dokjaloml - Tumblr blog

dokjaloml · 12 days ago

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"sylus, do you want kids?"

it's taken you three years to finally gather the courage to pose that question. neither of you ever brought it up, and it's probably because you'd mentioned a personal distaste for the notion of having them back in the early days of your relationship. you didn't want the inconvenience, the pain, the pressure, the change, the loss of comfort. you'd always had the mindset that you'd rather regret never having children than regret having them. you won't let your children, if you ever have any, grow up thinking they were a mistake and unwanted.

he stops in his movements with the bowl in front of him. he's currently making dinner, stirring the marinade for the beef he's going to stir fry, and looks over at you. you're sitting on a stool at the island bench to his left, enjoying a glass of wine, but your mood sobered when the lighthearted conversation from earlier died down into companionable silence, and your mind wandered to other things. why they strayed to the prospect of children and finally starting a family? you haven't the faintest idea.

"what makes you ask?" is his reply. careful, quiet, trying to work out where you're going with this. sylus finally starts placing the beef strips into the sauce to marinate, and then he gets started on chopping vegetables. you get up to grab out the wok for him, and shrug. "dunno. just a thought."

"it's your call, sweetheart," he says softly, hands deft as the kitchen resounds with the sound of a knife hitting wood. "you said you never wanted them."

"yeah." you pour some oil into the wok and grab out a knife also, cutting the ends of an onion off and peeling it. "it's just, well...i never asked what you wanted, you know? you say it's my call, but it's yours, too. we're married and what all those stories call 'one flesh'. it takes two, so it's your choice as well."

"i understand that you don't want to experience labour. i can't say i'm eager to see you in such agony, either."

"but it's well-rewarded," you reply, slowly slicing the onion, thoughts all over the place. "at least, that's what happy couples and families say. we're a happy couple. i think you'd make an excellent father. you're good with kids."

it's silent for a few moments, where there's just the sound cutting and slicing and scraping of knives against two boards, and then sylus speaks up again. "i've always wished to have children with you."

you stop, staring at the diced vegetable in front of you, and tears spring to your eyes. it's the sting of the onion, that's all it is. "...yeah?"

"yeah."

"i see." you lift your shoulder and turn your head to wipe your eyes against your shirt, sniffling. it's the onion. just the onion. "for how long?"

"years." two large, tanned hands enter your blurred line of sight, take the knife out of your hand, and engulf them in his own. you're blinking rapidly, trying to expel the sting and surging emotions and you peer up at your husband through the tears. you can make out a soft smile. "i was sad when you said you didn't want any, but i understood. i still do."

"what if..." you give up on your shirt and step into his chest to use his. just to wipe the tears. not to bury your face into it. "what if i've changed my mind?"

"then i'd be overjoyed."

"it's going to be hard."

"yes, it will, but when isn't everything?"

you grin a little, sniffling. "girl or boy?"

he rubs loving circles into your back. "i've always wanted a baby girl."

"just one?"

"why?" sylus eases you away from him enough snicker down at you. "eager for more?"

you smack his bicep, flushed, biting back laughter. "you know that's not what i meant, you big oaf!" you let him chuckle and let yourself get all hot and bothered, and then you sober a little. "it's just, well...the kid's gotta have siblings, you know?"

"it's still your call, sweetheart."

"i'm asking you what you want, though. how many?"

sylus appears to ponder it for a moment, arms still wrapped around you. "hm. three? four? perhaps two. we've already got enough on our plate."

"with the twins, you mean?"

his answering grin is soft. "yeah. if you want."

you squish your face back into his chest, inhaling his scent, listening to his heartbeat, savouring his warmth. "...four'll do."

"what if there's an unplanned fifth?"

"then that'll be your fault. and then we'll have five kids."

full, familiar lips you adore so much brush the top of your head in a sweet peck. "that sounds nice, doesn't it?"

perhaps you've softened to the idea of childbirth and having mini syluses and mini yous darting about the place. getting in your way, getting in his way, wailing and giggling and whining for ice cream. it's something you can easily imagine with this man.

so you clutch him to you tightly, smiling. "yeah. it does."

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