doueverwonder

[doueverwonder]

Navy: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. A guy asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing him under the moonlight.

Marine Corp: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?

Navy, already taking off his clothes: God, Marines, you’re so fucking stupid.

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every time I see those "not everything is a two person job" videos i just think about Loui and Florida, you know Gov is trying to get them to be independent from each other and they simply refuse.

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Florida: am I in the dog house?

Gov: you’re not in the dog house.

Florida: then I’m in the yard… unless I’m in the pound, Gov am I in the pound??

Florida: is Loui at least with me??

Louisiana: I don’t want to be in the pound

Florida: then how will we be adopted together like inseparable wiener dogs!

Gov: ...

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Gov: what is that?

DC: paper.

Gov: for what?

DC: writing.

Gov: writing what?

DC: words.

Gov, sarcastically: thank you for the clarification.

DC: you’re welcome.

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Indiana: I’m so happy two of my favorite people are getting along now.

Illinois: Uh, Ohio and Michigan are not getting along.

Indiana: They’re not trying to kill each other.

Illinois: You may have a point.

[doueverwonder]

Arthur just rolled in from haterville

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Massachusetts: Back in my day-

Maine: Shut the fuck up, it hasn't been your "day" for over three centuries now. You're practically ancient history at this point. They've found fossils younger than you. Sit down.

Louisiana: [avoids responsibility (sips daiquiri)]

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Navy: You know Air Force, when you first came around I thought you were a real bitch.

Air Force:

Air Force: ...and?

Navy: There's not another part, I was right.

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Massachusetts: Back in my day-

Maine: Shut the fuck up, it hasn't been your "day" for over three centuries now. You're practically ancient history at this point. They've found fossils younger than you. Sit down.

Louisiana: [avoids responsibility (sips daiquiri)]

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smth smth she calls me daddy by king mala is fem calilliyork send tweet

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Air Force: Good. Thanks, dad.

Navy: You just called Army “dad”. You just said “thanks, dad.”

Air Force: What? No, I didn’t. I said “thanks, man”.

Army: Do you see me as a father figure, Air?

Air Force: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure ‘cause you’re always bothering me.

Marine Corp: Hey! Show your father some respect!

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Happy staying up late and burning various letters and papers night to all who celebrate

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Gov: I'm calling security.

Florida: nonononono you don't need to do that.

Gov: Don't tell me what I need to do, the rules are very strict here.

Florida: Really? you're going to let your bosses run you around like that? You're going to let the man hold you down? These freak bastards with their rules and regulations? You're a human person, you need to rise up and tell them to go to hell. We can all do it together! Let us empower you.

Gov: ... I am the government, and you are one minute away from a night in jail.

Florida: probably oughta let this one go.

Louisiana: yeah...

[doueverwonder]

Massachusetts, talking to the rest of the 13: Remember, if one of us falls, we all fall no one is expendable on this team.

New Jersey: Sounds fake but okay.

[doueverwonder]

I genuinely think the only person not scared of Indiana’s driving is Michigan. Because of that he’s the only person who will ride shotgun when she drives, everyone else in the back praying and finalizing wills and he’s just fucking playing candy crush while the car is going 140 in a 35

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[doueverwonder]

Maryland: Do crabs think people walk sideways

Delaware: ...Maryland, what the hell.