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[do-i-have-to-pick-a-name]

“wish I could get away with wearing stuff like that” is shorthand for “I think you dress like a clown but I’m also aware that you’re cooler than me”

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Me, using PC: There’s nothing interesting on the big Internet.

Me, picking up phone: Let’s see what’s on the tiny Internet.

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Добытчик

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I’m very excited for my latest craft experiment, where I rhythmically slap sale rank oil paint onto a canvas and I see how long it takes to dry so that I can finally touch the paint textures I stare at so longingly in museums. 12 hours in, still wet. I am beginning to think this might take longer than I thought which you can imagine is quite a burden, as I am absolutely horned up to rub this paint.

[do-i-have-to-pick-a-name]

Some of you will see the warning on q-tips saying “don’t insert into ear canal” and take it seriously like some kind of chump. They want your ears full up so you can’t hear the world around you. My shits so polished clean I can hear the constant shriek of the earth turning on its axis.

[do-i-have-to-pick-a-name]

i spend 3 trillion dollars monthly on picture frames. dont like it? face my wrath

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wish customer service jobs operated w video game standards, so a customer would come up to me and i’d say “greetings traveler! looking to trade?” and they’d only had 4 options for their response 

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Good day to you sir!

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What’s sex

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[do-i-have-to-pick-a-name]

Source If you want more facts, follow Ultrafacts

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We did it. We’re finally free.

[do-i-have-to-pick-a-name]

*pulls up to Sonic Drive-In* HEY *honks la cucuracha horn* YO DOES KNUCKLES WORK HERE