a hunch but I’ve got a bad feeling about this. “

“  Whoa, you look better than you used to for some reason. ”

“  Instead of shooting where I was, you should have shot where I was going to be.  ”

“  Haven’t I seen you in some copyrighted movie?  ”

“  Not a day goes by I don’t ask myself the same question. ”

“  What?! Don’t ever, ever say or think that again! ”

“  You can’t give up hope just because it is hopeless!  ”

“  So do you know I’m going to do something before I do it? ”

“  How am I supposed to hear prayers coming out of my ass? ”

“  There are two kinds of people: sheep and sharks. ”

“  A casino where I always win. That’s boring. I must really be… in Hell!  ”

“  So there really is an infinite number of universes?  ”

“  Now that’s a wave of destruction that’s easy on the eyes!  ”

“ The wall of that strip club isn’t going to collapse twice in one day. ”

“  Aww, you knew my favorite cause of death. ”

“  Get lost! I’d say don’t quit your day job, but you’re awful at that too! ”

“  I think when people obsess about the past it’s because they’re afraid of the future. ”

“  You’ve convinced me life is worth living… by showing me how bad my funeral will suck! ”

“  Man, we look stupid. We should’ve gotten store-bought costumes.  ”

“  I don’t want to be rescued. ”

“  I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo. ”

“  I finally found what I need to be happy and it’s not friends, it’s things. “

“  So, none of you have ever had anchovies? ”

“  Do you have any idea what the average length of their reigns was? ”

“  I knew you wouldn’t have asked unless it was really high or really low.  ”

“  You’re a pimple on society’s ass and you’ll never amount to anything! ”

“  Now that you mention it, I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. ”

“  I wouldn’t talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top. ”

“  We all laughed so hard our teeth fell out. ”

“  I’ll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I’ll just be me. ”

“  Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?  ”

“  But this electricity abuse crossed the line. You almost killed us. ”

[dirtsmile]

—   * @selfdefiined / shitpost starter call, accepting.

          ❝  Surely, ain’t everyone was kung fu fighting.  ❞

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—   * @prcphesiied / shitpost starter call, accepting.

          ❝  — All hail the chef.  ❞

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—   * @cropvamp / shitpost starter call, accepting.

          ❝  You wanna fuckin’ RAZZLE DAZZLE?  ❞

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have a starter call while i work on stuff.

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logging in over here just to move this where it belongs: finn 100000000% has a stupid fucking aqua teen tat. and it’s not even professionally done. it looks like a 2nd grader drew it, put it on the fridge, and finn just slapped it on his skin.

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have a starter call while i work on stuff.

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added in a tiny bit of info on each of the samarillo members on the blog — under the samarillo link, if you were wondering, but you can also find that same info HERE. all samarillo members here are available on request.

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quietly introduces the idea of finn being sharky’s like 2nd cousin who’s been to montana all of twice and somehow got fuckin’ stuck in hope county thanks to Deputy Damnit

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‘ you look amazing! like a sexy raccoon! ’

SANTA CLARITA DIET SENTENCES \\ accepting. @dirtsmile

                       “ Remin’ me why ah keep ya ‘round ? “ He has a smile cracking open over lips. A genuine one that only Finn could muster out with his bizarre … self. “ Stop bein’ a fuckin’ idiot an’ get o’r ‘ere – ah need’a hand. “

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‘ our kitchen looks like the inside of a shark. ’

—   * meme / santa clarita diet, accepting.

          THAT’S JUST ASKING FOR A PERFECTLY TIMED kick-in-the-teeth pun about why it smells so damn fishy in here. But considering the soiled g-string he just watched Johnny take upstairs, hand in his pants and all ( honestly, what in the fuck ), it feels a little — eh, too soon. No matter the state of the place, the fridge door isn’t blocked. So long as he has access to a plate full of leftovers, he could be standing  b a l l s - d e e p  in the green goop Tarantino used as gore in Grindhouse and not give half a damn.          ❝  Nah, man — I seen the inside of a fuckin’ BULL SHARK once, out in Port Aransas. Nearly shit m’self.  ❞

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{ confined to a jar ; saved., exvaultie,

          same

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( * &. ━  SANTA CLARITA DIET SENTENCE STARTERS

* potential trigger warning : this post contains a lot of murder and possible spoilers.

‘  no more doing things separately. from now on, we fuck everything up together.  ’ ‘  i’m not doing cocaine. i just have a feeling i would be unbearable.  ’ ‘  what, you hear that? that’s the sound of the tables turning.  ’ ‘  i just wanted your vomit. why’d you have to make it weird?  ’ ‘  our kitchen looks like the inside of a shark.  ’ ‘  i had such a good day at the asylum.  ’ ‘  kidnapping. why don’t governments do more to stop them?  ’ ‘  we’re hand models and we have to protect our assets from sun damage.  ’ ‘  killing people is hard. i used to think that was a good thing.  ’ ‘  he worships you. you’re the queen of his spank bank.  ’ ‘  sweetheart, you bought a car and now you’re grinding on the neighbors. this is not who you are!  ’ ‘  i’ve been wanting one ever since this morning!  ’ ‘  i feel like whatever i say is going to make you push harder against my vagina.  ’ ‘  i really want to make this work.  ’ ‘  sometimes you do shit you never expected for the people you love.  ’ ‘  oh god, you’re in to sports? this relationship is getting even more untenable.  ’ ‘  what a cute, weird couple you make.  ’ ‘  i like not killing people – i’ve always liked it. i just forgot how much.  ’ ‘  killing people is hard. i used to think that was a good thing.  ’ ‘  we’re not good at murder. i happen to think that’s a positive quality.  ’ ‘  oh no, my finger’s oozing again.  ’ ‘  no, he’s fine, he just saw something on television and now he’s living his life by it.  ’ ‘  i think he spent too much time in a hot car.  ’ ‘  you could’ve slapped bloody hands on who knows how many dead asses.  ’ ‘  whoa, hey, wow, look at your face!  ’  ‘  you look amazing! like a sexy raccoon!  ’ ‘  i am not a murderer! okay, technically i am. not even technically. literally. but i refuse to be defined by that one time i murdered somebody.  ’ ‘  you bailed so you don’t get to have an opinion, okay?  ’ ‘  nobody likes a backseat arsonist.  ’ ‘  yes, it’s fun to be carefree and spontaneous and less hirable in a depressed job market.  ’ ‘  oh my god, are you serious? you’d kill me with a bat?  ’ ‘  you know what’s cool? i’m never surprised anymore.  ’ ‘  i feel like a bus station shit in my mouth.  ’ ‘  well, we can’t start killing people.  ’ ‘  we’re getting life back to normal and killing people isn’t normal, sweetheart.  ’ ‘  i love this idea. you’re an evil genius.  ’ ‘  act casual.  ’ ‘  you see? i’ve known you, what, five minutes and already i’d rather have you kill me.  ’ ‘  new lesson: if at first you don’t succeed then blast his ass with tear gas.  ’ ‘  just because something’s changed doesn’t mean it’s not still beautiful.  ’ ‘  if you miss eating pizza, eat a man who just at pizza.  ’ ‘  i just threw up. like a fair amount.  ’ ‘  i know we have to kill somebody today, but we have to be parents every day.  ’ ‘  i just stuffed a man in a meat freezer. cross that off my bucket list.  ’ ‘  i am so glad this is not one of those diseases that dries your skin out.  ’ ‘  here’s a solution: let’s all stop talking until i can think of what to say next.  ’ ‘  god, there’s so many ways to mess up your children.  ’ ‘  everyone is afraid of change, but when life is screaming ‘this is your new truth,’ you need to accept it.  ’ ‘  be bold, be brave, and live your new truth, no matter what it is.  ’ ‘  how do you have so much testosterone without balls?  ’ ‘  i’ve just been lying here, successfully throwing a ball up and down.  ’ ‘  i mean, he’s giggling a lot now, so that’s new.  ’ ‘  i’ll let you do the math because he couldn’t.  ’ ‘  you keep talking shit about us and i swear to god i will drop kick you.  ’ ‘  try it and i will kick your twat so far up your throat that you’ll get pregnant giving blow jobs.  ’ ‘  we’re gonna kill people, sweetheart.  ’ ‘  we’re gonna kill people so you can eat them.  ’ ‘  we’ve been us since high school. i’m not gonna bail on you now.  ’ ‘  would it be weird if i took his watch?  ’ ‘  don’t come at me with that weak tea.  ’ ‘  whoa, buddy, there’s a lot to unpack here.  ’ ‘  i’m panicking so my lizard brain is making a lot of the decisions.  ’ ‘  well……. bye!  ’ ‘  i started thinking about that nervous smile of yours.  ’ ‘  you gotta stop saying that to people.  ’ ‘  nice try blending in, you handsome, thick-haired, son of a bitch.  ’ ‘  ‘i love you very much’? what the fuck is that supposed to mean?  ’ ‘  sometimes i feel like you’re batman and robin and i’m… alfred.  ’ ‘  damn, you still have that new baby smell.  ’

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let it be known that w/out @biblicle, i wouldn’t even be able to drag this walking your mom joke out of the depths of hell

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Why don’t we just go for a run and then go to the gym later like everybody agreed on?

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Sick and Tired - Cross Canadian Ragweed

Album: Soul Gravy