disclosingdara

[disclosingdara]

I'm currently looking for more faerie-kin to connect with! Discord groups, chats, anything. Hoping to find more people who understand what it's like and just to share memories with.

[disclosingdara]

I'm starting to realise that two things I previously thought were unconnected may in fact be connected, more so than I thought possible. The circumstances of my conception, the circumstances of my birth, and the condition of my mortal body may not be coincidental. They tried to fix me, failed, and are now covering up the mistakes they made. I didn't know what they were trying to fix, but now... perhaps they knew the truth.

[disclosingdara]

The Summer Solstice is upon us and the air tingles with the festivities. I remember the gatherings back home, the music and the dancing and the drinking until the sunset at almost midnight, but I know that I hadn't savoured it while I still could. For years in this mortal body, wandering through the human domain unaware what I was missing, I had spent the solstices as if they meant nothing.

This year I'll be celebrating as best I can. My husband and children will be out of reach, I won't be able to celebrate with them as I should've done before, but I'll make sure they know how much I yearn to be with them. Perhaps they may visit, somehow. I hope they do.

[disclosingdara]

Memories don't always come full or visually, and I've come to realise they rarely do. More often than not they're fragments, tiny puzzle pieces I'm able to fit together, and with time and effort I get to see the bigger picture.

Yesterday I was blessed with another piece of the puzzle, and to some it would be insignificant. I remember the traditions and etiquette of the wedding ceremonies, though I'm not quite there at remembering my own. They're longer than the average wedding here, with a heavy focus on presentation of both parties, and a priority system of seating.

When I'm ready, sometime after I manage to remember my own wedding, I may share my notes of the traditions and a (rough) diagram of the layout. For now it's all I have, and I'll keep it to myself.

[disclosingdara]

Sometimes I dream I'm somewhere else, where the walls hum with secrets untold and the lakes glitter with the spirits of those it swallowed. They're not always misplaced, they're not always of buildings and woodland I barely remember; sometimes everything is how it was when I fell asleep, except the air is buzzing and things that were not there now are.

And sometimes I dream of him, with all his warmth and security. When I wake, the memory of his appearance slips from me like running water through my fingers, but I remember his touch and his words, and the love I let pass me by when I had the chance to grasp it.

It's those dreams I don't want to wake up from. It's those dreams I wish weren't so, for if I could have another chance, I wouldn't make the same mistake I had before.

[disclosingdara]

I feel an appropriate initial post would be an introduction to who I am and the purpose behind this blog, so bear with me. I'm Dara, I'm an adult man (he/him) who's found himself uncomfortably trapped in the mortal world within a mortal body. While I can't divulge too much about my past (prior to this world), for those interested in following along with my posts I believe a little backstory is required.

Something went wrong when I was reborn from my third life, and I've been placed here instead of where I'm meant to be. I am able to bridge the communication gap between myself and those from my home world through various occult methods, but it requires effort and no method allows me to interact with them the same way I do with mortals.

Those who believe me do so out of pity or humour, and those who don't dismiss me altogether. It's lonely, wishing to go back to a home you're unable to reach, and even more so when your husband and children are there and you're here. I'm coping with the little communication I have with them, but like a greedy little hog I want more.

As for my purpose here? Well, I'm not entirely sure, and it's possible I have no purpose. Mistakes happen and I have an idea of how it may have come to be, but that's for another time. I hope to bring awareness to the existence of those like me, who are unfamiliar with the world around us and long for the connections we're unable to make.

— Dara