dosnotoevsky

[dosnotoevsky]

I freaking hate my classmates man. They're a bunch of elites, graduated from DU's arse and belittle everyone who's not (95% of them are from DU--and you know the snobs that english majors are) BUT blud you're among the 40 top students of literature at PG level and there must be something special about the rest of us that we're sharing class right??? Being a person who comes from a small town, especially a state which is looked down upon, I've felt indifference at a criminal level. My isolation isn't sad, it's DESPERATE. And then it's sad. Because there's a dearth of people from home and not everyone is approachable. Fast forward to the mid of 1st sem (my 2nd sem is about to end at present), I was friends with this guy who belongs to a gujju elite family, staunch right wing supporter, i have chats that can prove he's an anti-muslim and being a Brahmin, supports caste system. He thought since I'm a Brahmin as well I might have the same ideologies as him so he used to freak out in my dms saying how the campus is literally hell for Brahmins bruv I was afraid for my life so much so that I almost left my seat and went for another university. Turns out it was all a plan to make me do exactly that. Now, around the mid of 1st sem, this guy is friends with du elites alright and bc we had been friends since the entrance exam time (we took the same coaching for cuet pg preparation), I knew him and was glad that I don't have to look for a group since I would just follow him. I didn't fit in with the elites, their cultural references, their lifestyle -- it was all like in the movies. I felt indifferent, I felt left out. These people weren't as bad and I tried a lot but I only made a fool out of myself, it didn't feel like me. I was losing my confidence. So I left this group but I still would talk to these people--no bad dynamics alright. Eventually I found some girls who are from a background like me so it's not the best but I only have 1 more year left here anyways.

More fast forward, something happened, something bad. I got bullied for my roots---lets just skip the details, I'm not ready to talk about it yet. And at the same time, this fuckass guy had to fuck up with me. Thrice. It happened thrice. I swear I had convinced myself that it wasn't that but the truth is he did in fact touch me inappropriately. When I was in his group I would notice his behaviour with the girls in that group and found it odd but since they had no problems, who was I to interfere with right? This guy is a fucking predator.

1. We were in class and he sat next to me and our hands touched and it felt weird it felt wrong idk something which only girls sense that type of thing. So I moved my hand away from him, towards me. Guess what he moved his closer to mine so that it still touched mine. Like i said, i thought i was reading too much into this.

2. We're at the library he sat right across from me. I was out of their group so no need to greet me or anything but this bitch came up really close behind me and bent down so that his smelly mouth was near my ear and whispered "good night".

3. I was at the library and i found him there so I texted him to text when he left his spot (since it had a socket for charging phone, laptop, etc.). And when he was about to leave, he didn't text me. Instead, he appeared behind me and it shocked me but in that shock I couldn't pay attention to what he was doing. He mapped my entire back with his hand and whispered near my neck, alarmingly close to me: "you can take my seat now. Bbye."

This was my breaking point. I didn't attend classes for a month. When I came back, he couldn't even face me. I had blocked him so maybe he doesn't talk bc he has held a grudge over that. But guys. Istg this guy knows what he has done. And he acts all cool and humble in front of the class but at the end of the day he's just a piece of shit. The fact that I haven't deleted our chats. If I go crazy one day I'm putting them up online. He has talked shit about so many people he's now friends with. Would love to expose him on my last day here.

[dosnotoevsky]

"I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy" nah fuck that I would. Actually if I could choose to have any superpower, I'd want the power to make people feel whatever I've felt at any point of my life, at my choice. Someone mildly inconveniences me, I'm letting them have 30 minutes of being five years old and trying to learn how to cry silently because you know nobody's coming to help you and if someone hears you, they're coming to make it worse. Fuck you and your eyebrows.

[dosnotoevsky]

i would die just to know if my mother will cry at my deathbed or spit on it. i would die just to know if my mother loves me at all.  (mine)

[dosnotoevsky]

i feel like there's a point being the oldest sibling where you stop being your parents' child and start being just some person who happens to live in the house

[dosnotoevsky]

[dosnotoevsky]

Are you normal or do you have hypervigilence problems because you always had to be aware of your family members moods growing up in order to deescalate situations before the arose

[dosnotoevsky]

[dosnotoevsky]

I will always be so fucking angry for what they turned me into

[dosnotoevsky]

shoutout to all the kids with good people as bad parents. the parents who were sympathetic, honest and kind to everyone until you were the next in line. the parents who loved the entire family except you. the parents who preached about acceptance, warmth and kindness, but never offered it to you. the parents who were understanding to friends, cousins or siblings, but not to their own children. the cognitive dissonance is surreal, but i promise it is not a reflection of your own worth. you deserve more.

[dosnotoevsky]

SO REAL like my prof says to before I began my presentation, "you're starting to look like a delhi girl" THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN MAKING ME ALL CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY CROPPED SHIRT THAT I WORE FOR THE FIRST TIME

pretentious moment incoming but why is everyone's idea of fashion so fucking boring these days. why the fuck did my manager just ask me "what's with the scarf". "what's with the scarf" fuck man do I need a reason to wear a faggy little scarf now? you could just say "nice scarf man". what's with your attitude

[dosnotoevsky]

me with the movie her and eternal Sunshine of the spotless mind

NEVER get into anything thats heavy on color symbolism bro . for months you will not be able to look at the color blue without instantly thinking of Squingle Dinglus

[dosnotoevsky]

the generational gap between me and the people my age who use chat gpt

[dosnotoevsky]

something i keep experiencing

[dosnotoevsky]

[dosnotoevsky]

The funniest hyperfixations have gotta be the ones where you watch something and go "this thing is cute. I like it. not sure if Id call it a favorite of mine but its definitely enjoyable at least" and then cut to a month later and its completely overtaken your life

[dosnotoevsky]

[dosnotoevsky]

Ovid dissing snakes