disciplecat - Tumblr blog

[disciplecat]

it’s been a little over an year and a half since i joined the church and in that time i’ve been closer to God than i’ve ever been in my life, but yet the doubt is so real and i feel it so often.

i’m in a household full of people who don’t understand — who don’t care to understand. every Sunday i have to find the courage to get up and make my way to the church building to where i sit alone for two hours before coming back home.

it feels so lonely sometimes. i have so much love in my heart for this gospel that i wish i could share, but i just can’t. there are days where i just want to stay home. going to church (attending a family ward) only makes me realize that i am alone in this faith. it’s hard seeing families happy to be together, when i still have so many unanswered questions of what’s going to happen to mine after this life.

but being a member (to me) means being okay with not knowing. i don’t have all the answers, and i possibly never will, but i still have faith. i know it will work out yet it’s still so so so scary to only have this (still, know in my heart that it’s true). i wish i had the answers, someone to tell me what’s going to happen after this life, but i don’t. and that’s okay. that’s how He designed it to be.

i wake up every Sunday for Him. i go to church for Him. it’s never been just about me.

the stress of not knowing what’s going to happen, the loneliness that surrounds me when i’m sitting by myself at church, and the heartbreak that comes from living the gospel as a queer member — are all things that i’m CHOOSING to live with,, because of Him!!!

nothing is stronger than his love.

after this, when i finally make it to the gates of heaven, i’m going reflect back on this life and think to myself “that was it?”

that was all i had to go through for an eternity of love and light with my creator? thank you Jesus!

in my head, God and i are drinking orange juice from a wine glass and we are playing 20 questions (He knows all my answers but He still asks me anyways).

[disciplecat]

Interesting how the first real decision Adam made in the Bible was to put his love and desire to be with his partner over his ability to be with God.

And then people in the church are surprised when they tell people those are the options and people choose love.

[disciplecat]

everyone's doomed by the narrative bitch let's get you some fruit

[disciplecat]

When I think about ‘marriage is ordained between a man and a woman, male and female’ I do not feel the spirit.

God wouldn’t just make intersex people and trans people and gay people and queer people, and then cut them all out of his grand Plan at the end.

There must be somewhere we go.

There must be somewhere we fit in the grand design.

We have always been here.

God has a plan for us.

Some leaders just don’t see it yet.

[disciplecat]

there are times where i don’t feel worthy or deserving of His love, but he gives it to me anyways. God’s love is so selfless and i am so eternally grateful for it. how lucky am i to have found you father — and thank you for finding me!

[disciplecat]

soemtimes i find myself feeling like a bad daughter. maybe i don’t read my scriptures enough, i don’t pray sincerely, i don’t repent as much as i should.

there are times where i feel as if God is distancing Himself from me. like i am not worthy enough to call myself a child of God, a sister in Christ.

but God knows me. he knows the struggles i go through, the fears that i have, the doubt that persists even years after my baptism. and he led me to his light knowing that i would struggle. the path to God is not an easy one — but it’s the one most worth it.

there is no such thing as a perfect disciple — but there is a choice to be made every day. today i will be better than i was before, today i will be more Christlike.

and it’s a choice that i will continue making until the end of time

[disciplecat]

no matter how hard life gets, my faith in Christ, and my faith in my father will ALWAYS get me through it.

even though there are times where i just want to scream and question Him! i know that his plans are better than what i have planned for myself. He is the reason.

my faith keeps me going. i can live with a blanket of peace over me, knowing that he has a plan. that i was made in the eyes of the divine creator.

even when it’s hard, even when it’s stressful, even when i feel like giving up.

because the answer is ALWAYS Him.

[disciplecat]

allow yourself to be vulnerable to God. even if it’s hard, even if your eyes get red and puffy, even if it’s incoherent.

your father loves you, He always has, and always will. He knows what’s in your heart, He knows your intentions, and He knows YOU.

you were brought into a world full of love. he gave you this life knowing that you are going to make mistakes, knowing that you might doubt Him, knowing that you could reject Him. and even still, He chooses YOU.

repentance wasn’t God’s backup plan in case we fail and sin, it was his plan knowing that we will.

He knows you. even you reject him, even if you don’t believe, He still loves you. you are the child of God. YES! YOU!

[disciplecat]

“Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is that charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried.”

— Jeffrey R. Holland    The Best is Yet to Be

[disciplecat]

“And I will give away all my sins to know thee”

— Alma 22:18 <3

[disciplecat]

All sins can be forgiven. Absolutely no sin is unforgivable. Yes, even that one. Yes, even that one. Yes, even that one.

Stop acting like violence and murder are an appropriate response to sin. We don't have to allow someone to continue to cause pain to others but we are called to mercy and forgiveness.

Christ died for all of us, and paid the price for all of our sins.

Yes, even that one.

[disciplecat]

one of the biggest mistakes we can make as Christians is think our sin is too dirty, too shameful and ugly for the Savior’s love. because by marinating in our guilt, we’re telling Jesus the cross wasn’t enough, what He did for us wasn’t enough to save us from ourselves. and that breaks His heat

[disciplecat]

my me is a he, but my person, my body? I take care of her. She is a she the way a boat is a she. not to be objectified, but to be deeply respected. to be cared for. She is not yours to name. She belongs to me. I am her, but I am not a her. I am him, and I protect her.

[disciplecat]

discussing conference with my beloved tumblr friends

discussing conference in elders quorum

[disciplecat]

The idea of Hell as a place you can go to for getting your theology wrong is so bizarre to me. That may just be the Mormonism in me, but still, it's like:

Jesus: I am the Father. Also, I am not the Father.

Me: ok, that's confusing, so are yo-

Jesus: also, there's a ghost.

Me: are you...also the ghost?

Jesus: Secret 😘

Me:.... Okay, so are you one guy or three guys or....?

Jesus: I can't believe you'd ask that, you dumb motherfr*cker. You know what? Just for that, you get fire. Fire and brimstone. FOREVER. No breaks, no vacations. Just flames and stinky rocks.

Me: Well that seems a little extreme.

Jesus: Also there's a guy down there who's just gonna be beating the sh*t out of you.

[disciplecat]

Whenever someone tells me I'm going to hell for being a Mormon, I like to remember that we do have a plan for if we're all wrong:

And if we go to hell, we will turn the devils out of doors and make a heaven of it.

-Joseph Smith Jr

So basically, if hell is real and we're all going there, the plan is to beat the sh*t out of Satan and start planting community gardens.

[disciplecat]