dorksmachina - Tumblr blog

[dorksmachina]

[dorksmachina]

osha compliant blowjob

[dorksmachina]

I made this, please feel free to use

[dorksmachina]

I procrastinate so much that I have a gaping hole of dread inside my chest where I think my other emotions are supposed to go. unless a potential employer is reading this, in which case I don’t do that & I have all the normal emotions that human beings have & I love capitalism

[dorksmachina]

[dorksmachina]

[dorksmachina]

We all making jokes about Zuko working at the tea shop as firelord, and how humble he is towards his servants. But what if a diplomat from the earth kingdom shows up one day and catches Zuko in a more casual outfit while being ushered through the palace. The diplomat mentions something about how Lee must be very good at making tea if he was sent all the way to the fire nation and asks to be served during the meeting. Not one to turn down an offer Zuko obliges and disappears off into the kitchen. The diplomat sits down at the meeting table, awaiting the arrival of the firelord when his tea arrives. He pours a cup for everyone sat around the table including the firelord. The diplomat inquiries when the firelord will be joining, to which Zuko responds by sitting in the throne at the head of the table.

[dorksmachina]

kids these days don’t know what it’s like to get fine dwarven crafts direct from orzammar

[dorksmachina]

Poorly drawn Ralts line

[dorksmachina]

I am developing a gay hookup app with roguelike and deckbuilding elements

[dorksmachina]

There was this guy in the 1800s - I can't remember his name, but his name is recorded somewhere - who honestly argued that if given the choice between a beautiful woman and a heron, deep down in their most earnest true heart, every man would rather fuck the heron. And he got mad when people denied this, continuing to deny this what he had decided must be an universal truth, instead of praising him for being the only one who was brave enough to finally say it out loud. Like he really thought that every single person telling him "Jesse what the hell are you talking about" was not only denying him, but denying themselves their true desires and perpetuating the apparently massive cultural lie that herons aren't fuckable.

Anyway what I'm saying here is that every once in a while whenever you find yourself in a situation where nobody else is willing to agree with something that you consider the most obvious truth, take a moment to meditate on the possibility that perhaps they do mean what they say, and perhaps they are right. Maybe nobody else but you wants to fuck the heron.

[dorksmachina]

the Sinner’s Prayer of may I not be found dead on the toilet, and if I am found dead on the toilet may I not be holding my phone, and if I am found dead on the toilet holding my phone may I at least have been reading something edifying and not composing a half-finished post as a ghastly conclusion to a life wasted.

[dorksmachina]

Polar bear climbing down a cliff to hunt Brunnich's Guillemot chicks, Alkefjellet, Norway, 2013 - by Arjen Drost (1976 - 2023), Dutch

[dorksmachina]

to whom it may concern: that sword of damocles hangs

[dorksmachina]

“You are responsible for the minors in your fandom!!!”

No, I’m fucking not. I’m not your parent. My past-times do not automatically sign me up to act in loco parentis. If you need someone else to monitor your own content consumption online, go get mommy and/or daddy to set up a content blocker on your computer.

[dorksmachina]

if i was in a rap battle id just start screaming SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPPP when it was my turn

[dorksmachina]

Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.