dissasociative-demon

[dissasociative-demon]

"ill stab myself once for each time you tried to take something you'll never be good enough to even look upon it's better to push something away that's slipping than to risk being dragged down. Into the fire "

Brian Warner

[dissasociative-demon]

Me and my fiance broke up... I don't want to be the reason everyone suffers ..it's not about the stuff I left there .. he says he'll bring it back.. I just wanted to stay and make sure he was ok but all I do is ruin everything..it hurts that I hurt him... I'm keeping your ring and you'll keep mine remember to eat and take care of yourself for me .. I will miss you.. and I know you miss me right now .. I'm not special I promise.. I'm not worth breaking your heart over

[dissasociative-demon]

I forget things easily ... I'm sorry

[dissasociative-demon]

And I never thought it'd actually matter .. it was just my parents in my head

Until Jaimie krauthamer died of a drug overdose I did not know people were actually ......cause of all the meds or alcohol or whatever happened ... Figured it had to be a coincidence... And I couldn't remember a lot of the past anyway ... It was all blocked out...

[dissasociative-demon]

Everyone knows Marilyn Manson isn't a pedo right .. like yeah .. obviously he's not... I just couldn't tell my parents my bfs real name

[dissasociative-demon]

It is all my fault though

[dissasociative-demon]

Sometimes you just give up ... And you have to stop giving up .. I don't think my mom wanted me to die

[dissasociative-demon]

Id cuddle with them after I took a shower and I feel like that stuff happened a lot .... And I'd always end up back in my bed

[dissasociative-demon]

And my mom tries to say she'd leave him if he ever touched me sexually .. and she'd give me morning after pills cause he can inside me when I was 15 ... And I didn't understand why I had to take them ... And she just kept telling me do you want to be pregnant... And I just gave in and took them eventually

[dissasociative-demon]

My mom would normally give me meds when she'd let my stepdad rape me when I was 7 but I told my aunt and uncle one time and while they were on the phone with them they asked my mom if I was being hurt ...sexually and my mom let Josh rape my ass while on the phone with my aunt and uncle and he spanked me while he was raping me and they figured he was just spanking me and they wouldn't let me go and I had to say noone ever hurt me.. they asked me if my dad did it .. while Josh was raping me... Then I tried to tell them again and they just called me a liar

And I didn't get any meds that time cause it was supposed to hurt

[dissasociative-demon]

And still I feel like everything is my fault.. cause it is . It doesn't matter who hurt you ... It's all your fault still .. it's your choice to not heal .. whatever..anyway .. I just have to then

.. I'll just fucking get over it

[dissasociative-demon]

I think I'm actually gonna be ok .. I love someone and they love me.. and they're everything I've ever wanted ... And I miss them

[dissasociative-demon]

Not sure if I actually liked my mom molesting me.. I know I'm angry .and I wanna kill her sometimes .. but that's family I guess... I never hit her .. and she told me to while she was molesting me ... Cause I said I liked girls ... And I never did and idk what that means ... Maybe I like it cause I definitely masturbate to it a lot ... But it made me wanna kms cause she'd hit me while she was doing it

[dissasociative-demon]

My mom would buy me thongs to wear and molest and beat me for wearing them ... But that's all .. I did want it I guess

[dissasociative-demon]

Also my dad only let me live with him so he doesn't have to pay child support ...and when I told him my mom hurt me he just said I'll pray for you... He knew I was being hurt neglected and molested ... And now I have a job at Walmart and he comes in just to tell me how he doesn't care..or he only cares cause he gave birth to me .. where's the diapers... still says he loves me everyday

And when I ask where my hospital bill is I have to pay he just doesnt tell me or changed the subject.. cause I don't live there anymore.. probably tells my grandparents I'm such a bad kid.. the whole family... Fuck it .... I went to therapy for years so he'd have to pay for it and listen to me cause other than that all he did was tell me to shhhhhhh or be quiet....

[dissasociative-demon]

Me lol no I don't have abandonment issues

My mom would leave me and my older sister outside for weeks while my stepdad was out of town while she and my little sister was gone .. before she started kindergarten that is ...

Then when she came back she'd beat us for hours and wake us up in the middle of the night so we'd get no sleep just to scream at us and hit us and slam my head into walls and solid wood drawers... ☺️☺️☺️☺️💞💞💞💞💞

And my dad was always too busy working

[dissasociative-demon]

Anything for you my love