doingtheutmost

[doingtheutmost]

The Hawaiian Punch Problem: Why Everything Feels Empty Right Now (And What to Do About It)

Everywhere I turn, thirsty for something real. Something whole. Something with substance. But everything I consume leaves me emptier. Thirstier. Like sipping a glass of iced Hawaiian Punch. If you know, you know. The ice never makes it cold. The flavor is sweet, bright, nostalgic. But it never quenches the thirst. You could drink a whole glass and still feel dry by the end. It’s deceptively…

[doingtheutmost]

Who Are You When You're Not Performing Labor?

Let me start by asking you a question that might rattle something deep in your chest:Who are you when you’re not performing labor? Not just paid labor — though that’s certainly part of it — but emotional labor, spiritual labor, rescue labor, family-systems-maintenance labor, and the chronic habit of holding it all together for everyone but yourself.Who are you when your hands are still, your…

[doingtheutmost]

Fighting for my life in silence

I’ve been having a hard time lately. Not just “I’m tired” hard, but body-heavy, heart-racing, dizzy, nauseous, can’t-catch-my-breath kind of hard. The kind of hard that makes you wonder if you’re sick, or broken, or just not built for this world anymore. The kind of hard where it’s difficult to tell what’s worse: the symptoms, or the silence that follows when no one seems to understand…

[doingtheutmost]

Beyond "The Strong One": Ego Death & Liberation for Eldest Daughters

Let me tell you a little story. It’s not a tidy story. It doesn’t start with a rising sun and end with a lesson. It’s not wrapped in a silk ribbon or tucked neatly between the pages of a self-help book. It’s messier than that. Think garden dirt under your nails, three-day-old twist-out, funky moon water mess. But it’s real—and if you’re an eldest daughter, especially a Black woman, it might…

[doingtheutmost]

Celebrating Birthdays with Authenticity and Love

I’ve been off work for a week, and let me tell you—this wasn’t the kind of time off that ends with a suitcase, a tan, and 187 unread emails. This was a week of slow blooms, digestive rebellion, surprise thunderstorms, garden gossip, and the kind of love that doesn’t need to post for proof. It was also my birthday. And rather than orchestrate a big social production or force myself to “do the…

[doingtheutmost]

Reclaiming Tears: A Manifesto for Black Women

There’s a moment in my childhood I’ll never forget.I was crying — really crying — after being scolded. My mother looked at me and A Love Letter to Every Eldest Daughter Who Was Taught to Distrust Her Tears There’s a moment I’ll never forget. I was crying — really crying — after being scolded. My mother looked at me and said, “Stop crying. You’re being manipulative.” That sentence didn’t just…

[doingtheutmost]

The Eldest Daughter's Guide to Healing After Heartbreak

You did everything “right.” You were honest, present, emotionally intelligent. You created a soft place to land. You offered a love that was steady, grounded, and real. You saw your partner—not just who they were pretending to be, but who they were beneath the surface. You offered truth, not performance. And you were ready. And still, they left. Worse? They told you they were leaving because…

[doingtheutmost]

The Power of Tears: Reclaiming Emotions

I cried again today. It wasn’t over something in my own life, technically. It was a video on Instagram — one of those clips where a judge speaks gently with someone down on their luck. This time, it was a young woman with unpaid parking tickets. When asked why she hadn’t paid them, she admitted something raw and devastating: her parents had passed away six months ago. She had lost everything.…

[doingtheutmost]

What’s Next for the Eldest Daughter Who’s Done the Work

There comes a moment—often quietly, often after years of carrying weight we were never meant to hold—when the eldest daughter realizes: this next chapter is mine. That moment is what this tarot spread revealed. And if you’re reading this, it’s probably because your soul already knows: you’re not who you used to be. You’ve healed, you’ve unlearned, you’ve returned to yourself. Now, you’re ready…

[doingtheutmost]

What if your playlist is keeping you heartbroken, angry, or stuck? This Witchcraft Wednesday, we're exploring how music holds memory, emotion, and spellwork—and how eldest daughters can reclaim their soundscape to heal.

[doingtheutmost]

Over the weekend, I discovered a name for my personal belief system: Sovereign Mysticism. Buckle up because you all are about to start seeing this term EVERYWHERE at The Sawyer Club! What is Sovereign Mysticism It’s a framework I’ve been living for a while without realizing it had a name—one roote

[doingtheutmost]

Check, Please!

I know we like to joke about the world being ghetto, but let’s be real: this year ain’t playing fair. Is it just me, or does it feel like everything is on fire and nobody knows how to put it out? I don’t even know where to begin, so I’m just gonna start naming shit: Celebrity Chaos & Scandals Halle and DDG are allegedly in custody battles with domestic violence at the center. Diddy’s trial is…

[doingtheutmost]

Tarot Musings: I Guess This Is the In-Between

This morning I pulled some cards and asked: What do I need to see, hear, or know today?The spread: The Hermit, The Fool, Page of Cups, Seven of Cups, and Eight of Pentacles. Honestly? It felt like the cards were confirming everything I already know—but still don’t quite know what to do with. Lately, I’ve been quiet. Not in a sad or dramatic way, just… quiet. I haven’t had the energy to be…

[doingtheutmost]

I’m Mentally Lazy Right Now—And I Honestly Don’t Care

I just had a mini-revelation while trying to find music to play in the background as I sat down to write this post: I’m getting mentally lazy. And more importantly? I truly don’t care. The realization hit as I was scrolling through YouTube Music, and I noticed I’ve been listening to the same handful of songs on rotation for weeks now. That’s totally unlike me. I’m usually musically eclectic to…

[doingtheutmost]

For many women, perimenopause is navigated with guidance from their mothers, aunts, or elders. But what about those of us who are estranged from our families? What about the eldest daughters who always held everything (and everyone) together... Continue Reading at the link in bio

[doingtheutmost]

So yeah… this one’s for her. For me. For every eldest daughter who kept showing up without applause, who held it down without falling apart (at least not where anyone could see), who made a way out of no way. I love her. I thank her. I owe her everything...

[doingtheutmost]

This morning, as water poured over me in the shower, I meditated on the power of not saying a damn thing. Not to protect my ego. Not to manipulate how I’m perceived. But to reclaim something deeper: energetic sovereignty. There’s a sacred strength in...