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Whispers from the Grave

Pain! All I felt was pain and agony of death.

My body has been merged with the grotesque deformities of the portrait.

Alas, this terrible doom is my own responsibility. If only I could relive my life, I would certainly correct my wrongdoings. Even I Dorian Gray, could not escape the divine retribution for all my crimes. I never should have listened to Lord Henry. Nobody can dodge the punishment that accompanies evil. My mistake was believing I could wipe my sins away by  destroying a painting, when they would always be with me one way or another.

If I had the chance to advise my younger self, I would tell him to enjoy youth while it lasts, and to accept fate when it begins to fade away. It is a part of life. Eternal youth may seem like a dream come true, but it is a nightmare. Aging diminishes physical beauty, but increases wisdom and replenishes the soul. I regret sacrificing my soul for the superficial gains of everlasting beauty. 

Another thing I would change if given the chance is the way friendship works. In English society, my friends were expected to be from a high social standing, so we could all increase our circle of important connections. My friendship with Henry led to my eventual doom. Friendship should be a bond with those who help me make the right decisions, not to be used as a tool for social status. If I had true friends in my life, maybe it would have a happier ending.

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No Return

Dear Diary,

How can this be possible!?

I uncovered the portrait hoping to preview my transition to a new, better way of life, but it's even more gruesome than before! 

I assume this means that there is no turning back to my innocent days. The loathsome painting must represent who I am, and who I will be the rest of my life. While I may not admit it, the portrait reveals my hypocrisy: I never desired to become pure again. Thinking about changing myself was a denial of my soul's true nature. But then, how will I give up the burdens of my past? Certainly, I will not confess my crimes. I would rather die.

The picture itself-- the only remnant of my past. If I destroy it once and for all, I will be at peace. I will kill the painting like I killed the painter. My past will my dead. No more warnings about my rotten core. I will destroy this conscience and start anew!

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Contemplating a New Way of Life

Dear Diary,

I feel a wild longing for my boyhood days. My innocence was as whole inside as it was out. How different the circumstances are now. Oh what I would give to relive my days of unstained purity! I have tarnished myself, I am ruined. Those days are gone, as they are just memories. What a fool I was to invest myself in beauty and youth, as these qualities are the very things that have ruined me. My adulthood has been nothing but evil, influencing the people around me. I've murdered the people who were there for me the most. Even worse, I've enjoyed every bit of it. I don't want to live like this anymore, I want a normal life like everyone else. 

The past is gone, there is nothing that can be done. But, maybe the future will be different. The only evidence of my deeds is the portrait hidden away in the schoolroom. Cursed portrait! Responsible for my monstrous transformation! Why, if changing my ways revitalizes the portrait to its original glory, that will be worth the effort alone. My new life has already taken hold, beginning with my treatment of Hetty. I have saved her from my corruption, something I could not manage with Sybil, James, or Basil. If I check the portrait now, surely it will be less hideous than its current form. 

Truly Yours,

Dorian Gray

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IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE? HOW IN THE WORLD IS THERE ANOTHER DORIAN GRAY WITH A BLOG EXPERIENCING THE EXACT SAME THINGS THAT I AM AND USING THE EXACT SAME HASHTAGS I'M USING?? Yet "Other Dorian", in regards to your post- man up! Sibyl killed herself, not you. Maybe at first, as you claim to be me, you felt sorry for what you have done, but you really must learn to get over it. Her acting? Horrible. And that was really all she had going for her, wasn't it? Look, Lord Henry's got this sweet new hedonism idea going on, and if you really are "Dorian Gray", you'll prescribe to it, just like I am. Who cares about others-do what feels right. That's really all that matters. You'll follow this advice too, if you really are me, that is....

How terrible I had been to Sibyl! Just this morning Harry came to visit me and informed me of her death, surely it was suicide. I must be at fault; it must have resulted from my cruel, horrible actions. And just as I was going to seek her forgiveness! I have killed Sibyl Vane. Yet it does not...

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Wait, okay, now that I think about it-why do I care so much about Sybil? Like forreal. I could easily go out and find another girl and she'd fall in love with me.... After all. Sybil wasn't too hard to get and I'm sure I'll fall in love with another girl if she's hot enough..... Is this too soon? Maybe I'm being crazy. I don't know. #latenightthoughts

-Dorian Gray

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After Sybil’s Suicide:

Dear Diary,

Tragedy has struck. Oh poor Sybil is dead! I just got word from Harry’s letter. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I’m completely numb. Last night, I was awake, thinking about the terrible things I said to her. I don’t regret it for one second, because her true shallow self was revealed to me, and her acting was humiliating to both of us. But at the same time, I was planning on continuing on with the marriage. Marriage would surely help heal her pain from the insults, and at least I felt love for her once before. No other girl has ever made me feel love and I don’t think I will ever love again in this lifetime. I can’t believe that she committed suicide because of me. I should be feeling guilty, but I can’t. This is a blessing in disguise, because this girl must have had psychological problems if she loved me enough to end her life over it. It’s a relief to know that I won’t have to deal with her problems anymore, because she’s six feet deep, dead in the dirt.

My good friend Harry always knows how to make sense of such strange situations. I should feel glad for Sybil. She got to live out the end of her life as a tragic work of art. Harry explained to me how her life was almost like Romeo and Juliet, except for the fact that I backed out of our love pact before the story ends. Now that I think about it, there is no point in grieving if she had an artistic end to her life. I guess he was right about living only for passion and joy that comes with my youth. If I had followed his advice earlier, this little complication with Sybil would never have happened. I guess it’s time to turn a new page in my life and strive towards pleasing myself rather than others.  

It almost feels like Basil’s portrait of me grew uglier overnight. Maybe I’m just imagining it, since I’ve been preoccupied worrying about Sybil. But what does it matter? As long as I’m as youthful and handsome as I’ve always been, I don’t care how ugly this drawing gets.

Regards,

Dorian Gray

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If a person cannot act, that person is certainly dead to me.

Dorian Gray

After Sybil’s Performance:

Dear Diary,

That was the most terrible acting I have ever witnessed. Was Sybil really supposed to be the lovely Juliet? Because she was more like a dying animal. I sure as hell wouldn’t die for her. How am I even supposed to show my face in front of Basil or Harry? I told them she was the best actress they would ever witness, but she was the complete opposite. What a disaster. When it was finally time for the intermission, they booked it out of the theater. Basil tried telling me she was ill, but we all knew she was utter garbage onstage. He didn’t have to rub it in my face like that. And Harry, he was silently judging Sybil and me. I almost feel too ashamed to talk to him again. He kept telling me how foolish it was to get married, but I ignored it. I thought he was too cynical about the world, but now I know his wisdom is accurate.

When I went backstage to see what was wrong with Sybil, would you believe it? She was smiling! What the hell! I just lost all the respect of everyone I defended her against, and now she’s smiling like a smug little b!&@#. Now she’s telling me that she can’t show any emotion in the play because she spent all her emotions loving me. Aww, how sweet! NOT. If I wanted a lovey-dovey pet, I could pick up strays from the street any time I wanted. The only reason I wanted to marry her was because she did not act the way she did right now. It’s about time I tell her how worthless she really is to me. I cannot believe I ever loved a girl as useless as this one. What a waste of time.

Sincerely,

Dorian Gray

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Before Sybil’s Performance:

Dear Diary,

Tonight is the big night! After this performance, my engagement to Sybil Vane will obviously seem the right choice to all my doubters. Henry and Basil keep telling me to think twice about this, but they’re just idiots. Henry has his foolish ideas about only taking pleasure from this world. He is just bitter over his lack of a love life. And Basil just has this gay vibe radiating from him. Thank god that we’re done with this portrait, because it felt like he was checking me out the whole time he painted. He disses my girl by claiming she’s of too low social status to marry me. He just wants my body for himself, but man-to-man is not my style. If he didn’t do me the favor of drawing my portrait, I’d break his nose in a heartbeat. Instead, I’m giving him the chance to see for himself at the play, whether or not Sybil is worthy of his worthless approval.

I have no idea why Henry or Basil would question my choice of marrying Sybil. She is the most beautiful looking woman in the world. Her acting makes Shakespeare’s work actually interesting, a major feat, considering  I usually fall asleep at plays. She is one tough cookie. She doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what anyone thinks of her, which is why I admire her. If she was into that clingy crap like all those other hoes that chase me at parties, I wouldn’t have given her a second thought. Why would I marry a girl who chases me for my good looks, when those are a dime a dozen? I want the type of girl my neighbors have never seen before. My girl Sybil’s going to blow the play away tonight, then we’ll head over to her place for some celebratory “fun.” Did I mention she’s crazy-hot?. If she’s not the woman for me, then nobody is. This lady is a dimepiece and tonight’s the night everyone will see how fantastic she really is.

  Signed,

Dorian Gray

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I am Dorian Gray and I have made the conscious decision to only seek pleasure for myself and not have any regard for other people. I am only concerned about outward beauty and I devote all of my time to experiencing as many things as possible whether they are morally correct or evil in nature. I have very little regard for anything righteous or ethical. I don’t see the consequences of my actions in the mirror, I only view them in the portrait I had painted for myself. As I become more well known to the public, my reputation starts to suffer as rumors of all the scandalous things I have done start to make their way around the circles of elegant London society. My peers, however, continue to accept me because I am young and beautiful on the outside even though my portrait grows increasingly ugly and wizened. 

This song illustrates my personality because all I care about it myself. 

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Yes, hello. My name is Dorian Gray. As you can see, I am an attractive, well-dressed, and dapper individual. Obviously, the females are smitten with the features that I have endowed from my creator. And I do take delight in passing flirtatious time away with them, Yet, I can't do clingy. That's not my style-and let me tell you, I do have style. In fact, if a girl ends up telling me just how much she actually cares for me, I'll probably react incredibly negatively. Really negatively. I'll probably lash out at her and call her many names-I'll tear her down to size. Because, frankly, there's another girl around every corner.