dmasanzautoethnography-blog

[dmasanzautoethnography-blog]

Daniel Masanz Autoethnography

“Who knows who I am, who knows who I are” (Aminé - ‘Turf’) I am from a multitude of backgrounds all throughout Europe; German, Scottish, Irish, Italian, and French, yet I do not relate to them. No relationship was ever established thus not truly knowing who I am. My family doesn’t celebrate the certain holidays from those backgrounds, only the general holidays such as Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc.… This made life simple, no need to plan intercontinental trips to different parts of Europe, no need to learn new languages, no need to leave my state or my home, but I wanted to do that. I wanted to go on intercontinental trips, I wanted to learn new languages, I wanted to leave my home and explore the world because simple gets repetitive. But then I heard about the struggles of minorities, from discrimination to not being able to put enough food on the table. This showed a different lifestyle, one that was not apparent in my neighborhood, one that did not influence my family nor I, one that opened my eyes to a new reality. A reality that was not apparent in my everyday life, a reality that did not introduce struggles every day, a reality that was unknown. I needed to know more.

The different definitions of discrimination and what groups of minorities are included in this definition.

One way that this reality was imposed was through music. Previously, there was no interest in music or understanding the lyrics, it was just background noise. Music has grown to a point where the lyrics are more than lines, the words invoke deep, personal stories that the artist had either gone through or witnessed. Music was exhibiting a reality I did not recognize but was beginning to understand. Currently, the music that is influencing me the most is modern rap and hip/hop, this is due to the beats and the lyrics, both flowing together and have meaning to the artist. Artists that I have listened to previously or are currently following include, Tupac, Notorious BIG, WarrenG, 21 Savage, Post Malone, Kanye West, Trippie Redd, Aminé, 6lack, A Boogie wit da hoodie, Drake, Khalid, Lil Uzi Vert, and Playboi Carti. Most, if not all, of these artists have a song about in relation to their personal experiences. The artist who raps about his life experiences the most must be 21 Savage. Even though he has vulgar lyrics, he is speaking from his point-of-view of growing up in the hood and being a part of gang violence. From the song ‘Nothin New’ he says, “Treat us like slaves then they lock us up in cages - Young, black, poor, ain’t had a father since a baby - Why you think we skip school and hang out on the pavement?” (Verse 2.) These three lines spoke about how prison is still being used as slavery, being young, black, and poor means that they had to use other means than going through the school system to get money and this usually involved selling drugs. This opened my eyes to the prison system being systematic slavery and how selling drugs, most of the time, is the only option for people to make it out of the hood/poverty. Music became the first influencer upon my newly found reality, and it is still explaining more and more every time I listen to it.

This photo represents how black men primarily make up the prison system and how it is systematically against them and how they are used as slaves.

Another way this reality was imposed was through meeting people online. Although most of these people are not entirely in this reality, there are some who are partially. One of them lives in Washington D.C. and has had a rough upbringing. This was his interview, “Question: What was your biggest struggle growing up? Answer: It would have to be growing up with no father, which was rough, so what my mom did push hard to like to make me a man saying I had to do sports like I couldn’t pick cop, lawyer or whatever I had to be a football or basketball player. I didn’t know how to do most of the man stuff like shaving until I was 17. I also had a lot of adult talks or bills complaining about bills. I couldn’t take long showers and I had to turn the lights off even when I feared the dark as a kid since the electric bill would be too high. I didn’t go to a daycare, I just went home or like an afterschool care but that did cost money so I couldn’t do it. But later, my mom got a better job so I could go to private school for the rest of my middle school which was 6-8th grade. I didn’t grow up in a place where people getting shot was normal like Baltimore County but in general, my struggles were because of my mom's choices, which were normal. She got pregnant with a guy who wasn’t going to be there for the kid, which was me, she wanted to abort me, but couldn’t afford it so I was born. She had health issues, she was too far in. I had a big anger temper growing up which comes from my dad's side of the family and he was in jail most of my childhood so I would visit him and stuff, but after he got out, I was 12 at the time, he didn’t come visit or talk to me at ALL. Question: Did anything bad happen while you were at school? Such as fights or police involvement? Answer: I got into fights a lot early in school, I had to get handcuffed and taken by police like in school police for fighting. They do something to scare you with the juvey talk but I didn’t have any bullying issues since whenever someone messed with me or hit me, I was raised to just not care and hit them back. My mom would handle the talk, if I didn't start a fight first, she would back me up, but as you know, both kids get the same punishment for fighting. Question: Have you had any police involvement outside of school? Answer: I had dumb incidents with cops such as that story of domestic violence junk when the person who beats the minor gets put in jail and the family gets better? Nope. I got told because I was fighting to stand up for my mom, when I was 15 and my brother was in his early 20s, I got told I must be arrested too if he gets arrested, so my mom had to say no. I went to the hospital, nothing too bad, but he came back in the house and got kicked out about a month later. Also, when I was 13 my mom got pulled over for a broken headlight since the car was old, we use my grandpa's car because she didn’t have a car. We sat for a long time and waited for them to come to us. My dog was breathing crazily since its hot, it was summer time and I was in my swimming trunks. They come up and talk, remind you I’m 13, I reach for my damn phone and the lady puts her hand on her gun and backs up saying ‘I need my hands where she can see them.’ I can't make any sudden movements and I can't open anything, just stay still until whatever is over. My mom doesn’t have a license or some form of ID for ownership of the car. We stayed for a long time and they told us to go get it fixed and gave us some paper. Since I was 13, my mom told me after that when police pull you over it doesn't matter how old you are or whatever, don’t move at all and that kind of made me feel weird since I was just reaching for my phone to call my grandmother and tell her we are late. Whenever stuff went wrong in the house, I got told to never call the police just call my grandmother or something since we all live not too far away from each other and a relative can come and fix the problem whether it be a violent thing just get the family settled it. Later, I learned why cops just are weird, I won’t be biased but I don't trust them too much unless I’m dead since I’m a 15-year-old on the couch bleeding and my face is bruised and here’s a guy early 20s not a scratch and I get told I must be arrested ALONG with the one who did it. He wasn’t arrested but he was covered by my family so the sheriff and police could not find him, and he didn’t show up to court, which violated the restraining order, but I really did not want to go through all the law and court visits and not have him there again.”

This represents his biggest struggle, growing up without a father.  (This is not him, he is a private person when it comes to photos.)

Through music and meeting people online who are going through this reality, it has expanded my understanding of who I am. I am not someone who wants to be a part of a false, made to be perfect, reality. I am someone that is curious about different lifestyles and how people live in those conditions, I am someone that always wants to know the deeper meaning, I am someone that is wanting to understand the struggles of others.

This is the way society portrays the ideal place to raise a family. A safe, spread out housing neighborhood. 

These are the house that many minorities are growing up in, messy lawns, broken parts of the house are common sights to see.