dontfakelaughme

[dontfakelaughme]

[dontfakelaughme]

[dontfakelaughme]

[dontfakelaughme]

[dontfakelaughme]

“Sometimes you realise that true love in its absolute form has many purposes in life. It’s not actually just about bringing babies into the world or romance or soul mates or even lifelong companionship. The love we had in our past, unfinished, untested, lost love, seems so easy, so childish to those of us who choose to settle down. But, actually, it’s the purest, most concentrated stuff.” Modern Love (S01E02)

[dontfakelaughme]

Mi Amor Siempre, A.E.,

This is the Milky Way. I wish you could see this picture in its entirety. I had to shrink it down from 86MB to 12MB for upload requirements. I’m sure tumblr compressed it even further. D;

This picture speaks to me in so many ways. Here’s just a handful.

1. This is the universe we live in, how enamoring! We’re on such a small rock floating around amongst this. It makes me think how slim were the chances I’d find you, my soulmate for life. Look at the infinite possibilities there are in the universe. I was lucky enough to find the love of my life in you, even more lucky to have you feel the same. Our relationship was never easy, never straightforward, like SZA said, 

“I lost you bae

Picking up a penny with a press-on is Easier than holding you down Can't be any harder than holding you up now”

but somehow we’ve loved one another through the trials and craziness. 

Damn. You Go Gina.

Before, we would tell each other that no matter what, a part of us will always love the other until we cease to exist. That the soul only feels exceptionally attached to one person. It’s been years since we’ve been able to really be together, and I still believe those words to be true. I constantly wonder if you still feel the same way...

2. Taking this picture, I remember how much we would talk about the sky, the moon, and space. All the deep talks we would have sober (and nonsober lol) that helped us grow together. I reminisce on those beautiful times, the “Good Days”, where we were so madly in love, there truly was nothing else but me and you. Like at SeaCrest in Pismo. We were somewhat invincible of others, but our weakness was each other. 

3. You were my universe. You were what encapsulated my brain in all of its crevices. When I look into the deepest parts of my heart, soul, and mind, I still easily find you there, reminding me that I want a life with you more than anything in this universe.  Nothing can explain the pain of wanting to be with you, and not being able to have you, and most importantly, me being the reason it didn’t workout. This time, I was the one who could have done something to change our outcome to a loving, amazing life with you. I still battle with not being able to choose you over everything else important to me. In those deepest parts of my mind, I still believe there could be a chance for us. Maybe those parts in my mind, like deep space, are just black holes I find myself going through. There I can relive some of the happiest moments of my life with you, somewhat like Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar (lol). Everything is still so vivid, so real, that I can almost reach out and touch you. Maybe there’s a possible explanation when you feel my energy or when you think of me “Thinkin Bout You” (ooo na na na).

4.  I miss you. I miss you like I miss this view. Seeing the galaxy for the first (and only time since) in person was so awe-inspiring and enamoring, it actually put tears in my eyes. Just how missing you puts tears in my eyes. Even writing this now, thinking about how much I miss you puts tears in my eyes. Whenever it comes to you, I don’t have that strength to deny myself whatever emotions I’m feeling, because I just want to be the truest version of myself with you, with no walls up. Like Earth, Wind, & Fire said, you “Can’t Hide Love”. You know very well, I wear my emotions on my sleeve when it comes to you, because with you, I can’t run and hide from you with my feelings, we know each other so well, that you’ll always find me. I guess a part of me likes knowing that you have the ability to find the real  M E  no matter what. I know you’re better at fighting those emotions of being vulnerable. Whether you attribute it to your personality or the way you were raised, I’m sorry I didn’t make myself easier to open up to. I wish it would be easy for you to open up about the things that trouble you, especially if its something that I’ve caused. I will always deeply regret the terrible things I put you through and long for being able to do anything to take the pain away.

5. I still love you. I don’t think these feelings will ever change (yes I know i said those points already) because there is and will always be Love Galore. I still haven’t figured out what to do with them and/or how to handle them, after “I promised l won’t cry over spilled milk.” You fill my mind like how the stars and planets fill the universe. Even though I try to expand, (like the universe does), new planets form, other planets grow, stars implode, some solar systems even run into one other. Just like the objects in the galaxy, my thoughts of you consume me, and the mental onslaught ensues. I’m indirectly reminding me of how badly I crave my “person”. There may be other galaxies in the universe, but you are the Milky Way, the one that I can exist in as ME. I miss our friendship, our bond, the way we looked into each others eyes without saying anything and knowing exactly what the other person is thinking. I miss thinking I “Get You”, and I’m Daniel Caesar and your Kali Uchis. I miss your smell, your touch, your warmth. I miss your smile and your laugh. I even miss you making fun of me, and how you would be sweet and cute with me after. 

I’ve always known, I 

“Need you for the old me Need you for my sanity Need you to remind me where I come from Can you remind me of my gravity? Ground me when I'm tumblin', spiralin', plummetin' down to Earth You keep me down to Earth”.

The list of experiences with you that cannot be replaced with any other are endless. There may be other galaxies in the universe, but you are the Milky Way, the only one that I can exist, live, and breathe as ME. There will always be a large part of me made up from you, through the things I’ve learned, the things I’ve felt with you, that will remain irreplaceable and set in stone  F O R E V E R. Since you’ve been gone, I find that part of me is empty, attempting to find you in The Space Between. Until then, it remains vacant and reserved for the only thing in the universe that can fill it, mi amor siempre. 

Te Quiero Mucho,

Li Shang

[dontfakelaughme]

Just days away from the release of Nan Lawson’s new solo show collection, Through the Woods. So many great prints in this show! Don’t miss out. Friday at Noon PT at gallery1988.com

[dontfakelaughme]

[dontfakelaughme]

☠️☠️☠️

[dontfakelaughme]

FAST BACK MUSTANG - Iconic American Muscle Car

[dontfakelaughme]

[dontfakelaughme]

69′ Dodge Charger

© SLEEK

[dontfakelaughme]

Daniel Fuller. 

[dontfakelaughme]

Sky-owa 🙌🏻

[dontfakelaughme]

Having the same taste in music is like a soul connection