disposedserenity

[disposedserenity]

aromanticism

coincidentally, it was also aromantic awareness week 2020 last week so I guess this post is timely? 😂

I think I first learnt about this word in secondary school (sec 3). I spent a good portion of my life trying to explain the way I am but never really knew the term for it, until one day a friend asked me “are you asexual?” I paused for a while, and said no...? I knew what asexual meant but I just wanted to double confirm it so I did my research once I was home.

An asexual is someone who does not feel a sexual attraction toward anyone of any gender.

Aromantics, on the other hand, may experience sexual attraction, but they experience little to no romantic attraction to other people.

got it? I’d be totally down to have a pure sexual relationship / fwb situation with someone but I wouldn’t want a romantic relationship

before I go on, I must also explain that there is a CLEAR difference between being aromantic and being fine without a relationship. I have to say this because the amount of times I tell people I really don’t need a relationship and they’ll respond with “oh YEAH I don’t need a relationship too I’m fine being alone :]”. look, there’s no shame in wanting a relationship and aromantics are not simply saying they are one to try to look cool. Do you think we like being this way? Whenever I tell someone I don’t want to be with someone, they’ll immediately always say “aww you’ll find someone trust me you will. you just need to lower your expectations and not be so picky.” no susan, leave us the hell alone.

If your thick head still can’t wrap around this logic, think of it this way - a regular person who doesn’t really care for relationships and are fine with being alone meets someone they like and vice versa > they get in a relationship while an aromantic meets someone they like but still wouldn’t want to get into a relationship with them.

I have to confess... I actually got repulsed imagining myself being in a romantic relationship once. LOLOL. Don’t worry, I don’t get repulsed anymore lol but I think a huge contribution to that was my social anxiety I had when I was younger.

I’ve always been aromantic even before I knew it, but was blinded by society’s pressures and expectations. I remember questioning myself if I was weird in secondary school because everyone around me were developing crushes, meeting people outside of school, having boy (and girl) trouble and couldn’t shut up about wanting to fuck someone. I sat there thinking “hmmmm okay I should say something to try to fit in” so that’s where the term eye candy came in (is this just a girl’s school thing lol). I can’t lie, I found many girls cute but I was never interested in anything else beyond that (unlike my peers). I just built on the lie that yes I was suuuper attracted to them to assure people I was a living human being lmao.

Then I entered poly. I deluded myself into thinking I would find someone during my time there and we’d ride off into the sunset together. So imagine the horror I felt when I graduated from poly and didn’t form a magical connection with anyone while some of my closest friends did.

University life, alright here we go. I gotta be able to meet my special someone right?? I think university was especially scary because you’re already an adult (I was 22 when I entered) and at that age, you start to think about adulting things like settling down, getting a job, getting married, getting a house etc. plus my close friends were all in serious relationships / getting houses and I felt like I was lagging behind. Life isn’t a competition, but you tend to forget that as you’re running in the marathon. Whenever you catch up with old friends, they’ll always ask about your job and love life. These two things are the essentials to cement your status in society. I have a friend that always asked me if I was seeing anyone every time we met up and it annoyed the fuck out of me.

It’s funny though, because even though I’m not romantically attracted to anyone, there was always a glimmer of hope that I would be a normal human and actually get the opportunity connect with someone. It was as if my failure to bond with someone meant I failed at one of life’s most treasured feelings - love. As I’m turning 26 this year, I’ve embraced the term aromantic, more specifically bisexual aromantic (oh hey if you didn’t know, now you know!). 2020 is becoming such a monumental year for me because for the first time, I feel at peace with myself and realise that what others say really doesn’t fucking matter. Who knows? In the future I might meet someone and start a romantic relationship with them. However, don’t start calling me a hypocrite because there is a spectrum of aromantics so don’t stereotype or put all of us in a box.

At the end of the day:

Here’s a great read about aromanticism featuring moses sumney (superb artist! need to listen more of his songs) I definitely agree with the point about romance being a political tool and if you think it isn’t, I’m right, you’re wrong, shut up (ty eugene u icon). I don’t wish to go too into depth about this topic but just think about how in singapore, singles cannot buy a place of their own until you’re 35, you are left out of certain privileges if you’re not a married couple....

ok byeeeeeeee.

[disposedserenity]

*rough* review of MOTS:7

The title might say review, but it’s really just my own thoughts that I want to share in the form of verbal vomit. STREAM while u read.

1) Interlude: SHADOW I loved the song right away on first listen. The extended version is soooo good, because it traces back to yoongi’s iconic ‘I want big house, big cars, big rings’ line from NMD. Thematically, this is my favourite concept out of the 3 rap line solos (Persona, Shadow & Ego). Yoongi songs all immediately reasonate with me because the stuff he writes about are what I’ve experienced at one point in my life.... and I feel so deeply when yoongi is rapping about it. At this point, I could go on forever about why I love yoongi songs so much but I will stop here.

2) Black Swan

It took me about three listens to fully appreciate the song, but I KNEW I was going to love it when I heard that trap beat and the bump bump bump lyric... Then I watched the performance, and I just loved it even more. For years, I’ve been fervently wishing that bts (especially jimin) would do a contemporary dance and I AM SO GLAD THEY DID!! Speaking of the dance, that’s another analysis on it’s own.... The way they match the dance steps to the lyrics.... Also this song lined up right after shadow makes perfect sense because Shadow talks about losing yourself into the deepest and darkest recesses of your soul while in Black Swan, the boys step into that shadow and confront it because they realise you have to make peace with your shadow to emerge triumphant.

3) Filter

I swear, this could be an Alec Benjamin song because this song has Alec Benjamin VIBES all over. Well, I guess jimin took inspiration from him because he put a ton of alec’s songs on his spotify playlist and even went to his concert so yey! Both their voice tones are similar ish because it’s very distinct and their singing voices are quite different from their speaking voices so it’d be really cool if they made a song together. Funnily enough, I don’t really like this song as much as I thought I’d would. It’s not a bad song, but I think I don’t gravitate to this song as much because this song was written about jimin for jimin and it’s really himself that he’s singing it to.

This song also radiates BIG libra energy. Libras love changing and moulding their personalities to please other people and they put on various personas to showcase the multi-faceted sides of themselves (sorry, just a huge astrology enthusiast here lolol). Filter has a narcissist undertone to it done in a purposeful manner. The protagonist of this song KNOWS he’s desired and is flaunting it in any way possible. They are aware of the power they hold and are wielding it to control the listener (the pursuers) Ahahaha sounds like someone we know? Recently, I told a friend that Jimin is really good at fan service. He’s the idol of idols, his face and name gets recognised first, everyone wants to be him AND be with him.... To sum it up, filter is jimin showing the world that he has many sides and it doesn’t matter which we are going to choose because he can adapt to whichever one you please (this push and pull reminds me a lot of house of cards hmm...)

4) My Time

Jungkook definitely has some magic where his song always gets to me and I immediately like the song. I think he excels in laying out his emotions bare and this creates a perfect canvas for telling his story. I definitely cannot relate to what he talks about in My TIme because I am not a jetsetting global superstar who vary between time zones (not that I know of), yet I still feel like I’ve been in his exact footsteps and know that feeling. This, my friends, is what true skill looks like. The rarest of musicians are able to write a song about themselves and make it relevant to almost everyone. It’s an impossible task. Yet, this golden maknae has succeeded once again.

In Begin, he talks about leaving Seoul to pursue his dreams and dedicates that song to his 6 members, his 6 newfound brothers, the hardships they go through and again, this hits you hard. You might not have left your hometown at a young age, but everyone has left something or someone behind in their lives. Euphoria ALWAYS makes me melancholic even though I clearly 1) am not young, 2) do not have a first love 3) minus bts, would NOT call anyone the cause of my euphoria but shit, jungkook out here got me feeling things and tearing up.

Thank you jungkook for constantly expressing your thoughts in such a clear way in any song you write, and My Time is no exception (and it sounds like such a r&b banger too)

5) Louder than Bombs

TROYE! SIVAN! You absolutely can hear troye’s fingerprints all over this song because this song sounds like a troye song (in the best way possible, because I looooove troye and his music) This is another classic “happy sounding but sad af lyrics” bangtan moment. Louder than Bombs is a good midway point in the album because they are crossing into the sad, aggressive, heart tearing, no bullshit songs territory.

(I don’t have a lot to say about this because I really love this song and sometimes with songs that I like, I just sit back and enjoy for what it is.)

6) ON

OKAY NOW LET’S GET INTO FORMATION! (yes, this was the first thing that it reminded me of hahaha and her superbowl half time performance had a marching band too) THIS.IS.SUCH.AN.ABSOLUTE.EARWORM. I LOVE IT. The 30 second preview made me so intrigued because it only featured the “hey na na na” part so I wondered what ON would sound like. I was NOT expecting it to sound like that, but what can I say? BTS always blows me away with their title tracks.

Speaking of formation, hooooo boy do I love the formation of this choreography. Mad props to The Lab for pulling this out of their hat because IT IS SO IMPRESSIVE. The set up reminds me of dionysus too, in the way that the choreography is being arranged in the live performances. Big ups to the Blue Devils marching band too, because even though you can’t really see much of them in the mv (or maybe I’m too focused on the boys lol) but you can hear the marching band so much clearer in the audio and I am LIVING for it. Overall, I am utterly thrilled by this masterpiece.

7) UGH!

*gunshots* alright back to 2013 bangtan let’s go. UGH, when will rap line stop making a banger? never I guess, UGH. lord, just let me get dissed by rap line once and then life would be better.

I. fucking. love. the. rap. line. I am definitely not smart enough to try to analyse or decipher the lyrics even with translations because their wordplay is on a whole other level. With cyphers and ddaeng, I really shouldn’t be surprised anymore but I still am. They manage to outdo themselves with every new song they release together. RM, Suga and J-Hope are great on their own but you put them TOGETHER? in one STUDIO? god help us all when this is performed live because someone’s gonna get headbanged out of the venue. I’ll end this with a silent prayer for a rap line concert.....

8) 00:00

This song is so, so, so painful. This song is what Tonight is to me. Ok I’m going to get a whole lot more personal here.

I was in a fucking terrible internship last year during the period Persona was released (I’m actually quite thankful this song wasn’t released then or I’d really have full on goblin ugly cry listening to this). That was the worst job experience I’ve ever had in my life (lao tian ye please don’t deal me any more shitty hands). I spent every day wishing that my misery would end soon and I physically did not want to go to work the next day. Every morning, I was almost crying to have to get up to go to work (and because it was an almost 2 hour journey to the office). By the time I reached home, all I could do was eat (if I had an appetite) and retire to my room and lie on the floor and just stare into my ceiling while mindlessly scrolling through social media looking for some sort of solace. Some days, even bts wasn’t doing it for me. Even though I managed to get out of that hellhole before the end date, the trauma (lol can I call it that?) and emotions stayed with me throughout the rest of the year. Only one friend knew I had depression and constantly asked me about it (thank you friend, even though you won’t read this...) and I even looked up therapists in singapore.

The lyrics ‘An unsettling night, suddenly, I look at the clock. Soon, it’s 12 O’Clock. Will something change. It probably won’t be the case’ hits so hard because this describes my situation to a T. By the time I got home, it was about 8.30 and by the time I snapped out of my mindlessness, it was almost midnight and this cycle just carried on for months. 

Zero O’Clock

And you gonna be happy

Midnight is both a happy and sad hour, because for some it could signal the end of their misery or their happiness. Back then, it was my hell because it meant a new hellish day was approaching. Looking back now, I realise it could have been a tiny form of happiness because it meant that the days are passing and the end to my pain was getting closer.

So thank you Jin, Jungkook, V and Jimin for creating such a beautiful song that I didn’t know would end up being so personal. Putting aside the meaning, it is such a great song that I’d put on repeat. But I’m scared to call this a favourite because of how intimate this is for me so I hope y’all understand. But, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

9) Inner Child

This sounds like it should be a in a drama or anime haha. The “whoa ohhhh” vocals in the backgrounds reminds me a lot of Jet Lag too. Inner Child is a very fitting title because as V described, it is a letter to his past self. As an ARMY, I’ve witnessed how much V has matured over the past few years. I mean even though all of the members have also grown, V’s transformation is the one that stands out the most (at least to me). Tae went from a bright eyed outgoing kid to a still outgoing but deeply contemplative adult in front of millions of adoring fans and strangers alike, and I cannot imagine how that must be like for him. V is a notoriously private person, and we know the least about if you reeeally think about it. I will never (nor do I want to) know what goes through his mind but I appreciate the fact he reveals a tiny glimpse of it in his songs (scenery, winter bear and now inner child).

10) Friends

CAN YOU SPELL SOULMATES? NO YOU CAN’T, BECAUSE THERE IS NO VMIN IN IT. Ships are cute and all, but vmin has trascended beyond what ships are and I’m convinced they are all part of a bigger plan arranged by the Almighty that no matter what happens, they will always find each other in their four lives (can you tell I’ve been watching Goblin lolol). Recently, I was listening to a podcast by Jae and the episode was about the probability of soulmates. One of the questions he posed was what is a soulmate? To me, I believe that soulmates exist in many forms. There are the romantic soulmates (hi glenn & benn), friendship soulmates, family soulmates, strangers soulmates and even a bond between a pet and a human. I now think there should be another category of soulmates and that is vmin. *cries I want what vmin have* Not everyone manages to find their soulmates. The lucky ones do, and the rest of us will have to settle for second best.

Also kudos to Jimin for his first ever produced song! woohoo

11) Moon

When I first read that this was a song about Jin’s love for ARMY, I braced myself for a full waterfall of tears. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how happy this song sounds??? (thanks jin for not making me cry again like tonight did). Now that I think about it, of course Jin would make a happy love song (pffft saggis). As we all know, Jin’s way of comforting himself is to comfort others through laughter, smiles and lotsa dad jokes. No one else but Jin would and I love him even more for this. He takes the idea of what you’d think a love song would sound like and turn it around. SAD? NOT IN JINHIT ENTERTAINMENT.

Jin, know that you are more than a handsome face and the oldest member. You are loved more than you think you are. You think you’re the moon to us? No hun, you are the entire galaxy contained in those worldwide shoulders.

12) Respect

My favourite track. I mean starting with that iconic “should I stay or should I go” line? Genuis. Collab of the year. Namgi of the year. Ok, maybe I am slightly (alot) bias since this song is essentially Suga, RM & El Capitixn (yes, THE El Capitixn that helped to produce DDAENG).

Namgi dynamics are so rarely talked about because most people see them as the underground rapper duo who’ve known each other over 10 years and are old friends and that’s about it. Their dynamics just gets to me even more because the trust and respect they have for each other is incredible. Joon looks up to yoongi as an older member and also for his incredible work ethic, while yoongi trusts joon wholeheartedly as their leader even though joon is younger and the way they banter off each other? ugh, where can I get bros like namgi? Their rap and producing styles are so vastly different yet the result that is respect makes ME respect them. Use me as your slave, masters.

bonus: that ending clip of them just having a convo? please share your stories from back in the day, please. I said please. with a cherry on top.

13) We are Bulletroof: the Eternal

Is this MOTS : 7′s answer to Mikrokosmos? I can already imagine this as the ending song of a concert..... A perfect tune to end the album as well. Who knew my attraction to the number seven had a deeper meaning than just simply liking it huh? Is my life preplanned too.... @ universe  give me answers. I really like how this song did not go the WABB Part 1 & 2 route and took a softer approacher indeed. It’s almost like they are saying we were seven hardened boys made more tender with the existence of armys.... ok bitch don’t make me cry anymore than I have been suppressing.

“we are not seven, with you” :’))))

14) Outro: Ego

This is the kind of song that gets better the more you listen to it. Not that it was bad on the first listen, but usually such bright and positive songs takes a while longer for the emo in me to process. I say this all the time that I almost sound like a broken recorder, but I LOVE LOVE how hobi has crafted a sound for him that is uniquely his and you will be able to immediately recognise it’s him (which is such a hard feat to pull off, might I add). I’m also immensely proud because he started out as a street dancer to becoming one of the best rappers in the industry while holding his rightful candle alongside two already established rappers that is namgi. I cannot wait to see this being performed live because you just know he’ll get everyone and their grandmas to start vibin right there.

In conclusion, I love bts. what else is there more to say.

[disposedserenity]

Hello 2020

Oh wow, we last saw each other a year ago huh? This might come off as an overused joke, but the last time I blogged was almost a year ago (if you don’t count bring the soul review as a post). Well, let’s hope I can make blogging a regular thing in 2020.

As I look back on 2019, I can’t not talk about the decade that just flew by. It really feels so surreal not that I look at the numbers 2 0 2 0 written in full. I still remember my naive 15 year old self imagining having a car, my own place and fuck loads of money 10 years down the road. Right, let’s stop the reminiscing before it gets too sappy.

Ah, the 2010s - what a spectacle. If you really think about it, almost all of our treasured memories took place during this decade. I’ve worn so many personas, gone through multiple personality changes, lost a couple of friendships, gained some new ones, met new people, fangirled (a lot) and took my first steps towards the adulting stage. 

I used to scoff at the phrase about ‘finding yourself in your 20s’. I thought it was complete bullshit. But... now that I’m entering my late 20s, I can safely say that some cliches are true. 

When I woke up on the morning of New Year’s Day, I felt so... calm. It’s strange, it really is. Usually, I wake up hating myself, hating life, hating everything. I then tell myself that the new year is just going to suck like it always has. Yikes, somebody clearly has been on the negativity pill. Hence, you’d understand why waking up feeling at peace was like an out of body experience.

It is currently the second day of the new year, and I still feel calm. Trust me, it does not get any less weird. I gave myself a day to process everything because I wanted to be sure that I wasn’t being entranced by the allure of a new year. A new year can mean so much - be it a fresh start, an ending, a beginning, a continuation... a new year holds so much promise. To top it off, a new year in a new decade is like the icing on a cake.

If there’s one thing 2019 has taught me, it’s that I should love myself (thank you bts). Nah, for real though. At the start, these two words didn’t mean shit to me. I joke around a lot, but I’ve really struggled (and still do) with loving myself. If you knew the amount of times I hesitated to post a picture with my face on it or to take a picture because I was scared of people seeing my ugly face, you’d sit me down and tell me to get over it lolol. I would see my face and every flaw written on it, and jump to the conclusion that other people could also see those flaws and get repulsed by it. I’ve passed up tons of exciting opportunities due to the fear of looking foolish and being laughed at. Man, self created problems are the absolute worst because you realise you waste so much time.

As someone once said, loving yourself is a radical act. I can’t sit here and act like I love myself fully now, but I definitely love myself more than last year and that, is an accomplishment to me. The pessimist in me is lightly whispering in my ears “don’t be too eager to love the new year, its only been 2 days calm down woman”, while the slightly less pessimistic version of me is saying “just take it one day at a time, and live in the moment.“

As I am penning the final thoughts in the 2010s chapter, I’d like to thank 2019 for giving me constant life lessons. I’ve learnt the importance of being your authentic true self, and I feel like many people around my age had to learn that too. 2010 started out like a dream masked in a facade, and 2019 was the year the veil came down and our true selves emerged.

To the me who’s reading this a year from now, you kept going and that’s all that matters. Never ever forget that Serene started out the year feeling hopeful because this is a fucking historical moment.

Because the dawn right before the sunrise is the darkest :’)

[disposedserenity]

Bring The Soul mini review / ramblings

I always leave a BTS experience feeling a mixed bag of emotions: happiness, sadness, excitement, surprise, nostalgia, confusion, peacefulness. Be it a concert, movie, documentary or series, they never cease to amaze and inspire me, and Bring The Soul was no exception.

Bring The Soul takes us behind the scenes (literally) of bangtan post concerts and this time, the main focus is them sharing a meal while overlooking the Eiffel Tower. Most of the footage will not feel that new to us, (except for the meal portion) because it feels like we’ve seen them through clips released here and there. They even included some live performances, which was a real treat because the bass effect was INCREDIBLE.

The thing I love most about BTS is the fact that they don’t need glitzy makeup, fancy props and elaborate decorations to create good content. They themselves, are the content. They could put out a 7 hour dvd of them just sitting and talking to the camera about nothing and I’ll soak up every minute of it. Mind you, I can’t do that with just anyone. I love how open they are with sharing seemingly unimportant details, but it actually reveals a lot about their characters. As an idol and a public figure, there’s always going to be a limit on how much of their real selves they are showing. But, I’m grateful that they know that and still try to show us to the best of their abilities.

At the heart of it, BTS left me feeling energized, recharged and motivated. Seeing them put their blood, sweat and tears into their work made me ponder a lot. In this economy, a good portion of us are merely working at our jobs to make a decent living and survive. It is no easy feat to try to turn your passion into a job. My older sister is an artist and I’ve personally witnessed firsthand the struggles that comes with doing what you love. It is mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically draining. On the flipside, I also understand how the love you have for something can really spur you on like no other. Back when I was still dancing, I enjoyed it so much because there are really no words that can describe the feeling of completely surrendering your mind and body. The hours put into practicing, the stretches, the warmups, conditioning your body was all worth it, because the sensation that you derive from performing via the efforts put in is unlike anything else.

A line Namjoon mentioned is extremely poignant: “The person who has to wait, and the person who has to make the other wait.” While some of us may not have found our true calling in life, we can safely say that loving bts is a full time job and passion. Naysayers have always ridiculed and looked down on idol fans, saying we have nothing better to do with our lives. To me, there is no better way of wasting my time than listening to healing music, watching mind blowing stage performances and helping seven young men fulfill their dreams and watch them rise to the top. The greatest things in life are worth waiting for, and BTS is worth every damn minute, hour and second of my life.

Right now, I’m at a point in my life where I am changing the course and taking a different direction. Whatever anxieties I was having, they have been decreased ever so slightly (tb to namjoon’s iconic speech). Bring The Soul has instilled in me a newfound confidence and assurance that everything will work out eventually. If seven men from Korea can continue to push new boundaries everyday, I can certainly handle any shit thrown at me.

je t'aime plus qu'hier mais moins que demain 💜

[disposedserenity]

BTS in Singapore #LoveYourselfSG

I don’t know who would even wanna read about a concert that happened A MONTH AGO. But if you are still keen, hey ho.

*I’m gonna recount the entire day in great detail, so please feel free to skip any details if you don’t care about it.*

disclaimer: all pics & videos are not mine unless stated, credit goes to bts/bighit/fansites/fans

For reference, I was at yellow 1 (left side of the extended stage)

On the night before the concert, it still felt unreal. I was surprisingly calm and I was even watching 聲林之王 with glenn (who stayed over) 😂 I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep but I ended up falling asleep at around 3 am.

19 January, 6.00am: My eyes opened and I was sooooo effing tired LOL. I swear I was in a daze all the way till the actual concert. We got ready and proceeded to leave the house at 8 am. Once I arrived at the stadium, there were fans everywhere. The group of us (carol, mingyou, glenn and I) decided to grab a cup of tea/coffee to wake ourselves up and I don’t know how, but it was already past 9 am by the time we bought our drinks. Glenn and I went to collect the various fansupport items (a cool thing about kpop concerts is the amount of free stuff given out by fans) and we went to find glenn’s roommate who had been queuing for merch since 6am.

At 10.30 am, glenn and I went to register for soundcheck. The place we were at (outdoor area outside astons) had various dance cover groups, which was actually a pretty good form of entertainment to pass the time. After we were done with registration, glenn had to pick up an item she had ordered from a fansite, which we had a hell of a difficult time trying to find because the stadium is so freaking big. We had to speed walk to queue for soundcheck right after, as we were already late (queueing started at 12.30pm and it was almost 1pm)

SOUNDCHECK:

That was basically my reaction when BTS walked out.

Even though they were in casual clothes and had no makeup on, (Jhope even tweeted about it!!!), in my mind they looked like this as they were walking over to us HAHAHA:

They performed three songs in total: mic drop, dna and run. I went in assuming they would each be rehearsing their solos, so I wasn’t expecting those three songs to be chosen. But, it makes total sense because these are the more hype songs. My memory is slowly fading so I’ll let drake illustrate how I felt during the soundcheck.

When they all stood in one line right in front of me:

When I heard the opening note of mic drop:

KIM NAMJOON, KIM SEOKJIN, MIN YOONGI, JUNG HOSEOK, PARK JIMIN, KIM TAEHYUNG, JEON JUNGKOOK, BTS!!!!!!!

**when I heard the whistling in DNA**

*run plays* me: YAAAAAAAAS BICTH

me realising midway that bts is real and I’m actually seeing them like wtaf-

armys after the soundcheck:

I don’t know how I ever got so lucky winning soundcheck passes, but I wanna thank all the lords and the universe for awarding BOTH glenn and I this opportunity. Soundcheck is truly such an intimate experience because you get to experience bts in all their natural glory. Even though this was just a rehearsal, it felt like a mini concert and I even told glenn that I’d be fine if I didn’t go for their concert and I can die happy lmaoooo.

Brief soundcheck tidbits (you can read the rest here):

1) Jin looks THE best without makeup, he has such good skin and I swear this man is really really handsome in person. I’ll admit I never bought into the worldwide handsome hype before, but I’m a convert now.

2) Jin kept looking at glenn and I several times and he was FULL ON staring. It wasn’t even a brief glance, it was as if I owed him money and he was waiting for me to return it to him (yes jin i owe u my money and life). I kept wondering if I was delusional (aren’t we all, tbh). To be fair, I think jin was also looking at the barricades behind us and/or staring into space, but this man definitely looked me straight in the eye. How did I survive? I didn’t, I’m typing from my grave

3) hobi glows in person, and he’s really not called the sun for nothing. He was the first one to walk out on stage and he had the biggest smile plastered on his face the entire time. Sunshine radiates from this man with every move he makes. Alongside joon, he was the one speaking the most and leading the members.

Ok, so storytime. There were supposed to be 1000 soundcheck winners but when we entered, there was NO way that there were 1000 of us. Our area had probably around 100 - 150 people max and the same goes for the other side. During the concert ment time,  jungkook mentioned that there were only 200++ fans at soundcheck. The moment he said that, glenn and I turned to each other and went “HUH?” and we clowned him because we thought he couldn’t math... (sorry jk bro for doubting you oops). As it turns out, about 800 soundcheck passes were cancelled because they were obtained through special means and connections. AND, the reason they looked really tired/sad at soundcheck was because they were expecting 1000 fans and they probably thought they couldn’t even fill up that amount. :( fuck you scalpers, fuck you snakes staff, but I’m glad bighit decided to cancel all those tickets because those fools dont deserve it and also more space for us soundcheck winners muahahaha.

Before I delve into the concert experience, I need to vent about my stupidity and anger at myself. **CAUTION: RANT AHEAD** So, the standing ticket holders were let in to the venue from 4 pm onwards, and we happily found a spot to settle in and chill. (it was definitely NOT chill in our pit, but that’s another story) At around 6.30pm, everyone decided to stand up officially. Fast forward 15 minutes, I went into full panic mode because I needed to pee. Usually, I’ll just hold it in but my stomach was feeling quite queasy (I’ve been having a lot of stomach issues since november). I also didn’t wanna watch the entire concert with the constant urge to pee because that’s so fun, right? It just SO happened that mingyou and carol were talking about going to the back to watch the concert so I said fuck it, I’ll just go to the toilet and stand at the back too. Went to the toilet to pee and ta-da, ONLY TWO FREAKING DROPS OF PEE CAME OUT. I was so pissed at myself (my body really) because it made me leave my front spot for nothing. But, what’s done was done. I told myself that hey, at least you can finally breathe now (while internally cursing). **RANT OVER**

CONCERT:

Even though I’ve watched so many fancams from their concert, NOTHING will ever beat the experience of watching it in person. I got GOOSEBUMPS when the first note of idol played and they all rose from the platform. Till this day, I STILL get goosebumps rewatching any idol fancams because of that exact moment.

me watching the IDOL opening stage for the 94919994th time:

I was watching IDOL from the back with carol and mingyou, and I was truly thankful that I had the space to dance and go wild. But, that feeling lasted briefly because I realised I was so damn far from the stage. BTS was performing most of their choreographed songs at the purple main stage so even if I was at my original spot, I still wouldn’t be able to see them. The huge led screens existed for that very reason, but my stubborn ass was adamant on watching them on the stage instead of seeing them through a screen.

me deciding to squeeze my way back in again:

After IDOL, it was time for their intro ment (introducing themselves, saying a few comments the usual stuff). Immediately after, they performed save me/I’m fine. I don’t know why my idiotic ass thought this was a good time to squeeze my way in when I should have been FOCUSED on my boys. I was basically half watching them, half saying sorry excuse me to strangers. *bows head deeply and slaps self*

Ok moving on.... I really freaking love how they created the transition from save me to I’m fine. The part where tae gets up into a bridge position was b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. For some reason, he looked particularly breathtaking doing this move at this very concert. The beauty of live performances, indeed.

Personally, tae stood out in save me/I’m fine the most.

Magic Shop was next, which surprised me because I forgot that it was so early in the setlist. Hence, I was NOT ready for the incoming wave of emotions.

“so show me, I’ll show you” will forever remain one of the most iconic lines in the fandom 😭😭😭 I think I would have cried if this song was played towards the end of the concert. 

As per tradition, a subunit vcr is played before each members solos. So the order goes hopekook, minjoon, tae and yoonjin (yoonjin was too!! much!! to handle because it was 2 separate screens and I didn’t know where to look at???)

Jungkook: Euphoria

(aiyooo look at them cheeks *pinch*)

I love how this has now become our official fanchant (for context). Euphoria is one of my fave intros after seesaw and my ears were in for a treat that night. (It was also at this point I decided to just stay in my current spot instead of trying to find glenn). Jungkook sounds amazing live and this made me realise that wow, he really deserves the main vocalist title.

As most fans would have known, Jungkook was so exhausted at the seoul music awards, which was a mere few days before the concert. Naturally, I was worried that kook would push himself too much in sg. I could tell he was definitely a little worn out, but he still gave it his all (bcos its jungkook) and delivered an impressive performance. I’m truly happy I’ve witnessed euphoria live 😍

J-Hope: Just Dance

JUNG HO SEOK, YOU GOOD??? J-hope showed me what the term bias wrecker really meant that night. I think EVERYONE left the stadium that night rethinking their bias list (if you didn’t, you’re lying). His stage presence and charisma is out of this world. Everyone knows he’s a good dancer, but seeing him executing those moves in person is REALLY something else. 

my face during the entire performance

when he walked over to the extended stage, I was like

WHO IS HE? HE’S J-HOOOOOOOOPE! LOUDER!

I Need U + Run

I honestly don’t remember much from this except for THE vmon moment because they were kinda all over the place. They started at the main stage, then came over to the extended stage and were just dancing their hearts out freely. The members were all splashing water (Idk how they do it so nicely, I’ll probably just hit someone’s head with the bottle) and there was a water cannon. The water cannon was SOOOO strong, I and the people around me were caught off guard (rip my hair & makeup). Bighit probably knew mosh pit fans were sweaty as hell so they wanted us to take a bath. How nice of them.

I loooooveee the outfits they wore here. I’m not a fan of all white ensembles but on bts, I’ll make an exception. They look like ethereal angels who've descended down to earth for one day to grace us with their presence. I’M HERE FOR IT.

look at all da sparkles (and jimin’s messy hair uwu)

Jimin: Serendipity

Till this day, jimin remains my favourite performer in bts. Whenever I watch a bts performance, my eyes automatically go straight to jimin. As a contemp dancer trained in ballet, you can see how that has shaped his performances. Fluidity is the term I would use to describe his style, because he moves like he’s gliding through water. I often find myself rewatching his fancams the most because he has so much adaptibility, its crazy. He knows when to go hard and when to reel it back in. Jimin has such pretty dance lines as well. He stands out because he really pays attention to the little details (the turn of a foot, the hand placement, arch of a back)

Out of all the solos, serendipity is really the prettiest. The combination of jimin’s glitter shirt + pastel hair + bubbles really was a feast for the eyes 😍

See what I mean? Jimin looks so picturesque even in motion.

Trivia: Love

As glenn pointed out, Joon looks so much softer in person (he’s a real life koya 😭). In person, his features are much softer and ‘rounder’. While he may have soft features (how many times can I use the word soft), his stage presence is a huge contrast. I’ve often noticed that out of everyone, joon is the most focused member during performances. While the others will interact with fans/try to incorporate some kind of fan service, rm concentrates solely on carrying out what he’s supposed to do. I can respect that.

Ugh!!! This man!!! Honestly, I was a little worried joon wouldn’t get the hype and cheers he rightfully deserves but Singapore impressed me. Well done, my fellow countrymen (and foreign fans). There was a girl beside me who screamed super loud and kept yelling “KIM NAMJOON!!!!!” so I was like HELLLL YEAH OKAY FINALLY SOMEONE AS HYPED AS ME LEGGO. Jungkook making a heart at the end with namjoon was so cute uwu. Everyone collectively lost their shit when joon slid his jacket off over one shoulder. King of giving the people what they want, I see you.

**another thing to note is how he always looks SOOO happy performing love. You can see the genuine happiness radiating off this man. It makes me happy too 🤗

DNA

The main talking point of this performance was that jimin fell. I actually missed it, because I could only see their side view and jimin was blocked from my pov. By the time I looked at the screen, jimin was already on the floor (still smiling bcos he’s jimin) and I was like oh nooooooo. Apparently after that, they coordinated among themselves mid song to tell each other not to do the ending choreo. A PLUS TEAMWORK, RIGHT THERE! tae even went to wipe the floor after the performance, bless his precious soul.

sidenote: I love love their dna outfits, especially the jackets!! They had different ones for the america and europe concerts, but I do love the asia tour ones just a little more.

Medley

The other highlight of the concert happened here because I was reunited with glenn!!!!!!! I found her just when they launched into fire and we were like OOOOOMMMMGGGG YAS. I actually gave up on ever finding her, but I suddenly saw her blouse from the corner of my eye (THANK YOU GLENN FOR WEARING A PINK DAISY TOP). During the medley, everyone kept following wherever the boys went because the boys were on the moving stage. I felt like I was at a wave pool getting pushed without even moving. They were right at the back at the small diamond stage, so I couldn’t really see much. I had no choice but to watch from the screen. 

funny moments: tae doing pubg dances LOOOL , rm’s legendary hip thrust (you’re welcome)

Airplane Pt. 2

I.. actually forgot that this song was on the setlist. It felt really anti climatic and I wish they would have arranged this to be after DNA or something. 

*airplane pt 2 comes on me:

Jokes aside, I do love this song. It was even one of my top songs in 2018 according to spotify.

V: Singularity

For the first and only time during the concert, this made me speechless. Normally, I’d be cheering and singing along to all of the songs. BUT man oh man, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from tae. While jimin is my favourite performer to watch, I believe that tae is the most expressive performer in bts. Whenever I watch him, I realise that wow that’s really a celebrity right there. Its easy to dress up and put on a show, but not everyone can really perform. What separates a regular person from a star is the x factor, and taehyung is the perfect embodiment of that.

Look

at

that

duality

Fake Love

First off, how did I not notice jhope was wearing leather gloves???? Fake love is still that bitch, no matter what anyone says. It gave us goth bangtan and that’s all I could ever ask for.

I wasn’t expecting them to perform the rock version, and I LOVE IT. I’ve probably watched all of their fake love performances, but seeing it live just solidified it as my fave title track from the love yourself series. Funny anecdote: jungkook didn’t lift his shirt up like he usually does and I swear the people around me were disappointed. They didn’t outrightly say anything, but I could feel the sadness 😂

Suga: Seesaw

ALRIGHT, SHE DROPPED THE CHEESECAKE TIME. Seesaw is my fave solo so you bet your sweet ass this bitch was excited AF!

Singapore did good for the seesaw fanchants, I’m so proud of us *wipes away tear* yoongi definitely noticed our efforts and smiled so freaking wide when he heard us (he absolutely has THE cutest gummy smile).

I remember the entire fandom (me included) got shookt to the core when yoongi first debuted the seesaw performance. We were like ‘suga dancing??’ Seesaw as a song itself was already a pretty unconventional fit for yoongi. We were all used to his hard hitting rap songs (agust d says hi) so we were really surprised. But, you can see how much fun yoongi always has whenever he’s performing seesaw and I’m thankful that he reversed our expectations with this song.

Jin: Epiphany

THIS MAN, yes I am suing. His name is Kim Seok Jin. How dare he make me feel all of the feels when I specifically told him not to? Hearing 50,000 people singing “I’m the one I should love in this world” together was truly a historical moment (just hear how it sounds from OUTSIDE the stadium). Seeing Jin channel all of his emotions into this song was heartbreaking, yet cathartic at the same itme. I would have full on ugly cried but all the screaming probably killed the mood.

the gaze of a man who knows the power he holds, ugh I stan

Epiphany is such a perfect song, 10/10. I don’t know what else to say because nothing I ever say will compare to the experience of actually watching it live. I love you, jin (no hetero)

The Truth Untold

v, jimin, jungkook, jin are the nation’s vocalists thank you for coming to my ted talk

I could barely hear tae at the start because of his mic, which was a shame :( Aside from that, everyone sounded really great. TTU is a song that can strain your voice if not done properly. There were definitely some concerts where some of them struggled to reach the high notes or the correct key. One thing’s for sure though - Jin has CONSISTENTLY been singing in perfect pitch and ALWAYS delivers a fantastic performance. Jin’s singing is so stable, it deserves more recognition. I love tae’s ad lib here and how he made everyone lose their marbles after.

Outro: Tear

HANDS DOWN, FAVE PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT!!!!! I walked out of the concert still thinking about tear, because it was THAT powerful. I’m glad glenn was beside me for this because she’s the only other tear enthusiast I know (TEAM SENN ✊🏼). BTS individually have amazing stage charisma, but put the three rappers together and you get AN UNDENIABLE FORCE. I’ll always stan rap line till the day I die. The three of them have such different rapping styles, yet nothing sounds out of place when they work together.

yoongi in headbands is so hot, no one fight me on this

Mic Drop

Second fave performance of the night! (okay I might be slightly biased, since it was right after tear) Even though this was nearing the end of the concert, I was actually way more energetic than I was at the start. It was like I was saving all my energy stores for this very moment. When joon mentioned it was their last song, I was like NOOOOOOOOO WAIT WHAT YOU CAN’T LEAVE YET. Then, I remembered that there was an encore segment and the world was all right again.

I see you stylists with the second white ensemble of the night, and I raise you one. Mic drop is the song that can get anyone hyped up anywhere. I feel like this is the song that you can play at clubs / festivals and it wont feel out of place. Fun story: the dj at dpr live’s show played mic drop and everyone was lowkey jamming to it (also shout out to all the armys there)

Please watch jhope’s fancam!!! I’ve always felt that mic drop is one of the few songs that allows him to really shine as a dancer. As a hip hop dancer, he doesn’t get many opportunities to showcase it because he has to ‘tone down’ for bts choreos. If you have the time, do check out all of his hopeonthestreet videos to really see dancer hoseok in his element!

mandatory iconic yoongi mic drop

Encore Stage (So What & Anpanman)

All of the cutest and funniest interactions took place right here!!! Before the concert, I was going back and forth between getting purple or yellow tickets but I definitely do NOT regret getting yellow tickets! The extended stage is where you can see their goofy selves come out to play.

joon + jimin’s cheeks: an untold love story

p.s. joon was casually applying lip balm before this moment, lol

me whenever minjoon minjoons

this is peak joon at his final form

jimin got to start anpanman this time!!

cosmo and wanda (I mean vmin) being the absolute cutest

chaotic duo taejin back at it again

vmon was being very very cute during anpanman & so what!! There were so many vmon moments throughout the concert, THANK YOU UNIVERSE for blessing me with the most underrated ship.

noteworthy moments during the encore stage:

-sope freaking looked at glenn and I, and we almost combusted right there. Both of them came over to our side at one point, and stepped down onto this black box platform just below (no wonder they felt so close). Almost everyone else were on their phones, so naturally they noticed us because we were the only two crazy bitches cheering by ourselves. I MADE EYE CONTACT AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS. suga smiled so hard when he saw us going all out, and that’s when I knew: I was yoongi’s bitch for life. jhope was looking at us with a sort of approval *stands at attention* YES SIR ARMY REPORTING FOR DUTY

-jungkook came over to our side of the stage and was just in right front of me. I took this time to really look at his face (HAHA) because I felt like I didn’t see him enough during the concert. He was doing body rolls (looked a little something like this) and everyone around me was busy trying to get his attention. Upon closer ‘inspection’ of jungkook, I have concluded that he is a 5 year old trapped in a 20 year old ripped body. His body proportions are reeeealllyy crazily good - with his tiny waist and long legs (and veiny arms). I can see why people lose their mind over him, but he’ll always remain an adorable bunny to me.

-I got blessed by yoongi’s holy water during so what. I didn’t think I was gonna be close enough to get the water but I GUESS NOT! I’ve never been happier getting splashed with water in my life. I swear, yoongi was so cute bouncing around and just smiling the whole time (I can’t stop talking about yoongi, SO SUE ME)

this is what jungkook looks like in person, can you believe? Fansite pictures are always heavily edited (especially jungkook’s for some reason) so sometimes they can come across as quite ‘fake looking’ when you look at images. Lemme tell you, they look a thousand times better in person. The melanin, the glow, the messy hair, their natural skin - can we get a hallelujah

Final Ment

Their final ment before we parted ways :((( I do enjoy hearing them speak even if its in korean, because you get to listen to their thoughts and feelings. I also really appreciate their attempt in speaking english, because it shows that they care. They might have memorised what to say, but effort goes a long way!

- tae saying we are part of his story, memory and scenery 😭😭😭 who knew it would be a teaser for his song! that sly kid. give it a listen over here, you won’t regret it.

- jungkook saying that the fans at soundcheck (*raises hands* YES IT ME) cheered crazily good. yasss thank you kook for acknowledging us and trust me, you could have just ten armys and we’ll still cheer like 10,000 people!

yoongi was being so freaking cute and for what?? that little pout before he launched into his speech.... HERE TAKE MY HEART

the best part was yoongi correcting the translator (not good night, GREAT night) man’s fluent in english but never shows it off, I approve of this slytherin move. yoongi even mentioned that he thought there was a day 2 concert. live nation, what are you doing??? I was so looking forward to a day 2 concert too. Is minstradamus predicting a 2 day concert in Singapore in the future??  👀

jin is a sagittarius in every sense of the word. the way he waited for his close up before slowly removing his shades.....I’m honestly not surprised anymore. I’m too used to having so many sagittarius in my life LOL. he even attempted to speak singlish not once, but twice. I sincerely applaud the effort, though my greedy self wished every member tried too (I’m still waiting for jimin to say ‘ zuo mo ni jiang bad de’)

speaking of jimin, he sang promise!! for the first time!! live!! singapore was truly blessed :)))))

thank you God for spending a little more time on this fine specimen, jung hoseok. hoseok is fine, but with his forehead exposed? FINE FINE. *cue me singing I’m fine* everyone was chanting “J Hope! J Hope! J Hope!’ even before he spoke and he was like oooooh, me? while pointing at himself like pls hobi ITS ALL FOR YOU BBY.

yes, you have stolen my heart jung hoseok

I can’t believe this man even bothered to count the days and meals for his speech..... (I like how bts pretends music bank didnt exist LMAO) this man can honestly sell you a trash bag with how eloquent he is. english is his second/third language yet he can construct better sentences in english than I ever will. in Jeon Jungkook’s words “Kim Namjoon, you dangerous man”

Answer: Love Myself (aka THE END CRIES)

At last, the final song dawned upon us. This is it, the moment reality hits you. That we’re all gonna return to our sad little lives after the concert. I was expecting myself to cry, but I actually felt... at peace? Hearing them sing “I should love myself” also served as a final reminder that that is also the title of their world tour, and the key message to take away from the love yourself series. At the end of the day, bts are also 7 young men in their 20s struggling alongside the rest of us. They have their own battles to fight too, but at least we’re all in this together. BTS may be there to provide us with happiness and love, but we must never forget to look inward first. 💜

Welcome, first time experiencing singapore’s humidity?

Singapore air’s just that powerful huh

I got chills, they’re multiplying!

Ngl, Singapore really impressed me. Every member’s solo got the same deserving amount of screams and we even got seesaw’s part down! (yoongi was really happy huhu) I don’t think they nor us fans expected such an enthusiastic response, but I hope this lifted their spirits up. Touring non stop for months is no easy feat, and I hope our passion made them less weary for one night. I still feel extremely blessed that I got to see them so quickly after I became a full-fledged fan. Hope to see you boys real soon! 😁😁😁

p.s. I recommend reading glenn’s experience here, because it is MUCH more detailed and well articulated

p.p.s link to jimin fancams, link to j-hope fancams, link to rm tear fancam

To end off, here are some random/cute pics for your enjoyment ~

me shaking off all the sweat, filth and water out of my hair after the concert

grandpa over flowers

hello glenn, this is for you

LOOK at jungkook’s forearms.... he can literally kill us all

The cameraman was WHIPPED for tae that night, it kept focusing on tae for a good chunk of time (I can’t blame him/her, we were all in awe too)

Singapore is officially J-hope land now. Can he run for president next?

Thank you for giving me a night I will never forget 190119 will forever be etched in my memory 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[disposedserenity]

p e r s p e c t i v e

“Welcome to the wonderful world of jealousy, he thought. For the price of admission, you get a splitting headache, a nearly irresistable urge to commit murder, and an inferiority complex. Yippee.”

I have a bad habit of being a bitter bitch (potential rapper name?) and I often compare myself to others. I think it is a human flaw to constantly resent others for their success and try to bring others down. I was also such a passive aggressive bitter bitch in my younger days, yikes.

I am realising now that life is all about P E R S P E C T I V E. I may not be the skinniest or prettiest or most talented, but I have a roof over my head and eat three meals a day. I am already more blessed than a huge portion of people. I can be bitter all I want, but that won’t solve anything.

It may sound cheesy but I truly believe everyone has their own life path. I may not follow any particular religion, but I do believe in the concept of God on some days. When I start feeling dissatisfied, I take a deep breath and count to three. I then tell myself God has a plan for me, and it is okay if it is not the same as others.

“Though you may hear me holler, And you may see me cry-- I'll be dogged, sweet baby, If you gonna see me die.” 

[disposedserenity]

Feeling so anxious just thinking about my social anxiety............ #whyamIlikethis

One day at a time. I got this.

*BREATHE*

[disposedserenity]

2017

Another year has come and gone. No matter what happened, I think we can all agree that 2017 was a bad year on a global scale. Personally, it was a year of ups and downs. There were some highlights and some definite lows. Whatever the case, I am thankful I am still alive.

1) Finafuckinglly graduated university!! I never thought I’d even make it to university, let alone finish it. I am really grateful to my mother for supporting me financially and making sure my only worry was doing well. Now, its time to put that investment to good use.

2) I graduated with straight A’s in my final semester. I am not a good student, period. I am lazy, procrastinate like hell and do things at the very last minute. So the fact that I can even graduate with straight A’s (not even A-) is a huge deal to me. Not to sound too Asian, but I can understand why some people strive so hard to get straight A’s lol. *B IS FOR BITCH*

3) I FINALLY learnt cycling. It only took me four tries, no big deal. Cycling is one of those things that you get taught as a kid by your father/grandfather, but I just never had that experience. Honest to God, I told myself that if I don’t learn it before the year ends, I’m done with it forever. Ok but I’ll admit, cycling is fun. Here’s to more cycling adventures *cheers*

4) I read 35 books. It’s not a lot, but it is an improvement from 2016 (30 books I think?) I normally don’t read a lot when I am in school so I’m pleasantly surprised I managed to read this much. I am really thankful for books and the fact that I actually enjoy reading. The day I find reading boring is the day my soul has died.

5) I watched 40 movies. I’m not usually a big movie watcher because I tend to watch more tv shows, but this year has been pretty great for movies. There were so many gems this year that I can’t choose just one good movie. Some examples are: Get Out, Moonlight, Call Me By Your Name, Lady Bird, The Big Sick, 君の名は) Also, I managed to watch the entire Star Wars trilogy which is DOPE.

6) I made some pretty great friends this year and I intend to keep those friendships close to my heart. IMO, friendships are underrated. There, I said it. I feel like everyone’s constantly obsessed with romantic relationships and finding ~THE ONE~ that they forget the people that are by their side. I wish people would put in the same effort to their friendships that they do for their romantic relationships. I am not the greatest friend and I have been guilty of throwing some friendships away without looking back. But, I am going to start making an effort to be a better friend and just BE there whenever they need it.

7) My health got better than it got worse. I visit my doctor for my thyroid condition three times a year. During the first two visits this year, my condition was slowly improving and for a moment I was hopeful my condition would be in remission. On my last visit, I was told that my health levels got worse and I couldn’t stop medication just yet. Even though I had lost weight, it didn’t matter if I was getting worse. Truthfully, I can pinpoint the causes that made my condition worsen. Here’s to no more self sabotaging and quitting some BAD HABITS 4EVER.

8) I became closer to my siblings. I wouldn’t say I am now best friends with my siblings and we are so awesome bla bla, but I definitely spent more time with them. Growing up, I was never close to them mainly because of the age gap and let’s be real, I was a little bitch. As the older I get, I am realising how important family is. Every family has their own definition of closeness, and that’s okay. My family may not have weekly dinners nor do we share personal details of our lives, but we’ll always have each other’s backs at the end of the day.

9) I started dancing again after 10 years. I may not have the moves or be consistent in practicing, but I took the first step in getting back out there. No matter what happens, I will always love dancing. Dancing has taught me to surrender in the moment and simply let go. As someone who overthinks everything, not being in my head is one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn.

10) MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT, FOLKS. I am shouting this because it really fucking is. If there is one lesson I can take away in 2017: “mental health over every damn thing” (to quote one of my favourite pages, The Artidote). Our generation are often labelled as an entitled and privileged bunch, but I am so thankful that mental health is now normalised and people are sharing stories of their own personal struggles. I am still grappling with my own personal demons (hello depression and anxiety), but I am not alone and I never will be. Everyone is going through their own shit, so be kind. Always.

[disposedserenity]

this is still the greatest fucking song ever.

(also nice to know this song can stir emotions in my dead soul)

[disposedserenity]

sick of people

sick of fake bitches

sick of the fake smiles

sick of the yapping

bleh

[disposedserenity]

❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎ 

[disposedserenity]

To feel a thing for you is such a compromise

[disposedserenity]

Ahh, such bittersweet memories listening to these songs. Bring on the feels.

[disposedserenity]

Jeanette Winterson, Gut Symmetries

[disposedserenity]

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