Back At The Barn Yard || Self Para
Drakken learns about Vixey's Insta post and intends to do something about it.
Set: After the debate but before the election!
Trigger Warnings: mild violence and vomiting
Read below or here.
“What do you mean everyone can see this?” Drakken asked, pacing the living room of his house.
It was well after the debate. The twins had decided to try and keep a lid on the major PR disaster that had been posted just hours before it, not wanting it to get in Drakken’s head. But now that the debate was over, they knew they shouldn’t keep him in ignorant bliss anymore.
“Anyone that follows her can see it,” Wendall explained.
“Which means everyone,” Wyatt continued. “It’s on the internet. It’s there forever!”
“What do you want to do?” they both asked Drakken, voices falling in sync with one another.
“I’m going to go get her, of course!” Drakken said, turning on his heel to get to the front door. He kicked off the slippers he had been wearing in favor of shoving his feet back into his shoes.
“What!”
“You can’t-!
“That will just prove she’s right-!”
“-if you try to hurt her!”
“I don’t care,” Drakken shouted. “She’s being used against me! That woman has no care for that poor creature. Your sister isn’t here anymore to kick her out, she can stay in the backyard for as long as I say so!”
“...wait-”
“What?”
The twins turned to one another, then looked back to Drakken, who was grumbling loudly as he tried to get his watch untangled from the coat that was hanging on the wall.
“You meant the cow?” they asked.
“Of course I meant the cow!” Drakken wrenched his arm back, getting free. “Who else?”
“Well- you can’t go tonight!” Wendall protested.
“Why not?”
“You….uh…”
“We should get supplies!” Wyatt piped up. “So that she has stuff to eat and a place to sleep when she gets here. You don’t want her to suffer here, too, right?”
Drakken had his hand around the door’s handle, fingers squeezing it tight as he deliberated. It was a good point, and when the thought of Vera’s comfort won out over the inherent anger, he sighed. “Fine. Fine! But I am bringing her here. No one is going to stop me, not even you two, understand?”
“Absolutely.”
“Positively.”
Drakken eyed them, then nodded. “Good.”
He stepped away from the door, taking off his shoes and adorning his slippers once more.
“But you aren’t coming with me.”
“What!” the boys protested, flanking Drakken on either side as he started walking back toward his bedroom. “But we can help!”
“Yeah! We have as many hands on deck as you need!”
“You also have a pesky moral code,” Drakken pointed out. “Which I don’t want getting in the way. If that woman shows up and starts crying because I’m stealing her precious mascot, what would you do? Because in the eyes of the law, she does belong to her family.”
The twins frowned, finding one another’s eyes behind Drakken’s back. They shrugged to one another. “We’d probably have to stop you.”
“And I wouldn’t let you. So, you two can stay home and get it ready for us to return. Keep our nosy neighbor from looking over the fence and calling the police or something. And make sure Commodore Puddles goes outside before she gets here.”
They agreed and bid goodnight, parting ways as the entrance to their bedroom came before Drakken’s.
–
True to his word, Drakken was standing on the grounds of Twin Pine Farm fully prepared to walk a cow home with him back to Swynlake.
It was repulsive! Using the very cow Drakken had helped bring into this world against him. As if Vera was some sort of puppet or toy! Ridiculous. Chakraborty was no doubt just jealous that Vera liked him far more than her, since he actually spent time with her. Even now, he still made regular visits to the farm to see her.
Which was why none of the cows were particularly surprised when he showed up that night, darkening the door of the barn. Vera wiggled her way to the front, leaning her head over as Drakken approached.
“Mi amor!” he greeted, reaching up to give her head pets. She lifted her chin to reach his face, her giant tongue coming out to lick at his ear and hair. It made him laugh, both in delight from her affection and because he was ticklish. “Come on. I’m getting you out of here.”
Vera, of course, didn’t know what he was saying and just stared at him the way she always did, curious and interested to see what he would do next. He urged her to follow and she did. But then so did some of the other cows, wanting to get back out of the barn.
“Hey! Daphne, stop it, you have to stay here,” he said, wondering where the heck this attitude was the last time he had tried to get all of them to follow him when he had been trying to steal them.
Back when- …
…
Anyway.
Just as Drakken was trying to get Nellie and Eloise to move so Vera could get past them, a very odd sound came from outside.
Everyone in the barn froze.
Waiting…waiting…
And there it came again, only closer that time. It didn’t sound like anything Drakken had ever heard before, stuck somewhere between a howl and a yell. It made his stomach clench and start feeling sick, thinking something was out there and hurt by the way it was carrying on.
“What the-?” Drakken said aloud, the second one having jostled him from his opossum like state. But so did the cows. They started getting antsy, movements quick and erratic and Drakken knew it wasn’t a good spot to be in, surrounded by hundreds of pounds of beings that were getting spooked. “Hey, hey! It’s okay! It’s okay, I’ll- I’m going to check it out.”
Drakken shooed the cows back, away from the door, so that he could slip through it and back out into the night. He made sure to put the locking mechanism back into place, but didn’t click it back, he just wanted to keep the cows from nudging open the door if they decided to stage a great escape to see what was going on out there, too.
He frowned at the open expanse of the farmland, having to squint to make out anything in the dark. His eyes had long since adjusted but they weren’t great. After all, he was supposed to be wearing corrective lenses but didn’t since he associated them with who he had been before the lab accident. And he had never cared to stick his fingers in his eyes, so hadn’t wanted contacts.
All this to say, he couldn’t see very well standing there.
But he didn’t have to have 20/20 vision to see the giant pair of glowing eyes that caught his attention. Drakken froze, trying to make out if they were eyes or just some sort of reflective surface.
They blinked and glinted, getting closer.
A growl emanated from where they were, deep and throaty.
Slowly, Drakken reached into his pocket for the flashlight he had brought with him. He drew it out and clicked it on.
The beam shot forward, illuminating the area where the eyes were. A figure appeared within the dark. A large catlike creature stood out in the pasture, but it wasn’t like any natural creature Drakken had read about. Magical or otherwise. It was too long, mouth too wide for its head, eyes too far apart to be for any predator. Its claws were huge, just like the teeth that were bared to him within that too big mouth, as if it had been made to fit them all instead of being formed from a practical evolutionary standpoint. Its fur was stringy, coated in mud and something else that made it clump together oddly, dark in color but not completely black now that the light was shining on it.
They stared at one another for a good while, Drakken and that…thing.
They probably would have continued had it not been for the moo’s that sounded out behind him from the barn.
He watched those big eyes dart to it, the sound of its breathing getting drawn out like a sigh. A stretch of pink and black tongue reached around the rows of teeth to wet its lips before letting it hang out as it panted.
It took a step forward.
“Hey!” Drakken shouted, making it stop. He swallowed down the fear that had been building inside him ever since he heard that eerie sound and clutched his flashlight. “Get out of here!”
The thing answered back with a low grunt.
“You heard me!” he yelled, lifting up his other arm to wave it away. “I don’t care how scary looking you are! You aren’t getting these cows. So go look for dinner somewhere else!”
Oh, if only anyone listened to him.
The giant cat came forward in a fast rush of limbs and Drakken only had time to think to get out of the way! He threw himself to the side, hitting the ground just as the beast ran head first into the barn doors. Its claws dragged down the wood as it flopped onto the ground, too, the hit having been a hard one as it had been running at full force.
Drakken didn’t waste any time then, scrambling up to his feet. Inside the cows were going a bit crazy, he could hear their noises of terror and shuffling hooves as they no doubt felt like they were trapped in that barn. If only they knew how much worse it was out there. He started to make a break for it before he caught the beast sitting up, shaking its head to re-orientate itself. The cow’s noises had caught its attention again and it started to paw at the doors, trying to get it open.
“What did I just say?” Drakken shouted. “Stay away from them!”
The thing turned its head sharply to the side so that its eye was right on him. He watched the pupil dilate and retract in the beam of his flashlight.
“Come on,” he said, waving his hands at it now in a way to entice it toward him rather than away. Drakken took a few steps backward, preparing for what was to come. “Come on!”
And the chase began.
Drakken led the creature away from the barn and only had a moment of relief for that before realizing that he was no doubt going to get torn to little pieces now. He could feel it gaining on him and dared to look over his shoulder to watch. It didn’t run right, its legs too long and gangly, looking like it had no idea how to use them as it tilted from side to side. At least it wasn’t a very confident predator. If this was just some regular wildcat or something like a Wampus he would have probably been dead already.
He headed back toward the road, hopping over the fence, but his foot got stuck, tripping him on the way down. Drakken hit the ground again and it gave time for the creature to get to him, crawling up and after him. Its large paw swiped down, claws cutting into the fabric of his jacket and shirt. He had attempted to roll out of the way so they caught him in the side, dragging across the skin of his stomach, following the arch of his ribs.
He yelled out in pain, which seemed to startle the creature. It walked over him, turning its neck unnaturally so that it could peer down at him. It leaned forward, sniffing, before pulling back and letting out that growling noise again before looking like it was going to lean down again.
Only this time, its mouth was open, sharp teeth on display once more. It tried to snap at him, but Drakken put his hands up, digging his hands into its neck and keeping it at arms length away from his face. Its paws came up to try swiping his arms away, claws digging into the skin there, too.
Drakken, who most certainly did not want to be dead and definitely didn’t want to die like this, mustered up the strength to draw his knees up, getting his legs back and feet under the creature, and pushed, kicking up into the underbelly of it.
It drew back, howling in pain, but didn’t move off of him, so he did it again.
Then the thing stopped altogether, standing up at attention and stock still before it started making another awful sound. This time it was a hacking.
Its back arched, the fur there puffing up along its spine. Drakken could feel it convulse under his hands and only realized too late what was about to happen next.
The thing’s mouth opened over him and vomited next to him, the splatter of it hitting his face and hair, his clothes.
“Ulgah!” Drakken said, turning his head to see a pile of black gunk that looked close to tar. In the middle, slowly being revealed as the liquid-y substance slid off, was a shiny purple stone, light from within looking more like shadow than it did actual light.
He flinched when he felt something wet against his hand and turned back to find a cat sitting on top of him, head in his hands. Its rough tongue was lapping at his skin.
It was a cat.
An ordinary house cat.
He pulled his hands back and caught another glint in the dark, something metallic lightly clinking. Drakken reached to the side of him, wincing at the protest his wounds gave, to get ahold of his flashlight.
On the cat was a collar. On the collar was a tag.
“Grover,” he read. The cat blinked slowly at him before jumping off his chest and walking off down the road, seemingly unbothered by the whole thing. Drakken struggled to turn over onto his stomach, hand clutching at the wounds in an effort to keep the skin from parting from itself anymore than it already was. He got a knee under him and pushed up to his feet.
“You…! You look nothing like Grover!” he called after the cat. “He’s blue!”
He got a low meerow in reply.
“Pah.” Drakken waved a hand at the cat that he could barely make out now. The glint of the stone below caught his eye and he frowned, looking down at it. Jeez. That thing had turned a harmless cat into a cow craving beast?
There was a whisper in the dark as Drakken watched it. A low voice in his ear.
He lifted his foot and stomped down hard, the heel of his boot crushing the thing under it. The stone broke apart, light fizzling out with it.
Maybe he would come to regret that later but the last time he’d messed with a glow-y rock he’d gotten shock therapy for, like, days! Weeks, even! No way was he going through that again.
“Vera,” he said, and trudged back over to the fence. Up and over, across the farmland again, and back to the barn. He pulled open the doors, having to clutch one to stay standing as he looked inside. All the cows looked over at him and Vera came trotting over, pushing her head under his hand. He sighed, patting her as she wanted, letting his hand brush over her head.
“Everyone okay in here?”
No one replied, of course, but he hadn’t expected them to. They were cows, after all.
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