docalexander66

[docalexander66]

My partner will absolutely enjoy this.

Jane Austen really said ‘I respect the “I can fix him” movement but that’s just not me. He’ll fix himself if knows what’s good for him’ and that’s why her works are still calling the shots today.

[docalexander66]

I mean, it’s certainly a possibility. Being overheated would have similar consequences, in the sense that overheating can harm our brains, much like your processors.

... Can the heat make humans lag the same way it lags our processors?

[docalexander66]

This sounds like something my nephew Hades would say. And his husband would agree with “I know I listen to you proposition me for sex every night.”

old art of Stanley Incorrect Quote, specifically narrated by this guy

Normally he'd be All For It but it gets tiring when the babes keep popping up as he tries to click anywhere on a shady pirating website. He also fell for them enough times for them to stop being appealing

[docalexander66]

[docalexander66]

I’m a father of seven.

Dad jokes are basically how I weaponize both my autism and my fatherhood.

Hi Mr.Compress :D!

I have a dad joke for you! ^^

-ejem-

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

He was peeling really bad ;)

OHOHO!~

I got one for you, friend!

I had a quiet game of tennis today... There was no racket~

- Mr. コンプレス

[docalexander66]

When is a door no longer a door?

When it’s ajar.

Hi Mr.Compress :D!

I have a dad joke for you! ^^

-ejem-

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

He was peeling really bad ;)

OHOHO!~

I got one for you, friend!

I had a quiet game of tennis today... There was no racket~

- Mr. コンプレス

[docalexander66]

Oh I’m aware. My partner could tell you the same thing.

Showing impeccable self-control this cycle by NOT going and fondling the boring rigs.

[docalexander66]

Are you hoping they’ll bore into you?

Showing impeccable self-control this cycle by NOT going and fondling the boring rigs.

[docalexander66]

Grey Fire.

Don’t tell my parter, he’ll turn it into some sexy nickname somehow

[docalexander66]

Alternatively, if you find yourself in the strange position of being incapable of producing fire, and enough heat to burn a body, but you’ve somehow found yourself beside a rather disturbingly large number of pigs, feed the body to them.

Another fun fact, if you can find a body of water cold enough to prevent the formation of bacteria that allow for the buoyancy of a human corpse, you could sink said body to the floor of the body of water and also find yourself quite lucky.

Some bitch decided to walk behind my car while I was backing out of a parking spot.

Did I hit her? Yes.

Do I feel guilty? No.

Is she alive? Absolutely not, because I hit her again 10x harder.

Don’t fucking walk behind cars when they’re backing out.

[docalexander66]

My eldest son’s mother tried to say the same thing. Madame, I’ve met your husband. If you cared, you’d have stuck it out with me.

Instead I had a wife for 30 years that got treated like a queen, and now so does my boyfriend.

Who is ironically a bit of a queen.

[docalexander66]

Is this how your brethren refer to the children, sir?

Disregard what I said about a private jet. You've acquired a private tank.

I...

@get-blitzed-idiot

Mr Blitzwing, can you become a tank?

[docalexander66]

The people who go "well who's going to look after you when you're old?" when you say you're not having kids are breathtakingly naive. Our next-door neighbour, somewhere in her mid-80s, has a son, grandkids, and a grear-granddaughter, and who's the one she calls when she needs help, and checks that she's not spending christmas alone? Me and my boyfriend.

Having kids is irrelevant if the answer to that question is still going to be "the mentally ill faggots next door."

[docalexander66]

“Hey, I screwed up a joke in the elevator. Wrong on so many levels.”

“Love you’re a fucking idiot.”

“That’s why we’re together.”

“No, it’s the size of your-”

“My children are in the next room.”

“Heart. Size of your heart.”

[docalexander66]

I need more translations, my teenagers seem to be speaking a foreign language.

[docalexander66]

Ah yes, I see that.

Then that’s probably a valid assumption to make and I appear to be talking out of by backside. Please ignore me.

If you interface with another bot very roughly, could we call that beat-boxing?

[docalexander66]