dolphinitely-me

[dolphinitely-me]

Haven't been on here...

...in a hot minute.

Both of my birds died suddenly a day ago, and i’m just so sad. I want to go back in time and change everything that happened, but I can't. And I also can't believe that they're really gone. Ive had them for years, and always been so careful and paranoid about anything being around the birds that could cause them harm. How could the pan that we use on a regular basis suddenly be deadly to them. I was so sure it was Teflon free. I had just moved their cages which happened to be closer to the kitchen just the weekend before. I wish I hadn't cooked that fish that required a hotter temperature on the oven than the other typical things. Losing a pet is hard, but losing 2 is devastating. The house is so empty and lonely. I hate being home. I hate seeing a blank wall where their giant cages used to be. I hate seeing the play gym hanging from the ceiling. I hate that I look up from the couch to see what they're doing, and there’s neither one of them there. I hate that I keep picturing how I found them both on the bottom of their cages when I went to feed them yesterday morning. I wish there was something I could do to bring them back, but they're never coming back. I had them for years, they've always been okay. I miss getting up in the morning and hearing them yell when they see me coming to feed them their breakfast, or how they yelled when I came home from being out. The way Frank would shout “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” when I was cleaning, or randomly say “Excuse-cuse-cuse-me” Or the way Dewey loved head scratches and cuddles more than anything, but would rip your fingers off if you were putting your hands inside his cage. Im so mad, that the day before I was really busy and I never really even got to say hi to them. They should have gotten to live longer lives, but they are gone forever. My heart is broken and I cry randomly throughout the day. I can't change anything. I just need to keep reminding myself that, so that maybe I can move forward.

[dolphinitely-me]

The crappiest days

are the ones where I have to work with all the annoying uptight people. I hate when someone continuously speaks to me as though I'm stupid and do everything wrong because I don't do everything the exact way they do it. Don't call me hon, sweetie, or whatever degrading name you have for me. You want to call me something, you can use my name because we are not friends. Oh and the fact that I haven't been included in the puffer fish training team and I was LITERALLY the first person to volunteer to be part of it. They are training him to target on something we regularly use when we dive and I am NOT okay with it because its already becoming a huge safety issue. I tried to bring it up to them, and they just didn't want to hear any part of it. AND those are all the things I have to get off my shoulders today.

[dolphinitely-me]

[dolphinitely-me]

[dolphinitely-me]

And for today's FML

My boss told me my breath smelled and was concerning since I'm around guests and told me I should try using mouthwash or a breath mint. Well that's embarrassing, I had just dove for like an hour cleaning breathing compressed air. Sorry. Can I go home now and never come back?

[dolphinitely-me]

The grass sure looks greener...

or at least more dry with less BS over on the other side of the working world. I’m always left as “Average Ashley” in my work evaluations. There have been a few times when I shined beyond the average, like when I was an aquarium diver or when I was in Education back in Texas.

 I am a person who wants to be told I'm doing a good job, complimented, or at least noticed. The times I do go “above and beyond” not only am I not noticed, usually someone else is complaining I'm not doing whatever it is they want me to do because I'm doing 3 things for 3 other people at once. So then why would I even want to try again to bust my ass to go above and beyond if I'm literally never good enough for any sort of “thank you” or “great job”. Its always “you're not doing a bad job, you just don't stand out,” “try being more like (insert name of person who kisses everyones ass here).” 

Maybe its just because this job was never exactly the dream I had envisioned for myself. I wanted to train animals, I wanted to be involved in husbandry. I technically have a zoological job, and yet I spend at least 3 of my 4 days a week walking in circles underwater pointing at fish to guests. Is it more exciting than an office? Sometimes. This has literally been the hardest job on my body out of any job I've had, including being an aquarium diver.

I want so badly to transfer to a place I can be more passionate about my job, but with the crappy review my senior mentor has given me, why would aviculture be interested in someone average like me wanting to transfer over to their department. God I love birds, I wish that could be where I spent my work days. But lets be real, it looks fun from over here, but its probably just the same as my work now.

So many people that I have known, that had this magical dream of working with animals, have hung up their wetsuits and gone back to school after working in the zoological field. The reality is not sunshine and daisies, far from it most days. Maybe its my turn to get out of here, this zoological life isn't for me anymore. At least not here, in this place.

[dolphinitely-me]

PSA

If you don't know how to swim, you should not sign up for a SWIMMING animal program. For your safety, and for the person doing your program.

[dolphinitely-me]

Is tumblr still a thing?

[dolphinitely-me]

My best photos of 2016. This year I was so blessed with wonderful opportunities. I got to be part of Seaworld Orlando's aquarium team, which meant I also got to help with sea turtle rescues. I had the opportunity to swim test for an animal care husbandry assistant position which was my first ever swim test and I passed! Unfortunately at the time I was not chosen for the position. I was offered a full time job with the pets ahoy show, but ultimately turned them down because i felt it wasn't a good fit for me. And then I was given the chance to swim test as an aquarist for Discovery Cove, passed the swim test, and got the job! I am having the time of my life with the fish. I'm in stingray heaven. Thank you 2016.

[dolphinitely-me]

When dreams finally come true.  (my “uniform” for work)

[dolphinitely-me]

I dislike...

...being the new person all over again. I was getting so good at my job when I left. Now I start all over as the new person, trying to make friends and catch on to the job duties. As I was leaving my diver job, some of the girls got really nasty making up rumors about me and saying mean things. I think one diver even talked bad about me with the new people I'm just starting with, which is a low blow. Considering I never knew she had a problem with me. I really just want these new people to like me, because the end of my time as a diver did not go well with those girls so jealous I was moving up in the world to a better job.

[dolphinitely-me]

The past 6 years I've worked towards the dream of becoming a professional in the zoological field. Through my adventures and struggles, the original plans I had for my career path changed and led me into different, yet still spectacular opportunities. Literally just 2 weeks ago I broke down on the couch and cried about how much I've been struggling to ever make a career for myself in this field. That same day I was called and offered a swim test, and as of yesterday I officially signed my job offer as an associate aquarist for Discovery cove. I can finally be a permanent part of the team, and no longer seen as “the help” or “the intern.”

I want people who are just starting off down this path into the marine zoological world to understand that getting a job in the zoological field is incredibly hard. You aren't just handed opportunities. You will literally have to work your butt off in every way. Ive been rejected for jobs more times than I can even count. It really starts to take a toll as you are doing things like cleaning poop and scrubbing floors on your hands and knees, while seeing those around you find positions and somehow yet, its not your time. Take any opportunities that present themselves, they will help, and you never know where they will lead you to next. Be open to different things, if you have your mind set on one specific position, its really going to limit you. REMEMBER you MUST start at the bottom to make your way up. Yes, you do have to volunteer, intern, etc. You can't just finish up school and land a job as a killer whale trainer. 

I feel like many people aren't actually truthful at how much of a struggle it is to get a job in a field like this. It is not all sunshine and roses. Its rejections, bruises, scratches, and being dead tired when you get home from work. And then FINALLY one day you earn your place. But even then, you'll still be dead tired, you'll still have bad days on occasion, but you have to take a step back and appreciate what you've earned and the dreams you've accomplished and that feeling is literally the best feeling in the world.

I still feel like this isn't even real life. I FINALLY DID IT!

[dolphinitely-me]

Passed another swim test and had a great interview. Now is the waiting game and hoping for the best!

[dolphinitely-me]

Yesterday I was having a break down about wondering when I was ever going to get a job where I can eventually move into a full time animal position, and then literally an hour later I got a call for a swim test. I was really starting to wonder when I'd ever get another swim test. Tuesday is the big day. Here's to another shot at moving on to better animal career opportunities!

[dolphinitely-me]

Holy macro! My new macro lens filters came in today and the detail it allows me to capture on our coral is unreal! You'll probably see a lot of coral photos in the near future. #reeftank #coralreef

[dolphinitely-me]

You can always tell how rough my day at work was by how wet my socks are at the end of my shift. Let's just say today they were so wet they were dripping and I had to carry them out. Working sick is never fun but at least I got to help a sick turtle. To those who get paid sick time, appreciate it to the fullest. Now it's time for a cold shower and a nap.

[dolphinitely-me]

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I enjoy pressure washing even when I'm not diving. And the guys are watching. Ha.