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goddamn
#zero antidepressants + zero weed + 3 days before period = im calling out of work tomorrow#I haven’t cried this much in a whiiiiile
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erm. this is explicit
dude idk if it’s just bc im off my antidepressants or bc I stopped watching corn/ 👍 for a few days but it’s so much easier for me to finish rn
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I really hope I didn’t do smth stupid yesterday
#I truly cannot remember if I peed#if there’s one thing abt me it’s that I love getting a uti once a year
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hmmmmm
#where’s that post abt crushes and how like it’s ok to have a lil crush bc it makes you act better#bc now work is weird
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oh my godddd I was just talking to one of my nice male coworkers (who hasn’t made me feel uncomfortable at all) and I was telling him that there’s a girl that shops here and I think she’s so beautiful and then I walked away and came back and he was like “ppl that work here think that youre the prettiest girl in the store” so now my brain is BUZZING and I feel inSANE
#also I would only argue for the morning I might be the most feminine girl here#but definitely the prettiest girlie is my love selma who works in the evenings <333#anyway also shout out to the girl I have a crush on
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I think I hit the pen that makes everything feel really bad but then it gets really good
#thought my internal thoughts defined me (nightmare) rather than my actions#then calmed down a bit. had a cookie. and then played a board game with my bf
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what do you do on the days that your brain feels like it’s buzzing and you don’t want to do anything for any extended period of time and your body also just doesn’t want to move or do anything including fun things
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I just,,,,,,, oughhgggg
#I want to be able to look at 🩰 and 🏀 and 🍊 and ☀️ and 🐞 social media but I CAMT#I just want to scroll and read and play guitar and go to work and go home and go to the store
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I love hearing about the vibes I give off cause I honestly have no idea
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hmmmm keep having bad dreams……. idk if they’re from drugs or nay taking drugs or bc my period is soon
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feelin extremely sweaty and stressed and tired
#maybe it’s bc I haven’t been taking my antidepressants#or bc im having evil thoughts#not good. texting ppl when I wake up and someone is being more responsive
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finally confessed my secret to my dear friend!! feelin good just talking about it bc it really isn’t the worst thing in the world and she makes things feel lighter :)
#it’s fun to joke about it and talking it out will probably only help me#also the brain is a MUSCLE and I gotta use it or lose it
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“ON MASTURBATING WHILE THINKING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE imagine unhinging your jaw and swallowing everything whole / imagine a touch so tender it sears its prints into you / imagine your lungs filling up at the bottom of the pool / someone spitting into your open mouth and you want it / you want it / you are glad to taste any part of them / your achilles heel / talk about wanting death from a soft thing / talk about not knowing where to go from here / the clatter in your scatterbrain / you taste yourself and call it testing the waters / you find yourself undressed for the arrow of it / throwing a bone to your weakness / you moan: baby / baby / come back and pull apple cores out of the dumpster of me/ I swear I throw away all the best cuts”
— Trista Mateer (via tristamateer)
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been listening to my “spooky” music on spotify for a bit mostly bc I want to cull some of it but I’m really liking the vibes of dying and being eaten in a forest
#worms by viagra boys obvs in a week by hozier and there’s another song called like the woods#and yeah. still just thinking about the other day. last night was great too
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