doesntexist103497

[doesntexist103497]

Glimpses

The air smelt of blood, old and new. The acidic smell of rotting flesh and blood hit Ellie’s nose as she looked at you. Her green eyes widened. Her breath hitched, and she lept over to grab your coughing figure. Your hand was bleeding, deep red blood trickling out of your bite wound. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Babe, look at me.” Her voice was rougher than usual with barely kept tears. Her hand on your arm trembled as she looked down at the bite. You were done. She was immune and you were not. 

The topic had been talked over countless times as your relationship deepened, whispered vows of never letting go, never crying, letting you go if push comes to shove by her own terms. But this… she never expected it to happen so soon and so quickly. 

You looked up into her eyes, figure shaking from the coughs.

“You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay.. Shh..” She said, pulling you into a protective hug as you trembled in your arms, her lips moving against your forehead. She was convincing herself as much as she was convincing you.

“Ellie… It’s not gonna be okay, baby,” you whisper, pulling away a bit to look into her eyes. Tears were streaming out of her face now. She never cried, not really. But this, the usual contours of your face, so soft and happy when you were with her, now twisted in pain as she hears your words. 

“No. No. I can’t lose you. Not so fucking soon. Not so soon, babe,” she murmured, pleading silently with her eyes for you to not push her away. 

“The gun, Ells. You know… you know what you promised me,” you say softly, reaching with your good hand to end it before the infection got too bad. You kneel down on the floor, looking into the barrel of the gun.

“Please, babe. We can fix it. You and me, baby. Cmon. Cmon,” she begged, now softly sobbing into her arms. You reached out your hand to pull your arm off her beautiful face. The tears of the girl you fell in love with in Jackson. You had been there when she had chopped her hair off, been there when she said she may be a lesbian, been there when she was hurt and every single time she cried into your arms. 

The girl you had spent every evening worshipping, and singing bad songs along with her guitar. She had always been so soft with you, so loving. Her usually calloused fingers would be the gentlest things in the world for you, tracing over your skin reverently. You had made her feel safe, and convinced her that you would be the only person that wouldn’t leave. 

Her eyes were blurry and she squeezed them shut so she could see you one last time. Before you turned fully. Before you lost yourself and before she lost you. Her freckles, the ones you traced every night, her plump pretty lips that would open so sweetly for you when you run your thumbs over them, her pale skin. 

“I love you, Ellie. Okay? I adore you. Every single inch of you. Never ever forget it.” You took a deep breath and held up the gun to your temple. You had both made a pact. She couldn’t kill you. She refused to even let that be a possibility. She couldn’t look down at her myriad of weapons and even imagine using them on your smiling beautiful face. So you told her you’d do the deed if push came to shove. 

“I love you too. So fucking much,” she said, almost unable to choke out the words through your tears. She held you close, curling up into your figure. She never let herself be vulnerable, not really, but she needed this. “Please don’t leave me. Please.” 

You pull up her hand, kissing her finger where the ring you had given her sits. It had been one of the only things left of your parents, and you had worn it all throughout your life before you had given it to her during a particularly bad injury. A promise. A vow.  

“I’m here. Forever yours, forever mine, right?” You try to joke, kissing her softly. You taste her lips for the last time. It was soft, sweet, and too short, Ellie thinks. But then again, she was greedy when it came to you. Nothing could be enough. A lifetime couldn’t be enough, and maybe she was being punished for it. Because she couldn’t settle for a lifetime, she was getting even less.

She had wanted to run her fingers over the wrinkles on your face, tease you for being a cute old lady, to braid your graying hair. But now, she wouldn’t be able to have any of it. She looked into your eyes, searching for the sign of the infection, searching for a glimpse of you. 

You smile one last time, press a kiss to her lips, and the gun goes off. Ellie’s sobs wracked her body as she closed her eyes, shivering as she lay curled up in your arms. Still warm, still almost as if you’re here and just sleeping.