dmnitjanet-blog
damnitjanet
22. love cupcakes, cookies and zombies.
has the hots for brandon walsh and seth cohen.
i go on trips.
capital letters are for suckers.
this is how i roll.
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My annual year end confessions/reflections/birthday realization
I'm not going to lie: Up until today, I felt like I had spent 95% of 2013 crying into my pillow.
Somehow at the start of the year I had gone to bed as, what I felt was heavily optimistic 21-year-old me, and awoken as this uber jaded, neurotic 24-year-old, the kind of person I vowed I would never be.
Up until today, I had saw 2013 as one of the worst years of my life. I had gone through this year feeling like I was constantly bogged down, sad, lonely and depressed. I felt like I was failing in all of my endeavours. No matter how many years I spent trying to become a “real” writer, to achieve these childhood dreams of being something and someone that people would remember, and to build a collection of amazing stories to tell, I spent the entire year feeling like I was hitting brick wall after brick wall. And on top of all of this, I was forced to sit back and watch as all of my peers were getting hitched, having red and wrinkled bundles of joy, buying grand automobiles and abodes and basically achieving this wonderful life as easily as possible. I felt like I had spent this whole year getting left behind, while I chased something more unorthodox.
It wasn't until today that I realized I had nothing to worry about.
In the past 365 days, I had got off the lazy train and finally finished publishing the biography of my dad, Rice & Mashed Potatoes. I had landed two new jobs, moved out, traveled to a new place and finally achieved my childhood dream of having my own canine companion. Most importantly, I had mustered up the guts to launch Sound, Phrase & Fury, the now, internationally-read music magazine I had dreamt up so many years ago and had the honour of interviewing The Wonder Years, the one band that had changed my entire life.
It was the last two items on that list that really tipped the scale of good vs. bad for this year. I don't know how or why I had forgotten the impact of these two things, but I did. Because of those two things I was able to feel complete and indescribable euphoria, even if just for a few fleeting moments. It was because of those two things that I got out of bed on the tough days.
I still can't deny that 2013 was a insane cry-fest for me. But after examining the personal events that transpired in the last 12 months, I realize the biggest problem was not in the fact that “everything sucky happens to Janet.” The biggest problem was the fact that I simply couldn't realize when good things did happen to me. I was so busy watching everyone else, comparing my life to those around me, and panicking about this stupid and imaginary timeline/race. I was too focused on the fact that I was quickly getting older and letting the pressure of these idiotic preconceived ideas of what you should or shouldn't have by these certain ages.
At 21, there was this moment while my friend and I were driving over a bridge. It was in the middle of God-knows-where, South Dakota. I remember seeing the most amazing sunrise coming up above this nice calm lake. It was hands down the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. And I remember how I felt when I saw it. I was fueled with this deep appreciation of life, and the world. I was full of hope. No matter how much post-college fear and angst I was feeling at the time, somewhere in that sunrise I saw the bright and shiny possibilities of my future. I saw everything I ever wanted standing just down the road from where I was sitting. Somewhere in that sunrise I realized I am nothing more just a small person in a world I have no control over, but the thing to remember is, sometimes that's the best part.
You can't fight the waves, you may as well learn how to surf. Since we can't stop or rewind time, I may as well spend my time making the best of it. I've decided for my 25th year I'd drop out of this “competition,” and focus on reviving my long lost optimism. The kind that's found in the small things, the things I can't get by the resumes I send, or the money I dish out. The optimism that comes from knowing you're doing exactly what you've always wanted to be doing, knowing everything is as it should be and always will be.
Here I was, not more than 24 hours ago, freaking out about the fact that it's a new year, and I'll be another year older, still with “nothing to show.” I was freaking out, because yes, I'll be 25, still trying to find my place in the working world. Yes, I'll be 25 with my unused birthing hips, a box of full of emergency bus tickets, and the third finger on my left hand sitting bare. But I know I have achieved a lot. And my biggest challenge this year has been remembering that. I may not be the proud mother of two, or the owner of a brand new Benz, but over 4,000 people from all over the world have set their eyes on the magazine I created in my bedroom. An article I wrote helped a teenage girl get over her body image issues. I've found a man who makes me feel like I'm capable of taking over the world if I wanted to. I inspired someone to think big and go for their goals. I've made my mom and dad proud, and proven that all their hard work and sacrifices weren't for nothing.
Now that I look at it, it's looking a lot more like, “I'm only 25,” and I'm finally feeling excited to see what I can do with the next 25 (or more).
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Once upon a time I wrote a book... 3 years later it's finally available for everyone to read.
It'd be a lie if I said I wasn't proud, despite the fact that it took me so damn long to get around to getting it done. Haha.
The whole thing had been sitting half-finished on my hard-drive for years... and to be honest, I had almost written it off completely, thought I had moved on and just forgotten my dream of writing a real book.
I can't pinpoint the exact moment I decided to finally complete this, but I did and I know it was the best thing I could have done for myself at this time.
Re-reading through these pages, I was brought back to the time of my life when I had lived it. 20 years old, on the cusp of graduating from college. Dangerously ambitious, yet equally as pessimistic.
I hadn't realized it until I re-started this project that I had been speeding through life, spending the last few years putting my dreams on hold, for lesser-enticing and fulfilling endeavors such as taking any opportunity to pay the bills.
Within these pages were stories about my mom and dad, their own almost-life long struggles to make ends meet, while trying to make their own hopes and aspirations come true. Within these pages were stories that I had somewhat forgotten over the years, stowed away in the back of my brain, where they should have never gone. I know I cried when I first wrote this book, and I will probably cry many more times reading it...
But there's one thing I know this book will never allow me to do: is forget what it is I am here for, what it is I really truly want to do, and what it is I must do everything in my very power to do.....
My parents did not fight the fight of their hard immigrant life, just so I could be mediocre. I swear I'll make them proud one day.
Buy, Read, Enjoy.
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SOUND, PHRASE & FURY is a new Canadian music magazine focusing on independent artists all over the world.
We’re looking to expand our editorial team! Check out our latest online issue and let us know if you think you’d be a good fit for the mag!
Spread the word!
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SPF Reader Stats as of today.
I really needed this.
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SOUND, PHRASE & FURY ISSUE 2 IS OFFICIALLY OUT!
Featuring: Maryland pop punkers, A Place In Time, Chicago’s instrumental rock group, Ormen Lange, the UK’s, Elissa Franceschi and Sykes, Seattle’s singer/songer Mary Lambert, Philadelphia’s folk-punk outift, Steady Hands and the men behind Shared Music Review.
Click the photo to read!
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I've never been so proud of anything I've ever done.
The launch of this was better than I could have ever expected! So thank you to everyone who was a part of it, and everyone who read it, promoted it and supported it!
It's gonna be a damn good year!
Happy New Year Everyone!
We started this new year with our brand new digital magazine format!
Check out the 1st issue! Featuring interviews with Texas folk duo, The Oh Hellos, Chicago indie label, StayPosi Records, and Las Vegas folk singer/songwriter, Bobby Meader!
Sound, Phrase & Fury Volume 1, Issue 1 - Jan/Feb 2013
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Do not ever, ever, ever think of asking people what you’re not already trying to do yourself. You can blog and preach and soapbox about whatever you want, but legit historical figures actually rolled up their sleeves and lived it out and let their life do the talking for them. It doesn’t matter how sloppy you pursue it: just do something. We don’t need another basement blogger or pretentious preacher. We need game-changers. Words about love sound pretty; actually loving people is messy. Be part of the mess.
(via winkpeaceandpoutbaby)
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Par Sailor-Xa Tattooing chez Steve Art Tattoo à Nancy (France)
http://wearemechanicalanimals.tumblr.com/
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some surprise promo on reddit!
thanks boyfriend! now lets just hope we don't get down voted/gain haters! :D
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