doeyedear - Tumblr blog

[doeyedear]

i had my eye on you all the time

you fascinated me

how does someone like you exist?

and why am i not that someone?

i wanted to take your eyebags and wear them on my skin as if i didn’t even need to sleep

but you got here first

and on your birthday i gave you less than a dollar which felt like a secret code between people who desperately want to become friends

but you don’t understand

you made me who i am today

and you don’t even know it yet

i studied the way you walked, talked, laughed and ate

as if you were a character i needed to portray

and somewhere deep within me

i know i miss those days

[doeyedear]

do you remember how green the curtains were?

dark green, just like our skirts, just like that older girls eyes

remember how we would pray to wake up and be as pretty as her?

now brick textured walls and ceramic floors make up my nightmares

secret lists, making lists out of everything, a list for every list; if it had a name, it was going on a list

aren’t you glad no one ever found out?

except they did

they did and they made fun of you

in secret

in public too

behind those green curtains so you couldn’t see them

so you couldn’t stop them

you wouldn’t have stopped them anyway

if only they knew

if only they knew you wouldn’t have done anything about it

now every time you wear a ponytail you get nauseous and cold

you get small

you go quiet

quiet

we will always be quiet

back there

quiet

can’t be anything other than

quiet

[doeyedear]

mitch

mitchi

mitchell

mick

miq

miqueas

no one truly knows his name

and he has embraced all of them

although the shorter ones are his favorite.

his nose always pointing at the ground, his skin always touching knitted vests

he roams alone as much as he can, whenever he cans

no worries he says when i’m alone i don’t have to worry

his memory, however, gets blurrier and blurrier with time

but time is the one thing he has

not that many friends

not that many hobbies

but time

he grew his own poison and fed it with solitude

then mesmerized he wonders why is every room so big

and distances so long

quietness so deafening

and afterwards so close.

he never went to school

or at least thats what he says

he can read, write, multiply, divide

and never puts his head to rest

so every night when he has to go to bed his feet move on their own towards the bathroom door

he unties his shirt

unbuttons his shoes

and screams, cries, begs, yells until his bloodshot eyes begin to swell

the curtains are closed

the lights are off

his face is covered

and he forgets.