donnawrightrn

[donnawrightrn]

Rabbit Trail- Do I Matter?

I’m going to take a little detour today and talk about something besides books. 

I’m feeling rather insignificant these days. I don’t think people take me seriously. They acknowledge that I am intelligent, that I have skills in many areas, that I’m well read and well-spoken. But when it come to choosing people to lead or assist-lead initiatives/programs etc, no one looks to me or thinks of me. Why is that?

Is it because I am obese? Am I that difficult to look at? I won’t try to pretend that I’m not fat. It doesn’t affect my brain or my ability to apply my skills. 

I’m afraid that I might come off as not-serious because I joke around a lot. 

If I cared enough, wouldn’t I put myself out there? Actually, I have. I’ve been beat down enough that I don’t put myself out anymore. 

Maybe I should just become a hermit. Just quit asking, hoping, expecting that people will notice me, that people will think of me as someone to go to. Just do my bible study, sing in the choir, and pour out my frustrations in writing. Pretending that I’m doing what I want to be doing. 

I’m jealous. I’m jealous that our 31 year old music director gives everything to young members of the ministry. I’m jealous of the children’s teachers and leaders at my bible study; I used to be a leader but for some reason I don’t qualify now. I’m jealous that I was one of the first people to volunteer to work for a local women’s conference, but have yet to be asked to do anything beyond stick names into a database. 

I’m irritated. I’m irritated when I’m asked to do do things that are not in my skill set or not something I am particularly interested in. I’m especially irritated when I’ve put myself out there and ended up losing out on an opportunity I WANT because I’m performing a task I can do well.

Is it because I say yes to whatever I am asked? Or am I saying yes in the hope that someone will pick me? I feel like the kid on the playground who is left out of everything. And I sound just as pathetic. As a Christian, I have always found that leaving it to God has produced much joy, but I’m apparently in a dry season where that is concerned. 

Two years ago, I was fired from a job because I was too aggressive. My boss had made it clear in my interview that I was to be aggressive in obtaining necessary information, but bowed to pressure from a client to fire me. That shook me up. Then my term as governing board secretary at my church came to an end (I didn’t know i had a term limit) and since I wasn’t informed beforehand, I felt as if I had been fired from that, too. I return to bible study after working for 13 years and I’m not asked back into leadership- feeling fired from there, too. 

Don’t know what to do next.

[donnawrightrn]

Nancy Drew, Happy Hollisters & More, Part 1

I read a lot of book series as a kid. In addition to the Little House Books, I read Pippi Longstocking, Nancy Drew, Happy Hollisters, Bobbsey Twins, Trixie Belden, Alfred Hitchcock Three Investigators, Harriet the Spy (ok not really a series but there were two books). I like to think that the book series available to me were better quality in writing and stories than the series that came later, like the books of R.L. Stine. Of course, my kids were fortunate enough to have the Harry Potter books. Harry Potter ignited a love for reading in my daughter, who had tested early as an advanced reader and then turned out to be as stubborn as her mother, by refusing to participate!

Before I graduated to the books above, of course I read all of the Ramona books and other books by Beverly Cleary- The Mouse and the Motorcycle, Henry Huggins (the donut machine!), Ribsy the dog... Ellen Tebbits! I so identified with her! And Otis Spofford! I read those over and over and I’m sure that something in those books shaped my life in some way. Ellen Tebbits had a best friend, and nearly lost her because she was stupid- I’ve done the same! Confession time- these childhood books that I loved so dearly? If they’re available on Kindle, I have them. I hope to read them to the grandbabies some day.

I loved Nancy Drew. I read the books in the late 1960s and early 70s and admired her independence as a woman. Looking back, of course I can see that she really wasn’t independent- her “trim convertible” was provided, along with her lovely home and classy wardrobe, by her wealthy lawyer dad. Still, she was someone I wanted to be. She was smart and pretty, courageous and daring. She had a boyfriend and two close girlfriends. They went to interesting places and met lots of people. She discovered a perfume-pirating ring, solved haunted house mysteries. She found hidden staircases. She visited a bungalow! I didn’t even know what a bungalow was! She and George and Bess went to New Orleans and exposed a jewel thief who created an organ-playing ghost to scare people away. I never met people like that,

I never knew exactly how old Nancy was. She could have been a college grad, but I thought she was 18-19. Did she go to college? Did she ever have a job? I can picture her as the waitress in a cute coffee shop or as a receptionist for a reputable law firm. Her only job seemed to be mystery solving, and it brought many brushes with danger. She got into a lot of scrapes in a short amount of time- if she were my daughter, I wouldn’t let her leave the house!

Twenty years ago I injured my back and was on bedrest and pain pills while waiting for surgery. I was too foggy to read regular books, but just lucid enough to read Nancy Drew, I reread every book! It was like looking through an old photo album, but richer. I enjoyed the different age perspective, saw through some of the glamour, and enjoyed the stories for what they were.

Nancy and George and Bess helped me to be a little courageous, to look at things in a different way. I was always a “scaredy cat” little kid and the Nancy Drew books (along with Harriet the Spy) gave me a little more courage to consider things I might not have thought of before. There was much that I envied about her, but a little envy is good. A little envy can give you a goal to attain, a purpose, a destination. And hey, doesn’t every girl want to be described as slim with titian-colored hair?

[donnawrightrn]

The Little House Series

I loved (and still love) the Little House books. I read them all, over and over, until the covers fell off, the pages fell out, the dog chewed them up....I think my parents replaced the books for me at least twice while I was a kid. Farmer Boy was my least favorite book and Little Town on the Prairie was my favorite, although These Happy Golden Years was a close contender.

I grew up in the sixties and seventies in a suburb of New York City. We lived a very comfortable life; some might say we were rich. We certainly had a nice house with four bedrooms, belonged to a swim club, and went to private schools after sixth grade. “We” refers to my three younger brothers and me. THAT family is another story and one that I am trying to figure out how to turn into a book. Drama and comedy without resolution- how do you turn that into a book? There are only four-and-a-half years between me and my youngest brother, so you can we we are close in age. They were rough-and-tumble boys, baseball and football players, messy, Hot Wheel cars and Motorific boat kind of boys. Being the only girl, I spent a lot of time alone, and books filled many hours.

Coming from such a comfortable background with running water, toilets, and food that I neither grew nor butchered, the Little House books opened my eyes to a different time and way of life. I had previously read a book about living in colonial times and found it fascinating (not that I’d want to live that way myself- too rustic); the LH books were a great follow-up. I wondered how anyone could live like that- outhouses, tight, uncomfortable clothing, sweltering heat, freezing cold, vermin in the house, OUTHOUSES.... The clothes intrigued me until I really thought about what it would be like to be buttoned up like that all of the time, in clothes that were only washed occasionally. And a corset--no thanks. I think the women wore knickers of some kind, although I don’t know if they changed them daily. People must have been more fragrant in the mid-to-late 1800s. There’s something a little romantic about wearing long dresses and petticoats, but the description of the complexity of clothing in Little House on the Prairie and in These Happy Golden Years made me think twice about the romance. Give me a pair of jeans and a t-shirt! And woolen stockings/socks? That had to itch like crazy.

Laura Ingalls and her mother made all of their own clothing. I couldn’t imagine having only one or two every day dresses and then only one “Sunday” dress, but considering the amount of work involved in making them and the sets of petticoats, bustles, hoops and stays that went with it...I suppose I would be happy with just a few dresses. In one of the books, Laura worked for the summer, making shirts for men who were living alone and didn’t have the time or skills for shirt-making. I’m sure that store-made clothing and private tailors were available for those who had the money to pay for them but the Ingalls family had to make do. 

I like running water and a bathroom. Having to pump my water and heat it for the weekly bath would be a lot of work. No wonder they only bathed once a week. Chamber pots. Really? I’m grossed out by composting toilets. I suppose if my choice were a chamber pot or a visit to a wooden outhouse in 3 feet of snow, I would choose the chamber pot. They kept them under the bed- yuck. I would definitely hate that part of pioneer living. Again, fragrant.

Laura Ingalls’ life experience was just so different from my own. The things we share, like the need to eat, bathe, being sick, having babies...The experiences were radically different. I didn’t realize just how radical it was until my adult years. Of course, I have a copy of all the books, plus the books that were published later by Rose Wilder Lane and occasionally re-read them even now. I decided to read the series to my second-graders in our church’s after school program in 2000-2001. It would take most of the school year and I thought it would be an interesting contrast for kids who came from mostly single-parent homes in an urban environment. But as I read, I also realized the cultural divide might be more than the kids could handle. Most of my students were African American and because of that, I left out the chapter about the minstrel show with the “darkies.” I wonder how school libraries handle that chapter? Of course the kids were astonished by the same things as me (clothing, butchering your own steaks and ham, not being able to get whatever you want by going to the store), but the big shock was when I read the chapters about Christmas. The holiday is mentioned in several of the books and one of the stories coincided with our Christmas, so I thought it would be a good discussion topic. 

Laura and Mary were living in the Dakota territory and were afraid that Santa Claus wouldn’t find them. Mr. Edwards came through, of course, and the girls received shiny pennies, candy canes and other small gifts. My students, many of whom lived in subsidized housing, were unable to understand how the girls could be so excited with just some pennies and candy. They were full of their own tales of Christmases, with DVD players and Nintendos and fancy sneakers. These children were technically poor, and yet had so much (I didn’t even have a DVD player yet....). Perhaps they were too young to learn the message I was hoping to teach them- that ‘things’ are not what made Christmas special. Perhaps their own lives, while not as comfortable as my own, were too comfortable for them to compare to the Little House lifestyle. It made me think about what makes us poor and rich and I hope it planted a seed for some of them. I have not seen any of those children since that time, and I will likely never know if they even remember hearing me read them.

A few years ago, a book called Pioneer Girl: The Annotated Autobiography was published. Laura Ingalls Wilder was said to have written out her stories in 5-cent notebooks and her daughter later wove them into the Little House books. Pioneer Girl has all of those original stories in one large volume. Of course I bought it and was able to read through the stories again, but in their raw form. Some stories were unchanged but others were different or not included in the series at all. The come-away was that the life was not idyllic. It was rough and raw and gritty. It was bald truth, not sugar-coated for a children’s book. Pioneer Girl was much more like On the Way Home, the story of the Wilder’s family move from South Dakota to Mansfield, Missouri, in 1894. That journey was difficult and Laura seemed a bit like a pill in it. She had a temper and snapped at her daughter quite a lot. Real life is never quite as pretty as a nice story.

There have been other books written into the series over the years, including a book about her mother, Caroline, but I have not read them. I think they are mostly rehashing of the regular series. 

My one sadness is that none of the Little House books are available for Kindle. I check every so often to see if they have become available, but no luck so far. 

Someday, I will read those books to my grandchildren. Their childhoods will be even more comfortable than mine was- the 60s and 70s were certainly more progressive than Laura’s time, but compared to now? DVD players were unheard of when I was a kid. I remember being the first house on our street with air conditioning! I remember when HBO and cable TV were NEW. Eyeglasses took 3-4 weeks to be made. There was no internet, no home computers, no video games. As a kid, I used to compare what I had to what Laura and her family had. It shaped a lot of how I saw my childhood. Will my grandkids be able to compare, or will Laura’s experience be too far removed for them to see as valid comparisons?

[donnawrightrn]

Motivation

I have none. Why? Someone noted yesterday that they were teaching because that was their purpose, their passion. I don’t know if I have anything I care about passionately anymore. I was a nurse and I loved nursing, but I’m retired and by the time I got to retirement, nursing had changed into something I didn’t recognize. I love my children and will passionately defend them, but I’m “retired” from shaping their lives. I love to read and study, but that’s a very individual passion- I don’t have a way to share what I study and read....oh wait, maybe I can do that here?

I love to read a variety of topics. Science fiction, some fantasy (please, no dragons or castles, no kings and queens), theology, mystery, and whatever you would classify the Scot Harvath novels as (authored by Brad Thor). Theology and Christian books (no self-help, name-it-claim-it Osteen garbage here) are something I study more than read for pleasure.

So what am I currently reading? I’m always reading more than one book. And lately, I find that I don’t have patience to push through to the end of a book that is either slow in development or not well written. I’m 58 years old and I see my future shrinking- I don’t have time for books that bore me. Anyway, I’m currently reading a fantasy series about a character named Rylee Adamson (authored by Shannon Mayer). She’s a Tracker, which means she’s a supernatural human who can feel the threads of people’s lives and locate them if they are lost or missing. I just started book 5 of that series.

An aside- I read almost exclusively on my Kindle or by my Audible app. I love being able to resize the text when I’m reading without glasses. I also love owning thousands (yes, thousands) of books without them cluttering up my home. One problem with the Kindle, however, is that you can lose track of the title of the book! And I often do.

Back to my readings. 

Blind Salvage, book #5 in the Rylee Adamson series. I just started this last night and discovered that I didn’t remember how book 4 (Shadowed Threads) ended, so I re-read the last chapter of that and then got 12% of the way into Blind Salvage. Don’t you love the percentage feature? I read this kind of book mostly at bedtime. It’s not meant to be edifying- I can’t do edifying at bedtime. This is pure, guilty pleasure.

The Girl Who Takes an Eye for an Eye, by David Lagercrantz. This is the next book in the Lisbeth Salander series, written by Lagercrantz, who took over the series after Stieg Larsson died. I’m listening to this on Audible because...I also love to color and do counted cross stitch, but being riddled with ADD, I can’t just color/stitch without having something to engage my brain. Some might say that I could spend that time in thinking. Nah. I’m at the beginning of this book, too, and have 9 hours, 41 minutes to go. I also listen to audiobooks in the car, while I’m in the shower, while I’m cooking, while I’m working out (although I’m starting to listen to music- seems to take my mind off the agony in my muscles).

Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan. I read through the introduction and preface just this morning, so I have a little way to go, but it’s a short book. I read books like these when I can have some quiet time. This book was recommended by my teaching pal.

Mansions of the Heart by R. Thomas Ashbrook. This book explores the seven stages of spiritual growth as laid down by St. Teresa of Avila. This is NOT a self-help book. It also has a study guide, and I’m working through that. This is an intentional book study, rather than a reading for pleasure.

How can I be reading four books at once? I just can. Each book fits into a specific part of my life. I have always been a voracious reader, having learned to read by age 4. I loved going to the local Doubleday Bookstore to get a Little House book, or Stuart Little, or to stubbornly refuse to read The Borrowers series simply because the store manager told my mother that I should (I read them years later and regretted my stubbornness). Once I got to school, I would haunt the library and take home as many books as I could carry. I even majored in English in college, which in no way destroyed my love of reading. 

Perhaps, dear readers, I can share my passion for reading by discussing the books as I read them. I try to discuss things with my engineer hubby, but he is a very literal fellow and the only books we can really discuss and agree on are either mysteries or Scot Harvath/Mitch Rapp/Nathan McBride/Jack Reacher. I actually read some books in order to find him new series. He started reading for pleasure again last year and I want to keep him going on that! He works very hard and needs to refresh his brain with something that is totally unlike his work.To that end, I think he will like the Jammer Davis series by Ward Larsen, though there are only three books so far. He may also like the Red Cell Seven series by Stephen Frey. I read through 75% of the first book but abandoned it because the story was taking a long time to develop. He might like it.

Maybe tomorrow I will write about books that I have loved and that have impacted my life in some way. It should be an interesting journey. This post is already getting too long. Thanks for reading this!