docwonko

[docwonko]

How are you still single?

A female friend of mine who I think was trying to be complimentary said this to me. My internal response was: don't fuck with me, please. What I said was: "I don't have the time and it just really isn't worth it." But, I lied. I have time. I have a lot of time. And it might be worth it to be in a relationship again. What I should have told her was this: "I've only truly fallen in love twice in my life. The first time was with my ex-wife. However, she was a total narcissist and broke me hard when she left. The next woman I fell in love with said something to me that has stayed with me for 16 years. "You're too broken to be with." I used to really love sex. I was good at it, too. I think I was pretty generous lover. This may seem like a non-sequitur, but I'm looping this around - I promise. I don't sleep with people unless I feel an emotional connection to them. I've always been like that. I have had two one-night stands and they both ended poorly. The only time I've been able to perform with a stranger is if the person is a professional sex worker. All this has a point. When the 2nd love of my life told me I was too broken to be with, I snapped. I was too broken. I was beyond broken. I was irreparable.

So, when my friend asked me why I was still single, it is because I was an irreparable person who was a single dad. And I made a choice wherein I would close off that emotional part of myself knowing full well that I was cutting off the physical part as well. And I wrapped up the shards of me, covered them in a body that I don't like to look at, and turned my attention and emotions to being a good father to my kids.

And so many things that I loved in life...so many of the things I loved about living are gone. I buried them so effectively that I just have this ugly body and irreparable heart. I miss being able to commit to a hug. I miss being able to be touched without immediately flinching or drawing away. I was so good at shutting all that down that I don' t know how to undo it. And now I'm old. And a long vital part of my life is gone. I'm not even sure I'm sorry I did it to myself because I was a pretty OK dad. So, I will stay here in my decaying old frame, emotionally dying as I physically wane in body and mind that I don't love. All because I loved fully. Where's the romcom for that?

[docwonko]

Stuff

Stuff

I know that no one reads this. So, I'm going to vent.

I am struggling. I am fighting against depression, anxiety, and disappointment. I worked hard to get a new job - trying to make more money to make ends meet. And I just did the math and realized that because my new job is 35 hours a week, I'm making $40 a week less than I did at my old job. I work nearly 45 hour weeks consistently at the old job, but it only paid $17.50. Now my new job pays $20 and I'm not doing better. I'm doing worse. My daughter has a site infection that will not heal. I fear it will kill her early. My son is trapped in a shame spiral and isn't doing anything to help himself. And I can't even bring myself to do the laundry today. I need to clean out my house and get the clothes clean for sale or donation. But, I can't even finish a 30 min tv program. My heart feels like someone is squeezing and I can't breathe.

[docwonko]

Some down time

Bex had a dilemma.  Doc was asleep in the papasan chair, soles of his feet together, knees spread, his head resting on his shoulder in deep sleep.  But he also had around three quarters of an erection.  Bex, all of 46 inches tall at this point, stood next to the papasan and looked hungrily at Doc's almost erect cock and the slight smile he had on his sleeping face.  Bex hadn't realized she was as horny as she was until she'd finished her last piece of art and it struck something in her heart and her pussy.  But, looking at Doc lying there peacefully, his shaft almost at full mast, his smell in the air - it made her shiver a little.  She knew above all else, she wanted his thick cock inside her.  But how would she pull this off?

Standing on tiptoes, she leaned over his ankles and very softly and tentatively licked the cleft on the tip.  Doc's breath caught for a moment, and he let out a soft moan.  His cock started to harden in response to her.  With a certain gymnastic ability, Bex continued to gently work the tip and the cleft with her agile tongue.  He responded by swelling to his full length - not anything bigger than average, but his girth was what always attracted her.  It seemed like he could always fill her up and she always made him so hard.  In his sleep, Doc's thumb and forefinger began to rub together as the tip turned red.  She knew he was pinching her nipples in his dreams.  This only served to excite Bex more.  She needed it.  Quietly, she stacked books next to the papasan and carefully got up without disturbing her lover.

With some difficulty, she was able to stand on the chair: one foot on the far side of his thigh and the other between his calf and thigh.  She could tell she was wet and could almost feel it starting down her thigh.  She was breathing quickly and a little raggedly.  Bex didn't wake Doc up, he didn't usually sleep this deeply, but she needed him.  So, with the agility of someone in Cirque du Soleil, Bex lowered herself on his tip.  The hood was fully flushed with blood, and it took her a little drop to penetrate her.  She bit down on her lip to capture the moan trying to escape.  He was almost too big for her, but she relaxed and let her sweet, warm, wet pussy take his tip in.

Doc shifted, moaning in his sleep, his cock pulsing. Bex waved her arms wildly trying to regain her balance.  As she leaned forward a little, she realized she could make a three-legged stool: both her legs and his shaft.  She put her hands in her hair and relaxed a little more - he was filling her completely and she knew she could never take his full length at this size, but she slid down farther - greedily taking him in.  And then, with an effort, she began to ride slowly up and down.  He was painfully spreading her, but she was so wet that with easy movement it wasn't damaging her.  Bex started to pant and stare into Doc's sleeping face.  He still hadn't woken up, but was moving his head around, his hands jerking and sliding on the papasan.  Bex's toes dug into the cushion as she dared to go faster.

Bex closed her eyes knowing she was close, but she couldn't quite find the release button yet.  She shifted back and forth on him as she slowly slid down his shaft and then back up again.  Bex felt Doc's cock get rock solid and knew he didn't have long, but she didn't dare go faster.  Suddenly, she felt his leathery hands on her breasts.  She dropped her hands to his wrists, moaning.  Bex was close, but it wasn't until Doc used his fingernails to pin her nipples that she exploded.  Bex cried out in joy, tears streaming down her face.  This was immediately followed by Doc's baritone moaning out his big O and she felt his seed flood her and leak out. Bex fell limp into Doc's hands, and he fully supported her until his shaft pulsed down a little and then pulled out with a small pop.  Bex came again and bit Doc's thumb at the joint.  He laughed and carefully lowered her to the crook of his arm on the chair.  With a satisfied smile, warm and loved, Bex fell asleep.

[docwonko]

I just realized I can post sizey stories here! WOOHOO!