doinghisduty

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves​:

Limping in through the foyer of the apartment building, doing her best to balance her bike, Siddalee wished she’d learned to drive. The scrape all up her left leg probably looked worse than it was, but she’d still have to disinfect it and there was no way that wasn’t going to hurt like hell. And the guy who’d honked at her, causing her to wipe out, was… okay, that guy was an asshole and she couldn’t be bothered to come up with an excuse for why he did what he did.

She considered checking the mail, but decided not to bother. Her dad had helped her set up everything so she could pay her bills online so if there was anything it’d be junk mail and that didn’t require her immediate attention. Pressing the call button for the elevator, Sidda sighed, ready for the day to be over.

Scott sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. He was running back to his apartment building to change clothes after a morning of going over records and notes with Davina. It was turning up nothing, and it was frustrating. Scott wanted to know what was happening with the people -with this little corner of the world- to give the families and loved ones of the people (not to mention the people themselves) some certainty or permanence or even just the comfort of answers, but all leads were drying up. He wanted a drink, needed one, but he was holding off. At least for now. He was going to get changed and go to the pet store. His lunch with Aurora was tomorrow, and Scott knew she was shaken up with everything that happened. He knew what he was going to do wasn’t going to fix everything, but he hoped it would help.

He made it to the elevator and hit the call button, exhaling before seeing a figure out of the corner of his eye, turning his head, he saw the profile of Siddalee Walker. Aurora’s mother. One of the people Scott was trying to help. The person Scott was always trying to help. God, the call of that drink was getting stronger. He wanted to say something -anything- to her, but he knew she didn’t want to talk to him. Hell, every time he was near, she ran the other direction. Still, he didn’t want her to think he was an asshole. “Hey,” He said, quietly, without really realizing he was going to speak, giving a small wave.

[doinghisduty]

Gigi: Wait, does she actually run?

Scott: Maybe not always literally, but it's not much of an exaggeration.

[doinghisduty]

Gigi: I think for me it'd depend on the person.

Gigi: Seeking her out and forcing her to walk to you are two completely different things.

Scott: She turns and runs whenever she sees me, so I think that's a pretty good indicator, Gigi.

[doinghisduty]

Gigi: Do you want to have a conversation with her?

Scott: Wouldn't you want to speak to someone you knew who came back to life? It's a common conversation that comes up when it comes to the dead. But I'm also not going to seek her out or force her to talk to me.

[doinghisduty]

Gigi: Funny guy.

Gigi: Davina said the babysitter's living in your building. How's that going for you?

Scott: I wouldn't know; I haven't run into her long enough to have a conversation.

[doinghisduty]

Gigi: We're good.

Gigi: So the dead rose.

Scott: Yup. Looks like it. Wonder what they're gonna do about that.

[doinghisduty]

Gigi: How are things?

Scott: Things are fine. How are you and Davina?

[doinghisduty]

Gigi: Hey peanut.

Scott: Hey Gigi.

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves‌:

Taking in everything he’d said, Siddalee nodded. And, amongst all of it, he’d missed her… he was glad she was back. She knew it was stupid to feel happy over something so small, but for a moment Sidda felt like her presence could inspire something other than fear and frustration. “Okay. I can… I understand and I can… I’ll…” Setting down the glass of warm milk, she meant to collect her thoughts and tell Scott that she would let him would let him do his job. And then she found herself closing the distance between them in two steps and wrapping her arms around his neck, burying her face in Scott’s chest as she hugged him for five long seconds before letting go and taking a step back. The hug was probably a mistake, but at least her immediate instinct wasn’t to apologize. “I understand. Absolutely do your job and I’ll… if you need to ask me things just ask. If I know I’ll tell you, if I don’t know I’ll tell you that, okay?”

Up until the moment their bodies collided, part of Scott thought she was going to walk right through him. That this was an extended hallucination that he, Aurora, and Davina were all experiencing together. Or that she was a ghost. Sure, she had held the milk and that was solid enough, but it was one thing to see it and another thing to feel it, in practice. Her arms wrapped around him, her body against his. It was a mundanity that most wouldn’t even normally think of, but it was all Scott could think about. She was real. She was solid. This was actually happening. Tentatively, in the last couple of seconds of their hug, he wrapped his arms loosely, hesitantly, almost awkwardly around her. Normally, he had at least a bit better “bedside manner” than this, but everyone was thrown off their game.

Inhaling a breath as she backed away, he nodded. “That’s all I ask.” He said, before running a hand through his hair. Where did he want to start? Where could he start? There were so many things he wanted to say, wanted to ask, but there weren’t any real words. And still, he was concerned for the woman in front of him, even if it was hard for him to show it. How could he not be concerned? She had been in his life since he was a kid himself, since she was barely more than one. They had grown up together, in a sense, and he spent the better part of a decade trying to get justice for her. Of course he was concerned about her. And, despite all logic, this was the question that came to his mind, that came out of his mouth: “Are you okay? Truly? You’re not hurt or anything?”

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves‌:

She watched as he spoke, trying to take what little tidbits of himself Scott was willing to offer. Which were… she didn’t know what to expect so she wasn’t really disappointed by his answer. His lips attempted to twitch upward slightly, she noted, like he wanted to smile, but his face wouldn’t help his out by actually executing said smile. “I disagree. I don’t think it that’s a better question at all. You said I could ask you anything and unless you meant I only got one question then I have more questions I’d like to ask.” She did not have more questions, but for a moment she was distracted from the situation at hand and focused on arguing the principal of being allowed to ask more questions. “Also I’d like to point out that you only vaguely answered my first question, but I’m going to let that go.” Sidda paused for a moment, then sighed. “I don’t actually have any more questions for you. Or… I do, but they’re not questions I really want the answers to right now and I’d imagine not answers you really want to be the one to be the one to give me.” And with that she was back to where she’d been before, no longer feisty or sparring, but just… unsure of what was going on. “I don’t know how I am,” she said, giving in and finally answering Scott’s question, “I feel fine. I feel like me, but obviously I’m not… I don’t make sense here.”

I don’t make sense here. The words struck Scott. It was the combination of words he always felt, ever since the senseless murder happened, and no one could solve it. Ever since he couldn’t help the Walkers put their lives back together in any meaningful way. Ever since she died, he didn’t make sense here. And now she was back and they didn’t make sense together. But Scott refused to let his mind go down that path. There had been a time in his life, a lifetime ago, it felt like, when he had been attracted to Sidda, even considered asking her out. Sure, she was his former babysitter and five years older than him, but it didn’t matter. He had convinced himself he would ask her out after he graduated from the academy, just to know. But then, he had been busy getting hired at the station, partnering with Davina and doing his job, he just... never got the chance. And then she died. And Scott had his answer to all of the what ifs in his head.

“We’re going to help you.” He finally said, when his vocal chords decided to reattach to his brain. He tried not to let the guilt eat at him, to see this as just another promise to her that he couldn’t fulfill. He would help her. Davina would help her. They’d figure out what was going on, if there was anything they could do. He wondered, vaguely, if this was permanent. If she was really back. If others were really back. It felt impossible. It should be impossible, but there she was, standing right there. “You can ask more questions, Ms. Walker, but I need you to remember that I’m on duty, and I need to maintain some form of impartiality. Of course.... of course, I’m glad to see you again, as someone who knew you and lost you and missed you, it’s a miracle, but I have to do my job right now. I have to figure out what I can to help you.”

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves‌:

A hug. The first thing that came to mind was to ask was if she could have a hug and it was such an abjectly ridiculous idea that it helped cease the trembling that had overtaken her body. Wiping unshed tears from her eyes, Sidda considered what questions she wanted answers to. She wanted to ask if he could stop calling her Ms Walker, if he could stop being so fucking formal and call her Sidda. Or, failing that, Siddalee at the very least. But that felt unfair to ask of him. He was… clearly he was doing his best in the situation and sniping at him would’ve been cruel.

The question on the tip of her tongue, just begging to be asked, was how she’d died. “I can ask you anything,” she murmured to herself. She’d asked Scott earlier how she’d died and, while he hadn’t answered her then, she wasn’t sure she really wanted… needed that answer just now. “How are you? Are you okay? I mean not right now because nothing makes sense, but before I…,” she trailed off and shrugged her arms outward to indicate the catastrophe she’d created with her presence, “but before that… how are you?”

How was he? There was no right way to answer this question, and it wasn’t part of what he had to do here tonight. What he needed to do was get her statement, possibly remove either she or Aurora from the house, alert Mr. and Mrs. Walker of their daughter’s return, and figure out what he was going to say to the sheriff or worse, the Chief of Police because he knew this thing was going to blow up. Because in his gut, he knew, he knew, Sidda wasn’t the only one back, despite evidence to that contrary at the moment. How was he? He was tired and overworked and so goddamn sorry he would never be able to tell her or Aurora or any of the Walkers enough times. But that wasn’t something he could say to her, not when she was already distressed and scared out of her own mind, somewhere ten years ago. “I’m alright. The job keeps me busy, but it’s something I’ve always wanted to do.” He tried to give a small smile, but he wasn’t sure if his lips even moved. “I think the better question right now, is how are you?”

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves‌:

The corners of her lips quirked up momentarily in the faintest of smiles before Sidda shook her head ‘no’. “I’m fine. I stepped on a twig on my way home, but it was a really small twig… a twiglette.” Was she trying to make a joke? Sidda wasn’t sure what she was doing. Maybe grasping at straws for bits of normalcy in the midst of… coming back from the dead. She still didn’t understand how it was possible and, since it apparently was, why she didn’t feel… different? 

Scott’s next question made her stomach tighten. “I… I don’t… I’m sorry… I don’t know.” Sidda could feel herself start to tremble, tears welling up in her eyes. “I-I’m sorry.”

Nodding as relief flooded him with confirmation that she wasn’t hurt, the feeling was almost quickly replaced by her admission that she didn’t know if anyone else had come back. Scott ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck,” He mumbled under his breath. He needed processing time, simultaneously wishing Aurora had called the police station, and not him directly and being so goddamn thankful that she had. He glanced to the door, where Davina and Aurora were no doubt outside. Knowing Aurora, hell, knowing the world, they were going to want answers. Answers Scott wasn’t sure anyone would ever have. He just needed to do his job. He could do this. He had to. He would not let this family down. “It’s okay, Ms. Walker. You don’t need to apologize.” He said, putting on his best Police Officer voice.

A strange sense of deja vu hit him. He remembered being in this house, at eighteen, two years after Aurora had been born; Sidda was home, and Scott had come to see the toddler and tell Sidda that he had made it into the Academy. He wasn’t sure why, but he remembered showing her his police officer voice. The cool, calm demeanor he had practiced, the one that eighteen-year-old cocky asshole was sure would never slip. Scott shook his head. If only he knew... Focusing back on the present, in this time period, he sighed, knowing he probably wasn’t going to get anything useful from Sidda. Not tonight, not after all this stress. “Tell you what,” He began, “let’s take a break from my questions. You must have a bunch yourself. You can ask me anything.”

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves‌:

“I just… I didn’t mean to scare anyone,” she shrugged, not sure what else she could say. It felt like she’d walked into a situation and completely upended everything while still having no real clue about what had happened to her. All she could glean was th, at it had been bad.

And then Scott was talking about Aurora and Sidda had to hold back tears. Her little girl, so grown up, so smart, so… very much afraid of her. Still the image of Scott as a babysitter, fielding her clever little girl’s questions, made a small smile form on her lips as she bit back a sob. So much had happened over such a short time and she suddenly felt exhausted, but there was something at the back of her mind that told her she wasn’t going to sleep anytime soon.

“Okay,” Sidda nodded her head gently. She couldn’t imagine what answers she could give him that might make sense of the situation, but she’d try. “Ask me what you need to ask. I trust you.”

Scott felt like all of the air had been sucked from his lungs. He didn’t know what to do, what to say. There was no rules for this, no protocol. And while Scott had spent the better part of ten years hating all of the red tape that kept him from solving the crime, he would give anything for an instruction book right now. What could he ask her? How could he ask her? There was so much he wanted to say, wanted to ask, wanted to know. How could he even begin? Clearing his throat, trying to force some of the air back into his lungs. “How are you?” Those were the first words that came out of his mouth. “I mean, are you okay? Do you think you need any kind of medical attention?” That was the best he could do, and he hoped it was a decently okay question. Sidda had been murdered, after all. But he knew he wasn’t on top of anything. Not tonight. Not this case.

Taking another breath, he steadied himself for this one: “Do you know if there are others like you? Ones who came back?” It couldn’t just be Sidda. He was sure they’d wake up to the news tomorrow, but he hoped to have something to tell someone.

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves‌:

She wanted to protest, to demand that she be allowed to do something for herself, but something about the tone of Scott’s voice stopped her and she nodded her head. Standing stalk still as if rooted to the exact spot Scott had asked her to stay, Sidda tried to keep herself calm even as waves of fear and confusion washed over her. Giving him a small smile as he handed her the warm milk, she took a sip and felt a small bit of momentary comfort.

And then, as if in a blur, there was another officer there. Officer… Floras? Flores? Sidda was fairly sure she’d heard the latter and she wanted to say hello, but not words would come. What could she really say anyway? ‘Hello, we’ve never met and I’m very confused and scared right now’? Then the officer was leading Aurora out of the house, saying something about fresh air, and she and Scott were left alone together. “Thank you for the milk. It’s lovely.” She tried to think of something else, anything else, to say. “I could tell it was you right away. Your face is older, but the eyes… they’re sadder than I ever remember them being, but they’re still your eyes.” Even as she spoke, Sidda tried to will herself to stop, knowing how odd and off-putting she must’ve sounded to Scott. “I’m sorry for scaring you and Aurora. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know… I may have recognized you, but she’s so grown up I didn’t recognize her right away.”

With every word she spoke, the knife in his stomach twisted more. He should’ve done more to solve the case, to get justice for her parents, for Aurora, for her. He should’ve done more. Scott would go to his own grave regretting not being able to find the bastard that did this. He had thousands of things he wanted to say, so many stories and comments, and pleas for forgiveness, but nothing came. He knew he had an investigation to launch, knew that this was going to be big news and he and Davina and the whole police force really, were going to be busy over the next few... weeks? Months? He didn’t know. But not a single word would come out of his mouth, right up until she started apologizing. “Don’t apologize to me.” He said, surprising himself with how calm he sounded, when all he wanted was to go home and have a drink. “I don’t...” Want? Need? Deserve? “I’m just doing my job.” That was the best he could settle on.

A small smile played on his lips at the mention of Aurora though, and before he could help himself, words came. “She’s a great kid. Smart. Smarter than I could’ve ever imagined knowing she had me for a babysitter. And she reads and writes a lot, too. I think... I think you’d be proud of her.” He finished, swallowing around the lump that had formed in his throat. In some ways, Sidda and Aurora were a lot alike: in looks, in wanting to do the right thing, in their imagination, but Scott saw the effect losing Sidda at such a young age had on Aurora. Hell, he had been a lot older than Aurora when Sidda died and it was still effecting him. He knew they were all in a tailspin right now, but he had to do his best, he had to get through. He had to do his job.

Running a hand through his hair, he let out a breath. “I know this is a really confusing time for you, Sidda, but I’m going to have to ask you some questions, okay? We don’t have to go anywhere, we can answer them right here. I’m just... trying to figure out what happened, how to help.”

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves‌:

Sidda wanted to scream at him, to demand that he tell her exactly what had happened, but instead in nodded gently. Glancing at Aurora she wondered… if Scotty didn’t want to say maybe it was… she shook the thought from her head. When Scott asked what she wanted to drink, Sidda bit the inside of her cheek. “A glass of warm milk, but you don’t… I can get that myself.”

Scott shook his head. “Unnecessary, ma’am. I can get it for you. And honestly, until we get this all sorted out, I would prefer you to stay where you are as much as you can.” What he didn’t say is: “no, I have to do this. I need to get control of myself.” What he didn’t say is “holy shit, you’re back.” What he didn’t say is “I’m so sorry I failed you.” He simply walked into the kitchen, grabbing to glasses from the cabinets he knew they were in, and started both of their drinks. Just as he was coming back into the room, handing Sidda her milk and Aurora her coffee, there was a knock at the open door. He looked over and heard a voice he had never been more relieved to hear. “Police!” Davina. Scott honestly could’ve cried. He wasn’t alone anymore.

“All clear, Officer Kamau. We’re in here.” Scott called to her quietly. And a few seconds later, he saw his partner and best friend. She took in the scene on thing at a time: the fact the house was still clean, there were no signs of forced entry. She looked at Aurora, still curled up in the chair, sipping her tea, at Scott and his tired, shellshocked face, and finally, her eyes landed on Sidda. Scott could see the exact moment recognition and awareness bloomed in her eyes, could see them get subtly wider. “I’ll be goddamned.” She breathed, and Scott had to laugh. They truly were partners. Her eyes shifted back to Scott, a million questions in them. Scott’s own offered her nothing but questions back. He watched her brain work, before she turned to Aurora. “Aurora, sweetheart, will you step outside with me for a moment? Get some fresh air?” 

That was the amazing thing about Davina, even when thrown, she could immediately play the Good Cop. She had only met Aurora a handful of times, and Aurora was not the easiest kid to get to know, and Scott knew that if anyone else had called her “sweetheart,” there was a good chance Aurora would just snark back at them. But with Davina it was always too sincere to be condescending. So with a small nod, Aurora uncurled herself from the chair, and with a final glance at Scott, who gave her an encouraging -or what he hoped passed for encouraging- nod, she grabbed her tea and followed Davina outside, his partner closing the door behind them, leaving Scott and Sidda alone. Scott looked back at the woman, words wanting to spill out of him, but could make none of them come.

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves‌:

Passed away had always struck Sidda as an odd way of saying that someone had died. “I died?” she whispered to herself. She might not have understood what was happening, but she knew there wasn’t an abundance of Siddalee Walkers in all of America, much less in their town.

Finally lowering her arms, not caring anymore if it got her hurt, Sidda flexed her finger, urging the blood back into them as Scott made his phone call on… well, it didn’t look like any cell phone she’d ever seen, but she assumed that was what it was. It was only once he was done with his call that she worked up the courage to ask him the question that was burning in her. “How did I die, Scott?” 

Scott glanced toward Aurora, the other girl was curled up in a recliner, a little ball, trying to make herself as small as possible. It wasn’t the Aurora he knew, the one he was used to. It broke his heart just a little bit more. His eyes flitted back to Sidda. He cleared his throat. “I’m not at liberty to discuss those details with you right now. I’ll explain everything when my partner gets here.” He promised. How do you look a woman in the eye and tell her she was murdered? How do you tell her you did everything you could, but you never caught the bastard that did it? He wasn’t sure he could, and definitely not with Aurora in the room. He wouldn’t put her through that. “Can I get you two something? Coffee? Tea? Water?” He asked. Aurora looked up. “We have some passion fruit tea in the kitchen. It’s good for calming. I could use some of that right now.” She stated. The corner of Scott’s mouth quirked up in a smile. There was the brilliant kid he knew, a spark of her at least. He looked at Sidda. “For you?”

[doinghisduty]

thebeautifuluncuthairofgraves‌:

Nothing of what was happening to her made any sort of sense. The officer that she saw, looking at her like she had an extra head growing out of her neck, was little Scotty Estrada who’d become deputy Scott Estrada, but he face was different. Older, but not just that. Aurora… the older Aurora came down the stairs and into Scott’s arms for a hug and all Sidda could do was stare. Over and over her mind repeated that none of it made sense.

Her name? Scott knew what her name was, but… maybe he didn’t recognize her the way she did him. “I’m Siddalee Tallulah Walker. I got here by walking… I was walking home from work. And I… I live here. I live here with my daughter and my parents and I… I was walking home and my daughter was six years old and now I… I don’t understand what’s happening.” Tears were welling up in her eyes and her arms were starting to hurt, but she didn’t dare put them down.

Scott let out a breath as she spoke, her voice a dead ringer for the woman who had passed. What was he supposed to do? There was no protocol for this. He was writing the rules as he went. He wasn’t entirely sure he hadn’t snapped and gone crazy. Because the craziest part of all of this was that he believed her. He believed that she was Sidda. He wasn’t sure if she was a ghost or real or what, but he believed the figure in front of him was Sidda. And if it was Sidda, the implications of that were huge. She had come back to life. She had been dead for ten years. Did that mean others had come back too? Scott ran a hand through his hair, his mind racing as he tried to find a coherent thought. Finally, he settled on a sigh and just “We’re doing everything we can, Miss Walker, I promise. You just have to understand, this is a bit shocking to us. Because there was a Siddalee Walker who passed away ten years ago. We’re going to figure this out together, just give me some time.”

He walked a short distance away before pulling out his phone, calling Davina. “I told you to go home and get some rest.” She answered immediately, jokingly. God, that already felt like a lifetime ago. “I need you at the Walker household immediately. I need backup. Please.” He said. “Alright, I’m on my way.” A pause. “Scott, please be careful.” He nodded. “I always am.” He hung up, thankful to his best friend and partner. He made his way back to the two women. “I called a friend of mine, she’s going to help us get this all sorted out, okay?” He asked. Aurora nodded numbly, and he looked back at Sidda again.